*****
The following night I hear his key unlock the front door. I hold my breath as I walk down the stairs. It is two in the morning and I have been unable to sleep. All I can do was lie awake and think about all the ways that I’ve fucked everything up, my marriage and all that is important to me and for the life of me I couldn't figure out how to fix it.
In the entrance hallway, I see Alex stumble through the door and lean back against it clumsily as he closes it.
“Alex? Are you drunk?” He straightens his spine at my words and narrows his hazy eyes at me. He studies me for a moment as he bites down sexily on his bottom lip. I look down to see that I am wearing one of his old t-shirts that only reached the top of my thighs. My legs are bare. The only other stitch of clothing I have on are a pair of panties.
“Alex?” I question a second time, but he only pushes himself away from the door and walked straight to me. I could feel my heart pounding wildly in my chest as the look of lust in his eyes was replaced by anger.
“I hate you.” He hisses with his face just a few inches from mine. I could feel the tears forming at the power from which those words hit me.
“I am so sorry.” I choke out. “Alex, I never meant for any of this to happen. It was so stupid. So fucking stupid. I should have talked to you. I shouldn't have--”
“Fucked someone else!” He roars, looking on the edge of violence.
“I didn't! Alex, I didn't have sex with him. He...he k…kissed me.” God it was so hard to say those words out loud. “But we didn't--”
“Shut up! Just fucking shut up. Lies! All of it! What makes you think I'd believe a word out of your lying, cheating mouth?” Alex has never spoken to me that way before. The look on my face must have clued into the shock I was feeling at his words.
“Oh, yeah. You are a liar and a sneak. I asked you how the knocker on the front door got fixed. You told me the neighbor did it. Well, I went over to thank Larry for fixing it and felt like a fucking idiot when he had no idea what I was talking about!” Then he stepped away from me and began to pace back and forth. “Then,” He lets out a deranged chuckle. “Fucking, touchy-feely Fiona, you know Abby's mom, the one who always tries to find ways to grope me. A detail you seem to be oblivious to?” When my eyes widen in recognition he continues, “Yeah, her. Well, she was all too happy to inquire if things were okay between us since she'd seen you holding hands with another man at Olivia's dance recital. Needless to say, she offered to console me.” He continues to pace while studying me with narrow eyes.
“The thought of you being with another man, Court, I couldn't handle it. I knew then! The night I saw you there with him that something was wrong. I just didn't know what to do about it. I thought if we moved away from everything it would give me a chance to fix all this before anything could happen. I knew things weren’t good but I wanted a fair shot. I didn’t want to risk competing with someone else. I now realize that my plan is what put all of this into motion. If I only hadn't tried to force you...”
“Alex, stop it! It's my fault, not yours.” I reached out to lay a hand on his chest, but he pulled back with a hiss as if I'd burned him. “I should have talked to you. You didn't deserve this.”
“You're right. I didn't deserve any of this. I certainly didn't deserve the text message I received that you had booked a hotel room in Talbot Beach with my goddamn credit card.”
Shit! I had totally forgotten about the text alerts. We both get them when anyone makes a purchase on the credit card for over two hundred dollars. The Bella Vista is four hundred dollars a night. At the time, I wasn't thinking, and I definitely didn't pay attention to the fact that it was Alex's credit card.
“Yeah, so that's how I knew where to find you. I caught the next flight home and drove out there just in time to see you walking and holding hands with that son of a bitch on the fucking beach. Like the two of you were in one of those goddamn resort brochures. I wanted to run up to you both right then and pound his face in but I waited. I wanted to see it all. So I followed you back to the hotel, and I watched you willingly go into the room. I wanted to die.” He lost the clarity he was speaking with as the slurring came back. “Just fucking die.”
At this point, I am openly sobbing as I listened to his recount of that night. I can imagine him getting the message, all the questions that must have run through his head as he drove out to Talbot Beach. All the times he tried to call me only to have me ignore them and finally the way he must have felt watching Justin and I all night.
“Alex,” My voice barely a whisper. “I'm so ashamed of that and everything I've done. You don't know how much I wish I could take it all back. I don't even know who that person was.”
“Why?” His soft slurred words were directed to the floor. “Just fucking tell me why?” The anger returned to his voice. As he took two steps in my direction, the front of our bodies are nearly touching. “Am I not enough for you? Does he give you want you need better than me?”
I shook my head frantically, not able to speak as I stared up at the fury and possessiveness that shined in his eyes. The muscles between my legs clenched involuntarily in response. God, that look was hot. Something is seriously wrong with me.
“When you're with me do you think of him?” Again, I shake my head immediately. I can feel my nipples harden, and my skin begin to crave his touch.
“How about right now?” He was so close to me that I could smell the liquor on his breath as it brushed across my cheek. He lowered his head next to mine as he ground his erection into my hip. “Do you want him or me?”
“You, Alex.” I answer instantly.
“I don't believe you.” He forces me all the way back until his body is crushing me to the wall. His hands pull up the hem of my t-shirt, and he slips his fingers into my panties. He lets out a low groan as he finds the warm wetness waiting there.
“Is this for me?” My only response was to grind myself into his fingers, and he moved them against my slick folds. “Does he make you feel like this?” He growls and rotates his hand as he slides two fingers inside of me. My moans become louder as he pumps his hand roughly, working me against the wall while he whispers possessive things in my ear. I'd never seen him like this before. He was always dominant in bed, but this side of him was so hot. He bites my nipple hard through my t-shirt as his two fingers swipe relentlessly at my G-spot. His thumb is making quick circles against my clit and I bite my bottom lip to keep from screaming out in pleasure. I can tell that his hand is completely soaked from my wetness based on the sounds that echo around us. Suddenly the orgasm that was quickly building takes over my body as I came the hardest I ever had, around his fingers as he slipped a third one in, stretching me and absorbing my muscle's contractions, it seemed to prolong the feeling for what seems like seconds, minutes, eternity. I had no idea as I let him hold me up while I let the feelings and sensations own my body as tears streamed down my face.
“Did you come like that for him?” Guilt broke through the post orgasmic haze as I focused my eyes on his face. The hurt and arousal taking turns flashing in his eyes. I answer his question honestly, never breaking contact.
“No.” Because it was the truth. I didn't come like this with Justin. Not even close. I've just had the most mind-blowing orgasm of my life and now it's ruined. “God, Alex. I...” before I could say anymore, he pulls my shirt over my head and grabs a hold of the sides of my panties and rips them. Yes, rips then away with one hard tug. He unzips his jeans and lets them fall to the floor as he reached down, lifted my legs around his waist and entered me in one sharp thrust.
“Can you feel this? This is me fucking you against the wall. This is my cock inside your pussy right now.” I was already trying my best to keep my head from rolling to the side in pure bliss. I reached my arms up to wrap around his neck to pull him close, as soon as our chests collide, he groaned but it wasn't with pleasure as he instantly pulled back slightly. He must have injured himself somehow when he was drunk. I tried to
unbutton the top of his shirt to look for the source of his pain, but I stopped as his thrust become more powerful. My orgasm was building once again. “Please.” I cry out as I try to connect my mouth on his. I was about to thrust my tongue inside, but he pulled away, opting to bury his face in my neck instead. I love to kiss him during sex. I wanted his tongue in my mouth while he pushed himself inside of me. Nothing could make me come faster than that. His denial of that stung, especially when he knew how much I liked it. Soon, all thought other than reaching the release my body craved was all that was important. Our combined moans and grunts were the only sounds in the darkened house. Our slick skin caused for better movements as our bodies collided over and over.
“Fucking come now and I want to hear you say the name whose cock is doing this to you.” And I did it on command. I let my body beg for his forgiveness as I released every ounce of love I felt for him, and I let it all go as his name left my lips over and over. A few more thrusts from him, then he shuttered and groaned against my neck as he poured himself into me.
We stayed joined for a moment before he pulled out and dragged his pants up. The hallway was very dark, and I couldn't see where he had thrown my shirt and my poor panties were lying in shreds next to me. I just awkwardly stood there naked, wondering what to do next.
“I fucking loved you, Court.” He eventually says in a calm and deceptively quiet voice. Loved.
Before I realize what I was doing, I had fallen to my knees and wrapped my arms around his legs.
“Please, Alex. Please.” I didn't know what exactly I was begging him for. To not leave, to still love me. To stop looking at me with hurt and hatred. I'm pretty sure it was all of the above. He lifted his head to stare up at the ceiling for a moment as if contemplating what to do next. Finally, he tugs me to my feet and takes my hand, pulling me through the house and up to our room, where he alternated between making love to me and fucking me twice more. When he did remove his shirt, there was a large bandage on the left side of his chest. When I asked him about it he shrugged it off. He was clearly not in the mood to share what happened. He cut off my questions by kissing me instead. We kissed as he moved in and out of me just the way I liked and all else outside the physical connections of Court and Alex was forgotten.
*****
The next morning, I awoke to the sounds of the girls running into the room.
“Mommy! We're hungry!” Olivia shouts.
“Can we have pancakes?” Jordyn chimes in.
I glance at the clock to see that it is nine in the morning. Alex and I had only fallen asleep at six. My muscles were deliciously sore as a result of his stellar performance last night. I looked over to see that he wasn't in bed. I sat up and looked at my phone to see if there was a message from him, but there was nothing.
“Hurry, Mama! I hungry!”
“Okay, okay. You girls go make your beds, and I'll be down in a second.” They both scurried away to do as I'd asked. I walked on shaky thighs to use the restroom and then I went to grab my robe from the closet door. That's when I noticed on the nightstand that there were papers with little red tabs attached to the side of several sheets. There was also a big yellow sticky note stuck to the front. I instantly recognized the handwriting on the note as Alex's.
Last night, I tried. I love you, but I can't do this anymore. Please sign.
It was as if everything around me was moving in slow motion. I numbly set the note aside, and I read the top of the stack of papers.
Petition for Dissolution of Marriage
Alexander P. Turner
Vs.
Courtney P. Turner.
A baseball bat to the face would have hurt less at that moment. I sank to my knees as I held the papers in one hand and my chest in the other. Is this really happening? My body began to shake violently with sobs as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Divorce? He wants a divorce? No counseling, no second chances. I always thought foolishly that I could always convince Alex to stay with me. Like I held some sort of ultimate power over his heart and that he would never willingly choose to be without me.
Now, staring down at the papers already signed by him, I knew I was wrong. So wrong.
As I lie back on the floor ready to let the emptiness and despair consume my body, I hear,
“Mama! Pancakes!” Jordyn's voice manages to pull me back to reality. That's when I decide that I have to keep it together. My girls need me. Thank God for that otherwise I didn't think I could survive this alone.
Chapter Seventeen
Past- 9 years ago.
It was a beautiful evening in July and the sun was setting. The sounds of waves crashing, and the smell of the ocean calmed my senses. I was about to marry Alex, my one and only true love.
It had been two months since he proposed. As soon as I told my mom about our engagement, she immediately got to work planning my wedding as if she’s been waiting to do it my whole life. I thought Alex and I would have a longer engagement because don't most people wait a year or something to make things official? The venue needed to be booked, caterers to decide on, and dresses to be ordered. I seemed to be the only person with this thought because when I mentioned my mom’s ideas to Alex he said:
“Baby, I’d marry you today. I don’t give a damn how it’s supposed to be done as long as you’re my wife as soon as possible.”
So, after a whirlwind of resourceful wedding planning, my mother very craftily pulled together a beautiful event at my Aunt Maggie's beach house, which was only a thirty-minute drive for everyone. I was able to find a dress in a vintage clothing shop and had a seamstress make slight alterations to create my very own one of a kind dress. Dee and Macy were my bridesmaids, and I let them choose what they wanted to wear; both opted for blue knee length dresses. Alex’s favorite color.
I was just finishing up my makeup when my mom, Macy and Dee all came into the room.
“It’s almost time, dear heart!” Mom singsongs as she crosses the room to prep my dress for me to put on. After slipping into it, I am speechless at the sight in front of me. My hair is pulled back into a bun that rests on the left side with small white and blue flowers tucked in it. I am wearing a beautiful, strapless lace dress that hugs my figure perfectly and flows in a short train behind. The gown used to have sleeves, but I had them removed and I couldn’t be happier with the results.
“Oh, Court. You look beautiful.” Dee sighs as she walks around me in a circle taking in all the details of the dress. “I can’t believe this is the same thing you showed me that day in the shop. I didn’t think it was going to work, and I tried my best to talk you out of buying it, remember?”
“Oh, I remember.” I laughed as I smoothed my hand against the material.
“I’m so glad you didn’t listen.” Dee smiles and winks.
I pulled her to stand next to me while my mom chatters and fusses over Macy’s hair.
“Can you believe that we are both going to be married women after today?” I whisper excitedly.
“I know and I’m so happy for us!” Dee answers wistfully.
Dee and Cole flew to Vegas alone and got married six months ago. Since Dee was already pregnant she didn't want to wait until her belly was showing in her wedding picture.
My eyes fell right to her large baby bump and watched her glowing face as she gently rubs a hand over it, her diamond wedding rings sparkling in the mirror as she gives me a glowing smile.
A lot can happen in a year. Cole worships the ground she walks on, and she deserves it.
“You're not just my best friend, Court, you’re my sister. I love you. Alex is an amazing guy, and I know he’ll make you happy.”
We both hug and quickly wipe away the tears before our makeup is ruined.
“Ok, it’s time to go!” I hear my mom say, and we all exit the room together; the three women in my life who give me strength escort me to my future.
My eyes immediately find his as he waits for me at the end of the path of flowers. I can see the joy, contentm
ent and love shining on his face. I’m sure my face mirrors the same. My heart feels like it’s going to explode with happiness, and it takes all I have to not sprint to Alex and throw myself in his arms.
When I finally reach him, he places my hand in his and rubs soothing circles on them with his thumbs as we face each other and recite our vows. We choose to stick with the traditional words since neither one of us wanted to go all poetic in front of everyone. Some things are for us alone. There was a slight break in his voice as he spoke his words of love to me, and a single tear rolled down his face as I repeated the same promise to him.
I wanted to smile, laugh out loud and ball my eyes out all at once.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” His lips were on mine instantly, and he stole my breath away with our first kiss as Mr. and Mrs. Alex Turner. “I love you so much.” He whispered as he pulled back to rest his forehead on mine.
“I love you, too. More than I can ever say with words.”
I was in a haze of happiness and total bliss the entire day. I couldn’t believe it was all happening and that I married my Alex.
When the song for our first dance began to play, I looked at him with a sassy grin.
“Since we’re each other’s true and all...” I shrugged playfully as the band started the beginning chords of “True” by Spandau Ballet.
“Baby, it’s perfect.” Alex smiled down at me. “From now on, this is our song.”
We held each other close and swayed to the music, letting the words fill our hearts.
This is the sound of my soul. This is the sound.
I am his and he is mine.
Forever.
Chapter Eighteen
Present.
“Mr. Turner has agreed to Mrs. Turner keeping the family home…”
I feel completely numb sitting here at the mediation table across from a blank-faced Alex as our marital assets are being discussed and divided. It has been six weeks since the morning I woke to find the divorce papers. While he has been over to see the girls and take them out for day trips, he was careful to not be alone with me. He has refused to talk to me about anything that didn’t involve the girls or household bills. I even went to his office to confront him, feeling like he couldn’t avoid me forever. I knew he would be there and I planned to make him talk to me. I have never been made to feel so foolish and unwanted in my life.
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