by CORY CYR
I smiled but stayed silent. I didn’t want to jinx what I might have. Besides, who knew what the future would bring? Anai would take it personally if he broke my heart. No matter how nosey she was, she always had my best interests in mind, and I could tell she was genuinely happy for me.
I took a quick shower, then put on a long T-shirt. I padded down to the kitchen. She’d left me a plate in the microwave. Chicken fried steak with green beans and garlic potatoes, my favorite. I poured a glass of wine and balanced the plate in the crook of my arm as I went back upstairs. I tried to eat my dinner while watching the news, but my mind was clearly on other things. After finishing, I walked back to the kitchen and rinsed off my plate. Drinking the last of my wine, I returned to the bedroom and turned off the television. I was exhausted. I’d done many things today I never thought I’d do again. I’d stepped outside of my comfort zone. The reasons were plaguing me. I had no idea what caused me to venture out, other than Lincoln. He had aroused my confidence.
The man was making me more comfortable in my own skin. I still had conflicted thoughts, but being around him made me feel free. He didn’t have any idea about the misery I’d endured and how afraid I really was. But I knew for certain if his sight never returned, I would have to help him navigate the waters. For him, it would be easier because he hadn’t lost his beauty, only his vision. And as horrible as that was, he would never be judged. His readers would rally around him and devour everything he wrote. Lincoln Bass would never be ridiculed or analyzed as I had been. Maybe society as a whole had changed.
The truth was when I modeled, I surrounded myself with self-centered, egotistical people of wealth. They regarded themselves above others. Had I been one of them? I shook my head, getting into bed. There was no way I’d been part of their philosophy. This was just another internal argument I had with myself, justifying how they treated me. I wanted to believe I deserved their rejection. Of course, Xavier had led the brigade. No one even looked at him with disdain. He was encumbered with a disfigured wife. I gladly signed the divorce papers and had movers put my belongings in storage. It didn’t matter because I would be living in the hospital for years.
If I kept dwelling on the past, I’d never get to sleep. I looked forward to tomorrow. I knew I was in trouble because I missed him. I had yearned, even prayed for just a single day of what it used to be like, and he’d given me that. But fear still niggled at me. At some point, I needed to come clean and confess who I was. I wanted to believe it wouldn’t make a difference. After all, Lucas had endorsed his brother’s character. I had to believe Lincoln was legitimate. He’d professed real feelings for me, but would he still feel the same when he found out my physical beauty didn’t match the interior?
Chapter 12
I arrived at his house the next day, wearing my new lingerie under a polka-dot sundress. I adjusted my hat, then pushed up my Gucci sunglasses. I grabbed my purse and his gift. The house looked dark and unusually quiet. I checked the door, and it was locked. I smiled, using the key he’d given me. As I entered, I noticed the blinds hadn’t been pulled and the room smelled like nicotine. He had smoked in the house. We’d had a deal. God, that man. I felt like unwrapping his present and spraying the room.
“Lincoln. I have a bone to pick with you,” I announced loudly, removing my hat and shades.
I was in the process of pulling the blinds when I felt someone behind me. “Linc—”
I stopped abruptly, stepping back as my vision took in a pretty woman. Younger and much shorter than I was. I recognized her immediately from the photo on the wall. This was Kami, his editor.
“You must be Kami. I’m—”
She cut me off with a scowl, her nose wrinkling in what I recognized as disgust.
She laughed dryly. “Oh, I know who you are, Jensyn Parrish. When I was younger, I wanted to be you,” she stated, her stare assessing me. “Of course, that was back in the day before, you know… all of this happened.” She regarded my face, shaking her head, but it wasn’t out of sympathy; it was repulsion. “Jesus Christ, that accident truly fucked you up. Your face must frighten small children. I can’t imagine going from the ‘Perfect 10’ to what you are now. What, a negative 1? Wow, I wouldn’t have believed it if I wasn’t getting a bird’s-eye view. Thank Christ those paparazzi pricks shot you with a long-distance lens, or I couldn’t ascertain a plan to get Lincoln out of this mess.
“It took me a while, but I finally figured out who you were, or rather who you used to be. You took advantage of a blind man, exploiting his generosity and using him for what, sex? If he only knew it was a mercy hookup—for you, not him. How did you think he would react when he found out your secret? Let’s just say whatever your deal was, it’s over. You can tuck your tail between your legs and slink on home. Buh-bye,” she announced smugly, waving me off as she puffed on a cigarette.
My hands shook and my heart pounded as I grabbed my hat and sunglasses in an attempt to hide my face.
“Too late, sweetie. You can’t un-ring that bell. I’m going to see your image in my nightmares.”
I bit back impending tears as my body shivered. “Please don’t tell him. I’ll just go and never come back,” I begged, my arms wrapped around me.
“You’re joking, right? Eventually, everyone will end up knowing.” She tossed a tabloid at me. On the front page was a grainy photograph of Lincoln and me embracing on his terrace. “Right now you’re just an enigma, but at some point, your identity will be known. I want you to think long and hard about the fact that you trespassed in his life, under false pretenses, and forced him to sleep with you.”
Her words infuriated me. “Are you angry because of who I am or the fact that we had sex, many, many times? I never held a gun to his head. You’re just jealous because he’d rather be with me than you. Yeah, he told me all about you, Kami.”
Her face grew red, eyes burning in rage. “He didn’t know who you were. But he does now, and trust me; that man hates liars. Did you think you’d actually have a chance with him? He would have figured it out eventually, especially if his sight returned. Lincoln is accustomed to beautiful women. Sorry, but you don’t fall into that category anymore. And now that you’ve been exposed, you should leave,” she spit out.
I was shaking so badly I could hardly grasp my purse. I wondered where Lincoln was. Was she speaking for him? He didn’t even want to talk to me.
Our affair was now up for public scrutiny. Even if the mainstream didn’t know, they would find out. If nothing else, I remembered how unscrupulous the press was. It was heartbreaking to find out Lucas was wrong about his brother. This was also on me because I should have confided in him after we’d had sex the first time. It would only have been fair he knew who he was sleeping with.
“You need to leave. You and Lincoln are finished. He doesn’t want to see you. Which, in your case, is a good thing. I never thought there would be a day I’d celebrate him being blind, but here we are,” she announced cruelly, spreading her arms, then dropping them heavily at her sides.
I hung my head in despair as I trudged to the front door. I left the wrapped box of cologne in a chair. I supposed he should get a parting gift.
I’d forgotten how vile women could be. Kami acted worried. Why? I was no competition. Now she would be there to console him. I had lost.
I didn’t want to cry in his driveway, so I drove about a mile away and sobbed in a parking lot. This was my fault. How did I think this would end?
Lincoln had been right about being stalked. They’d seen it all. It was only a matter of time until they put a name with my out-of-focus face. Once they had that knowledge, he’d have to explain his choice. His only way out was to concede to being blind.
For the first time in a very long time, I wished for death. I’d honestly believed he and I were possible. That I’d finally been allowed redemption, a path to a normal life. But Lincoln deserved so much more than me. And if Kami was right, not only was I deemed a liar, but so was Lucas. We should h
ave stayed platonic. But the pull between us was too strong. How was I going to get past this?
My cell rang. It was Lincoln. I pushed deny. I couldn’t bear to hear what he had to say.
I positioned my rearview mirror. I’d cried off my concealer. Now my scars were prominent.
I’d lived reclusive all these years, and in a few weeks, I'd set myself up for failure. I had no place to go, no place to run. The anguish I felt would follow me everywhere. If this was the pain of a broken heart, I was glad I’d never known it before, because I felt hollowed out inside. Would his words follow along the trail of what Kami said? It was hard for me to believe Lincoln would ever be that callous, but I had no way of knowing. Not for sure.
And when he asked me why I hid the information, what was I going to say? That I should have thrown it into our daily conversation, “By the way, I used to be beautiful, but an incident left my face a monstrosity. That’s why I didn’t want you kissing me.” I began to sob again and dug a few tissues from my purse. After fifteen minutes of hiccups, I drove home.
I dragged myself into the house and ran up to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I lay on my stomach across the bed, shoving my fist into my mouth to keep anyone from hearing my anguish.
A soft tap on my door startled me into silence. “Miss Jensyn, may I come in?”
I rolled over, wiping my face, sitting up, trying to keep quiet. I hoped she thought I was asleep. The door creeped open. No words were spoken as she sat on the edge of the bed. In one hand, she held the newspaper. She knew.
“Miss Jensyn,” she whispered, taking my hand in hers. “This will pass. I promise. All of this must frighten you, but only those who know you will recognize you. Pish. Those people are too stupid to figure out who you are.
“Is Lincoln Bass actually the man you spent the weekend with? Does he look like his picture? Is he sexy?” Her voice was filled with anxious excitement. This was a preview of what it would be like if the public knew my identity.
“It doesn’t matter because he knows the truth now.” I spoke sadly.
“Oh no, you kept this from him. How could he not ask questions? This isn’t something you can hide. Clearly, he accepted the way you look without hesitation. I mean, this has been where you’ve been spending your time.”
Shit. Now I’d kicked a hornet’s nest. I promised Lincoln I would never share his disability with anyone. I wasn’t prepared for Anai pelting me with twenty questions. There was no way out of this other than the truth.
“Vow to me you will never share what I’m about to tell you with anyone, including your husband. Swear on our friendship.”
She squeezed my hand. “You will always be able to trust me, no matter what. Besides, you made the entire household staff sign an NDA anyway. Regardless, I would never break your confidence, not ever.”
“He had an injury. He can’t see.”
Her expression took on an air of shock. “He’s blind. No. How can that be? What happened?”
I sighed. “It’s not my place to give you details, but I was helping him with his new book.”
Anai smirked. “And you typed yourself into his bed.”
My cheeks warmed as I tried to appear innocent. “And exactly what makes you think we slept together?”
She patted my hand, snatching the newspaper. “Now I could be wrong, but this doesn’t look like typing, at least not the class I took in school. Although, I’ll admit this situation appears more fun. He is attractive, right? I mean, the author photo wasn’t touched up.”
“Not even close. Much better in person.” I giggled dryly with a tearful sniff, wishing I could give her details. “All of this is rather moot since he’s pissed as hell I deceived him.”
“Did he ask? If he didn’t and you told him your name…” She pinned me with a stare. “You did give him your real name, right?”
“Of course. I just didn’t think it was essential to tell him my life’s story, how pitiful and morose it is.”
“Before or after you sealed the deed?”
My left eyebrow rose. “What does it matter? He always knew. I mean, he asked me many times because he felt I had a story to tell. But I was afraid. Scared I would lose him. He told me I was beautiful because he could see me with his heart.”
She clasped a hand to her chest. “You should have confessed everything right then. It didn’t matter to him. He’s right, you know. It doesn’t matter how you look on the outside because you will always have beauty on the inside. I think he would understand.”
“I think that boat has sailed. It’s too late.”
She moved off the bed and went to the drapes, pulling them closed. “I think you should rest and maybe take a nap. I’ll wake you for lunch. Then we can talk more if you want. If this man truly cares, he will come around, and if he doesn’t, he’s a douchebag.”
“Anai,” I said loudly. “I think I’m a bad influence on you.”
She shook her head, chuckling. “Oh, Miss Jensyn, no need to worry. I was kinky long before we met.”
Once she left, I went to the bathroom and changed into something more comfortable. My face was stained with tears and mascara. I quickly washed it off. With a yawn, I lay on top of the comforter.
I wondered if Lincoln was having sex with his editor just to spite me. He was probably quite angry after Kami told him about my appearance. A single tear fell as I turned to my side.
I knew he had called, but had he left a message? I leaned down, digging my phone from my purse. There were sixteen calls from him in the log but only one voicemail. I was too afraid to listen. Hearing his rejection would break me. I lay back on the bed, scrunching pillows under my head.
Today was supposed to have been a happy one. By now, we would have been making love and laughing. He would have noticed my new bra and panties, wanting a very descriptive account of each article as he removed it. My fingers sought those new black panties and separated my wet lips. I tapped on my clit, then inserted two digits, pretending it was Lincoln. Tears began to flow as I realized my hand was no substitution for his.
I returned to my side, wondering how Kami would handle the press and what she would say. A part of me was glad she would never mention my name, because the publicity would be overwhelming, and if that happened, Lincoln’s secret would be blown.
I wished I’d never said yes to Lucas. The feeling I had now was worse than when the incident took away my beauty. But this took my heart. My soul was now vacant.
Chapter 13
Twenty-seven. That’s how many times Lincoln had called. There was even one from Lucas. Jesus, this was a mess.
I dragged myself down to the kitchen, wondering how long it would take the media to track down my identity. I poured myself a cup of black coffee and a glass of juice, then headed back to my room and sat outside on the balcony. Opening my laptop, I scrolled to entertainment news. The picture hadn’t made headlines, but it was there. There was definitely interest in Lincoln Bass’s new girlfriend.
I bristled. Girlfriend. That had never been decided, but now it certainly was a closed issue. And if Kami had any say, she would obliterate my life, as pitiful as it was. I found it hard to imagine he aspired to be with such a vile woman. It must have been shocking when she found out who he was fucking. Of course, he hadn’t really known either. Why was it mandatory I tell him my entire history? He would have still left me, only it would have happened sooner. And he hadn’t even had the balls to confront me himself. She’d told him everything about the press and who I used to be—all out of spite and jealousy.
I stayed secluded in the house for the next few days. I couldn’t take the chance I’d be seen and found out. It would only add fuel to the fire. I’d finally turned off my phone, tossing it in my panty drawer. The calls were nonstop. I’d deleted the voicemail, too. I couldn’t bear to hear what Lincoln had to say. Just imaging his thoughts put me into a depressing tailspin.
I didn’t even go down to my private beach. I’d never had stalkers, b
ut now I was afraid. Actually, my concern was more for Lincoln, because he would have to explain he didn’t know who I really was due to his own injury. There would be no way to justify being with a woman like me. The truth of his impairment would have to be made public.
“Miss Jensyn, there’s a phone call for you.” Anai handed me the cordless phone.
Only a few people had the house number. I placed my hand over the speaker. “Who is it?” I asked, reluctant to take the call.
“He says he’s your doctor. He also told me to please tell you to turn your mobile back on,” she said, shaking her head, prepared to reprimand. “You didn’t think that would work, did you? If your man is really mad, he will find you. Pretending your phone is broken. Really?”
I laughed with a dubious grin. I doubt very much Lincoln Bass would jeopardize his secret to show up at my front door. Besides, he doesn’t even know where I live. “Hello,” I said softly.
“Jensyn, it’s Lucas. I wanted to confirm our appointment tomorrow, and since you’re not answering your cell, I wanted to check on you.”
“I just needed some solitude, time for myself.” I rolled my eyes at that declaration since I’d had me-time for years.
“Jensyn, I’m available twenty-four-seven. I sent you a text with my home number. I never give that to my clients because I want them to go through the psychiatry center on-call system, but I wanted you to know if you want to talk, I’m here.”
Goddammit, he knows. Shit. “I’m fine, Dr. Bass. I’ll see you tomorrow at our scheduled appointment.”
“Good. I guess we’ll talk then.”
We hung up at the same time. Tomorrow was going to be a bad day. I wasn’t sure what he knew, but I’d be expected to talk about it even though there were promises made about discussing events between his brother and me. It was like being smacked with a double whammy. Even after all the publicity blew over, it was obvious it wouldn’t be in my best interest to keep seeing Lucas. I would have him refer me to yet another doctor. I couldn’t take the look of disappointment he would have, knowing I risked everything to have an affair with his brother.