Just Breathe

by Anna Leigh Keaton

  “I dunno,” she said softly. “I don’t think I’ve ever schmoozed.” She took another bite of food, chewed, then swallowed. “What did you do for Christmas last year?”

  “Julianne and I were in the Bahamas.”

  “On the yacht?”

  “Uh, no. On a cruise.”

  She slowly nodded. “And Thanksgiving?”

  “Aspen,” he said, not liking this line of questioning or her tone. “And we spent Easter in Italy. Do you have a problem with that?”

  She shrugged. “Why would I have a problem with the fact you like to travel?” He heard the censure behind her words.

  Narrowing his eyes, he asked, “What do you think I should have been doing over the holidays?”

  She ate a few more bites and ignored the question until she came with another of her own. “What was your sister doing while you were off globetrotting?”

  The fight went out of him, and he sighed. His sister had been at home. Pregnant. He called her every day to check on her, and she’d sounded happy, but had she been? Had she spent Christmas alone at home?

  “I’m sorry,” Crystal whispered, then stood up and took her plate to the sink. “I didn’t mean—”

  “You’re right.”

  “I didn’t mean to sound so mean,” she said. “I just can’t imagine any holiday without my uncles.”

  He shrugged. “Holidays weren’t big deals to us because we didn’t grow up celebrating.” Sitting back in his chair, he crossed his arms over his chest and met her eyes as she stood at the sink. “In fact, holidays sucked. We were with foster families. Most of them had other kids, kids of their own, and we were just more mouths to feed. Some families made us go to church with them, others...” He rolled his eyes. “I suppose at almost forty, I should get over it, huh?”

  Crystal came toward him and laid her hand on his shoulder. “I never thought about it that way.”

  “Every year we wished for one thing, but we never got it. Sure, the families usually got us a little something, a toy or whatever, but we never got our one wish. When we were old enough and on our own, we didn’t worry about holidays. When you’ve been let down so many times as a kid, you stop wishing. Christmas kind of loses its appeal after a while.”

  Crystal’s big blue eyes filled with sadness. “That’s awful. But you have a family now, and you can’t let those little girls—”

  He smiled and laid his hand over hers on his shoulder. “Trust me, Crys. Those girls are going to have everything their little hearts desire. I might be old and cynical, but I won’t let them be that way.”

  She grinned, and her eyes sparkled. “Don’t spoil them. That’ll just lead to trouble.”

  He chuckled, lifted her hand from his shoulder, and kissed her fingers. “A little spoiled is okay.”

  Crystal stared at her hand where he held it. Realizing what he’d done, he let go of her and returned his attention to his food. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  “I...um... I think I’ll go check on the babies.”

  While reaching for another serving of chicken, he nodded but couldn’t bring himself to look at her. If he did, he’d pull her down in his lap and have his way with her the way his body demanded. He simply needed to keep his head on straight and remember that she was here for the babies’ comfort, not his.

  * * * * *

  Crystal sat down on the edge of her bed and let out a slow breath. “Oh, wow,” she whispered, still tingling from the brush of Dex’s lips over her fingers. It had been a sweet gesture, almost innocent, but... “Oh, wow.”

  Her body had reacted as if she’d been torched. Heat zinged through her like little electrical wires, making her ache and...want. She wanted him. Wanted those sexy lips on hers, his big strong hands wrapped around her, holding her against that wide, hard chest.

  She whimpered and lay back on her bed, her breaths puffing in and out, and she squeezed her thighs together to prolong the effect of her imagination.

  “No,” she groaned as she rolled to her side and curled up in a ball. “No fantasizing about him,” she commanded in a harsh whisper. But hadn’t she agreed to at least let herself fantasize if she couldn’t have anything else?

  He smelled so good. Even better fresh out of the shower than he had that morning wearing cologne. He had a musky, manly scent that mingled with his soap and made her want to bury her nose against his neck and breathe him in. To lick his skin and taste him. To take a bite and see if she could make him moan in need.

  Oh, Lord above. She sat up and stared at her reflection in the mirror hanging over the low dresser across the room. Think, she commanded herself. When he realized he kissed her, he dropped her hand as if it’d burned him. Obviously, he was just a man who was used to touching women. No big deal. It meant nothing to him. She meant nothing to him. She never would.

  Just because you haven’t had sex in several years, and are ready to pounce on any man with the right equipment, doesn’t mean he feels the same way about you.

  She nodded at her reflection, telling herself she meant what she told herself.

  On the other hand, there was more to this guy than met the eye. He’d given up on dreams because of his bad childhood. He didn’t believe in Christmas! And what about that instant of hurt disappointment she’d seen in his eyes when she’d jokingly told him she hadn’t made dinner for him? He’d looked, for just a moment, as if she’d taken away his candy.

  She wondered how many homemade meals he’d ever had. Had there ever been anyone in his life to make a Christmas turkey? Homemade stuffing? Fresh cranberry sauce? Someone who put love into the meal they served him?

  Crystal growled and scrubbed her hands over her face. It was mid-June and she was having fantasies of serving him Christmas dinner. Get real, woman. She didn’t plan to be around by Christmas. Just until fall when she could take a couple of classes at the community college.

  Unless... If she took evening courses, she could still work here during the day...

  No, no, no. Crys, wake up. She pushed to her feet and paced from one end of the room to the other. She’d been in the house twenty-four hours and was dreaming about happily ever after. Could she get any more stupid?

  Dex had made it real clear he did not believe in ever after with a woman. It was simply her hormones talking. All she really needed was to scratch the itch, and then she’d be fine. No, that wasn’t quite right. She couldn’t even imagine going out to find a one-night stand. Yuck. She really wanted Dex to make love to her, but that would be a colossal mistake, even if he agreed to it.

  A giggle slipped out of her. She could just imagine it. She’d walk down the stairs and say, “Yo, Dex, while the kids are asleep, wanna do it? I’m feeling a little excited.”

  She shook her head and let out a soft laugh. “Not likely,” she whispered. With a sigh, she went out the door. She peeked in on the babies, still fast asleep, and then headed down the stairs to the kitchen to clean up.

  Dex stood at the counter. His back was to her, but she could tell he was eating something. When he heard her footsteps, he turned, and she saw that he was picking at the chicken bones.

  He gave a sheepish grin and reached for a paper towel. “Couldn’t let it go to waste,” he said, his cheeks turning slightly pink.

  Crystal had visions of herself as a kid. Her mom always let her pick the bones of the family chicken or turkey dinners. Though, usually, she did it later at night, not directly after the meal.

  “Okay,” she said with a grin. She went to the table to pick up the dishes and saw that a few slices of meat still sat on the serving plate. Her heart melted a little more toward him, and she wondered, again, if he’d ever had the opportunity to do something like that before. Just how much had he missed in his life? It was sad, really, she thought as she stacked up the empty dishes. How could a man reach the age of nearly forty and...

  “It was the best dinner I’ve had in as long as I can remember,” Dex said as he gently nudged her out of the way and lifted the stack of dis
hes. “Thank you.”

  She nodded and picked up the salad dressing to put away in the fridge. “You’re welcome.”

  “Do you take requests by any chance? And, if you want, I can pay you extra for cooking, since it’s not part of the whole nanny gig.”

  She shut the fridge and leaned her shoulder against the door so she could watch him as he stacked dishes in the sink and ran hot water over them. “About that,” she said then waited until he looked at her before she continued. “On your desk in the office upstairs, I wrote out what I’d like, but of course, I’m open to negotiate. I have no problem cooking meals for you, at no extra charge, but not every night. I need to be free to spend some evenings with the uncles.”

  “Of course,” he answered quickly. “You’re off duty once I’m home in the evenings, unless I need you later if I have a meeting or something, but I can almost always give you twenty-four hour notice.” He dried his hands on a towel sitting on the counter. “I don’t expect you to get up with them throughout the night, either, but I truly appreciate that you did it last night. I needed the rest.”

  She slowly nodded. The babies had slept most of the day. They were only a month old, after all. They ate, slept, and pooped. And now that they were content with each other, they slept for longer periods of time. She hadn’t felt overburdened at all during the day, and she’d only had a couple of hours to really see them awake and play with them, so she said, “I think, since you’re working a full-time job, that it would be better for you to sleep the night through, don’t you?”

  He frowned.

  “I mean, I don’t mind getting up. I can always rest during the day while they’re napping. You can’t.” She couldn’t begin to imagine how tired he was after a month of being a single parent to babies that cried all the time.

  “It doesn’t feel right.” He looped the towel through the oven door handle. “They’re my responsibility, and all I needed was someone I could trust to care for them while I’m at work. I’m not foisting my kids off on someone. I can care for them.”

  Her heart tumbled in her chest. He was going to kill her with his sweetness. “From what I’ve seen, you take wonderful care of them. But what about yourself? You keep going the way you have been and you’ll make yourself sick.” She smiled. “I don’t ever want to overstep, but think about it. I don’t mind.”

  He gave a nod and turned back to the sink. “I didn’t even know I owned so many dishes,” he muttered as he looked at the tableware.

  With a laugh, Crystal nudged him out of the way with her hip. “I’ll do the dishes. And no, you don’t have many. So, what was your supper request? I’m a pretty good cook, if I may say so myself.” She winked at him. “And the uncles say I’m better than their wives ever were.”

  Dex chuckled and grabbed the hand towel again, ready to dry the plate she’d just rinsed. “When I was about twelve, I had a friend named Jimmy Mancinni. His parents were Italian. One night they invited me to stay for dinner, and his mom made this big lasagna. It was the best I’ve ever had, and I’ve had a lot of restaurant lasagna in my life. There was just something about it, all the gooey cheese and spicy sausages...” He sighed. “Can you make lasagna?”

  There was something about it, Crystal thought. The love put into making it. She looked up at him and nodded. “I think that can be arranged but...”

  “But?”

  “You’ll have to invite the uncles over when I make it. They’d disown me if I made my special lasagna and they didn’t get any.”

  Dex chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “It’s a deal.” He put the bowls up in the cupboard. “In fact...” Turning toward her, he cocked his head to the side a bit. “You’re perfectly welcome to have them over anytime you want.” His smile was sweet, almost boyish. “They found me the perfect nanny.”

  Chapter Seven

  Three hours later, after the babies had been fed, played with, and then put back to bed for the night, Crystal found Dex back in the kitchen. He was pulling the plate of chicken from the fridge, along with the mayonnaise and bread.

  “Hungry again?” she asked as she put the babies’ bottles in the dishwasher.

  He grinned. “Not sure. I just can’t settle down to paperwork knowing this chicken is here calling to me.”

  Crystal laughed. “You forgot about the cookies, didn’t you?”

  He’d just unwrapped the chicken and was reaching for a slice when his hand stilled. “Oh, yeah. Cookies.” He glanced around the kitchen. “Where are they?”

  She shut the dishwasher and took the chicken away from him. “Sit down.”

  He did so without question. If he’d not had a home-baked chicken before, she was pretty sure he hadn’t had home-made cocoa and warm, fresh-baked cookies, either. She flipped on the oven, then pulled the milk and a plastic container from the refrigerator after she put the chicken away.

  “What are you doing? I thought you said you already made them.”

  “Patience, my dear man,” she said, humor lacing her voice. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. While I do this, why don’t you tell me about your day at work?”

  She pulled out the cookie sheet she’d picked up from her apartment and laid a few half-baked cold cookies on it, slipped them into the oven, then went to work on making the cocoa.

  When she realized he hadn’t spoken, she turned to look at him as she stirred the warming milk.

  “I lost a big sale today,” he said, his mouth turned down at the corners in a frown, a wrinkle between his eyebrows.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  “Hmph.”

  “Excuse me?” she said, wondering at his sudden change in demeanor.

  He shrugged. “Nothing.”

  “No, it’s obviously not nothing.” She set the wooden spoon aside and checked the cookies warming in the oven, and then she sat down at the table across from him. “What’s wrong?”

  He was silent for a long while, but then he shrugged again and folded his hands together on the tabletop. “I lost a lot of money on the sale that I’d planned to put away for Ruby and Amber.”

  “Um...” Crystal folded her arms on top of the table and leaned forward. “Put money away for them?”

  He gave a sharp nod. “For college, and if anything happens to me.”

  The babies were one month old. He was worried about college? “Wait a minute, you lost money? As in, you had it but it’s gone now?” If that were the case, she could understand.

  “No.” He picked up the salt and peppershakers, set them down, then moved them around each other on the tabletop. “I hadn’t invested any of my own money into this deal, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t lose.”

  Getting up to stir the milk and check the cookies again, she asked, “So, let me get this straight. You had nothing to start with, and you still have nothing.”

  He grunted his agreement to her summation.

  “Then why are you so upset?”

  “Because I just lost a quarter-million-dollar commission,” he said, his voice rising.

  Okay, that was a lot of money, but... “And without it you’re destitute?”

  He huffed. “Of course not.”

  “You own this house or pay mortgage?” She poured the cocoa into two mugs and set them on the table.

  “Own.”

  “And the new car? You have a loan?”

  “No.”

  Of course, he didn’t. He owned his own real estate company. Outright owned a house worth a lot. She knew, because she’d been at her uncles’ when they got their tax assessment this year, and Dex’s house was a little bit bigger and had been remodeled before he bought it.

  “Do you have some money in the bank?”

  “Where are you going with these questions?” he snapped. “You sound like you’re interviewing for a husband.”

  She laughed and placed the cookies on a plate. “Nooo. I’m not looking for a husband.” Turning back to the table, she put the cookies in front of him, then took her seat
and wrapped her hands around the warm mug. “What I’m getting at is, how can you say you lost something you never had? And how can you be so upset when losing one deal isn’t going to put you into debt?”

  “You don’t get it.”

  She shook her head then raised the steaming chocolate to her lips. “Nope. I don’t get it.” She was thousands and thousands in debt and had been wondering, before Dex hired her, how she was going to pay her car insurance next month. As it was, she had to be out of her apartment by the end of this month. Her temporary disability had been canceled, and she was penniless. But she knew the difference between having money and losing it, versus never having it and just not gaining it.

  Dex grabbed a cookie off the plate, lifted it to his mouth, and bit into it, but his angry motions slowed as he closed his eyes and savored the warm chocolate chips. She took another sip of her hot chocolate and experienced a secret thrill, knowing she’d pleased him again.

  After he finished the cookie, he took a few sips of the cocoa. “I’m going to get fat living with you.” There was no heat in his words.

  Examining his wide chest under his snug T-shirt, she couldn’t imagine him getting fat. He had one of those bodies that just looked...good. Even if he had a little belly, it wouldn’t matter. He was just plain hot.

  “I don’t know why I’m explaining this to you,” he said as he picked up another cookie. “But you’re easy to talk to.” He took a bite and slowly chewed.

  Crystal waited for him to go on. She wanted to know him. She wouldn’t deny that fact. He was a genuinely likeable guy, a breed of men rather hard to find.

  “Yes, I have some money in the bank. I’ve been saving since I started working when I was sixteen. But now I’ve got those two little girls to worry about. I not only have to make sure my future is secure, I have to see that theirs is, too.”

  She heard the worry behind his words and understood. Because of the way he grew up, he wouldn’t let his children suffer the same fate. “You’re a pretty special guy, Dexter Williams,” she said, meaning every word. She stood up, taking her mug with her. She needed to get away from him or she was going to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him.