Radiant Light_A Reverse Harem Romance

by Chloe Adler

  I turn a counter stool to face him and climb up, sitting next to him. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

  “Of course it is.” He swipes at his nose with the back of his hand. “My mother died giving birth to me. Because of me. Then Carter’s mother abandoned us. Because of me.”

  His hand lies on the counter and I place mine over it.

  “I didn’t understand why we’d left our stepmother’s home at first. I thought we were just having an adventure, like Rhys said, but after a couple days I just wanted to go home. I begged to, over and over. But when he wouldn’t let us, I was so mad at him. I kicked and screamed and tried to run away. I thought he was the reason we didn’t have a roof over our heads anymore, that he’d done something to get us kicked out or was making me stay.”

  It takes everything in me to keep quiet next to him, but he’s not really even talking to me anymore. He’s letting something out, something that’s been festering for a long, long time. If I react, I’ll break the spell and he won’t get all the poison out. I don’t even dare move my hand from atop his.

  Below my hand, his fist clenches. “You know, Rhys doesn’t know it, but I got away from him once. One night, early on. Thorn was off hustling. Dom was supposed to be watching us, but he had a cold or something and could barely keep his eyes open between sneezes. Rhys and Cas were wrestling and I just . . . slipped away. I ran to a convenience store a few blocks away and called Carter’s mom collect. You see, I thought she didn’t know where I was. I figured she’d welcome me back with open arms and hot chocolate and Legos. To this day, I don’t know why she accepted the call. But before I could even tell her where I was, she told me, ‘I saw you, you filthy rat. I know what you are. Don’t ever call here again,’ and hung up. I dragged my butt back to Rhys, expecting to get the thrashing of a lifetime. But he hadn’t even noticed I was gone. Not that it mattered. I had nowhere else to go.

  “I was young and stupid and I treated him like crap for ages before I finally realized he wasn’t the problem. I was. But by then it was too late. Rhys had found brothers who wouldn’t make his life a living hell.

  “I couldn’t make myself eat meat. I didn’t want to fight, I was bad at lying to people and too slow to pickpocket. I couldn’t pull my own weight. I wanted so much for them to like me, but I was nothing like them. Rhys fit in, he loved it all, but not me. Never me. I killed our mother. I got us kicked out by our stepmother. I was a burden and the problem.”

  A mournful silence stretches between us. He’s ground to a halt now. It’s all out there. But what on earth do I say to counter years of such tough defenses? “It may feel that way, but they love you.” I watch him. “I can tell, it’s in their eyes.”

  “You can’t tell what’s in their hearts. You can’t tell what’s in anyone’s heart.”

  Oh boy. But it’s not the moment to tell him that indeed I can.

  “It hurts, Iphi. In mine.” He rubs his hand over his chest.

  Maybe if I just keep repeating the truth long enough, it’ll eventually sink in. “You’re wanted here, Nolan. By all of us.”

  He shakes his head and looks back at his teacup. He looks far older than his twenty-one years. He moves his hand from underneath mine to cradle his tea and then takes a sip. Finally, he looks back at me. “The reason you chose to love my brothers is because they’re good men. Every single one of them. And I don’t blame you. I love them too. But I’m not like them. I’ve done far too much harm. I don’t deserve to be a part of this family you’ve created.”

  “Yes, you do. You do because we want you here. We love you. Your pack loves you. I know what it’s like to feel like an outsider, to feel like you’re not good enough. I’m the baby of my family too.”

  “There’s no denying my brothers are better people than me, Iphi, but the main reason . . .”

  “Yes?”

  “Is you.”

  Thorn

  It’s a good thing my claws are dug into the windowsill I’m eavesdropping from or I’d fall to the ground in shock.

  “Me?” Iphi asks.

  “You’re too good, Iphi. For my brothers, for me, for the world.”

  “What?”

  “Your light is so bright. You’re like an angel, a shooting star, the sun. You see the goodness in everything and everyone. When I’m near you I feel more unworthy than in any other time in my life.”

  Iphi’s head snaps back like she’s been slapped.

  The bottom of the stool scrapes the tile floor. “I wouldn’t change you for the world. You’re capable of great things but I’m not. I hold my brothers back. It’s time for me to slip away again.”

  She gasps. “Nolan, no. Please, can’t you stay here with us while you figure things out? Let us to show you how much you matter.”

  “I can’t sit on the sidelines of your love fest. And I refuse to watch it blow up.”

  “But where will you go?”

  Part of me is glad he’s leaving. Relieved. It’s one less wild card. I love Nolan, and we didn’t always do right by him, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is an adult and he hasn’t gotten his shit together. It’s not safe for him to be here, not for him and not for Iphi. Maybe the best thing for him would be some distance from bad memories and bad masters.

  “I don’t know.” His voice is a low growl, gruff and angry.

  Why is he getting angry at Iphi? Oh hell no. I fly around to the front of the house. I’ll bust the door down if I have to get to her. But Nolan slams the front door open and we’re practically nose to snout.

  He meets my eyes and scoffs. “Just what I figured. You all say you trust me but you really don’t. You never have. That’s okay. I don’t trust me either.”

  Iphi appears behind him. “Nolan, wait, please let’s talk about this.”

  He turns to look at her. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m wearing the amulet you gave me.” He holds it up. “I’ll be okay. I’ll call or text when I land somewhere.”

  He walks off the porch, stops at the bottom of the steps and narrows his eyes at me. “We all forgave you for what you did. Maybe some day you’ll be able to forgive me.”

  Ouch. Truth. I land on the porch railing and watch Nolan trudge off our property line and into the trees. The other men come running toward us. It was a low blow but I deserved it. Even if I were in my human form, I wouldn’t be able to argue.

  After all, I was the first in the pack to kill a man.

  “Where’s Nolan going?” Dominic is the first to reach us.

  Iphi shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

  “What?” Rhys arrives. “We have to stop him.”

  She shakes her head. “I think we have to let him go.”

  “But he just came back.” Rhys doubles over, his hands on his thighs like he’s just been gut punched.

  Caspian arrives last, takes one look at everybody’s faces and shuts up.

  “Nolan feels too broken to be a part of the family right now.” Iphi sits on the top step. “I’m sure he’ll come around. He feels left out, especially because I’m with the three of you and he’s the odd duck. Plus . . .” She rubs her palms along the wood next to her thighs. “He said something ridiculous about me being too good for him to even be friends with.”

  “That’s not ridiculous,” Caspian murmurs.

  I toss my head in agreement. The reality is that neither Nolan nor I are good enough for her. We’re both killers. Murderers. And she’s an angel, a perfect angel who can’t be our salvation. Only we can do that for ourselves. Nolan, the fourteen-year-old boy I couldn’t protect when I was twenty-five. My responsibility. And now the twenty-one-year-old man I still can’t protect.

  Iphi turns toward Cas. “I’m no better than anyone. I just have a unique perspective on things.”

  “She can see everyone’s side,” says Dominic, and Iphi shoots him a look.

  “Right.” Rhys straightens. “And you know this because you know her so well. Better than me and Cas.”

  �
��Obviously,” Caspian adds.

  “Wait, what?” Dominic rears back. “No, that’s not what I meant at all.”

  “I can’t do this.” Rhys runs his hands through his hair, most of it just falling back in his face, but he doesn’t notice.

  “Can’t do what?” Iphi rushes to his side.

  “It’s different with Cas. You, me and Caspian. We work.”

  “I knew it.” Dom stalks away.

  “Dom, wait!” Iphi flies off the porch and runs after him.

  She’s not a prize, brothers, I want to scream. She’s not a bone to be fought over. She has a heart big enough to share with all of them. What I wouldn’t give to be a part of that, even if it meant sharing her. Hell, I’d be proud to share her. With my brothers, my pack. She’s too much for just one of us. She needs us all. Can’t they see that? Rhys can teach her to protect herself and stand strong against anyone who’d use her. Caspian can coax her out of her shell by showing her the world through his eyes. Dominic can show her how to love every piece of herself the way we all do. And to each one of them she imparts a little piece of herself too, something that she doesn’t share with the others. Idiots, the lot of them. Throwing away the best thing that’s ever come their way because they talk and talk without listening to each other.

  Caspian looks at Rhys. “We’re the odd men out now. Give the girl what she asks for . . .”

  Pussies. Crying over nothing. At least she still wants you both!

  “Hey, man,” Rhys says, “it was our choice. You can stay in the game, I know she wants that.”

  Caspian smiles, a hard, sad thing full of teeth. “It’s hard not to give her everything she wants.”

  “Crazy hard.” Rhys drops to the porch steps and puts his head in his hands.

  Drama queens. I snort. Why hide my disgust?

  Caspian looks at me and I shake my head.

  He nods, apparently misunderstanding my snort. “She shouldn’t stay here. It’ll be too hard for the three of us, and who knows where Nolan went, and then the ghouls and that demon thing . . .”

  Nolan. Still my responsibility. I can’t bang any sense into these idiots, but they’re not the only ones in trouble. I couldn’t help Nolan then; I chose the pack’s safety first. But now I get a do-over. I lift off from the banister and spiral over their heads.

  “Thorn.” Rhys looks up. “You’ll keep an eye on him?”

  They care too. They know he needs saving. I shoot out a ball of flame and hightail it in the direction Nolan stalked off. If they have to duck to save their eyebrows, well, no one can say they don’t deserve it.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Iphigenia

  “Thorn!” I turn to Dom. “Where is he going?”

  He shakes his head. “No idea.”

  We’re on our way back to the others. I know Dom doesn’t want to but he does it for me.

  “Is Thorn going to hurt Nolan?” I ask Rhys and Cas, who are waiting on Caspian’s porch.

  Rhys shakes his head. “No, he’s going to keep an eye on him.”

  That’s a relief. And a good idea. At the very least maybe it’ll prove to Nolan that they do consider him part of their family. I reach out my hand to grab Rhys’s but he pulls away. “What’s going on? Did something else happen?”

  He looks away.

  Caspian just shakes his head. “Rhys and I can’t share you with Dominic, Iphigenia. At least not right now.”

  I look between them, blinking rapidly and chewing on my bottom lip. I will not cry right now.

  “We’re sorry, sweetheart. We just can’t,” Rhys adds.

  Dominic looks at each of his brothers, his jaw set and his lips forming a tight line. “I love her too, guys, but if this is going to tear us apart, I’ll step away.” He holds his hands up. “She was yours first.”

  “Hey, hey, hey, boys.” I cross my arms over my chest. “I’m not a toy you won at a fair. I get to be included in the decision-making process too, don’t I?”

  “Of course you do,” Dominic says, then bends to kiss my forehead. Rhys flinches. “What do you want?”

  I open my hands at my sides and raise them. “I want all three of you.”

  “And each one of us wants you. No question there,” says Caspian.

  “But sharing you changes everything,” says Rhys.

  Dominic nods, the movement jerky and stiff. “I get it. I’m the intruder here. You’ve worked out your sharing dynamics with women before. You feel comfortable and safe. You each know where you stand.”

  I make a sound in the back of my throat.

  “It’s true,” Dominic says and then turns to me. “Keeping our pack together has to come first for me, even before my own happiness.”

  Of course it would be Dom stepping aside, taking the hit. I get it too. Wouldn’t I do the same for my sisters if I had to? No question. As a matter of fact, I have sacrificed my happiness for theirs and for my mother for my entire life. Please, Goddess, don’t make me do it again. “I understand.”

  This time Rhys reaches for one of my hands and Caspian reaches for my other.

  “Great, we’re both good with our original arrangement then,” Rhys says.

  I pull my hands back gently. “This is my decision too.”

  “And?” Caspian asks.

  Here goes everything. “And, as it stands right now, if I can’t have all three of you, I don’t want any of you.” My voice is soft, but clear.

  “What?” Rhys cocks his head and Caspian takes a step forward.

  “I’m in love with all three of you. I want to experience all three of you, intimately. Maybe that makes me selfish.” For the first time in my life. I look at each of my guys in turn. “If you’re not all right with sharing me . . .” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I’d like to take a break from this.”

  “This?” Rhys’s voice rises an octave.

  “Us.” This is not what I want. My middle name should have been Sacrifice, not Diantha. Divine flower indeed. More like a flower torn from its roots and thrown into a mad, churning ocean. “Can one of you take me back to my mom’s now?”

  The men exchange looks in some sort of silent communion.

  “We’ll all go,” says Dominic.

  We walk to his car in silence. I try to get in the back but Rhys shakes his head and holds the front passenger door open for me. I climb in and he and Cas get into the back.

  No one talks during the drive. What’s left to say?

  Everything outside the window passes in a blur, like when I unfocus my eyes and the entire world goes soft. It’s a mad rush of greens and blues, a landscape that usually has my heart soaring, but tonight it lacks all its usual luster.

  When we pull up in front of Aurelia’s, all three of them get out of the car and escort me to the front door. Like old cats at a mall pet store, sadness just pours off of them. But I can’t get past my own grief to tend to theirs.

  I use my key but as soon as the deadbolt turns, my mother opens the door and glares at all four of us.

  “What’s this?” She puts her hands on her hips.

  “Mom, you remember Dominic, Rhys and Caspian?”

  She sniffs. “Of course I remember them. What are they doing here?”

  “They drove me home.”

  “Well, thank you for driving my daughter home. You can all leave. Now.” She places a hand on my back and nudges me inside.

  I follow her, not bothering to turn back and look at them. What’s the point? Aurelia slams the door.

  “Where were you, young lady?” She stands in the foyer, crossing her arms over her stomach.

  “I was with the guys. It was perfectly safe.” I refuse to justify my night away any further. It may have been a horrible mistake that ended everything, but it was my mistake to make. Armageddon mewls at my feet and I pick him up, draping his enormous bulk over one arm.

  “That’s not what I heard.”

  “What did you hear?” Army starts to purr as I stroke his dark fur.

  “I
heard you were at the police station.”

  Oh, that. “Yesterday, yes I was, just to make sure the ghouls who attacked me were properly incarcerated.”

  “Well I don’t like it, Iphigenia Diantha Holt.”

  “You don’t like what, Mama?” Army squirms and I put him down.

  “Any of it. I don’t like you going to the police station without me, it’s too dangerous.”

  “The guys were with me.” The cat winds his way around my legs, pushing his head into them. Do I dare tell her that I cast the protection spell on the fly, creating an entire ward over the station without any physical anchors or a magic circle and freeing the subjugated ghouls? Of course, then I’d have admit it took so much out of me it knocked me bloody and unconscious. Probably best not to say anything; she may refuse to help me further.

  “I don’t like that either! I do not like you spending the night with three single men. It’s not proper. What will people think!”

  “Most people are too busy worrying about their own dramas.”

  “Excuse me? What is wrong with you, young lady?”

  I suck in a deep breath of air and let it out slowly. I need her right now. Thorn needs her. The town needs a full ward. I need a new amulet, because who knows how long this ward spell will last? My mother needs at least one daughter in her life. It’s up to me to make nice. To put my own loss aside and refocus on them. Per usual. “Nothing, I’m sorry.”

  She narrows her eyes at me. “Tell me the truth, Iphigenia. Are you intimately involved with any of those men?”

  I shake my head. Not anymore. “No, Mama, I’m not.”

  “I will make a truth serum spell and if you’re lying . . .”

  Catching her gaze, I look directly into her one sea-blue eye. “I’m not.”

  “I hope not. For your sake!”

  “Mama!”

  “One more thing, darling.” The way she draws out the last word I know it’s not going to be good.