Passions

by Bitikofer,Sheritta

At first, settling in beside him seemed awkward, and Chloe’s movements were clumsy as she tried to get comfortable. After a few minutes of grunting and hushed apologies for bumping knees and elbows, she found herself snuggled against his bare side with one hand resting on his powerful chest.

  There was no heartbeat, no steady rise and fall that came with breathing. If it weren’t for the intense heat his body exuded, Chloe would have thought she was touching a lifeless corpse.

  Neither of them spoke for a while. The only sounds she heard were the crickets outside and Gavin’s occasional coughing and sniffling. The congestion wore off soon enough, and when Chloe glanced up to check, he looked completely normal again, as handsome and alluring as ever.

  She could hardly believe she was lying here with him in such an intimate way. When the roles were reversed and she was the invalid in bed, he refused to join her. Why the change of heart?

  The room was too dark for her to see much of anything, but she could tell his eyes were closed. She wondered if he was asleep. But, she’d never seen him sleep before, so she wasn’t sure how to tell precisely.

  Instead of disturbing him, Chloe let her fingers trace random shapes and patterns along the smooth surface of his pale skin, admiring the hard muscle underneath.

  She drank in his scent until it made her lightheaded. Chloe couldn’t recall a time when she had been this close to him with so little clothes. There was that time he had to change shirts, but at the time, she dared not to get too close to him. Even then, he was still something wild in her mind, and she had no idea of the true humanity that lay beneath.

  Now, lying here in the dark with him, the musty smell of the bed quilt enveloping them, Chloe couldn’t help but let her mind wander to places that were out of the question for the time being.

  But, the memory of what he’d told her the other night snapped her out of the gutter. Gavin hadn’t wanted to join her in bed because of his traumatic memory of waking up to his dead wife nearly three centuries ago.

  What had happened to make him want differently since then? Certainly, it was nothing Chloe had done. Was this another side effect of the garlic? Did it somehow affect him mentally?

  “You’re quiet,” he remarked through the darkness.

  Slightly startled to hear him speak after such stillness, she tensed and readjusted her position. “Just thinking.”

  “About what?” he asked, his voice lacking the congestive sounds that were so prevalent before.

  Chloe slowly let out a breath. “You, mostly.”

  She could almost feel his smile. “What about me?”

  “About why we’re lying here together. I thought you didn’t want to do something like this.”

  Gavin's arm around her stiffened a bit, then relaxed as he replied gently, "I originally didn't want to."

  "Why?" she asked, trying to keep the offense out of her tone.

  He didn't reply for a moment, but then said, "I was afraid of something happening that should not happen."

  "Biting me?"

  "No," he replied. "Something that I've wanted to do before but dared not to."

  He was dancing around the answer, and after some thought, Chloe believed she understood what he meant. That night when he took her blood, he said that he wanted to take her in the carnal sense of the word.

  "And you don't right now?"

  He gave a huff of a laugh. "The garlic has put me out of sorts." He tilted her chin up so their eyes could meet. "Though you are still beautiful in my eyes, I don't think I'd have the heart to do anything at the moment."

  Chloe didn't know whether to be flattered or appalled. Coming from such a traditional upbringing, it would seem strange that Gavin would want to do something as taboo as make love to her out of wedlock.

  He gave her a warm smile, and then she laid her cheek back onto his chest. “I was also thinking about that night in the woods with Terrance.”

  His body went tense, and Chloe knew she was treading on unstable ground.

  “What about it?” he asked, his voice strong and serious.

  Picking her words carefully, she replied, “Terrance told me you were well occupied. I thought he might have hurt you, but then you showed up. What happened? Weren’t you following me?”

  “I was. Or, so I thought.” Gavin was slow to speak as if he were choosing his words so carefully. “He used his power of manipulation against me, and when I found that I was following nothing more than an illusion, it took me a while to find you again.”

  “When did you know it wasn’t me?”

  A tremor, like a shiver, passed through his body, and she felt it transfer to her own, rattling her very bones with the intensity of it. “I saw you being attacked and torn apart by some animal I couldn’t describe or detect. I heard your screams, and I could even smell the blood and carnage below me as it happened. But when I jumped down, the beast ran away. I held you in my arms as you were dying, but there was nothing I could do.

  “Then, I realized it wasn’t you.”

  “But how?”

  Gavin tilted his head down, his lips so close to her hair that she felt the fine strands move with each word he spoke. “It only took me a few seconds to realize that this illusion wasn’t complete. The figment I held in my arms did not feel like you. It looked like you, smelled like you, but it lacked your spirit. As soon as I figured it out, the illusion was gone, and I was alone. I retraced your scent and found you with Terrance.”

  Chloe remembered how he looked when he came upon them. Matching that with his story told her that he must still be reeling from the shock of seeing her die. There was a distinct change in him that night. He confused her at every turn. Every moment was a guessing game of what was going through his head. It reminded her of the mean trick he’d played on Terrance.

  Along with the memory came the phantom sensation of his lips and tongue caressing the skin on her neck. So gentle, so seductive, and yet it was all a show for Terrance. Chloe had truly believed that Gavin was going to drink her dry, but it had been a plot to make Terrance believe he was winning.

  His arms encircled her tighter, and Chloe nestled herself in. “You had me scared that night that you really would bite me. I could tell you were hungry.”

  Gavin kissed the top of her head. “I made a promise that I would never hurt you, and I intend to keep it as long as I am able to.”

  That was not a solid promise. He couldn’t guarantee that he would never bite her, but he could promise that he would try not to. He’d only broken his promise once, but the situation had gotten out of control, and she forgave him easily for it. And that promise was all she wanted. All she could hope for.

  Chloe smiled, and they lay in the bedroom for a while longer. They didn’t speak as they simply enjoyed each other’s company. The only hint that Gavin was still awake lay in the graceful movement of his fingers as they stroked along her shoulder. His touch further soothed her nerves until she was ready to fall asleep completely.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked dazedly.

  Half expecting no reply at all, she was a little surprised to hear him say, “I’m thinking of a lot of things.”

  Chloe shifted and stared up at the underside of his jaw that was dark with stubble that never seemed to grow. “Name one.”

  Gavin’s eyes cracked open, a speckle of light reflecting in his glistening eyes. A smile appeared. “I was thinking about one time when I was sick back in Hatherleigh. Janette and I had been married for only a few weeks, and I contracted a cold. I refused to rest, but she was constantly pestering me.” Then he chuckled. “It took one good sneeze, and I completely botched an order of horseshoes before I realized she was right.”

  Chloe found herself smiling as well, even though she still felt the green monster of jealousy rear its ugly head. To hear him talk so fondly of his wife was like having a knife lodged between her ribs.

  “You must miss her a lot,” she said. "You talk about her a lot."

  Gavin shifted beneath her.
"Does it bother you?"

  Chloe sighed, wishing she could lie to him. "Honestly, it does."

  "Why?"

  Chloe sat up and stared at him, deciding whether or not to spill her emotions out to him one more time. "It's like you talking about how much you love an ex-girlfriend while you're in a relationship. It's hypocritical." She swallowed and looked away to avoid his pained expression. "I know you love Janette and your son, probably more than anything else in the world. But, I don't understand how you can talk about them so much when I'm around."

  She might have sounded like a jealous girlfriend or a spoiled child. There was no reason that she should feel upset. It must be a natural thing to think about his old family all the time.

  Gavin touched her arm. "I didn't realize it bothered you so much." An uncomfortable pause stretched on before he said, "I talk about them often because I'm afraid I'll forget them."

  She looked back at him, trying to keep the hurt out of her gaze. "Forget them?"

  He nodded. "After years, centuries, my memory of them is fading. Thinking of them, reminding myself of the times we shared together, helps me to hold them there a little longer. Since you came, I have thought more of you than anything else." His thumb grazed tenderly along her arm as he spoke. "I've thought of you so much that I think of them less, and I can't remember as much. If I mention them to you, it's because I'm still trying to hold on."

  Chloe bit her lip and turned away, unsure of how to feel. She was the reason he talked about his family so much. She was the reason that he was beginning to forget about the love he had for two people who have been dead for centuries. Part of her wanted Gavin to forget all about his family, to let him release that hold he had on them. Another part felt guilty for making it so much worse for him.

  "So, I'm never going to stop hearing about your dead wife and son?" Her words came out a little harsher than she expected, the pain bleeding through.

  She felt more than saw him flinch at her choice of words. "I don't know what else to do, Chloe."

  She took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm sure you miss them a lot."

  He was quiet for a few beats, then replied, “Not as much as I used to.”

  Chloe’s eyebrows pinched together in puzzlement as to what he meant. When she turned back to face him and Gavin saw her expression, he continued, “When I was alone, I missed Janette and my son more than I could possibly bear. But since I first laid eyes on you, it hasn’t hurt as much.” If it were possible, Chloe was only more confused. “You remind me of her, of Janette.”

  Blinking back the alarm, Chloe asked, “I remind you of her? How?”

  Gavin grinned and rolled his head on the pillow so he could get a better look at her face. “Your eyes. You both have the same eyes. They’re mostly hazel, but they tend toward a dark green shade on the outside and a striking auburn ring around the pupil.”

  Nimble fingers grazed along the skin over her cheekbone as he regarded her with an affectionate gaze. Chloe felt chills crawl up and down her spine at his gentle touch.

  “Not only that, but you two are so similar in your mannerisms. The way you walk and move, your choice of words and the way they dance off your tongue. You could tell a person to go to the devil with such charisma they would enjoy the trip.”

  At that, she laughed and buried her face in his chest to hide the blush rising up her neck.

  “Having you around is almost like she’s here again.”

  Chloe was no longer amused. She gave him a serious look and asked, “Is that why you kissed me before? Is that why you want to be with me like you say you do?”

  Gavin watched her closely as she shifted toward the edge of the bed. If she stood up to leave, she knew he would stop her.

  “No, that’s not why.”

  “You just said that I reminded you of your late wife and–” “I know what I said," he calmly interjected, "but I think you misunderstood what I meant.”

  Chloe didn’t like to be told that she misunderstood anything. She understood quite a bit. Brent always did that to her, and it only made her more upset. “Do you want to be with me just because you’re lonely then?”

  “No, that’s not entirely why either.”

  “Then why?”

  “I’ve told you why.”

  Chloe scoffed. “You mean what you said the night we kissed? Because I accept you as you are?”

  Gavin looked pained at her harsh tones. “That’s part of it, yes.”

  “You’re giving me a lot of mixed signals here, and I need a solid answer. Do you want me because you want your wife back, too?”

  The silence was unnerving, and Chloe couldn’t read him. She couldn’t tell if he was actually thinking of the answer or letting her figure it out for herself.

  Then he said, “Janette is dead. I’ve come to terms with that. I know I can’t have her back. I also know that you’re not Janette, and you never will be. You have her eyes and a few things that remind me of her, but you’re not her. If I wanted my wife, I wouldn’t want you. Does that make sense?”

  Chloe didn’t trust her voice to answer. She only turned away and brought her knees up to her chest to hug close. What he said did, in fact, make sense. There were still differences between Chloe and Janette, she was sure. Janette must have been far prettier and gentler in nature. In her mind, Chloe imagined Gavin’s late wife to be a perfect angel.

  What she couldn’t stand was the idea that Gavin was settling for her just because she was convenient. If he had his pick of women, dead or alive, Chloe wasn’t so sure that she would be his first choice.

  Gavin sat up and placed his hands on her shoulders from behind. His piercing gaze was hot against her back, and it made her nervous.

  “You’re still not convinced,” he stated, so sure of the truth.

  Chloe shook her head but refused to look back at him.

  “How can I convince you that what I say is true?”

  There really was no way, and Chloe knew that. She had to do something that she hadn’t done in months—trust. She’d trusted Brent once, and he’d ruined her life. She never wanted to be used again.

  Brent hogged her attention and stole her away from her friends and family simply for her companionship, and she wasn’t so convinced that Gavin wanted something different. She wanted to be unconditionally loved and accepted for who she was, not for what she could give. It was a tall order, one that she was sure no man could fulfill.

  She didn’t want to think that love was a selfish emotion. With only her experiences with Brent to guide her in what love meant, Chloe was clueless. For someone who aspired to write romance, she knew nothing of the concept.

  Chloe took a shaky breath and rubbed at her misting eyes. Gavin’s grip tightened and he pulled her back down with him. Resuming her position from before, she hid her face in his shoulder, but kept her arms close to her own chest instead of his, creating a barrier between their bodies.

  His fingers gently raked back and forth along her shoulder blades to comfort her.

  A choice had to be made that night. Chloe could assume that Gavin was lying and only wanted her around for her company and as a reminder of his late wife. Or, she could believe what he said was the truth and let it go. Yes, she wasn’t his first. But he was choosing to make her his last. That had to count for something.

  "Tell me," he said softly. "Are words enough to convince you?"

  Chloe sighed. "I don't know. Words are good for some things. And you haven't lied to me, not really. I shouldn't have any reason to not believe you."

  "What if I said that I love you?"

  Chloe looked up at him in wonder. His entire expression told her that, just like before, he was not lying. Not only did he show honesty in his eyes, but she saw the one flicker of emotion that had always been there that she had never been able to decipher.

  She’d never seen this look in Brent's eyes. No man had ever looked at her in that way. But, searching her memory, she had seen it before. Her father had
that same look when he watched her mother washing dishes in the kitchen late at night. She saw that same look on a man who held his fiancé close while they walked down the street. An older gentleman who had been married to the same woman for fifty years had that same look when he kissed the back of his wife's hand in public.

  How could she have missed this before? In the chaos of detox, vampires, and late night writing sessions, she never thought to really think about the way he always looked at her. And that look, that soft gaze full of love, had been there since the first day.

  "You love me?" she questioned, her voice in a gentle whisper.

  He nodded. "Yes. I love you. I've loved you since you wrote me that letter."

  "But you hadn't even seen me before then. How could you love someone you’ve never formally met?"

  "I don't know. All I know is that I can't stand being apart from you. I dream of you each day, and you're all I think about. I want to help you succeed in everything you set your mind to and make you happy, nothing more. If that's not love, then I don't know what is."

  Chloe watched his face before replying, "I want all those things for you, too."

  Gavin kissed the top of her head, but Chloe never returned his sentiments in any other way before she laid her head back down onto his shoulder. For now, she wasn't sure if she could speak those words he had so freely confessed to her now.

  Chloe chose to let her doubts go. Instead of dwelling on things that would only ruin the moment, she let herself be taken captive by his warmth, his masculine scent, and his comforting presence. Who would have thought that such a dangerous beast like a vampire could be a source of tranquility for someone like herself? They were both damaged, both broken in their own right. And yet, they might be perfect for one another.

  Chapter 21

  Chloe felt Gavin’s hand fall heavily on her shoulder and shake her roughly.

  “Chloe, wake up!” he demanded.

  Her eyes snapped open. She must have fallen asleep on the desk in the library some time while Gavin was occupying himself with reading. The second day of the detox was upon them and, as before, Chloe drove them to a library in another town far away from Carter Lake so he could be distracted from his bloodlust.