“No. Never. There's just you. Only you. You're all I want.”
No longer able to resist, I reached my hands up to pull his face back to mine, to deepen the kiss. Alex let out a low groan as he pushed me back against the mattress. His hands slid under the hem of my shirt and up my back as he pulled me tighter against him. I wrapped one leg around his hips and moaned against his tongue as he found the right spot to ground his erection into me.
“God, Court. You do this to me. Nobody else but you.” He whispered against my lips as he moved his hips, and I began to rock with him in the same rhythm. Alex pulled my shirt over my head and unhooked my lacy bra in record time. “So beautiful. So perfect.” He breathed and sucked one nipple into his mouth. I whimpered at the sensations he was creating. I gasped with a combination of pain and pleasure as his teeth pinched my nipples followed by slow licks with his tongue. God he was amazing. I’d never felt this way with anyone before. I opened my eyes to look down at him and meet his beautiful brown eyes as he kissed his way up my breast, to the hollow of my neck, along my jaw line and to my mouth. Then we both lay still looking at each other. Everything felt right. Being with him like this. Looking at him, seeing his love for me and knowing I felt the same way.
“I'm so sorry. Please don't give up on me.” He pleaded, his voice full of remorse.
“Never. I love you, Alex.” My voice coming out as a whisper.
He gave me a wide smile before burying his face into the side of my neck. “Say it again.” I heard his muffled voice against my skin.
“I love you. “ My words coming out much stronger now. “I’ve never told another man that before.”
“Baby, I love you so much. I want you to know that I mean it with all my heart and soul. You’re it for me.”
I ran my fingers into his hair and pulled him to me for a kiss.
We took our time as we devoured each other’s mouths and let our love wash over us for what seemed like a blissful eternity. I felt Alex start to remove my jeans and work his fingers into my panties finding me wet and ready for him.
“Fuck. I want you so bad. All of you.” He circled my clit with his thumb before pushing one finger into my slick channel, working me until he had two fingers inside of me, and I was undulating underneath him, so close to orgasm.
“That's it. Come for me. I want to watch your beautiful face while you come all over my hand. Look at me, baby. I want to see those gorgeous eyes.”
I opened my eyes and found his. They were dark and full of passion as he peered at me through heavy lids. He was so beautiful with his tousled hair and passion filled expression. He loved me, and he was making me feel so good. I knew I was going to explode at any second. Then I lost it.
“Alex.” His name left my mouth as I kept my eyes locked on his.
My vision went slightly unfocused as the pleasure hit me in giant waves and I moaned loudly as I came.
Through the haze of my orgasmic high, I heard Alex whisper into my ear. “I need to be inside you, now. Please say yes.”
When I nodded, he wasted no time removing the rest of my clothes and his. He rolled on a condom and positioned himself over me. When his smoldering gaze met mine, I knew that he was seeking my permission. We had never gone this far before. I opened my legs wider for him and lifted my hips, giving him all the invitation he needed. He growled low in his throat as he settled himself at my entrance and moved into me slowly until he hit the barrier I didn’t tell him about on purpose. When he tried to push further into me, my body automatically resisted, and I winced a bit.
“Court?” Some of the hazy lust that filled his eyes cleared just a little. “Baby? Are you a virgin?”
I bit my bottom lip and nodded. “How come you didn’t tell me?”
Embarrassed, I hesitated to answer for a moment. I knew I didn’t want to ruin this beautiful night, so I decided it was best to confess it all. Suddenly words were rushing out before I could be sure it all made sense. “Because I was tired of being every man’s conquest. The minute I tell men that I am dating that I’m a virgin, I can see the wheels turning. Them trying to figure out a way to get me to let them be the first. I never trusted that any of them saw past that and would stick around afterward. So I stopped saying anything.” I shrugged meekly. I kept my eyes averted, afraid to see his reaction. Alex turned my face to his and said.
“I am honored to be the one you give this to, and I promise you, Courtney, I am not going anywhere. You have my heart.” He lowered his mouth to mine. Soon I was responding to his and panting underneath his with need. He pushed himself the rest of the way in and stilled so I could adjust to the feel of him.
“You okay, baby?” He questioned in a strained voice. I moved my hips around his slightly to relieve some of the pain and pressure and then nodded my head. Taking my cue he slowly started to move his hips back and forth.
“God, you feel so good around me.” He kissed my neck as his hands worked my nipples with his eyes still on mine. I felt the familiar pressure build, and I knew I was going to come again soon.
“Ah, I can feel how close you are.” He pushed a hand between us and pressed it to my clit while he hissed, “I wanted to do this slow but I don't think I can last much longer. I’m almost there. I want you to come with me.” We began to rock together in the same frantic rhythm. Soon all of his slow, measured movements were forgotten. I loved to see him lose control and that I made him feel that way.
“I love you so much, baby, so fucking much.” He whispered as his forehead rested on mine, our eyes still locked. Our hips connected over and over. He pulled almost completely out before he pushed into me deep. He repeated this movement until I was writhing beneath him in pleasure and unable to control my moans. I ran my hands up and down his back while he pulled my legs up higher around his waist.
“I love you, Alex. I love you. I love…” The words were flowing from my lips as I came hard, and he followed immediately behind me. My tight walls contracted around his cock as I felt him swell and pulse inside of me. We kissed each other deeply as we slowly rocked together, ringing out every last sensation of pleasure. Finally, Alex shifted his weight, so we were lying on our sides, still joined. He planted soft pecks along my collarbone as he caressed my hip.
“You’re so beautiful.” He murmured between kisses. “And you’re all mine.”
“Yes, only yours. And you’re all mine.” I poke a finger lightly at his damp chest.
He laughed softly and replied, “Baby, I’ve been all yours for a while.”
Chapter Nine
Present.
Saturday morning I woke to the smell of pancakes and the sounds of giggles coming from the kitchen. I stretched my deliciously sore muscles and felt an unusual weight on my left hand. My breath caught at the site of seeing that my wedding rings had been returned to their rightful home. He must have slipped them on this morning, and I was completely unaware. I didn’t know what made me happier, them being on my finger or the fact that he noticed and cared that they weren’t.
Alex is wearing his “Kiss the Cook” chef hat and a little frilly blue apron. The same one I wore two years ago for Valentine’s Day when I sent the girls to my sister Macy’s and cooked him dinner wearing only that. It was one of my early efforts to bring us closer together. It worked at getting his attention but mostly just for that night.
The girls were sitting on the bar stools at the counter, and Liv was cracking eggs into a bowl while Jordyn was licking something from her fingers. My heart stopped, and stomach clenched tightly as images of spending my weekend with Jordyn in the hospital with salmonella poisoning pass before my eyes.
“Look, Mama! Honey!” Jordyn holds out both of her hands for me to see. “It’s sticky.” She states before continuing to clean her hands with a paper towel. I look beside her and notice a jar of honey with the lid off and sigh in relief.
“You thought I was letting her lick raw eggs off her fingers, didn’t you?” Alex said against my ear and gave me a loud sm
acking kiss on the cheek. “Chef Super Daddy’s got it under control.” Alex puffs out his chest as he shouts this in his best superhero voice.
“Stand back!” He calls out dramatically, never breaking character, as I move to help Liv with the eggs. “We’ve got this, woman. Go.” He points a large finger to the living room.
“Ok, well let me just wipe Jordyn’s ha--” I screech as I’m suddenly hoisted over Alex’s shoulder as he carries me out of the kitchen and plops me down onto the couch. I can hear the girls running and giggling behind us. He tosses the remote in my direction and looks me square in the eye.
“Stay.” He commands and then winks. The girls are jumping around him now chanting “Pick me up Super Daddy! Pick me up Super Daddy!” Alex whirls around and snarls playfully, “It’s Chef Super Daddy and you need to get back to your stations!” He scoops up both girls and hangs them over either shoulder. They wiggle and squeal as he takes off running through the living room, down the hall, through the dining room and finally back to the kitchen.
“Ok, no more honey, little monkey.” I hear Alex say in his regular voice and smile because Jordyn declared herself little monkey just last night, and he’s on top of that too!
We end up having a very good day. After Alex’s delicious breakfast, we take the girls to the park to ride their bikes along the trails. We hold hands and walk along behind them. We stop for hot dogs and frozen yogurt on the way home, and everyone takes an afternoon nap. Well, Alex and I fall asleep, eventually…
*****
“Faster, babe.” I beg as Alex pulls my legs up higher around his waist and pistons his hips faster into me.
“Like this?” He asks against my mouth before thrusting his tongue inside. I nod as I moan. Fuck, it was building again. I’d already come once with him using his mouth, and the aftershocks had barely settled from the second orgasm I had from riding him hard. Now, holy hot fuck, a third was quickly approaching. He reaches his hand between us and presses his thumb down on my clit, circling hard. I gasps and feel myself growing wetter as my eyes roll back. It suddenly feels like too much.
“Ah, Alex. I can’t…” My hips however are moving all by themselves as I spread my legs even higher and ground myself into his thumb and cock.
“Yes, you can baby. That’s it, give it to me. Fuck.” Then I came, hard. My body explodes around him as I felt him swell and then contract inside of me, both of us tumbling over the edge together, our mouths tightly connected so we could muffle our sounds and not wake the girls across the hall.
Alex and I lay beside each other as he strokes my damp hair away from my face, our breathing gradually returning to normal.
“I love you, Court. You know that right?” I felt my throat close at his words. I knew he loved me though I didn’t always feel it. As if he read my mind he continues, “I'll do better. We'll be fine.” Deciding to not go down that road and spoil my relaxed state, I simply nod and nestle myself closer into the crook of his arm. The unresolved issues that floated around us were nearly visible, yet we purposely chose to ignore them as he pulled me tightly to his side, his fingertips trailing up and down my hip, my hand brushing lightly across his chest. Alex always has a way of making the issues in my mind just disappear with a single touch, and I fall asleep smiling because I couldn’t remember the last time we had afternoon sex followed by a nap.
That night we all watch movies snuggling on the couch and eat Alex’s homemade pizza. We camp out in the living room with the girls falling asleep on one couch and Alex, and I curl up together on the other. It is the second time that day that I fall asleep with a blissful smile on my face. This was how things should be.
Sunday afternoon we drive Alex to the airport so he can fly to Raleigh for a week to open a new distribution site. The girls and I wave to him as he walks through the security gate. Feeling impulsively silly, I blow him a two-handed kiss. He flashes his sexy grin, one I haven’t seen for a while and blows a two-handed kiss back to me and disappears into the crowd.
****
Monday was a pretty good day. I dropped Liv off at school and Jordyn at pre-school. Went to work. No Justin. Picked up the girls and took them to the park, made a big pot of pasta for dinner, talked to Alex on the phone for a while, went to bed.
Tuesday was fine. Got the girls to school. Busy work day. Still no Justin, fed the girls leftover pasta, responded to two text messages from Alex, bed.
Wednesday was okay. Got the girls to school. Ugh, annual audits at work. Where the fuck is Justin? Drive thru for dinner. Haven’t heard from Alex so I Facebook stalked him, but still got nothing. Drank a bottle of wine and then passed out.
Thursday sucked. Woke up hung over. Got Liv to school late and had to sign her into the office, dropped Jordyn off at preschool in the middle of circle time. Both girls were pretty mad at me. Called out of work and went home and got in bed. Why did my heart hurt worse than my head? He always manages to convince me that things will be different. He will make me a priority. What kind of man goes an entire day and doesn't call to check on his family at least once? I called and texted him twice. I drifted off as the tears of anger and hurt trailed down my cheeks.
Still Thursday, I think...
I woke up to my door bell ringing like crazy. What the fuck?
I get out of bed and see that it’s noon. Which means that this is not Child Protective Services coming to tell me I’ve forgotten my children at school and that they will not be returning them home to me. I can see through the frosted beveled glass panel in the door that it's a man, as I get closer I know exactly who it is. Shit.
Justin.
And he can see me too.
I reach and unlock the door knowing that I look like shit but not being able to do anything about it. My hair is pulled back into a loose ponytail that I’m sure isn’t holding much hair anymore. I’m barefoot with zero makeup. I’m wearing gray yoga pants and one of Alex’s old faded concert t-shirts. The same one I slept in.
“Justin. Hey.” I say after swinging the door open. He looks so ruggedly handsome standing there in his usual jeans and a black “Rich Construction.” t-shirt that always stretches across his muscular chest just right. Stop it, Court.
“Courtney. Are you ok? They told me you were home sick.” His eyes were filled with concern as they looked me up and down. “I knocked a few times then I tried using your knocker, but it’s broken. So I started ringing your doorbell.”
“Yeah, the knocker has been broken for a while so it was kind of just hanging on by a prayer. I’ve asked Alex to fix that a million times.” I step forward and take the door-knocker from his hand. “I’m fine Justin. I didn’t feel well this morning, but I’m okay.”
Justin gestured behind me with his chin. “Is he…??”
“No, he’s in North Carolina until Saturday.” Justin visibly relaxes just a bit. “Well, you may say you’re fine but you look horrible.” Then he steps by me and into the house uninvited. I certainly hadn’t planned to let him in. So I stare after him for several beats, stunned, then finally I close the door. I find Justin in my kitchen opening cabinets and drawers.
“What are you doing?” I sputter.
“Making you a hangover cure.”
“What? How do know I’m hung over.” He gives me a knowing glance and then tilts his chin at the empty wine bottle and glass that I left on the counter last night.
“The whole bottle, huh?”
“I didn’t know I’d drink the whole bottle until I was already drunk. Besides I’m not much of a drinker anymore since having the girls.”
“One bottle of this stuff will do it.”
The whole time he’s pouring and mixing things into a glass. I’m curious but not enough to ask questions. My stomach is queasy, and my head is pounding. He hands me a glass.
“Drink.” He commands. So I do. I can’t tell what it is. It’s kind of gross but for some reason I don't stop drinking. So I sit there, sip and study him.
“What are you doing here, Justin
?”
“Checking on you.”
“No, really. Why are you here?”
His eyes move to me, and he stares at me but doesn’t say a word.
“Where have you been?” I finally ask in a whisper, breaking the silence. I hate how needy my voice sounds. He inhales and exhales before saying.
“Trying to stay away from you.”
“Why?”
“Because, Courtney.” He runs a hand through his hair and steps away from the counter and walks into the living room, and I follow. “Because of him. You’re another man’s wife. I have no business feeling the things I do when I’m around you, but I can’t help wishing you were mine.” He slaps his hand against the wall before continuing. “What pisses me off the most is that he,” He points to our wedding picture “has all of this,” He gestures around the room, “and you. The lucky son of a bitch is never here to appreciate it. He doesn’t appreciate you. He doesn’t deserve you.” His voice loses some of the anger and exchanges it for anguish.
“Justin! That’s enough. I think you’d better…”
“No Courtney. No. You know I’m right. You told me yourself. He hardly ever calls when he’s away. What kind of man does that? What kind of woman stands for that? You said that when he is here, you argue and then he sleeps on the couch. He doesn’t deserve you. I would never choose to sleep on the couch knowing you were waiting in my bed every night. Never.”
I have no idea why I shared those things with him. Up until the recital he was pretty much at the office every day and spent the majority of his time talking to me, eating lunch with me, and I thought, just being my friend. I didn't know he thought this was anything more than a flirty friendship. God, I feel stupid.
“Justin, you don’t know the whole story…”
“Tell me he makes you happy.”
“Justin--”
“Tell me that you don’t want more. Tell me you don’t deserve more.”
Silence.
“Have you talked to him today?
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