My Sister’s Secret

by Tracy Buchanan

  ‘Take care, Niall,’ she said softly.

  His eyes seemed to grow glassy. Then he blinked, forcing a smile on to his face. ‘You too, Charity. I hope you get a job soon, yeah? Don’t let Thatcher the Milk Snatcher beat you down.’

  She smiled. He seemed to understand. ‘I won’t.’ She turned to Lana. ‘You take care, too, Lana.’

  Lana shot Charity a flimsy smile then turned away.

  When Charity got outside, instead of walking to her little car, she headed to the edge of the cliff. It was dark now, the moon above bright enough to light up the grass in front of her and the sea below. To the right, the cliff stretched out for miles, the odd light or two beaming in the distance. To the left, lights flickered from Busby-on-Sea, one road that stretched away from it in darkness: the road Faith died on.

  Charity looked out over the sea as it splashed against the cliffs below. How Faith would have loved to dive that submerged forest.

  She peered behind her at the huge white mansion. Over the years, she’d been unable to stop herself imagining how things would have been if that fateful night hadn’t happened. Would she and Niall have stayed together? How would their relationship have evolved over the years? Maybe they’d be here together, a loving couple? Maybe they’d be at Hope’s…or Faith’s.

  She imagined them sitting around a large dining-room table made out of driftwood – Faith had always loved driftwood – bookshelves lined with oceanography books, beautiful underwater photos of submerged forests on the wall. She saw them laughing, drinking, Faith’s long hair a sheen of blonde down her back. Or maybe she’d have it cut, more practical for diving for samples. She’d still look stunning. She saw Niall relaxed, smiling; Hope happy with some man or another, the book of poetry she’d just got published lying on the side. Yes, that would be what the dinner was for, a celebration of Hope finally being published. Maybe having Faith around would have pushed her to do more with her poetry, Faith had always been so inspiring, making her two sisters want to do something special with their lives. With her gone, any real hope and ambition left them.

  The scene disappeared. The truth was, she was on this cliff top alone, Faith gone, Hope a closed book. She collapsed to her knees and let out a sob.

  ‘Charity?’

  She looked up to see Niall peering down at her in the darkness, face filled with concern. He put his hand on her shoulder. She quickly stood up, brushing grass and mud off her trousers and wiping her tears away. ‘I’m fine,’ she said.

  ‘I had no idea you’d been invited.’

  ‘I know, don’t apologise.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have mentioned the submerged forest.’

  She got her car keys from her bag, unable to look at him. She went to walk past him but he softly grasped her arm.

  ‘I feel like I have so much to say to you,’ he said, eyes pained. ‘I didn’t reply to all your letters because I wanted you to just get on with your life.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

  ‘On Tuesday, when I saw you on the road…’

  ‘Niall, I said I don’t want to talk about it. Please just leave me alone.’

  She shrugged his hand off and strode away. He stayed where he was, watching her with hooded eyes. More tears started rolling down her cheeks. She angrily wiped them away and then jumped into her car. She felt bad for walking away from him like this but she couldn’t let the past infringe on her future, she just couldn’t.

  As she drove away, she saw Niall standing at the edge of the cliff, looking out towards the unlit road where Faith had lost her life.

  Charity quietly let herself in when she arrived home ten minutes later. She was hoping she could sneak upstairs without her sister noticing.

  But before she had the chance to even step foot on the first stair, Hope appeared at the door to the living room. ‘You’re back early.’

  ‘I had a funny tummy,’ she lied. The thought of telling her sister she had been sitting at the same table as Niall Lane was just too daunting.

  ‘That’s a shame.’ Hope lifted her pen to her mouth and nibbled on it. ‘So what are they like, the glamorous couple?’

  ‘A bit strange. I think Lana gets very bored in that huge house.’

  ‘I’m not surprised. And Dan North, is he still as charming and handsome as he was the other day?’

  Charity shrugged. ‘I suppose, if you like that sort of thing.’

  Hope narrowed her eyes. ‘No, I suppose your sort is tall, dark and murderous.’

  ‘Jesus, Hope!’

  ‘I can see it in you. It’s happening all over again.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Niall. He was there, wasn’t he?’

  Charity clutched the banister. ‘I didn’t know how to tell you.’

  ‘I knew it!’ Hope said, sighing as she looked up at the ceiling. ‘You’re sullying Faith’s memory by seeing him.’

  ‘That’s not fair,’ Charity said in a raised voice. ‘I had no idea he’d be there.’

  Her sister didn’t look convinced. ‘And now what?’ Hope asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Will you see him again?’

  ‘Of course not!’

  Hope shook her head. ‘I don’t believe you,’ she said before slamming the door of the living room behind her.

  Chapter Five

  Charity

  Busby-on-Sea, UK

  March 1987

  Charity looked down at herself as the boat she was on powered out to sea. She’d somehow managed to squeeze her curves into the old wetsuit she used to wear when diving as a teenager. Behind her lay Busby-on-Sea’s small coastline, ahead the disused lighthouse, foaming waves crashing up against the craggy rocks it stood on.

  If there was a submerged forest out there, and Dan’s photos suggested there really was, she was determined to find it for Faith.

  She’d woken that morning after a restless night, images of Faith winding her graceful body through a forest of underwater trees infiltrating her dreams. What better way to honour Faith’s memory – not sully it, as Hope accused her of – than to discover the forest for her? So she’d called a local boat company as soon as she woke and arranged to go out to the area where the co-ordinates on the photo suggested the forest was. The next morning, she’d woken even earlier than Hope – a relief because she didn’t want to argue again. And now here she was, an impulsive decision, one she was starting to regret. It had been years since she’d dived. In fact, the last time had been a week before Faith died. Charity and Hope had finally convinced her to come out diving with them and Niall. Faith had refused at first, said she was too busy studying. But then Charity had told her how much they missed her. ‘Just one hour,’ she remembered pleading with Faith. She’d smiled a smile that had seemed so rare since she’d returned from university for the Easter holidays and the three sisters had set off with Niall. Charity remembers sneaking a kiss with Niall behind the rocks as they’d got changed. She saw Faith watching them. But instead of smiling, she’d been frowning.

  Only a week later, all their lives would be shattered.

  ‘Right,’ Charity whispered to herself as the boat came to a stop. ‘Let’s do this.’ She shrugged on her old stabiliser jacket, pulling her mask over her face. She did her checks like Niall had taught her as the boat’s captain, an old man with a grey beard, looked at her disapprovingly, knowing she shouldn’t be diving alone. Yes, it was risky. But what other choice did she have? Hope had refused to even step into the sea since Faith died and Charity couldn’t go with Niall, could she?

  When she was ready, she took a few breaths then she jumped in, the bitter cold of the sea seeping into her skin as she deflated her jacket and descended. The tank felt awkward on her back, the wetsuit digging into all the wrong places. But as she got deeper, the shrieking seagulls quieting, the water misty and cold, a calmness descended upon her. She stayed still for a moment, taking it all in, the sea rippling and swaying, lifting her with it. She loo
ked up, caught glimpses of the sun above, sparking off the surface. There was no sound but the gurgle of her snorkel and the deep low hush of her breath as she kicked her legs and glided through the water, trying to find some sign of the forest in the murky depths.

  After ten minutes, the calmness dissipated. Emotion swelled inside her. She seemed to see Faith everywhere. She struggled to breathe in the air from the tank on her back, felt panic whir inside.

  She couldn’t do this.

  She started inflating her jacket, slowly rising to the surface, trying desperately to control her emotions as she moved up and up. When she broke the surface, she pulled her snorkel off, taking quick gasps of breath. She’d been a fool to come alone.

  She looked up and was surprised to find another boat bobbing up and down next to the one she’d hired. It was gleaming white with chrome railings, Salacia written down its side in midnight blue. On its deck were two men.

  Niall and Dan.

  ‘Great,’ Charity muttered under her breath.

  They both looked imposing, tall and broad-shouldered in their wetsuits, Niall in his token black, Dan in a navy blue one. Beyond them, the sun peeked up from the horizon beneath wispy white clouds, the air feeling more like spring than ever.

  ‘Charity!’ Dan called out to her as Niall regarded her with hooded eyes. ‘Why didn’t you just get in touch with me, you could have come with us?’

  ‘I didn’t know you were coming this morning.’

  ‘Well, here we are,’ Dan said, spreading his arms out as he smiled. ‘You joining us?’

  ‘No, it’s alright,’ she said, swimming towards the boat she’d hired. ‘I’m going to head back.’

  ‘So you saw it?’ Niall asked her.

  ‘The forest? No sign of it.’

  Dan’s face lit up. ‘Then you were looking in the wrong place, it’s another half a mile out.’

  She paused, looking at Niall who was standing behind him, arms crossed, frown on his face. ‘Are you sure?’ she asked.

  ‘You saw the photos,’ Dan said. ‘Still want to go back to shore?’

  ‘Jim’ll take me, won’t you?’ Charity asked the old captain.

  ‘I have to be back to shore by ten,’ he replied.

  He had told her that. She peered out towards where the forest might be. Could she forgive herself if she didn’t see the forest Faith so desperately wanted to find with her own eyes? But she’d been so panicked before. Would it be the same if she went down again?

  She took a deep breath. No, she mustn’t be scared. She couldn’t miss this opportunity. So she put her hand up and let Dan pull her on to his boat as the captain handed her stuff over to Niall.

  ‘You were diving alone?’ was the first thing Niall said to her when she embarked.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘That was stupid.’

  She raised an eyebrow. ‘And you haven’t dived alone before?’ He didn’t answer. ‘Thought so.’

  ‘Charity!’ She turned to see Lana skipping towards her. Her long caramel hair was coiled up on top of her head and she was wearing a bright red wetsuit that clung to her perfect body. It made Charity feel self-conscious with her too-tight, too-old wetsuit on and the curves she’d inherited from her mum. She wrapped her arms around herself. ‘I’m so pleased you joined us,’ Lana said, squeezing Charity’s arm.

  Thirty minutes later, they dived into the sea. As she descended, Niall not far away, memories from the summer she’d spent diving with him and her sisters seemed to flow over her even more intensely than when she’d dived alone earlier. But she felt more in control with people around her. She could do this.

  She noticed Niall watching her, his vivid blue eyes blinking at her through his mask. Was he remembering those days too, the way Faith would twist her body around like a pro, blonde hair fanning out behind her?

  Did he remember how they’d sneak quick kisses, pulling their mouthpieces out when Hope and Faith weren’t looking?

  Charity turned away. It was all in the past.

  Dan kicked his legs and scooted downwards, Lana following. Charity thrust herself through the water after them, Niall not far behind her. Niall had always kept behind the sisters when they’d dived all those years ago, letting Faith lead the way, him ‘keeping the flank’, as he used to call it. He’d grown to be protective of them, checking their gear after they’d already checked each other’s, making them each give him the thumbs up. Faith used to call him a ‘big softie beneath all that brooding’. Charity felt safe with him behind her now, just as she had all those years before.

  Charity peered into the distance. It had grown so misty, Dan and Lana were just faded outlines in the deep. She felt Niall’s fingers brush against hers and she turned, saw him floating beside her. He gave her a thumbs up. She did the same. Maybe he’d sensed her nervousness on the boat.

  The mist dispersed a little and Dan and Lana came into view, hovering in the distance as they looked at something. For a moment, she thought it was a line of fish. But as she drew closer, she realised it was a misty branch.

  The submerged forest!

  She exchanged an excited look with Niall. It was like they were hovering over a foggy forest, just a hint of a branch the only evidence it existed.

  She propelled herself towards the branch, feeling like she was in a snow globe, bubbles of water shimmering around her. Then the fog dispersed and the top of a tree appeared before her and beyond, several other sunken trees.

  Charity took a moment to take it in. Faith would have loved this, Hope too. Beside her, Niall stared at the forest too, eyes wide. This was all supposed to be so different.

  She headed to the closest tree, a great oak, surreal without the context of sky and leaf-infested grounds. Its surface was clogged with small barnacles and, when she reached for the uppermost branch, yellow fish darted out from behind it. She sank lower, swirling her fingers around at waist level, paddling the fins on her feet until she was aligned with the tree’s trunk.

  Faith had told her the trees in a submerged forest were petrified, meaning the conditions beneath the sea had almost turned them to stone, fossilising them. The reason she used to get so excited about them – beyond how beautiful the photos showed them to be – was that studying them could reveal so many important facts, such as how sea levels had raised over aeons. She was determined to write her own thesis on it and tell the world something new and exciting.

  Charity tentatively reached out again, carefully brushing her fingers against the barnacled wood, imagining her oldest sister beside her. It felt furry with moss, bumpy beneath her fingertips. Up close, she could see crabs sheltering in the bark’s knots. Charity felt emotion well inside. For years Faith had wanted to find this and here it was, right before Charity’s eyes. If only her sister was alive to see it. Niall turned to her, and she could see his eyes were glassy too. Maybe coming back here to find the forest was an homage for him too, a way to make amends.

  He broke her gaze and lifted his camera, the flash lighting the petrified oak up in an eerie glow. He started circling it, taking more photos as Charity watched him. He looked completely at ease doing this. He’d clearly found his calling.

  She looked towards the other trees, all different heights, some broken, remnants of trunks lying on the ocean floor. She noticed Lana floating as if sitting on one of the fallen trees in a mock model pose as Dan pretended to take a photo. Then he scooted to her and pulled her close, her legs winding around his.

  She didn’t want to disturb them.

  She peered back behind her, noticing Niall pulling something from the pouch attached to his stabiliser jacket.

  A knife.

  She knew what he was going to do. She ought to stop him, it felt wrong to do such a thing to such an ancient tree now. But instead she stayed where she was, mesmerised as he found a part of the bark that wasn’t clogged with sea life and started carving. They’d promised themselves they’d etch their names into the trees if ever they found the submerged forest. When he m
oved away, Charity could see it was their two initials – N and C – carefully entwined, just as they’d planned it to be. And then beneath it: ‘For F.’

  Charity watched the ripples in the sea as Dan steered them over calm waters an hour later, the spring sun warming her cheeks. Niall was quiet, barely saying a word.

  When Niall took over steering the boat, Dan strolled over to Charity. ‘This forest seems to mean a lot to you.’

  ‘Yes, my sister was desperate to find it.’

  Dan frowned. ‘Why isn’t Hope here then?’

  ‘I mean my other sister, Faith. She passed away when I was a teenager.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ Dan put his hand on her arm, his green eyes filled with concern. ‘What happened?’

  ‘Car accident. She was just nineteen.’

  ‘How tragic. Was she driving?’

  ‘No, she was walking along the road. It was an accident.’ She looked quickly over at Niall. She didn’t want Dan and Lana to know about Niall’s role in Faith’s death. They would probably find out soon enough but she didn’t want to be the one to tell them.

  ‘Faith, Hope and Charity?’ Dan said. ‘Lovely names.’

  ‘Thanks! My dad was an English teacher before he quit to run the café. That’s where Hope got her love of poetry…and her red hair. He used to read Faerie Queene by Edmund Spenser to us before we went to bed, he named us after the three daughters in that. We didn’t have a clue what it was about, but the way he read it to us—’ She smiled at the memory. ‘It was mesmerising.’

  ‘And your mother? What did she do?’

  ‘As well as running the café, she was a part-time lecturer in environmental sciences.’

  ‘Hence your interest in submerged forests?’

  Charity looked out at the calm sea. ‘It was Faith’s interest, actually. My mum once did a trip to visit a submerged forest in Austria. Faith was completely transfixed by the photographs she brought back. She grew intrigued by them. I guess it was her version of a fairy tale.’