by A. C. Wilson
“I think I frightened you and for that I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Lena sighed, fighting the crumbling of the wall she thought she had built well this time. One look into those brown eyes had sent bricks flying.
“I wish I knew what happened, Lena.” Declan let out a frustrated sound, his hand pushing into his hair. “We were having such a great time and I thought we were really going somewhere.” He rubbed his neck. “If I had known that mentioning marriage was going to chase you away, I would have done it differently.”
Lena felt like she might be drowning and in a way, she was losing her grasp on everything that had pushed her to succeed.
“I think maybe you were putting more on our friendship than what was really there.” Her words felt like a sharp knife to her gut, but she kept her voice even.
“I don’t think that’s true at all. I know you felt something for me.” Declan’s torture was all too visible as she watched him. Her insides waring against each other, one for him and the other for self-preservation.
“I’m sorry.” Lena hushed whisper burst into the quiet room. She shook her head to try and dismiss him. Declan needed to leave before she broke down or he would stay because he felt sorry for her. She couldn’t bear that.
“No, you can’t just say you are sorry and walk away. This is not how this ends.” Declan moved quickly from the couch and took hold of her arm just above the elbow. Lena winced. It was the mistake he was waiting to see. He loosened his hold, but didn’t let go. Hard brown eyes searched her face, but she couldn’t bring her eyes up to his. He would see too much.
Declan used his other hand to slide her sleeve up so that he could see her arm. Lena could feel what he was seeing. Her skin was already bruising from Chance’s brutal hold at the bar. Declan had only reminded her that some men left physical marks while others left emotional ones. She almost preferred the physical, she thought.
“Son of a bitch! It isn’t too late to press charges, Lena. There are enough witnesses to send that bastard to jail.” Declan ground out as his eyes memorized the finger marks on her skin.
“No.” She shook her head, slowly pulling her arm from his grasp. Declan looked fit to be tied.
“Damn it, Lena, don’t be stubborn!” If Declan thought bullying her would change her mind, then he had a rude awakening coming. She grit her teeth and moved away from him.
“Thank you for tonight, but you need to leave.” Her voice trembled as did the finger that pointed resolutely to the door. He stared at her as if she might remotely be joking, but he soon understand she wasn’t. He growled under his breath as he walked to the front door. Declan hesitated with his back to her and Lena felt her lip start to wobble. The tears were coming and the surge wasn’t going to be detained for long.
“This isn’t over.” Declan said finally over his shoulder. His hand opened the door and he swung it wide.
“Yes…” Lena couldn’t continue. The sight of him leaving was boring a hole inside of her that might never be fixed. It was too late to wonder if she had denied or agreed with his assumption of their relationship.
CHAPTER FIVE
Declan tossed and turned in his bed for what seemed like most of the night. Finally he moved from the bedroom to his living room where he stretched out on the couch. It was a bad idea and as soon as he switched on the television, sleep became even more elusive. Of course, the late night infomercials should have bored him to sleep, but his mind still raced through his interaction with Lena in her tiny apartment.
Declan ran his hand over his scalp, scratching his head in irate frustration. Nothing made any sense and the more he tried to put it altogether, the further Lena drifted. Hell, if he didn’t know better he might think she was running from him. Laying on his back and looking up at the ceiling where shadows and light danced around, Declan was once again reminded that often a fist full of sand acted in much the same way. If his fist tightened, then the sand would eventually be pushed out of any space available, but if he were to relax his grip, it would stay.
Working at the therapy center had given him great insight on patience and repetition. The cycle would allow both horse and veteran to trust each other, which was ideally important to communication. If one party or another wasn’t receptive to the process, the communication breaks down and trust goes out the window. Suddenly horse or human is working solely for themselves, thus the whole therapy is a wash. Declan felt like this was how things were going for Lena and himself. He was as much to blame as she was. No side was trusting and so their communication had broken down until Lena was pushing him away. She was fighting for her own needs and wants now.
Needs and wants that don’t include you.
Declan hated how ugly that sounded. All he had ever wanted was to center his own life and live as happily as he could. Some days were better than others, of course. Most people experienced similar events, such was life. He sighed, throwing his arms over his forehead and kicking a throw pillow off the couch. A year or two ago, he might have settled for quietly living in a small town with or without a significant other, but it rubbed him raw today. After having been included and greeted as a community member of Hot Springs, now a counselor at the Johnson Therapy Center, and accepted into the wonderful world of the Johnson family, Declan wanted more. He wanted a family of his own. He wanted a wife and children. He wanted to build a legacy for the future.
With Lena McCoy.
Declan closed his eyes trying to calm his beating heart. His thoughts drifted back to the first time he met Lena. She was shopping at the local grocery store with a small basket off her arm. Declan had only been in town for a couple of weeks and had snagged a job from Matt Johnson that very day. He was celebrating by buying permanent staples.
Flour. Sugar. Baking Soda. Baking Powder.
All those things you only buy when you are actually going to be staying in one place for longer than a month. He was so energized and ready to take on the world at least during the day. He tried not to think about the night time hours.
“Oh, excuse me!” Lena looked so adorable all blushing and embarrassed for almost running into him. Her basket nearly fell of her arm and Declan reached out to steady it.
“No, it’s my fault entirely.” Declan had said, his voice forced past his throat that didn’t want to work. His eyes locked onto the prettiest doe eyes he had ever had the pleasure to fall into. Those depths welled like liquid chocolate and he was so mesmerized that he forgot he was holding onto her basket.
Her full lips had twitched. She looked unsure if she would be encouraging this stranger with a smile, but it was like she couldn’t help it. The grace and beauty on the inside of her blossomed before him.
“You have my basket.” She looked down where his hand gripped the colored plastic. The smile still taunted her lips and Declan had this insane insistent need to press his lips to hers. She cleared her throat and looked back down to his hand.
“I’m so sorry.” Declan released her basket, but not before looking down at the contents. “That’s a whole lot of lemons.”
The pretty woman looked down at the bright yellow fruit in her basket and nodded. “Yes, well, they are useful.” She said and Declan tipped his head to the side.
“They are also sour.” He wanted to deck himself for such a blatant observation. Clearly his prowess with the opposite sex was a fantasy. She had only chuckled and selected a fruit from the group. Her bright red finger nail polish was striking against the yellow. Declan decided that day that nail polish was a definite turn on.
“I don’t mind sour. I can handle it.” A softness touched her eyes that made him wonder why she would say that. She took a step to go around him.
“Lemonade?” Declan asked, seeing the bag of sugar in her basket. He was grasping for something to talk to her about. She was going to leave him without as much as a name if he quit talking.
“Yes. A little sweet cuts down the sour, but too much sweet takes away the refreshment on a hot
day.”
“I can’t say as I’ve ever had good lemonade before.” Declan offered, unable to think of a time he had actually had lemonade, but he knew he had. It took a pretty girl to make his brain go to mush. His Army buddies would laugh if they knew.
“You’ll have to stop by The Well. I make it for them.” She smiled and turned back in the direction she was heading before their untimely or should he say timely encounter. Declan reached his arm out as if to stop her.
“Wait! What’s your name?” He had to know. She couldn’t walk away from him and leave him wondering just who this charming woman was. She stopped, tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Her brown eyes were soft and kind as she looked back at him.
“Lena McCoy.” She offered him a small smile, almost non-existent and made her way around to the next aisle. Declan had stood there for another couple of minutes rolling her name around in his head. He tested the weight on his tongue and loved the melodic quality the name had. It was only when an older woman pushed her cart by him that Declan realized he was smiling like an idiot. He might have even felt like one for a minute when his mind could be pried from the tantalizing meeting with Lena McCoy.
It was that evening while having a meal with Matt Johnson and his wife Andy that he even brought up her name. If anyone might know who the woman was it was bound to be a family that had been here for a long time. Matt handed the plate with steaming ears of corn on it to him. Andy smiled as she set the baked potatoes in the center of the table.
“Do you know a woman by the name of Lena McCoy?” Declan’s question brought the table to a halt and Andy’s mouth clamped shut. Matt’s eyes widened, but he did nod in answer.
“I do know Lena. Where did you meet her?”
Declan wondered why that sounded like a loaded question. Maybe it was the tension in the room after he had mentioned her name or the surprised look that came over Andy’s face. He really wasn’t sure, but he wanted to know.
“We met at the store.” Declan was careful with his observations. He was going to tread carefully. “She seems very sweet.”
“Lena can be very friendly when she wants to be.” Andy added, mashing her potato with more force than it seemed necessary.
“I don’t understand. Is there something I don’t know?” Declan asked, busying himself with his ribs on his plate. He was almost afraid to look up. He admired this couple a great deal and he was proud of their friendship.
The room was quiet before Matt answered.
“Lena was involved with my brother, Garrett. They were high school sweethearts and he proposed to her right after graduation. She turned him down and turned him into a wreck.” Matt offered the explanation carefully and without a great deal of emotion. It was more Garrett’s story to tell anyway. Declan knew things didn’t work out with some people, because it wasn’t meant to be. He wasn’t overly upset by the story.
“Garrett was a heart breaker for many years until he found Rayne. Lena did try to make a play for him right after Rayne and he got together. It didn’t endear her to anyone.” Andy set her fork to the side of her plate.
Lena McCoy wasn’t exactly an angel, but she was hardly the first woman to turn down a marriage proposal. Declan gave her props for knowing her own mind that early in life.
“As much as I remember about Lena, she was a nice girl. She comes from a wealthy ranching family. She’s always been admired by the men around here.” Matt clearly thought that the latter spoke for itself. Declan knew what he meant.
“She is very pretty.” Declan nodded in agreement.
“Just be careful. She’s a local favorite and to anyone looking to get close to her, that’s trouble.” Andy was warning him. He had sat quiet after that, rolling their words over in his head and trying to reconcile them against the woman he had met. Declan knew he was very seldom wrong in his judgment of people. His intuition gave him hope that maybe the things said about Lena McCoy were hearsay with little factual base.
“Thank you for telling me.” Declan had said to both Andy and Matt. Their words hadn’t warned him off. He believed in giving a person time to reveal themselves. Their true nature usually came to the surface and if Lena was as tainted as they said, Declan was sure he would know soon enough.
Two days later he had made it a point to walk into The Well and ask for the lemonade. He waited at the bar while a couple of waitresses hurried around taking orders and dropping off food. Of course being the only pub style food in town, Declan had been to The Well, but it was the first time he actually looked for anyone he might know.
Perhaps a petite blonde with a sexy smile?
His thoughts taunted him of Lena at the store just days ago. She had woven her spell and gotten under his skin. There was no leaving this alone, despite Matt and Andy’s careful and pointed warnings. Declan smiled at the bartender as he sat down a tall glass of lemonade. It was a fascinating shade of yellow and as he lifted the glass to his lips, Declan opened up to the possibility that sometimes sour with a little bit of sweet could be refreshing. His taste buds tingled as the cool liquid rushed over his tongue. It slid down his throat and a slight sour tingle tickled his jaw.
Declan smiled and sat the glass back on the bar top.
“What do you think?” The bartender asked with a friendly smile.
“It’s really good.” Declan nodded.
“Best in town.” The bartender thumped the wood top with his fist and moved down the aisle to other customers. Declan could only grin and wonder when he would see Lena McCoy again.
CHAPTER SIX
Lena’s head felt like it might split open with the force of the knocking. Being that she hadn’t succumbed to sleep until a couple of hours ago, she wasn’t in a mood to dodge the bullet. She looked at her bedside clock and grimaced. Two hours of sleep was all she was allotted? Growling lowly, she flung the covers back and grabbed her old cotton robe. It was comfortable and it was all she cared about at the moment, besides chasing off whomever thought it a good idea to pound on her door at seven in the morning.
Flipping the deadbolt, turning the handle, Lena gave the best frozen glare she could as she swung the door open. She felt all her humanity slide behind a truly frosty veneer and her hand tightened on the door.
“That’s a fine greeting for your father.” Max McCoy stood there, offering up the same hooded eyes and flat expression. Lena fought to give anything away. She didn’t want him here and the last time they had spoken, she thought she had made that perfectly clear.
“What are you doing here?” Lena unlocked her jaw long enough to grit the question out. She was in the right mood for a fight and if that’s why Max McCoy had come, then he wouldn’t be disappointed. At least in that, she thought.
“Your phone was disconnected. I have no way of reaching you, Lena.” He said her name like she was a child. It grated on her nerves. He knew it did and used it for the same reason.
“You can write. Obviously you know where I live, so…” Lena trailed on, not budging from the doorway. It made him straighten his six foot three body and his chin raised in defiance. They were opposites in most ways, but she got his temper. She was tired of suppressing it and allowing everyone, including him to walk all over her.
“I’m your father, damn it, and I expect to be treated with respect. Now allow me to enter so that we may not have this conversation out here where others may hear.” Max squinted his eyes, but his jaw relaxed. Lena shook her head. If she let him inside, he would stay for however long he wanted. She had fallen for that too many times.
“I have no secrets. I’m sure my neighbors would love to hear juicy McCoy family tidbits.” She kept eye contact. Now Max McCoy didn’t mind secrets. He knew everyone had them and his family had them too. What he hated was the fact that secrets often became public knowledge and worse yet, people flaunted them! Some wore them like badges of honor and Lena was one of them or had been one of them.
“That’s just like you, isn’t it? You take pride in destro
ying your family’s good name.” Max jerked his head to the side and gripped his leather belt between his hands. The typical stance of a defensive and nearly forgotten man. Lena didn’t care. Her days of being sick with worry and anxiety were over, or nearly so.
“Go ahead. Say your piece and then go away. I’m doing just fine on my own.” Lena spat at him, hoping he saw the force of her words in her eyes. She was weak and angry today. It could be exploited to his advantage if Max knew why.
“I was talking to Bobby on the phone last night. I could tell that something isn’t right and I got it out of him at the end. He misses you, Lena. Bobby needs you back.”
Breath hissed through her teeth as she sucked it into her lungs. She knew her father and ex-husband still communicated. Hell, Bobby Cruz was the son that Max had always wanted and for a while, Lena was the treasure that had landed such an ambitious man. Bobby Cruz was just a circuit cowboy when they had met her senior year of high school. Now he was the bull rider that was charted to be the next World Champion. It was all rather glamorous on the outside. The inside was like living in hell.
“There’s no need to speak to Bobby about me or vice versa. It was over the day the divorce decree came through.”
“In his mind, you are still his wife.” Max pushed, his cheek muscle ticking with irritation. Lena shook her head and tightened her grip on the door.
“Like hell he does! You should have asked him if he meant “in sickness and in health”. I know he didn’t and if you aren’t quite clear on the subject, Bobby filed for divorce, not me.” Lena felt her heart rate shoot through the roof and her body temperature was rising too. If her hand wouldn’t have been so tight on the door, it would have been shaking with rage.
“He’s only a young man, Lena. Young people make mistakes and Bobby knows what he did wrong. Now that you are better the why of it should be a moot point.”