Placebo

by Paul Allih

  Catching her breath, Kelly raises her head and glares at Matt. With hate laced in her pupils she says, "No matter what you do to me you sick piece of shit, you'll always just be a little boy who'll never be a man."

  Matt snickers at her and replies, "It's a good thing your mouth isn't tired… I hate wasting good food."

  Sticking another fork full of meat, he walks back over to Kelly and forces another bite into her mouth. Getting a hold of her head, she grits her teeth even tighter than before. Stepping back from her, Matt draws back and punches her in the mouth. The force of his knuckles meets with clinched jaws, knocking two of her teeth out. Her freed central incisors fly out and slide across the kitchen tile. Taken back from the blow, Kelly wobbles back in forth as blood trickles from her lips. Matt grabs her by the hair again and forces the forkful into her mouth. He quickly grabs her and works her jaws into the meat once again.

  Making her swallow it, Matt says, "If you don't wanna do this the easy way, I can make you do it the hard way… and I can promise, it will much more painful for you."

  Dazed from the punch Kelly tries to shake off the pain of her busted teeth. Blinking her wits back, she tells herself that this is how she is going to die. Trapped in a terrifying nightmare that she cannot wake herself from; the fight that she once had inside of her is fading. Kelly is slowly giving in to Matt's reign of terror as he feeds her another mouthful of her former boyfriend. Slipping in and out of consciousness, her mind shuts itself down. Knowing that she is helpless, her mind recoils as she breaks down from the stress.

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  CHAPTER 29

  Emma lies on her stomach, clinching the cushions by her head while the needle of the tattoo gun needle pierces through her soft skin. Slayer pours from the speakers of the stereo as Greg focuses on his craft. Biting her bottom lip, she finds a strange enjoyment in what feels like deep pinches upon her flesh. A small line of sweat breaks upon her brow as she fights a sexual quiver that tremors between her thighs. Reminded of her experiences with Matt, she finds herself even more turned on. No matter how horribly he treated her, those moments of pleasure had made her into the new woman that she is now. In many ways, if it was not for Matt she would not be getting tattooed.

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  With closed eyes, she basks in the sensation and coos,

  "Man, I wonder if it feels this good to get your nipples pieced?"

  Donnie sits next to her, thumbing through a nude tattoo magazine. Coming across a spread of woman tattooed from head to toe and riddled with piercings, he shows Emma, "You wanna be like her?"

  Glancing over, she shakes her head, "Nah… I'm thinking along the lines of moderation."

  Greg pulls the gun back, dabbing off the Emma's blood with a rag. "Try not to move around, alright Darlin'?"

  "Sorry, Greg…"

  Lying perfectly still, Greg goes back to work on her lower back, "We're almost done here… I'm not gonna color it today, you'll have to come back in a couple of weeks once this fully heals."

  "Do you do piercings here?"

  "Nah… but I know a guy in Fort Pierce who does great work… ya don't wanna get any ink work there, though."

  Emma innocently asks, "Why not?"

  "They use cheap ink… that shit'll fade in less than a week… I've had to touch up a lot of their work."

  "Oh…"

  "Yeah, lots of places are cheapin' out on the ink. Every asshole thinks they can open a shop with how popular body work has gotten and cheat their customers with fading tattoos that need several touch ups."

  Matt shakes his head while turning a page of the parlor's magazine, "…and you wonder why I don’t want anything to do with it?"

  "Nah, you're just a pussy…"

  "Ha, ha… well, I am what I eat, fuck-ass…"

  With a laugh Greg replies, "Yeah you keep tellin'

  yourself that shit, Brosif. You're afraid of being inked and ya know it."

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  "Yeah motherfucker, I don't wanna walk out of some shithole with the hep…"

  Greg scoffs, "Shit, you have a better chance being bitten by a shark…"

  "Yeah, spin that line to a shark attack victim…"

  Dabbing the rag on Emma's tender back, Greg rolls his eyes and says, "Whatever… pussy."

  Reverting his attention to the magazine, Donnie sighs,

  "Whatever you say… you painted weirdo."

  After Emma's tattoo is finished, Greg rubs it down with a gelled ointment and let's her look at it through a mirror. With an excited school girl smile, Emma give's Greg her approval.

  Greg then covers the fresh work with a special bandage, something that resembles plastic wrap in order to keep the air out. He gives her a small jar of the ointment and tells her to apply it every four hours. Leaving the tattoo shop, Emma feels as if she is complete. Before, fear had held her back from getting any kind of alteration to her body. Now, she cannot get enough. Getting into Donnie's car, she rests along the seat with ease. Her lower back is tender but it is a felling that she tells herself that she can get used too.

  Firing up his engine, Matt asks, "Where to now?"

  Emma shrugs, "Do ya wanna go to your place? I mean, we can give Parker and Kelly a little more alone time…"

  Trying to hide his excitement, Donnie says, "Sure, whatever you wanna do."

  Pulling out on to the main road, Donnie questions Emma,

  "So how did it feel?"

  Rolling her eyes with heavy sigh, Emma grins, "Oh god, it was fantastic… it felt like tiny pricks picking at my skin, but it was almost a turn on."

  "A turn on, really?"

  "Yeah, y'know, it's hard to explain… you just have to be there. Havin' it done was just a really mind opening experience."

  Donnie nods, "Right on… I'm glad you liked it."

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  Giving Donnie an admirable look; Emma smiles and says, "Thank you… I love it."

  Shrugging, Donnie modestly replies, "I do what I can, y'know?"

  The small talk continues as Donnie drives towards his apartment. As Emma rambles on, Donnie cannot help but wonder how clean his cruddy little one bedroom unit is. His hangover from the night before prevented him from doing any kind of cleaning. He was not expecting Emma to say yes to invitation to lunch, let alone her coming back to his place.

  Spending his timing focusing on his being, bolted from the house after his shower, before giving his place a once over.

  All he can do now is hope that she is not turned off by the way his apartment looks.

  Living as a bachelor, Donnie could careless on any normal day. He will let the dishes pile up in the sink until he cannot fit his coffee pot beneath the faucet. Donnie will sweep the floors and vacuum, but he will hardly ever mop.

  However, today is no normal day for Donnie and he pounds himself with the learned phrase that first impressions are everything. Flooring the gas, Emma rambles on as his nerves start to get the best of him. Having a second thought, Donnie takes a deep breath. Shaking from his self conscience blather, he assures himself that the fresh ink on her lower back will speak louder than a few dishes in the sink.

  Pulling into his parking spot at the apartment complex, Donnie tells Emma, "It isn't much, but its home."

  Emma shrugs as she steps out of the car, "Don't worry about it… I'm sure it's comfy."

  Leading her up the stairs to the second floor of the building, he gets to the second door on the left and unlocks it.

  Opening the door, Donnie lets Emma inside and quickly follows in behind her. Emma looks around as she sets her purse down on the kitchen counter. She turns to look at Donnie as her closes the door behind him.

  "This isn't bad at all…" she says.

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  With a shrug, Donnie replies, "Yeah, well, its home… for now."

  Stepping into the living room, Emma sees the giant flat screen TV and stack after stack of DVDs skewed upon various spindles. "Holy shit, how many movies do you have?!"

  "Hundreds, maybe thousan
ds… I don't know. I download

  'em and I burn 'em."

  "Do you have the twilight movies?"

  "Uh, no, they looked like shit. I already told you… I have no use for glittering vampires."

  Emma shakes her head, "Well, how about Interview with a Vampire?"

  "Yeah, I have that one… have you ever seen Dracula?"

  Ruffling her nose, Emma asks, "The old black and white one?"

  "No, this came out in '92… Francis Ford Coppola directed it."

  Confused, Emma asks, "Who?"

  "The Godfather… Apocalypse Now…"

  Starring at him blankly, Emma shrugs, forcing Donnie to shake his head in disappointment.

  Shaking his head with disappointment, Donnie replies,

  "Let's just watch it."

  Cuddling up on Donnie's couch, Emma rests her head on Donnie's lap while they watch Dracula. Less than halfway through the movie, Donnie cannot help but want to make a move on Emma. Looking down at her, his awkwardness keeps his hand from running his fingers through her long locks of hair that are strewn across his lap. Constantly lifting his hand from the top of the sofa, he stutters in his movements that would make any kind of sensual advancement towards her. Despite knowing that she wants him, he does not want to ruin this relaxed moment.

  Emma's eyes are glued to the screen intently, watching the beautiful film unfold before her eyes. While keeping her 236

  eyes on the movie, she waits for Donnie to make his move.

  The way she sees it, she has thrown out plenty of signals for one day, and now it is his turn to step forward and do something. With knowing that he wants her, she does not want to run the risk of being rejected like she was the night before.

  Believing in fairness, Emma tells herself if Donnie truly wants her then he will make his move to win her over physically. As much as she wants Donnie, Emma refuses to make the first move again.

  As the movie plays on, Donnie inches his hand from Emma's shoulders to her hair. Emma responds his advances by rubbing on his knee, giving him a subtle green light to move forward in his sensual motives. She stares at the movie, hoping that he will give into his wants and cave in towards her needs. Caoutiously creeping towards her eroginous zone, Donnie runs his hand along her hips and to her right breast. A smile forms across her face, hoping that he takes his liberties much further than his simple groping. Closing her eyes in hopeful lust, Emma awaits Donnie's next step of their copul-ation. No matter how far a man is willing to go, women need him to step even further in the name of justification.

  Even though Emma is a woman who finds herself in the new age of being, she is still waiting for a man to elevate her needs of retribution. This is the way it will be until she fully exits her shell of comfort; becoming one with her faults as well as her strengths. It will take more than tattoo and a few piercings to bring her up to speed of where she wants to be in her life. She finds herself in constant confusion in the midst of her transition. Knowing what she wants and what is avai-lable for her are two different things that she is left to contend with. However, she finds herself wanting something more—a man who is not afraid to put her in her place and treat her like an object. Emma cannot help but secretly pine for someone who is like Matt in the regards of his willful need to take what he wants.

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  Feeling a burst of lust, Donnie picks her up from her around her arms and pulls her into his wanting lips. He kisses her deeply while cradling her awkwardly in his arms. Emma runs her fingers down his back, pulling him in closer into her.

  The two kiss passionately as their emotions run deep, filling their bodies with sensual yearn. This is everything Donnie wanted from the first night with Emma—a loving embrace that would not be cheapened by drunken lust.

  When they are through, they lie in the arms of one another in Donnie's bed. Donnie's eyes slowly close while he wears a satisfied smile. Emma stares up at the ceiling, wondering why she does not feel fulfilled. Physically, she was satisfied by Donnie, but mentally she cannot help but feel that something was missing from their first sexual experience. It was not the sex that is making her question the situation—it is how Donnie was during the act. He was sensual and caring to her needs, when what she really wanted from him was to be treated like a whore.

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  CHAPTER 30

  Once the morning comes, Donnie leaves Emma to sleep peacefully as he starts his day. Drinking an energy drink, he checks his email with a smile. He takes comfort in the fact that he finally has a girlfriend. For so long he has kept his loneliness to himself, not wanting to burden his friends with his woes. The last thing that he wanted to be was the whining friend who is always complaining about his personal problems. Every group has that one person, that one friend who no one really wants to invite but they do anyway because they feel bad for him or her. Donnie would just wear this pain on the inside—keeping the hope that one day he would meet the right person and make it all worth it. Never in a million years did he think that the one person would be his crush's little sister.

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  Emma lies awake in Donnie's bed, not wanting to face him. Her thoughts spun like wheels in her head the night before, keeping her wide awake as Donnie snored beside her.

  She finds herself in the morning the same as she did last night, staring at the ceiling in wonder of what she got herself into. Feeling fickle, she questions whether or not she wants to be in a relationship with Donnie. Knowing that she cannot stay hidden in Donnie's bedroom all day, she starts to prepare herself to go outside. With a heavy sigh, Emma slides off of the bed and starts getting dressed. Telling herself that she wants to go home and take some time to think things through.

  Leaving the bedroom, she comes out to see Donnie on the couch playing around his laptop. Donnie lifts his head,

  "Good mornin'… wanna get some breakfast?"

  Unable to look him in the eyes, Emma looks down and replies, "Nah… I just wanna go home."

  "Really?"

  "Yeah…"

  Donnie looks Emma up and down, then asks, "What's wrong?"

  With a shrug, Emma says, "Nothin'… I'm just tired and I want to get a hot shower."

  "You can take one here…"

  Emma sighs, “I want a shower at home."

  "Alright, I'll just take you home then."

  Disappointed, Donnie slips his sneakers on and grabs his keys from the coffee table. Emma watches Donnie get himself together as he stomps around like a child who is not getting his way. She does not want to upset him any further, so she just keeps her mouth shut and lets him continue in his infantile act.

  Drinking the last of his energy drink, he tosses the can into the garbage and asks with an attitude, "Are you ready to go?"

  Emma shakes her head and sighs in aggravation, "Yeah, I've been ready…" Storming past Donnie, Emma walks out of 240

  the front door. As he is locking the dead bolt, Emma makes her way down the stairs and out to the car. Donnie knows he made her mad, but he does not care. He can sense that she is trying to get away from and his defenses are on high.

  Knowing that subtle form of rejection, he knows that there is nothing he can do to make her stay.

  The drive back to Emma's house is quiet between the two irritated lovers. Donnie thinks to himself that he should probably explain his mood, but he finds that he would just rather leave it alone momentarily. Emma stares out of the window as she remembers similar car rides with Matt and her other ex-boyfriends. She asks herself "why are men such babies?" while just wanting to soak her bones in a hot bath.

  When the car turns on her street, Emma is washed with relief that she will be out of this awkward situation.

  Pulling up to the house, Donnie bares a look of confusion as he glances at the clock in his car. "What's Kelly doing here?"

  Emma says sarcastically, "Well, um, she lives here."

  Donnie rolls his eyes, "No shit… but she was supposed to open today and she didn't call me."

  Putting the c
ar in park, Donnie pulls his keys from the ignition and steps out.

  "Sweet fuck, you're not gonna start a fight in my house, are you?!"

  "No, I just wanna find out what's going on… that's all."

  Following closely behind Emma, Donnie tries to stay calm. He knows that if she is in fact home, that she is a no call no show and that he will be forced to fire her. Despite the fact that Kelly is one of his best employees at Lots-O-Crust, the owners will make him fire her. Being a no-call-no-show is an immediate termination regardless of the reason. As much as he would hate to do it, Donnie would have no choice. It is a strict company policy that he has had to enforce.

  Emma unbolts the lock and opens the door, stepping through the threshold. Suddenly she is taken off guard, hit 241

  with the smell rotten meat. The odor makes her gag and her reflexes force her to back away from entering the house.

  Donnie gives her a strange look as he steps by her while she dry heaves. Before his foot can enter, Donnie is hit with the putrid stench. His eyes roll over white while he fights to pull his t-shirt over his nose and mouth. Gasping to hold his breath— his hand feels along the inside wall for the light switch. Finding it, he moves his hand upwards and casts a light within the darkened home.

  Flipping the switch, the lights come on, casting a glow from the entrance towards the living room. Donnie slowly steps inside of the odorous house, first glancing into the kitchen. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, Donnie looks towards the living room. His eyes water from the foul stench that leaks through the cotton of his shirt. Emma follows behind him with her hand over her face, "Oh god, what the fuck is that smell?!"

  While Donnie stands in the kitchen fighting his gag reflexes from acting, Emma walks into the living room, calling her sister's name. Turning the corner into the hallway, the smell becomes stronger—forcing Emma to choke. She holds her breath as she makes her way to Kelly's bedroom.

  Opening the door she finds the remains of her beloved sister tied to the bed and carved up like a piece of meat. All she can do is stare at what is left of her, wondering what kind of monster would do this to her.