Just Breathe

by Anna Leigh Keaton

  Gus’ eyes were filled with pity, and that pissed Dex off, too.

  “She has no other relative besides Charlie, and her friends abandoned her during her recovery. We’re all she’s got. We have no idea where she might’ve gone. If we did, we’d go after her ourselves.”

  “If it’s the cancer, she should not be alone. If it’s me, she should have told me to back off. She always seemed to be so straightforward with everything, why the hell did she take off now like this?”

  Gus pulled steaks from the grill and piled them on a platter. “We can’t figure that out, either. All we can do is wait until she comes back.” He handed Dex the platter. “Put these on the table, would you? And then, if you would, go to the garage and grab a few more beers and put them in the cooler.”

  “Yeah, sure,” Dex said. He laid the platter on the table. As he passed Charlie on his way into the house, the old man reached out and caught his hand.

  “You do love her, don’t you?” Charlie asked.

  “I’m furious with her right now.”

  A small smile stretched Charlie’s mouth for an instant before it fell. “Because another nanny ran off on you?”

  Dex sighed and squeezed Charlie’s hand before hunkering down next to the rocking chair. “Yes, I love her.” He forced a smile. “And her meddling family.”

  Charlie nodded. “I thought so.” He looked down at the baby snuggled in the crook of his arm. “She’s not as strong as she pretends,” he said in a gruff whisper. “She’s been through so much and come out on top, but she’s still hurting inside. Gus and Jerald and I might have pushed her too hard. We wanted the two of you to get together.” A slight blush tinged his pale cheeks, and he glanced away. “We thought you’d be good for her, and that the babies would be good for her. Maybe our teasing...”

  “That’s enough,” Dex said as he laid his hand over Charlie’s arm. “Stop second guessing yourself, and don’t blame yourself. We’ll find out what’s going on when she comes back.”

  Charlie looked at him with eyes softened by unshed tears, and Dex’s heart nearly broke. Damn Crystal! How could she do this to her family?

  Dex lightly squeezed Charlie’s arm. He said the only thing that came to mind. “I’m right across the street. You call me anytime if you need anything. I know I’m not a sweet little woman, but I’ll be here for you.”

  Charlie nodded. “You’re a good boy.” His attention returned to Ruby. “You’ll bring the babies over sometimes?”

  “Of course.”

  He nodded again. “Thank you.”

  Dex stood and headed into the house. When she did show up, he just might wring her scrawny little neck.

  * * * * *

  Crystal sat in her car in front of the uncles’ house. She’d completely forgotten about the Fourth of July party. The sign on the front door tipped her off, though, as it instructed everyone to come around the side yard to the back.

  She couldn’t walk into the party right now, especially since she’d been sleeping in her car for two nights and probably looked like hell. She couldn’t walk in there and face her uncles in front of a group of people after the way she’d left. And she couldn’t walk into a party and pretend not to be dying inside. To pretend she might not be dying for real.

  Laying her head against the steering wheel, she let out a slow breath. She still didn’t know if she should be here, if she should have done what her first instincts told her to do and just keep driving. Two days in the woods, alone, hiking during the day, huddled in her car at night, hadn’t given her any inspiration. She still didn’t know what the right course was to follow. Did she disappear from their lives, or did she tell them what was going on with her?

  Her doctor was here. She couldn’t go somewhere else for treatment if she needed it quickly.

  She had nowhere to live. Before she and Dex got intimate, she’d expected to camp out on the uncles’ sofa for a while when she left Dex’s employ. Could she do that now? She wouldn’t have much choice. She was pretty sure Dex wouldn’t want anything to do with her after she walked out on him the way she had. She’d blown that one. She just hoped he still let her see the babies. Her heart ached from missing them. They’d become so important to her in just the few weeks she’d been with them.

  Who was she trying to kid? She missed Dex with all her heart, and she hated herself for it. She’d tried to fight the attraction, but his beautiful heart stole hers. And now she’d possibly hurt him—if he really did love her.

  She hurt him. And her uncles. She didn’t deserve these men. Didn’t deserve their love. How could she have thought that leaving would be better? Uncle Charlie had looked devastated when she told him she was leaving and might not come back.

  “God, you’re an idiot,” she whispered as she sat back and wiped her face of the tears that had been falling for what felt like forever. When she lowered her hands from her face, she let out a yelp of surprise.

  Dex stood in front of her car, arms folded, a nasty scowl on his face. His dark hair and eyes made him look sinister in the pale lamplight from the street.

  He was mad. She swallowed hard. Furious, from the looks of it.

  She slowly reached for the handle and opened the door. Dex didn’t move. She stepped out of the car but kept the door between them. She didn’t think he’d do physical harm to her, but his dark frown was enough to knock her over.

  “Hi,” she said softly.

  “Hi, yourself. Where the hell have you been?”

  She’d never heard this tone before. “Camping in the Cascades.”

  “That’s a little dangerous for a woman alone, isn’t it?”

  “I’m not afraid of bears,” she said, getting irritated. Okay, she’d screwed up, but he didn’t have to treat her like a child.

  “I was referring to two-legged animals that kidnap pretty little women like you who wander around the woods alone.”

  She made a face of disgust. “Give me a break, Dex. If someone wanted to kidnap me, they could do it anywhere.”

  He shrugged. “Why did you run off the way you did? The uncles are upset and Charlie is so depressed he’s not eating. What the hell got into you?”

  She covered her mouth with her hand as fresh tears came to her eyes. “He’s not eating?”

  “Don’t you dare go weepy now, lady.” He stalked toward her. “What the fuck got into your head to make you take off like that? I can almost understand you leaving me, but those three old men depend on you. They love you, and you darn near ripped their hearts out.” He rounded the door, grabbed her shoulders, and gave her a little shake. “Answer me, Crystal. What the fuck were you thinking?”

  The tears let lose again, and she bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. Dex was enraged, but it felt so good to have him touch her.

  His grip gentled a bit, and he bent his knees to look her in the eye. “What’s wrong?”

  “I didn’t...want to put them...through it again,” she said around a few sniffles and hiccups.

  Dex held Crystal at arms’ length because he was afraid he’d crush her if he pulled her into his arms. She’d only been gone a couple of days, but it felt like a month. He wanted to hurt her, but he wanted to love her more. And she was really upset about something. Something was not right with her.

  “Put them through what again?” he asked even though his gut told him he knew the answer, and fear rolled through him.

  “I didn’t want to...” She sucked in a shaky breath. “You have the twins...don’t need to worry about me.” Her body shook beneath his hands.

  “I’ve been going crazy worrying about you since I got back from Bellingham, so you didn’t prevent that from happening.”

  Her face crumpled, and a rough sob tore from her throat. He couldn’t stand it any longer, so he pulled her into his arms. “Shh, sweetheart.” He ran a soothing hand over her head, down her back. “I’m here. You can lean on me.”

  “You have the babies,” she cried, but she gripped the front of his T-sh
irt in her fists and buried her face against his chest.

  “Tell me what’s wrong,” he said, an edge of desperation in his voice. He was afraid he already knew. Afraid Gus had been right.

  After a few tremulous breaths, Crystal whispered, “The cancer might be back.”

  His gut clenched. “Might be?”

  “I had all the tests. The doctor’s office called. She wants to see me next week.” She burst out crying again, wrapped her arms around his waist, and held him in a death grip.

  Maybe he was only being an optimist, which wasn’t typical for him, but “might” didn’t tell him that the cancer was back. “Sweetheart. Did the doctor tell you over the phone that it was the cancer?”

  She shook her head against his chest. “I didn’t talk to the doctor. She’s out on vacation.”

  He ran his hand over her soft hair, cuddling her closer. God, he’d missed her. “Then why are you assuming the worst?”

  “Because I have to. I have to be prepared.” She pulled back and looked up at him. Her eyes were bloodshot, and he wondered if she’d been crying since she left days ago. “What else could it be? Why else would she want to see me?”

  Cupping her face in his palm, he shook his head. “I don’t know, sweetheart.” But he could hope for her if she had given up. “But what I do know is that you better not leave again. We need you. All of us. Me, the girls, and your uncles.”

  She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. “I don’t want to be a burden, Dex. That’s why I left. You have enough with the babies. If I have to go through treatment, I’m no use to anyone and as helpless as Ruby and Amber. You don’t need that. The uncles are getting too old to deal with it.”

  A tear slipped from the corner of her eye, and he caught it on his thumb. “You can’t go through it alone, if that’s what it is. We’re all here for you.” He pulled her back into his arms and tucked her head beneath his chin. “I will always be here for you. We’ll get through this. I love you, Crys. I love you, and I’ll give you anything—everything—you need, no matter what it is.”

  “I could lose my other breast,” she said softly, then sniffled.

  “Is that supposed to scare me?”

  “I’ll lose my hair again. I’ll be bald and boobless. And they said if it came back, they might have to remove my ovaries to cut down on some of the estrogen my body produces. I won’t be able to give you any more babies. I won’t even be a woman—”

  “You better stop right there,” he growled. Pulling her away from him, he met her gaze. “You are really pissing me off now. I love you. You. Inside and out. You want the truth? Okay, fine. You know how I can prove I love you? I’ve never in my life found short, scrawny women sexy. I have never seen a woman with only one breast before, and it’s not something I would seek out. That being the case, obviously your body is not what makes me love you, now is it?

  “I love you. Your heart, your soul. The fact that you have these luscious lips and those big blue eyes is nice, but sweetheart... God, Crys. How do I convince you?”

  Another single tear rolled down her cheek and she whispered, “I think you just did.” A quivering smile tipped her lips. “Dex,” she whispered. She went back against his body, her arms tight around him, and mumbled something that got lost in the front of his shirt.

  “What was that?” He tipped her chin so he could see her face.

  “I said, I love you, too.”

  Leaning down, he captured her mouth with his and kissed her hard and deep. He sank his tongue into her mouth when she opened for him, and reveled in her taste, her sweetness, her softness. When she moaned, he gathered her even closer, pressing her back against the car and his erection against her belly.

  When he lifted his head, they were both panting. “Do you swear you’ll never run off like that again?”

  She nodded. “I swear.”

  “Marry me.”

  Her big blue eyes went wide, and she shook her head. “I’m not ready for that, Dex. Not yet. I’m sorry.”

  Disappointment arrowed through him, but he tried not to let it show. “When might you be ready? Anytime within the next decade?”

  She smiled in earnest. “Maybe.”

  He kissed her again. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

  Reaching up, she held his face between her palms. “Dex. It’s not easy dealing with cancer.”

  “I’ve never run from challenges.”

  “A lot of marriages can’t survive it, and we’ve only known each other about a month.”

  “Trust in me, sweetheart. Have faith in me. I won’t let you down.”

  Her swallow was audible in the silence of the evening. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

  He smiled. It was a start.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Crystal Jorgensen?” the nurse said as she came through the doorway into the waiting room.

  Crystal’s heart thudded in her throat, and she went a bit lightheaded when she stood up too fast. She needn’t worry, though, with Dex on one side of her and Charlie on the other holding her hands.

  “Right this way, please,” the nurse said.

  Crystal didn’t even try to tell either of the men that she could go alone. It would be useless to try. Once she’d cleaned up at Dex’s and joined the party, Dex had already told the uncles about the call from the doctor. For two days, they’d rallied around her as if they thought she needed a cheering section. They were so sure her cancer had not returned, they almost had her convinced.

  The three of them followed the nurse down the short hallway to a spacious office. Not the examining room, she thought. She didn’t know if that was good or bad. She’d received both in this very room. Her first confirmed diagnosis, and the news of her remission.

  The three of them sat down. Charlie and Dex never let go of her hands. She tried to smile at each of them, but it probably looked pitiful.

  Dex squeezed her hand then leaned over and kissed her softly. “It’s going to be all right.”

  She nodded. If only his conviction in good news would make it happen.

  “You listen to your young man,” Charlie said when she sat back in the chair. “He’s a smart one.”

  Doctor Sayers opened the door and came in carrying Crystal’s fat file folder. “Good afternoon, Crystal. Mr. Jorgensen,” she said politely with a nod toward Charlie. Then she looked at Dex. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

  “This is my...boyfriend, Dexter Williams.” Calling an almost forty-year-old man a boyfriend sounded odd to her.

  Doctor Sayers smiled. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Williams.” She sat down behind the desk and pushed her wire-rimmed glasses up her nose as she opened the file. The woman always looked so put together. Her auburn hair always perfectly straight without a single hair out of place. The perfect makeup. The perfect body. Crystal sighed. She needed to focus.

  “I’m glad you could make it in so soon. I’m worried about your iron and potassium levels.” Doctor Sayers lifted her gaze from the folder and smiled that perfectly straight-toothed smile. “I’d like you to start taking supplements. I’ll prescribe some time release for both. They tend to be more effective than over-the-counter brands.”

  Crystal heard the words, but she wasn’t sure she comprehended. “My mammogram...”

  Doctor Sayers flipped through some papers in the file. “Your mammogram came back fine, as did the rest of your blood tests. Some of the meds you’re taking are keeping your body from absorbing the iron and potassium from your food. The supplements will take care of that and should help your energy level some.”

  Dex squeezed her hand. When she looked at him, a wide grin split his face. She turned to see Charlie with a matching smile, and there were tears in his eyes.

  Crystal looked at Doctor Sayers and asked the question. “The cancer isn’t back?”

  “Oh, goodness no. You’re perfectly healthy except for the lowered minerals. You thought...” She looked from Charlie to Dex. “Oh, dear. I’m sorry, Crystal. We
have a new receptionist and I guess she...” She licked her lips and her cheeks pinkened a bit. “I’m sorry, Crystal. The cancer is not back. You’re still in remission.”

  Relief flowed through Crystal like a wave, and she wilted in the chair, her eyes shutting as she sighed. No cancer. Still in remission.

  Dex wrapped his arm around her shoulders and hugged her. “Told you so,” he whispered in her ear. “I told you you were okay.”

  She nodded, and a smile spread over her. “I’m okay.”

  Doctor Sayers stood and rounded the desk to stand in front of them. “I’m very sorry, Crystal, that you thought the cancer had returned. I promise this kind of mistake will never happen again.”

  “Thank you, Doctor Sayers,” Crystal said and stood up to shake the doctor’s hand.

  The doctor handed her a prescription paper. “You’re doing very well.”

  Crystal nodded and then smiled at Dex when he stood up and put his hand on her back. “I am doing very well. Thank you.”

  * * * * *

  Christmas Eve

  “Marry me.”

  Dex gazed into Crystal’s eyes, the lights of the Christmas tree sparkling there. He’d just leaned over to grab for Ruby, who was currently banging her little hands against a cardboard box, but stopped mid reach. “What?”

  His little pixie smiled up at him from her position on the floor, her sparkling blue eyes alight with humor as she set Amber down on the rug next to Ruby. “Marry me, Dexter Williams. Make an honest woman out of me.”

  “But...”

  She crooked her finger at him, and when he knelt in front of her, she pulled his head down and sank her tongue deep into his mouth.

  “Marry me, damn it,” she said as she panted against his lips.

  “Yes, sweetheart. Yes, I’ll marry you.” He pulled her into his arms so tight she squeaked. “You caught me off guard. Just a month ago, you said no...again.”