by A. C. Wilson
“It sounds like Lena was the lucky one there. She beat it and got rid of a man who didn’t love her for herself.” Blake’s matter-of-fact personality never failed to hit the nail on the head. He could cut straight to the heart of the matter without wading through the crap.
“I’m the lucky one, Blake.” Declan shook his head and speared the pitchfork into the loose hay. “I never thought I would find someone who could look passed the scars and actually see me. She loves me, I know she does. I just have no idea how to make her safe.”
Blake threw another load of hay into the round feeder. His face full of consideration and the lines in his forehead said he was truly thinking. Declan dug into the hay and threw two more loads over before his friend spoke.
“Safety is a myth as far as I can tell.” Blake leaned onto his wooden handle and looked squarely at Declan. “It is the least amount of risk compared to everything else in someone’s life. Men like us, Declan we don’t live for safety. We live to live, because we know what it is die.” Blake took a deep breath and expelled it loudly into the open. “You are going to have to make Lena want you despite the fear of something bad happening.”
Declan weighed the words and they were heavy. The truth that hung from them was hard won in a place that was all too familiar to Declan. Some might say that Blake Phails is part philosopher and the other part poet. To Declan, his friend is so much more than what meets the eye.
“How do I do that?” Declan hadn’t a clue where to start making Lena want him against all odds that she might not. Blake smiled and took ahold of his pitchfork handle again.
“You’re going back to war, buddy. Romance is your mission and honesty is your gift to her.” Blake laughed at Declan’s wide eyes and worried face. “Shall we ask my old man for help on this one?”
“I don’t want to intrude on your father. I thought he was supposed to be retired anyway.” Declan raked up the last of the loose hay and put the pitchfork up against the barn wall.
“Eh…we won’t intrude. I’ll just ask his opinion.” Blake took out his cell phone from his pocket and grinned like the very ornery man he was. Declan shook his head and looked away. He didn’t have any better ideas, so this was going to have to work. “Hey Dad, I have a question. If a guy wanted to do something really romantic for a girl in a forever kind of way, what would you recommend?”
Declan couldn’t watch, but turning away didn’t keep him from hearing Blake’s mumbled responses and chuckles. His own imagination had him fearing the worst. Maybe they would send him on a wild goose chase for the golden egg or make him smoke some sort of herb for guidance. He couldn’t help but smile at the silly thoughts. Being in love did strange things to a man, because he wasn’t so sure he would say no if someone told him to do it.
“Good news!” Blake chuckled as he slipped his phone into his pocket and met Declan’s wary eyes. “Roughlock Falls.”
Declan tipped his head trying to make heads or tails of just what Blake was speaking of. “Roughlock Falls?”
Blake nodded and gave a half shrug. “I haven’t been here that long either, but Dad says you go up to Spearfish Canyon and then on to Roughlock Falls. Apparently this is the perfect time for a quiet retreat to the waterfalls when visitors are unlikely to intrude.” Blake wiggled his eyebrows and Declan shook his head, despite grinning like a lunatic.
“I haven’t really ventured outside Hot Springs. I have heard that Spearfish Canyon is a beautiful stretch of highway.” Declan rolled the plan around in his head, getting some sort of footing to start the play. He wondered if Lena had been there before. Likely she had since she grew up here, but part of him wished for it to be their first times together. He liked being outdoors. It was refreshing, recharging, and utterly open.
“You could take a picnic up there. Champagne. Strawberries. Chocolate.” Blake was having too much fun with this. His blue eyes fairly sparkled with mischief.
“You’re trying to get me into trouble, man. Some friend you are!” Declan tried to sound stern, but he couldn’t hold back the laughter. They both laughed, long and loud. It felt good—a release of sorts.
“No, I’m trying to get you what you want and Lena McCoy is what you want. If it happens to get a ring on your finger too, well, I’ve done my job the best way I know how.” Blake took off his leather gloves and tucked them into his back pocket. The weather was still cool, but spring was coming with a vengeance. Declan needed springtime to come. He wanted to clear the way with a clean slate and what better time than when everything renewed itself.
“I don’t know that we are closer to her accepting a future with me.” Declan blurted out the one remaining dark spot in the back of his mind. Blake leaned his forearms against the wooden fence rail. They stood there watching the horses graze the short grass.
“How long has it been since you found out her secrets, her insecurities?” Blake asked, his voice soft and thoughtful.
“Two months, give or take. I’ve done everything I know how to do, but she doesn’t give me an inch without taking it back. It is like she’s struggling to give herself permission to love again. Almost like she expects me to fail her and so it would just be better not to give in at all.” Declan was nearly certain that’s what Lena was doing. He had seen self-sabotage before and hers looked like a classic case.
“We have all done our fair share of pushing people away. It’s a protection mechanism, misguided maybe.” Blake shifted his stance. “You know I wanted Bailey to trust me, but I didn’t want to share my pain with her. Once I did it created a whole new bridge and because I gave that part of myself to her, I trusted her too.”
Declan had watched Blake and Bailey push and pull in tandem. They had to shift and move in order to create a place they both could feel comfortable. He wanted that as well. Of course he had been hiding his own evils while trying to deal with Lena’s house of haunted ills. Maybe it was time to show her his own and see if it opened a new door. Of course devil’s advocate said that she could just as easily slam their current door closed forever.
“Maybe it is time, but you know as well as I do that some things are never said. Some images should never be shared, because even I don’t want to see them echoing in my head.” Declan grinned, but it wasn’t in good humor. It neared more a grimace without the disgust. “I’m better at holding it all inside and searching out problems elsewhere to fix.”
Blake nodded, knowing and understanding it well. “You are a strong and intelligent man, Declan Marcos. Give Lena the chance to lift you up just as you wish to do for her. Perhaps both of you together can be stronger than when you were alone.”
“Battle buddy?” Declan asked, his troubles blurring his vision. Blake nodded, answering more loudly than with words. He gripped Declan’s shoulder and turned them both towards the parking lot. They made it to their trucks when Declan’s phone started to ring in his pocket. He fished it out and looked at the screen. He smiled.
“Hey there.” His voice softened as he waited to hear the voice he never tired of.
“Are you still at the center?” Lena’s voice sounded thin and stressed. He was instantly on alert.
“Just about to leave.”
“I’m almost off shift. Would you swing by and pick me up?” Lena never asked him to pick her up from work. She would always meet him at her apartment or she would come to his house.
“Of course. I’ll be right there.” Declan had no more said the words then the call ended. Anxiety tightened his chest and he tucked his phone away. “Something’s up. I gotta go.”
Blake nodded. “Want me to come?” His friend’s concern was appreciated. Declan shook his head. “Let me know if you need me.”
“Thanks.” Declan got into his truck and turned the ignition. He was on his way to town and a million scenarios were running riot through his brain. Of course there was no reason to worry until he had a reason, but it was there nonetheless.
Pulling up outside of The Well, Declan drummed his thumbs on the steering w
heel and wondered if he should call Lena to tell her that he had arrived. He blew out a breath hoping some of the anxiousness would go with it, but the moment he saw her all breathing stopped. Declan didn’t even bother to turn off the engine before he swung open his door and rushed around the front of the truck.
“What happened?” Declan wasn’t aware of anything but clutching Lena’s upper arms and looking at her in horror.
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” She looked like she was in a daze. The front of her white shirt was marred with blood. Anger, blind, crazy anger nearly consumed him as he felt her tremble in his embrace.
“Are you hurt?” Words ground out through his teeth as his jaw refused to move properly. Lena shook her head against his chest. She tried to snuggle closer to him and her body still shook. He leaned back and struggled to get his coat off. One token protest fell from her lips in a whisper, but she accepted his dressing her like a child.
“He came to see me.” Lena’s words cracked and Declan tried to stay quiet. She was walking him through this one agonizingly, snail speed at a time. “Bobby came to see me to tell me that he wanted to be a family again.”
Declan processed the scum bag ex-husband coming to see Lena at work. The man definitely had some nerve. “Is that his blood on you?”
Lena shook her head. “Chance was trying to feel me up and Bobby pushed him. They started fighting and Bobby broke Chance’s nose.” Lena looked sick at the thought. Declan had seen broken noses before. They could really bleed a lot.
“Did the cops come then?” Declan asked, hoping this time Lena would press charges and put the boot to that Chance character. He better hope Declan never saw him alone.
“After Bobby told me that I was the slut he always thought I was.” Lena’s voice sounded raw and Declan hated that she was in pain. The label she had allowed the town to paste onto her with some self-encouragement no longer fit. It was a wound that would take time to heal just as it took time to create.
“Let me take you home.” Declan needed somewhere other than the street to tend to Lena. She didn’t say anything but moved forward when prompted. Safely tucked into the interior of his truck, Declan climbed inside and drove them to her apartment.
CHAPTER NINE
Lena’s heart rattled her rib cage as it beat with anxiety and grief. It was probably a stupid thing to be grieving a marriage that wasn’t what it should have been. She wasn’t sure until recently if she loved Bobby Cruz and now she was certain that she didn’t. It wasn’t real love that had ensnared her in the horrible web that had the gall to be called marriage. Seeing Bobby again had lifted a veil, the last of the rose color that existed in her past.
“How much did it bother you that your ex-husband thinks you were fooling around on him?” Declan’s question was precisely to the point. He had talent for cutting through the bull.
Lena sighed and closed her eyes, her head cradled in his lap as she lay on the couch. She was all too aware of his hand resting just below her breast. “In a way it was the first time it didn’t hurt to know that someone thought that I play the field and in another way, I hate that I can’t see our marriage as anything other than an anger-filled sore.”
“I can understand that.” Declan nodded his head, his voice quiet and thoughtful. “It bothered you to see them fighting over you, didn’t it?”
As always, he hit the nail on the head. The moment Chance had grabbed her backside and Bobby had confronted him, she knew something was going to happen. Neither man had the temperament to back down. Words were shared and then Bobby had lashed out, one hard fist to Chance’s nose and it was over. Lena had been too close and blood had spurted onto her shirt. She was so shocked that she could only tremble with the emotions coursing through her body.
“I certainly didn’t see that coming. Although Chance deserved it.” Lena smiled before biting her lip. She didn’t like to be cruel. Declan moved his hand towards the middle of her stomach and left it there. Lena was trying to figure out whether it was consciously done or not, because it was stirring feelings in her that she was unsure to share with him.
“I wish I had been there for you.” Declan mused, his thoughts bringing her eyes to his face. He looked so focused, so intent on his purpose to protect her.
“I know that you want to protect me, Declan, from all the ills in the world. The fact is that something bad will always be wrong somewhere.” She reached up to touch his face, the short whiskers scratching the skin on her fingertips. “I don’t need you to protect me, but I do want you there when I can’t handle it on my own.”
“I don’t want to see you hurt anymore. You’ve been through enough.” Declan’s voice was gravelly with emotion, the anguish and anger flaring in his warm brown eyes. Lena nodded, knowing exactly what he meant, because she wanted to protect him too.
“You know I didn’t realize that I was never in love with my husband until tonight. Something good did come out of today.” Lena shifted slightly on the couch, her skin burning underneath her clothing where his hand rested. Slightly his fingertips pressed into her stomach.
“Ex-husband.” He growled low, the words reverberating in his throat. Lena could only nod, her eyes resting on what that hand might do. “You didn’t love him when you first got together?”
Lena shook her head once. “No.”
“You said you didn’t realize until tonight. What made you sure?” Declan ever so slowly moved his thumb, rubbing across her navel and intently watching her face. Lena’s throat was dry and her tongue darted out to swipe over her lower lip. A look into Declan’s face let her see his eyes widen and the color darken. He was as affected as she was by their chemistry.
“You.” She searched his face, knowing she was right for once in her life. “You’ve shown me the difference between love and duty.”
“I have?” His words were soft, nearly a whisper. “How did I do that?” He leaned over her, his nose only inches from hers.
“Your duty, your purpose in life is to help people, Declan. The work you do to give others a better future is what you were made to do. Those you love never have to wonder if you will be there for them. Whatever, whenever they ask you will be there.” She smiled up at him. “No matter how I have tried to push you away, you keep coming back. I believe you love me, Declan Marcos.”
The silence in the room was nearly painful as she waited for him to speak. Her heart had even stilled its pounding in her chest. Lena was afraid to look away from his face. She was terrified that she had pushed too hard and said too much. Declan pressed his lips together and then removed his hand from her stomach. Anxious fingers ran through his hair and Lena’s lungs ached, unable to pull air in. Feeling rejected, Lena pushed up from his lap to sit on the edge of the cushion. Her head swam or maybe it was her vision, she wasn’t quite sure. Finding her feet, she meant to retreat to her bedroom, but her hand was snatched as soon as she began to move away.
“Where are you going?” His husky voice sent shivers down her spine. She shook her head, not trusting her voice to answer him without breaking apart. “Come here.”
One pull caused her to lose her footing and she collapsed forward into Declan’s chest. Quickly, his lips found hers opened with surprise and his tongue took over. Heat sprung up like a wildfire, filling any open space. Awkwardly she straddled his hips, her hands framing his face and took over her part of their desperate kisses. His large hands knotted in her long hair, tilting her head to allow him more access and in return she wiggled in his lap. His forceful groans heightened her desperate need to be intimate with him. Lena wanted to feel him inside her as harried and passionate as she.
“I. Do.” Declan’s breathless punctuation of his words had her pushing her hair out of her face and lowering her forehead to his. “I love you, Lena.” He didn’t wait for an answer or an acknowledgement, but engaged her in a soul-searing kiss. It curled her toes with the emotion she felt radiating from him. His hands left her hair and brought up the bottom hem of her shirt. Pulling it ove
r her head, a look of pure desire filled Declan’s eyes as he placed his palms over the cups of her bra. Her eyes rolled back and closed at how divinely wonderful it felt. Declan pressed his lips to the skin over her heart.
“Three years?” He asked, a hint of wicked smile as she looked at him.
“Three.” She nodded, already a mass of aching nerves. Declan kissed her hard and quickly before pausing again.
“Let’s end that tonight.”
Lena answered his grin with one of her own. “Yes.”
It was far too early to be awake, but Declan had insisted that they leave before the sun even breached the horizon.
“This is torture.” Lena groaned, pulling her sweatshirt closer around her neck. “We stayed up nearly all night and then you wake me up after a couple hours of sleep?”
“I want to take you somewhere special. I want to be there right as the sun comes up.” Declan reached across the seat and threaded his fingers through hers.
“Promise you’ll let me sleep later?” Lena asked, her eyes adjusting to the dim light and noting the lazy smile on his handsome face.
“Hey now! I wasn’t the one who was trying to make up for three years in one night.” Declan chuckled, squeezing her hand in play. Lena shook her head and then began to laugh as well. It was like opening a dam and then expecting to be able to wall it back up after leaking out a bit of water. It wasn’t possible and definitely less so when the man is a sexy soldier.
“You liked it, just admit it.” Lena giggled.
“Heck no, I hated every minute…” Declan waited for her response and all he got was a slack jaw. “I hated every minute I wasn’t buried hilt deep inside you.” His words caused an instant flood inside her and Lena moaned at how quickly she wanted him again.
“You better drive faster.” Lena smiled and looked away from him. She was afraid she wouldn’t have the willpower to wait until they got to where they were going. A moving vehicle probably wasn’t the right place for the shenanigans she wanted to play on him.