Playing Patience

by Tabatha Vargo

  “And what about this? Will you let me do this?” he asked as he brought his hands up and slipped them into the back of my boxer shorts. He filled his large hands with my ass and gave it a soft squeeze.

  Only my thin pair of cotton panties kept his hands from touching my heated skin. My breathing increased and my heartbeat sped up.

  His hands moved down, taking the boxer shorts with them, and I didn’t stop the shorts when they slid down my legs and around my ankles. He brought his hands around to my stomach and ran his finger along the top of my panty line and pelvic bone.

  “What do you want me to do? Do you want me to move my hand lower?” I felt his breath against my cheek as he moved his head down and kissed my collar bone.

  I didn’t respond. Instead, my body took over and I pressed my pelvic area against his hand.

  “Yeah, you want me to move my hand down. You want me to touch you here, don’t you?” His hand left my body for a brief second, and then I felt a fiery finger trace a path over the top of my panties right over the most sensitive parts of me.

  My body jerked on its own accord, and I couldn’t stop the noises that slipped over my tongue. I’d never experienced anything like this. In my life, when someone touched your personal areas, it was disturbing and sick, but when Zeke touched me, it was soft and life-altering in a whole new way.

  “Tell me what you want, Patience,” he said sweetly against my cheek.

  And just like that, I no longer hated the sound of my name. The way he said it was so personal. After being called a nickname by a person so much, when they finally called you by your actual name, it had an emotional feel to it. It held a strange sense of finality, as if he’d somehow just given in to me.

  His eyes connected with mine as he dipped the tip of his finger under the band of my panties and ran it back and forth across my pelvic bones. He worked a new finger inside my panties, until finally his hand was cupping me. He wasn’t moving his fingers, but just the pressure from the heel of his hand was almost enough for me.

  I tilted my head back, my eyes closed, and my mouth opened on a wordless sigh.

  “Please tell me what you want, baby.” His words were all around me.

  My body got another rush of chills and my shoulders began to shake. When I finally spoke, my voice trembled with my body. “I don’t know.”

  He was asking me what I wanted, but I didn’t know. I wasn’t like most girls who read about sex or even experimented with it. To me, it had always been a despicable act of injustice upon me, but this wasn’t like that. He was feeling me out before he touched me. He was making sure I was comfortable with his hands before he moved them. It was as if he knew my fear and understood it, and because of his understanding, I was able to enjoy touch for the first time in my life.

  He took a deep breath and his chest trembled, letting me know he wasn’t as unaffected as he looked. “Can I touch you?” he asked.

  There was more? I thought for sure this was the height of my sexual peak, but I guess I was wrong.

  “You’re already touching me.” My voice sounded deeper, more seductive, and I celebrated that. Maybe I was changing before his eyes, because I felt as if I were. I was experiencing a mental transformation and I was almost certain that transformation was reflected on my outside as well.

  “No, can I touch you?” With his question, he let a single finger press up against a part of me that had never been touched. My body came alive and the sensitive nub that had never been so sensitive before started to throb against his finger.

  I swallowed loudly and I lost control of myself. All the strength in my body went away and I was worried that my knees would buckle and I’d topple to the floor. I gave in and collapsed against his chest. Little puffs of air blew back into my face as I began to softly pant against his skin. His chest rose and fell with a rhythm that I understood well. Coincidently, it was close to the same rhythm his finger was beginning to use as he pressed harder against my hot spot and began a circular motion.

  I was going to pass out. Except this time it wasn’t from fear; it was from raw pleasure. My breathing became erratic and I was now digging my fingers into his shoulders. My body was so tight it felt as if it about to snap, and something, although I had no idea what it was, was just beyond the horizon. It was there, waiting to consume my body and ready to erase every dark memory I stored.

  The slide of his finger against my body was so erotic. I had no idea my body was even capable of getting wet, but he’d somehow made it happen. Every one of my five senses were heightened and I found myself participating in a ritual as old as time as my hips started to move with his rhythm.

  There was an ache, much sweeter than the one that had been sitting on my chest for the last ten years of my life, and I was positive this new ache I was experiencing would help soothe the old one just a little. My body seemed to be ascending in some manner. I was rising, yet my feet were still planted firmly on the floor.

  “Please, Zeke,” I croaked.

  I didn’t know what I was asking him, but I knew he had the answer.

  “That’s it, baby. You’re almost there,” I heard him say in the distance.

  I leaned my head back farther and I felt him nuzzle my chin. I heard someone whispering his name over and over again, but I couldn’t have been me. No way would I do such a thing, but he confirmed it.

  “I love it when you say my name. You’re whispering it now, but that’s about to change.”

  I felt the bed against my back as he laid me down. That should’ve been the part where I started to freak out, but I didn’t. Whatever he was offering, I wanted it. Anything to make the ache in my lower stomach go away. It started to spread all over and my body felt like it was being reborn. He was the cure for my ache. He knew it and now I knew it.

  His finger stopped its movement and it was on the tip of my tongue to beg him to keep going. He fit his body between my legs and rested on his forearm. He was hovering above me and his face was so close to mine, yet he never kissed me. I wanted him to kiss me. I needed to feel his mouth against mine. Our bodies were practically connected in every other place. It made sense for us to kiss.

  I was about to lean up and kiss him, but he buried his head in the space between my shoulder and my neck. His breathing matched my own and it made me feel good knowing he was as affected as me. And then he thrust his hips and I felt his hardness press against the outside of my panties. The warm ache suddenly turned cold and everything in me froze. Shards of my internal ice poked me everywhere and made my skin feel prickly. The room felt too small, his body too heavy, and I couldn’t breathe. No matter how hard I tried to suck in a breath, my lungs had seized their movement.

  I was a sick girl, sicker than I ever really understood. I was psychologically destroyed. How could a person go from being so into something to scared to death of the one person who made her feel safe in a matter of seconds? It was possible; I was proof it was possible. My body went from being in a hazy, pleasurable state to tense and anxious. My fight-or-flight reflexes kicked in against my will and I wanted to run.

  He was breathing hard, thrusting against me, and whispering something, but all I heard was the rhythm of my headboard at home. That damn beat would stay with me forever. I didn’t know I was crying until I felt my warm tears rush into the hairline at my temples.

  He must’ve felt the change in me because he looked up into my face. Everything stopped and he stared down at me in confusion. He reached up and ran his thumb beneath my eye as if to see if my tears were real, and then he opened his mouth to say something, but a loud door shutting on the other side of his trailer stopped his words. I’d never seen a guy move so fast. He jumped up and went for the light switch. He flicked it, turning the light off and leaving me in darkness. I wanted to crawl into a shadowed corner and disappear forever.

  He stuffed the boxers I was wearing into my hand.

  “Put these back on and be very quiet,” he whispered into the room.

  I pulle
d his boxers on over my panties and sat back down. I assumed the reason he wanted me quiet was so his dad didn’t know he had a girl in his room. Zeke was older, but maybe it was one of his dad’s rules or something. Either way, I silently said a thank you to Zeke’s dad for interrupting what was about to be a very uncomfortable moment. I didn’t want to answer any questions. I didn’t want to explain my sudden mood change. There really was only one explanation for it and there was no way I could’ve made up a lie that quick.

  We sat in dark silence as his dad moved around. We heard water running and cabinets closing until finally the front door opened and closed. Zeke remained silent until his dad’s loud truck cranked up outside and pulled away.

  Once his dad was gone, we sat in silence next to each other on the bed for another minute before he stood up. He looked down at me, a streetlight from outside his window cutting a path across his face. His expression was stern and he looked angry. I felt bad for leading him on, but it wasn’t like I did it on purpose.

  “Goodnight,” he said as he turned away and got on the floor.

  I peeled back the covers on his bed and climbed in.

  “Goodnight,” I responded.

  I was the queen of silent crying and I cried myself to sleep.

  Thirteen

  Zeke

  With wide eyes, I listened to her quietly cry above me on my bed. I didn’t know what happened, but it scared the shit out me. I didn’t mean for it to go that far. I hadn’t meant to do more than look at her when I lied and told her she’d wake my dad if she changed in the bathroom. I couldn’t even believe she fell for that and I was really shocked when she turned and started to undress. She seemed too shy even for that.

  I watched from beneath my arm as she peeled off her clothes and I was done. Her white, lacey bra and panties had nearly done me in. I’m not sure what possessed me to stand and go to her, but it was a force I couldn’t fight. As I stood behind her and she adjusted her clothes, her scent filled my room. Except this time it wasn’t the scent of freshly cut grass. This time it was a soft feminine smell, a light baby powder mixed with her natural scent.

  When she pulled her hair out of the collar of the shirt, I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through it. I’d never seen a female look so sexy in my entire life. She looked amazing in my clothes and it gave me an odd satisfaction, as if my clothes being against her skin made her mine in some way. She could never be mine, and even if that’s what I wanted her to be, I’d never do that to her. I’d run until I couldn’t run anymore before I tarnished her life by making myself a part of it. She deserved better than I could ever be for her.

  When she turned and looked at me, I felt myself give in to her completely. No one’s ever had that kind of control over me and while I should’ve fucking hated it, it felt right. For the first time in my life, being with a woman didn’t feel like a dirty, erotic sin. It felt real. The way she felt against my skin, the way her body felt beneath my fingers, it was right.

  It was more than just trying to get laid. It was more than seeing a hot chick naked. For the most part, I hadn’t even cared about making myself feel good. Just touching her and pulling those natural reactions from her was enough for me. I’d never looked down at a woman and thought about her beauty, but Patience was so beautiful. The way she moved, the sounds that came from her perfect mouth, they were too much for me. Kissing wasn’t my thing. In fact, I never kissed girls, but I’d almost kissed her. As it was, I’d already done more with her than any other girl in the kissing department. I wasn’t the kind of guy who planted soft kisses on a female, but I couldn’t keep my mouth away from her. It was like I was a completely different guy when it came to her.

  When she froze beneath me and I saw that look of pure fear on her face, it had been like a shock from an electrical outlet. It looked like she was crying, but I wasn’t positive until I ran my thumb beneath her eye and felt the moisture.

  Why had she let me go that far if it wasn’t what she wanted? Why had she been so responsive to my touches if it made her sad? It was the most confusing moment of my entire life and in that brief moment of reflection, I let old Zeke take center stage again. I was about to say something hurtful and rude when I heard my dad getting up for work. Then the real fear set in.

  The chances of him coming in my room before work were slim, but it would’ve been my luck that he would. I didn’t want Patience to see that side of my life. I didn’t want anyone to know the embarrassing details of me getting my ass kicked. I didn’t feel relief until I heard his truck pull away.

  Instead of sleeping, I lay there and forced myself to stay put until I heard her breathing even out. It was getting ridiculous. All the back and forth with Patience was making my head spin, and to top it off, I felt like my balls were about to explode.

  I got up, grabbed something to eat, and then took a hot shower. I was sure to soap up and use my hand to get some relief. Hopefully getting off one good time would help with my crazed Patience hormones. I had to find a girl from my world to have sex with. That’s all it boiled down to.

  When I got out of the shower, I dried off, threw on some clothes, and then went back into my room to check on Patience. She was still sleeping peacefully, and had I not heard her crying the night before, I still would’ve known from the puffiness around her eyes. She turned onto her back and the covers shifted and revealed a soft leg and my gray boxers. They were big on her and had shifted throughout the night so her white panties were showing.

  I reached over to pull the cover back over and her eyes popped open. She leaned up on her elbows, looked around the room, and then seemed to remember the night before.

  “Good morning, sunshine,” I said blandly, as I searched through my sock drawer. “It’s about time you woke up. You want to grab a shower before I take you home?”

  She sat up with sleepy eyes and disheveled hair. She looked amazing and all I wanted to do was climb under the warm covers with her.

  “I’ll just grab one when I get home. Let me get my clothes on and rinse my mouth out.”

  She went into the bathroom and came out minutes later wearing her clothes from the night before. I grabbed my guitar and we left. The ride to her house was a quiet one and when I stopped a few houses down from hers, she opened the door and got out. Before I could pull away, she leaned down into the window.

  “Thanks,” she said with a tiny smile.

  It was a single word, but it sounded so final that my stomach ached.

  “No worries.”

  I watched as she walked away from my car, and then I pulled off and didn’t look back.

  I spent the entire day Sunday at Finn’s house, but when a joint was passed my way, I turned it down. The appeal of getting high just wasn’t there. Every now and again, I’d think to myself that weed could never get me as high as Patience did in my bed, but as soon as the thought would enter my mind, I’d squash it.

  “Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Finn asked after I played the wrong chord for the tenth time. “We’ve been playing for years and I’ve never heard you screw up like this. You did it the other night at The Icehouse, too. You’re not snorting that shit, are you?”

  “Nah, man, I want to slow down, not speed up. I just have a lot on my mind I guess.”

  Thankfully, the guys let it drop, but I was seriously having a hard time concentrating since Chet decided to bring Megan to practice. Every time she lifted her phone to text, I wondered if it was my snowflake on the other end.

  I stumbled into my house at close to midnight, drunk out of my mind. My old man was waiting at the door when I got there. I was too drunk to remember most of the beating, but the next morning when I woke up for school, my lip was swollen and there was blood smeared all over my face. Apparently, I didn’t block too well when wasted.

  Patience didn’t come to community service for the entire week, and though I swore it had nothing to do with the fact that she wasn’t there, the week was the worst I’d had in a while. When Fri
day night practice rolled around, I gave in and asked Megan about her. I tried to play it off like I was glad she wasn’t around aggravating me, but really I was worried. It didn’t seem like her to disappear from the face of the Earth.

  “Where’s your girl Patience? Why isn’t she around getting in the way?” I asked Megan as I tuned my guitar.

  “What’s wrong, Zeke? You pissed you didn’t get in them panties?” Tiny laughed.

  I glared over at him. “She’s not my type.”

  “Whatever, dude. Your type is female and she was all female,” Chet said, earning a pissed-off look from Megan.

  “She’s been sick. The flu I think. She missed school all week too. I haven’t seen her since that night at The Icehouse and she’s hasn’t really texted me either.” She shrugged. “It’s weird. Patience never gets sick, but I think she’s okay.”

  None of it sat well with me. Patience missing school and Boy’s Club didn’t seem like her. Maybe she really was sick, but my gut instinct that came around at the wrong times told me she wasn’t. I tried to push it out of my mind.

  I didn’t go home that night. Instead, I crashed on Finn’s couch.

  We found out Saturday morning that The Pit was open again and by Saturday afternoon, we were booked to play there that night. I’d never been so happy to see those concrete walls. All the graffiti had been painted over, but there were some guys with spray paint working on something new on a far wall. We set up and started playing once the room began to fill.

  Two hours later, I was drenched in sweat and had a hell of a buzz. I played my ass off and the crowd seemed to be feeding off our energy. A redhead that I’d seen before kept giving me flirty eyes from the front row and I decided halfway through the set I was taking her back to Finn’s and getting some. A couple times I leaned down while I was playing and took in her overflowing cleavage.