I was beginning to see as an adult how my mother was able to handle my dad all of those years.
“I feel like I’d be saying it was okay that they screwed up my life if I walk away now.”
“Then win by showing them they didn’t screw your life up, Dax. Open your shop, make it a success. Success is a fabulous fuck you to everyone who tried to hold you back.”
My mother never said the “F” word. I usually tried not to say it around her because she’d yell, “Dax! Language!” when I did. I guess she was trying to show me how serious she was. I needed her to help me or it would be years before I could earn the kind of money I needed to start this business and that was only if I could convince someone to give me a job in the first place. I knew she was right. I knew Olivia was right…I wasn’t going to drop this though until the Son of a Bitch who put me in prison and took everything from me had to look me in the eye and admit what he had done. So, I did what any bad son would do…I looked my mother directly in the eye and lied.
“Okay,” I said with a sigh. The sigh was to cover my guilty facial expression. “I’ll stop. I need to get on with my life and if that’s what I have to do then so be it.”
My mother’s face relaxed, a little bit. I knew she thought that was too easy though and she proved it by saying, “You promise?”
“I promise,” I lied again. Sometimes I despised myself.
Chapter Three
Olivia
The day after Terrance came by I drove over to the bar to see Dax. I knew it wasn’t a good idea for me to see him. The more time I spent looking at him, the less resolve I’d have to continue staying away from him. I didn’t want to call him and tell him what Terrance said over the phone. All of this shit was making me paranoid. It was also making me an insomniac. Everything Terrance had said and the scary way he had said it kept running over and over in my head. Every time I tried to close my eyes, I would hear him say Dax was going to “end up dead.” I was a mess when he went to prison. I could barely function. I didn’t think I could take it if he died…if he was murdered. The only positive was that Bull was still their leader and if they killed his son, they would have some serious consequences to pay. Even I knew that, so that was what I tried to use to keep myself calm.
When I got to the bar there were about eight of the guys and some of their groupies hanging out. I glanced around, but I didn’t see Dax and I was secretly glad. I knew it wasn’t any of my business anymore, but I really hated the thought of him being with one of those trashy girls. I saw Cookie behind the bar. He looked like he was training a couple of the skanky girls how to mix drinks. It wasn’t a hard job in a bar like this. It wasn’t like people went in there and ordered a white wine spritzer or a Cosmopolitan.
“Hey Cookie!”
“Hola Livia! Como Estas?” I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why a guy like Cookie with skills to support himself and the good sense not to be a criminal, chose to hang around this place. There was no way he didn’t know what went on behind the scenes.
“I’m good, Cookie, thank you. Have you seen Dax?”
“Yes, he’s in the back. In his room, I think.”
“Thanks Cookie,” I told him.
I got a few interesting looks from the groupies as I walked towards the back. I could always tell when I was around that they felt a little threatened by the fact that I came and went through the back. The back was where they wanted to be. Most of them didn’t even care which one of the old smelly bikers took them back there. They wanted to be old ladies. If they could get a young, good-looking one, that would be great. If not, they’d take what they could get. I didn’t think they’d be so envious of me if they knew I had no desire whatsoever to be an Old Lady and I hated that place with a growing passion. Each day that passed, I came to resent that place even more, as if it was the building that was evil rather than its inhabitants.
I hesitated in front of the brand new door that Dax must have put on the bedroom after Terrance kicked the other one down. I shuddered at the memory. When he was in the store, I couldn’t even look at him without seeing the maniac he was the night he’d broken in and shoved a gun in my face. I didn’t know if it was that thought or seeing Dax, but my hand was shaking as I lifted it to knock. Within seconds, a shirtless Dax pulled it open. He looked shocked to see me. I tried to keep my eyes trained on his face and not the ripped muscles right in front of me.
“Hi, do you have a minute?” I asked him. He stepped back so I could go in and then he closed the door, locked it and turned to look at me.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“I need to talk to you for a few minutes…”
“Oh? I got the feeling when I came to beg you to come back yesterday you had said all you’re going to say on the subject. You said that, I believe…I have nothing more to say to you.”
I knew he was hurt and when Dax was hurting, he lashed out. I tried not to take it too personally, but my emotions were all over the place lately.
I took another deep breath and then I said, “Terrace came by my uncle’s shop yesterday. At first, he acted like nothing happened and he was just stopping by to chat. Then he got all creepy and said that he wanted me to give you a message.”
“Terrance left a message with you, for me?”
The look on his face said that pissed him off too. I had heard the mumbles about Terrance being a chicken shit. It was these types of things that gave him that reputation. A real man would have gone and talked to Dax about it himself.
“Yes,” I said. “He tried to sound tough about it too. He said to back off with this revenge thing. He said he doesn’t want you to get hurt…or killed.”
“He used those exact words? Hurt or killed?” I nodded and he said, “Did he say who might be the one who would want to hurt or kill me? He wasn’t insinuating that it would be him, was he?”
“No, he made it clear that he was only telling me because he was worried for you. He didn’t say who would be the one to hurt or kill you. But he did say something about his dad being someone that no one wants to mess with and that you shouldn’t mess with him either.”
“Hmm, I wonder what Blake has to do with all of this.” He sounded like he was thinking out loud and not really talking to me. He was quiet for a second and then he looked at me and asked, “What else did he say? He didn’t threaten you in any way did he?”
“No, he didn’t threaten me. Not to hurt me anyways. He said if I didn’t tell you all of this and something happened to you that I would have blood on my hands. It’s all so ominous, like an episode of the Sopranos. That was about all he said though. I tried to get more information out of him about his dad and what the deal was there, but he wasn’t giving me any. He said he did what he had to do when it came to setting you up, but he didn’t want to see you die. He gave me some sob story about not choosing this life.”
“Maybe that was the point of all of this,” Dax said, looking thoughtful. “Maybe he’s just trying to get you back and thinks pretending to help me will help him get back in your good graces.”
“Dax, I saw his face. He wasn’t kidding and it was really about you this time and not me. Please take this seriously.”
“It’s a way out,” he said.
“What? What’s a way out?”
“If they killed me, at least I’d be out of here once and for all. They just don’t seem to want to do it otherwise.”
“Oh my God, Dax! Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that!” I was shaking all over. I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack just thinking about something happening to him. “I would die if that happened. I would curl up in a corner somewhere and die, Dax. I can’t even stand thinking about it, or you talking about it. Why are you smiling? None of this is funny!”
“Calm down, I’m only kidding.” I couldn’t understand how he could kid about dying. Sometimes I wondered if he was as twisted as the rest of them. I didn’t think any of this was remotely funny. I was so frustrated that I wanted
to hit something, so I did. I punched him in the arm and then I completely lost it. I started wailing on him. Tears began pouring down my face as I pelted his chest and arms with my fists. His body was so hard that it hurt me a lot worse than it did him, but I felt like I had finally lost my mind. I couldn’t stop.
I kept screaming at him while I punched him, “You think this is funny! It’s not funny! I would die too if anything ever happened to you! Damn you!” I continued pelting him.
I was actually relieved when Dax finally took my wrists in his hands and held them so I would stop. He got close to my face and said, “Breathe. Just breathe.”
I was still trying to fight him, not even aware of myself at this point. He wrapped me up in his big arms and pulled me against his chest. He sat down with me on the bed and held me while I continued to cry. My loud wails died down into sobs and the sobs turned into gasps for breath. Then I’d think about him dying again and the cycle would start all over.
The whole time, he rocked me back and forth in his strong arms and said, “Shhh, it’s going to be okay, Liv. Everything’s going to be okay.”
His reassurances were sweet and I loved him for it, but him being sweet and me knowing that I couldn’t stay with him if he was going to continue to live this way would make me suddenly start crying all over again. When I finally stopped, the front of his chest was soaked and my whole head was full of snot.
He kissed me on top of the head and said, “I’ll be right back.”
He went into the bathroom and when he came back, he had a box of tissues. He handed it to me and then bent down to open the mini fridge. He pulled out a bottle of water and handed that to me too. I blew my nose and took a drink of the water. He sat back down next to me and put his arm around me.
He surprised me by saying, “My mom’s going to loan me the money to open my tattoo shop. I promised her that I’d move forward with my life and drop this quest for revenge as she puts it.”
I looked up at him with surprised eyes. I wondered why he didn’t just tell me that in the first place instead of putting us both through all of this.
I finally found my voice and said, “Were you serious when you promised her that?” He leaned down and kissed my lips. I pulled back and said, “Answer me, Dax. Did you mean that?”
“Yes,” he said. “It’s tearing you and her up. I don’t want to do this to you. I don’t like seeing you like this. I’ll stop.”
I can’t even begin to describe the gamut of emotions that tore through my body at that moment. I was relieved and happy mostly, but I was still suspicious as to why he didn’t just tell me that in the first place.
“Why did you let me get so worked up?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, we were talking about what Terrance said and I hadn’t had a chance to tell you yet. Then I made a horrible joke and upset you. I’m sorry, Olivia. I’m sorry that I put you and my mother through all of this. I don’t want to see you that way again and I don’t want either of you to have to worry about me any longer.”
I stared at him, unsure of where to go from there. Unsure of whether or not he was being serious.
“Promise me, Dax,” I said, finally.
“I promise,” he said. That was what I needed to hear. He wouldn’t break a promise. I threw my arms around his neck and I began giving him kisses all over his face.
“Thank you. Thank you.”
He kissed me again and then he scooted back on the bed so that his back was against the headboard. He still had his arm around me and he pulled me up to where I could lay my head on his chest. I closed my eyes and let myself imagine Dax and I having another chance, a chance at a life that was not filled with drama and danger. I was tired from being so emotional and from beating on him the way I did. I eventually fell asleep and he held me all night.
Chapter Four
Dax
I slept off and on throughout the night. I’d wake up every so often to check on Liv and make sure she was okay. I felt really bad about making her so afraid and so emotional. I also felt really bad about lying. I wasn’t going to change my mind about this. Some things need to be resolved in life before you’re able to move forward and this was one of them. My mom and Olivia were both going to be angry when they found out I’d lied to them. But then it would be over and I would be safe. They’d be able to see that I was right. They might stay mad for a little while, but not forever, right?
Olivia had woken up early this morning before the sun had even come up. She panicked a bit when she realized she’d spent most of the night. Her uncle allowed her to come and go as she pleased since she was a grown woman. The only thing he asked of her was that she called him or sent him a text if she wasn’t coming home so that he wouldn’t worry. She hadn’t done that and she wanted to hurry and get home before he woke up. I walked her out to her car and then I lay back down for a while. I couldn’t go back to sleep though. My mind was racing as I thought about everything. My lies to my mom and Liv weighed heavily on me even though I thought I was doing what I had to do. I was also thinking a lot about what Terrance had said to Olivia…what did his father have to do with any of this?
Around six o’clock I finally got up and into the shower. I was drying off when there was a knock on my door. I thought maybe it was Liv coming back for some reason. I wrapped a towel around my waist just as whomever it was knocked again.
“I’m coming!” I yelled.
“Good, ‘cause I ain’t got all day.” It was my dad’s voice.
I opened the door and my dad looked me over. Seeing that I’d already showered, he said, “What the hell are you doing up so early?”
“Didn’t you just bang on my door, expecting me to be up?” I asked him.
“No, I expected to have to wake your ass up,” he said. “Anyways, we’re leaving in about an hour to go meet-up with your brother and some of his guys. I thought you might want to ride along.”
“Yeah, for sure. Just let me get dressed and I’ll be right out.”
I pulled on my standard white t-shirt and jeans and got out my jean vest, the only one I actually had with a Smokin’ Joker’s patch on the back. It’s what my dad liked me to wear when I rode with them so I didn’t argue with him about it. I got out my leather jacket, but I was sure once I got outside I’d change my mind. It had been warm lately.
I had leather chaps, but I only wore them when it was cold. I knew they were built more for safety than warmth but all that shit gets awfully hot and heavy on a warm day. I couldn’t remember where I put my gloves so I had to dig through piles of crap all over the room to find them. That was one of the advantages of living with my mom. Nothing was ever out of place. If you left it out of place, she’d have it put away before you went back for it.
I finally found the gloves underneath a pile of dirty laundry on the floor. I laid them on the bed with my jacket and sat down to slip on my boots. I didn’t like the kind with the laces after I heard a horror story about a guy who was riding and his laces got hung up around the kick stand. When he tried to put his foot down to stop, he couldn’t move it and it was a whole big mess. I just wore the slip on ones with thick rubber soles.
I tied the leather triangle around my neck and had to search again for my Balaclava. I had more than one, but I liked the red silk one that I got the year my mom and I went to Mexico for my fifteenth birthday. Back then, I just thought I looked cool in it. Now, it just made my helmet sit more comfortable on my head.
When I finally got out there, my dad and Blake, Terrance’s dad, were in the garage. The rest of the guys had already pulled out their bikes and were waiting. It looked like I had walked in on an intense conversation between my dad and Blake.
Terrance was outside the garage, standing next to his bike. He gave me an intense stare. I thought it was supposed to intimidate me, but I ignored it and looked back over at his dad and my dad. I got the same look from his father as he was climbing onto his bike. I was more and more convinced that Terrance’s dad had something to do
with me getting set up. I didn’t know what it was yet, but they obviously knew I was getting close to something that they didn’t want me figuring out.
My dad looked at me and said, “You ready, kid?”
“Yeah, is everything cool?” I was curious about what was going on between him and Terrance’s dad.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he said. “Let’s go.”
He went over to put on his helmet and get on his bike and I took the opportunity to check my saddle bags. They were both empty of anything that I hadn’t put there. I straddled the bike, slipped on my gloves and snapped on my helmet. I fired her up. I let her roll out of the garage and I fell into line behind the other six bikes as they slowly began to pull out onto the road one at a time. Beau’s bike had a little trailer behind it with a green tarp tied across it. They had strapped a tent down on it and it protruded enough out the side that you could see it. He had a sleeping bag strapped to the back of his seat. They were obviously props to make it look like he was going camping. I found myself hoping the toughest cop we ran across went to the academy with Barney Fife, that way he’d buy it. We turned right, away from town. We were headed towards the hills again.
It was a beautiful crisp morning. It was cold enough that I wished I had put my chaps and my face mask on before we left. I was glad I’d skipped the leather jacket. It wasn’t quite cold enough for that. I loved the ride usually, but today I had a knot of anxiety and anticipation in my stomach. We rode for an over an hour before turning off on a windy dirt road that kept going higher. This wasn’t the same place we had gone to last time and I was starting to wonder how big their business was.
When we got to the top of the hill we wound around an iron, chain link fence that led up to a big gate. The other guys stopped a ways back but Blake, my dad and Bo went on up to the fence where I could see my brother and a few of his boys waiting. I sat back with the others and watched as they unloaded four flat crates from Bo’s bike onto a similar trailer my brother brought with him. Then Brock and my dad had their heads together for a bit before my dad finally signaled us it was time to go.
Dirty SEAL (A Navy SEAL Romance) (The Maxwell Family) Page 87