Redesigned

by Denise Grover Swank

  He nods, his eyes focused on mine.

  Placing my hands on his shoulders, I lower myself onto him and begin to move. He bucks his hips, pushing deeper into me.

  “Tell me what you want me to do,” I say. “Tell me how to move.”

  He begins to give me directions, and I feel myself building again, but I concentrate on Reed and his nonverbal cues as well as his verbal ones. I want to make him feel as good as he makes me feel. I want to show him how much I love him. I want to give him something for everything he’s done for me, but I have nothing. The only thing I know to give him is myself.

  I lower my mouth to his as I ride him, and I can tell he’s frustrated. I move my mouth to his ear. “You can touch me.”

  With a grunt, he grabs my waist and lifts me, turning me so my back is on the sofa. His fingers dig into my hips and he takes control. I’m climbing again, amazed I can be this close already. That this man makes me feel things I never thought possible.

  I look up into his face as I’m nearing the edge. The love and adoration in his eyes sends my flying. I cling to him as I fall, and he’s right behind me. He collapses on top of me, catching his breath. Then he turns to his side, wrapping his arms around my back and holding me to his chest.

  “I never want to lose you again,” he murmurs.

  His chest vibrates with his words, and I snuggle closer. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

  “Stay the night with me.”

  I’m tempted. I want nothing more than to stay in this man’s arms for the rest of my life, but Desiree is counting on me. “I can’t. I have to get back to work.”

  He groans.

  “Remember that field trip we took to Desiree’s? That will be all for nothing if I don’t finish her outfit in time.”

  “You have to sleep sometime.”

  “Not until very, very late.”

  He pushes up on his elbow. “I’ll come with you.”

  I shake my head. “Remember how many people were in the design studio when you were there a few nights ago? There’s twice as many now since we’re this close to the show. Plus the juniors have a big project due. We won’t have any privacy.”

  “I miss you, Caroline.”

  I kiss him softly. “I miss you too.”

  “You need to eat. Let me feed you first.”

  I lean back to study him. “You cook?”

  A mischievous grin lifts the corners of his mouth. “Do I know how to cook?” He puts a goofy emphasis on the last word.

  “In the kitchen.” I laugh, shaking my head. “How can a man as sexy as you be so socially awkward?”

  He pins me to the sofa. “Socially awkward?”

  I rise up and kiss him on the lips. “Good thing I love you, anyway.”

  Reed freezes, his smile fading. “Did you just say you love me?”

  Oh, God. I’ve known for two days that I love him. The knowledge has sunk into every pore, every cell in my body. Loving Reed has infused with my DNA, becoming part of who I am. But he didn’t know that yet.

  He’s expressionless as he waits for my answer. I hate when he puts up this defensive shield. I have no idea if he’s worried he heard me wrong or if he doesn’t feel the same way. What if my declaration scares him away?

  “I didn’t … I mean … I….” I push up against him, panic racing through my head, kicking in my fight-or-flight response. But he holds me down.

  “Caroline, I love you too.”

  I stop fighting. “You do?”

  He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “I’ve never been a love-at-first-sight kind of person, but the night I met you, I knew you were the one.”

  I cringe. “But I was so awful to you. Why would you think that?”

  He brushes a stray hair off my face. “There’s just something about you, Caroline Hunter. You make the simplest things infinitesimally better. You captivate me.”

  “Thanks for not giving up on me,” I whisper.

  “Thanks for taking a chance on me.”

  He kisses me for several minutes. Sweet, leisurely kisses. I love our passion, but I love this side of us too. I love that we’re more than hot sex.

  “I need to feed you, woman.” He gets up and pulls me to my feet.

  I leer at him. “Did you just call me woman?”

  “Would you rather I call you sweetie?”

  “God, no.”

  “What can I call you?”

  I give him a soft smile. “Yours.”

  He kisses me again, and we could do this all night, but I have work to do. “What time is Lexi coming home?”

  Reed looks at the clock. “Shit. Anytime now.”

  I chuckle. “Maybe we should get dressed before she walks in.”

  I pick up my clothes and head to the bathroom to clean up and get dressed. Once I’m ready to go back out, I check myself in the mirror, surprised at the reflection. I look so happy. I can’t remember ever being this happy. Why am I so worried it will all fall apart?

  When I go out, Lexi is sitting on a bar stool, talking to Reed. He’s cutting onions and peppers with a butcher knife on a wooden cutting board.

  I stop when I see him. “Wow. You really do cook?”

  Lexi turns to me and breaks out into a huge grin. “You have no idea. He’s amazing.”

  Reed laughs, looking down at the vegetables. “No need to sell it, Lexi. Caroline’s going to be around a lot from now on.”

  “Really?” She squeals and flies off the stool, hugging me so tight I can hardly breathe. “I knew it! You two are perfect for each other!”

  I break free and sit on the spare stool. “I’m glad two of the three of us saw it.”

  “You just had to see what a great guy Reed is.”

  She’s right. Reed is amazing. But it still doesn’t negate the fact he’s going to have student loans out the wazoo. His loans alone could pay for a comfortable home for a family of six. Add mine to the mix, and I suddenly feel nauseous. I know in my gut this will all work out. I just need the rest of me to catch up.

  I stand. “I’m going to take a rain check on dinner. I need to get to work.”

  Lexi and Reed look as if I announced that I plan to die a puppy.

  “But it won’t take long for Reed to make dinner. His spaghetti sauce is to kill for,” Lexi protests.

  “I know.” I grimace. “I’m just really nervous about getting Desiree’s outfit done in time.” And that part’s true. It’s just more than that.

  Reed watches me with a guarded look. He moves to the sink and washes his hands. “I want to drive you to campus. I don’t want you driving with your brakes in such bad shape.”

  I shake my head. “Reed, don’t. I’ll drive myself.”

  “Are you serious?” His eyes narrow as his voice rises. “You tell me you love me and finally let me tell you how much you mean to me, then you think I’ll let you drive away in a car that’s a fucking time bomb?”

  Lexi backs up in her stool, looking back and forth from Reed to me.

  “Let me tell you something, Mr. Bossy Pants.” I jab him in the chest. “Just because you deem it so, doesn’t make it so. Do I want to drive a car with bad brakes? No. But what part of I don’t have the money do you not understand?”

  His expression turns hard. “I can loan you the money.”

  “Where are you going to get the money? You’ve got hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans, and you’re only beginning your postgraduate work.”

  Lexi begins to cough.

  Reed shoots her a glare before turning back to me. “I’ll find a way.”

  “The hell you will. You already think I’m a gold-digger. I’m not going to feed that fire.”

  “God damn it, Caroline. I do not think you’re a gold-digger.”

  I put my hand on my hip in disbelief. “How can you say that? Just two days ago, you walked away from me because you thought I found a guy who had more money than you.”

  “I was a fucking idiot!”

  “Ju
st like you’re being now!” I turn around and head for the door. “I’ve got to go.”

  He grabs my arm and pulls me to his chest. His voice softens. “Don’t go this way.”

  My anger ebbs, and I melt into him. “I don’t want to.”

  He cradles my head. “I’m just worried about you. Please let me drive you. I’ll go crazy worrying about you if you drive.”

  “But then I won’t have a way to get home.”

  “I’ll pick you up.”

  “Reed … it won’t be until late, maybe three or four.”

  “Caroline, I don’t care.” He lifts my chin and looks into my eyes. “That’s what love is. Protecting and taking care of the people you love. Please, let me do this.”

  I sigh. “Okay.”

  “But you have to eat something.”

  I shake my head. “You’re relentless. Don’t get used to getting your own way.”

  He winks. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  I grin. He’s a terrible liar.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The next afternoon, I’m working in the studio and pleased with my progress. I’ve finished everything for Desiree’s outfit except for the jacket and the trim on the skirt. But it’s close enough to completion that I can have her try it on. My only problem is that Reed has effectively impounded my car. While I appreciate his concern, and agree it’s dangerous to drive, it’s extremely inconvenient.

  Around lunch time, he calls to check on me.

  “Funny you should call,” I grumble. “I’m stuck here carless, and I need to go back to the center for a fitting with Desiree.”

  He’s silent for a moment. “I can’t get away to take you.”

  “Reed, I have to go.” I sit down on my chair, staring at the pink jacket on the dressmaker form.

  “I know. What about Lexi? She’s free, and I’m sure she’d love to take you. She likes you.”

  I sigh, staring at the jacket. Something is missing on it. “I like her too.”

  “Is there a time you need to be there by?”

  I walk behind the form, trying to figure out what’s lacking. “Between three-thirty and four-thirty.”

  “I’ll have Lexi come by.”

  Around three-fifteen, Lexi shows up in the doorway, checking out the room. She’s picked a bad day to see it for the first time. Students are stressed with their approaching deadline, and patience is thin. Not that Lexi seems to notice. She wanders from station to station checking out everyone’s designs. When she reaches me, she examines the jacket. Everything is attached now. It only needs to be bedazzled and have some decorative stitching done.

  She puts her hands on her hips. “This is your best one yet.”

  I grin, surprised how important Lexi’s opinion is to me. “Thanks.” I gather the four pieces and follow Lexi to the parking lot. “Thanks for taking me. Reed is being so stubborn.”

  “He loves you. The thing you have to know about Reed is that he doesn’t do anything halfheartedly. Once he decides to do something, he’s all in.” She grins at me. “And all in with Reed means he plays mother hen. You might as well just give in and accept it now.”

  “Like you and Reed living together,” I say. “And the way he’s so careful about what you do. He’s so overprotective.”

  Lexi presses her key fob and her car chirps. “Sometimes I need the chirp to tell me where the car is.”

  Did she really get distracted from answering or did she purposely avoid answering?

  Once we’re on the road, I decide to renew my efforts. “You and Reed seem close.”

  She beams. “You have no idea. He may be four years older, but he’s always taken his role as big brother seriously. He had most of the boys in my middle school terrified to talk to me. I was never so glad for him to go off to college when I started high school.”

  “When he went to Harvard?”

  She casts a glance in my direction and smiles. “Do you think it will rain tomorrow? If it rains, it’s liable to keep people from coming to the show.”

  Lexi just changed the subject again. I’m sure of it. Why?

  “Did you go to Harvard with Reed?”

  She shifts in her seat. “No.”

  “So where did you go?”

  “A small college out east. I’m sure you never heard of it.”

  “Try me. I might.”

  She doesn’t answer.

  “Did Reed live with you last year?”

  “No.”

  “So this is your first year living together? Why did you change colleges your sophomore year?”

  She draws in a deep breath. “Caroline, you really need to talk to Reed about this.”

  “I need to talk to Reed about where you went to college?” I ask, incredulous.

  Her gaze swings to me. “Please. I want to tell you everything, but I can’t.”

  Dizziness washes through my head. What are they hiding from me? I’m done with Reed’s secret past. Tonight he’s telling me everything, whether he likes it or not.

  Lexi clears her throat. “Brandon asked me out.”

  Her abrupt change of topic takes me a couple of seconds to take in. “Really? That’s great!”

  “I told him I’d go out with him, but I haven’t told Reed. He’ll have a fit.”

  “Lexi, you’re an adult now. You’re eighteen. You can decide who you go out with. I realize you and Reed are close, but this is beyond ridiculous.” Just how controlling is Reed?

  She turns to me, her eyes pleading. “Will you help me? I want to go out with Brandon, but Reed is liable to figure out something’s going on if I don’t come home until late. Do you think you could get Reed to go to your place? Then he’ll never know I went out. Now that he sees you two as more permanent, he’s going to want you around our apartment all the time.”

  I scrunch my nose. “I don’t know, Lexi. Reed will have a fit with me for covering. I don’t want to lie to him.” We already have enough issues we’re still working on. Most importantly, his secrets.

  “I know, but he’s so scared of losing you that he’ll be more understanding if you’re a part of it.”

  I don’t understand why an eighteen-year-old girl needs permission to date. For that reason alone, I decide to help her, but she’s brought up a question. “Why is Reed so scared he’s going to lose me?”

  “Uh….” Lexi pulls into the parking lot. “You know. Because you’ve had a rocky start.”

  I don’t believe her, but she refuses to tell me more. “What if he won’t go to my place? You said yourself now that I’ve been to your apartment, Reed will want to spend more time there. He’s bound to notice you haven’t come home.”

  “Then you can distract him. I’ve seen you two together. That shouldn’t be too hard.”

  My face reddens. It’s weird to think about Lexi knowing Reed and I have sex. And not only knowing, but using it to her advantage.

  “So will you help me?”

  Against my better judgment, I nod. I have a sick feeling that I’ll regret this later.

  The children are excited to see us when we go in, Desiree most of all. As I watch her practice her walk with her outfit on, I’m grateful Desiree’s parents changed their minds. But I also ponder their reasoning for holding her back. They thought letting Desiree get a glimpse of something else, a life she might not ever have would hurt her.

  Was that the reason for some of the things my parents did? Did my mother think I had aimed too high with my dreams? Was she worried I’d come crashing down to earth? When I look at my parents’ behavior through this new lens, my perception changes.

  For the first time in three years, I want to talk to my mom and dad, but I’m running out of time. Scarlett’s right. After the fashion show is over, I need to visit my mother before she dies. Maybe Reed will agree to go with me. He deserves to meet my family and see the world I came from. And I find myself surprised that I want my parents to meet Reed.

  ***

  Hours later, I put the last jew
el on Desiree’s jacket. I’m exhausted, but I’m also incredibly proud. “That’s it.”

  I did it.

  Reed glances up from his laptop, taking off his reading glasses. It seems fitting that he sees the last piece finished, since he’s been such a big part of the creation of the designs. “I am so proud of you, Caroline. I couldn’t be more proud if I’d created them myself.”

  I lean over and give him a kiss. “Thank you. Although after all of your questions and observations, I suspect you could create your own line now.” I hang the jacket on the form and look over the completed outfit, trimming several stray threads. “Yep, I’m really done.”

  “So now what?”

  “I put all the pieces on my hanging rack, along with my accessories so it will be ready for tomorrow.” I hang Desiree’s outfit on the rack, which already holds all the other designs, and roll it to the back room. Most of the other racks are still out in the workroom, waiting for the students to finish their designs. Quite a few of them have all-nighters ahead of them.

  Yawning, I pick up my workstation. “I’m exhausted. I want to go home and go to bed.”

  “Come to my place,” Reed says, packing up his bag. “I’ll cook you dinner.”

  “Reed, it’s almost nine o’clock. You don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to.” He takes my hand in his. “Let’s get out of here before you fall asleep standing up.”

  During the drive to Reed’s apartment, I realize I’m supposed to be coercing Reed to go to my place for Lexi. But I’m too tired to make up an excuse to stay at my apartment. Maybe I can convince Reed to come to bed with me, and he’ll never notice Lexi getting in late.

  But it reminds me that we have bigger issues to address. Reed accused me of hiding my past, but his is even an bigger mystery. I decide to start with something that’s been bothering me all day. “Reed, when I told Desiree’s parents about my past, why didn’t you seem surprised?”

  He hesitates. “Because I knew.”

  “What do you mean you knew?”

  “The photo on the wall.”

  “So you guessed?”

  “No. I found out. That first day when you saw it and got upset, I wondered why. So I asked if anyone knew the names of the kids on the wall. I got the list and found your name.”