Endless

by Amanda Gray

  “But … I can’t take your car.”

  He opened her palm and kissed it before placing the keys in her hands. Then he closed her fingers around them. “Take care of it—and the house—for me while I’m gone.”

  She nodded, blinking back the tears that were already forming in the corners of her eyes.

  “Let’s get off this road,” Ben said. “We’re too exposed here.”

  They started off across the field. Jenny held tight to Nikolai’s hand. She looked back every couple of minutes, half expecting one of the Order’s cars to pull up behind the Audi, but no one came.

  “Do you think Morgan’s already here?” Ben whispered as they stepped into the trees that acted as a border for the rear of the cemetery.

  The answering voice came to them from a large granite monument carved in the shape of an angel. “I’m over here.” Morgan stepped out from behind the statue, relief visible on her face. “You all made it.”

  Jenny nodded. “It was a close call, though. We don’t think they followed us, but they know we were there.”

  Morgan nodded. “We better get moving then.”

  She ushered them to the back corner of the cemetery, the beam of her flashlight bouncing off the ground as they walked. Jenny couldn’t help wondering where they were going, if she’d been right to trust Morgan or if she was leading them into some kind of trap. She’d laid everything out for Morgan. Brought Nikolai right to her.

  “Here we are.” Morgan stopped at a massive rectangular mausoleum with elaborate angel statues standing guard at all four corners.

  “Here?” Jenny whispered. “What are we doing here?”

  “Just trust me,” Morgan said. She handed Tiffany the flashlight. “Hold this for me and point it at the lock, will you?”

  Morgan pulled a familiar key ring from her pocket. Jenny recognized it from all the times she’d helped Morgan at the cemetery, but she’d had no idea Morgan possessed keys to the mausoleums.

  Choosing one of the keys, Morgan bent forward, slipping it into the lock. It sprang open. Jenny held her breath when Morgan opened the door to the crypt. She expected it to squeak, probably because she’d seen too many scary movies, but the enormous iron door swung open without a sound.

  Morgan waved them in. “Hurry. We need to get out of sight.”

  She followed them in, shutting the door. Morgan took the flashlight back from Tiffany and waved it around the enclosed space. The light ricocheted off the walls.

  “Hamish?” Morgan whispered. “Are you here?”

  A second later, an older man in a bowler cap and tweed pants stepped into the flashlight beam, his face eerily distorted by the flashlight.

  “Right here. I wanted to make sure it was safe.”

  Jenny heard relief in Morgan’s exhale. “Come here, Jenny. Bring Nikolai.”

  Jenny stepped forward, her hand clammy in Nikolai’s. She didn’t know what she’d expected when sending Nikolai away with the underground, but it hadn’t been a hand-off in a creepy mausoleum.

  “This is Hamish, Jenny,” Morgan said gently. “We’ve worked together many times. He’s the one who will take Nikolai to the first stop. After that, he’ll transfer Nikolai twice more to other members of the underground, just to be sure the trail is cold for the Order. You’ll have to send messages through me until we know it’s safe. Do you understand?”

  Jenny nodded, then shook her head. “Yes. I mean, not really. Why are we meeting here? And how will I know Nikolai is safe?”

  Morgan shone a light on the far wall of the mausoleum. A door hung open, built right into the granite. When Jenny leaned in for a closer look, she saw that torches lit the walls on either side of a staircase leading downward.

  “This is the gateway from Stony Creek to the rest of the underground,” Morgan explained. “I’m the only one with a key. As for knowing Nikolai is safe, I think it’s a good bet that he’d be safer anywhere but here in Stony Creek.”

  She was right. The Order had already gotten Nikolai once. If he stayed in Stony Creek, it was only a matter of time before he was discovered again. They would have to find the book, and Nikolai would have to stay away until they did.

  Jenny nodded. “So now what do we do?”

  “Now you say goodbye,” Morgan said simply.

  Jenny’s heart felt like lead in her chest as Nikolai pulled his hand away. He approached Tiffany, said thank you, and extended a hand to Ben.

  “Thank you, Ben. Will you look after Jenny while I’m gone?”

  Ben shook Nikolai’s hand. Jenny couldn’t read the expression on his face. “I will.”

  Nikolai turned to Jenny. He took her hand, putting a few feet between them and everyone else by pulling her toward the staircase.

  He rubbed her shoulders. “You’ll have to take care of yourself while I’m gone, too.”

  She wrapped her arms around him, pressing herself to his chest. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “This is the only way to protect what we have,” he said, smoothing her hair. “It’ll buy us some time. Time to find the book and figure all this out. And who knows? Maybe someone in the underground will remember your mother, have some idea where she hid the book.”

  “What will I do without you? I don’t think I was even breathing before.” It was true, she realized. She’d been going through the motions, living life with the imprint of Nikolai on her heart.

  His smile was sad. “You’re stronger than you know.” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “You’ll go on as before. You’ll watch over the house for me and learn about your mother and the gifts she may have given you. And someday, before you know it, I’ll be back.”

  She saw the love in his eyes. The resolve.

  He slid his hands into her hair, lifting her mouth to his. His kiss was both gentle and ferocious. A promise and a declaration.

  “You are mine.” He spoke against her lips. “You always have been. You always will be.”

  She breathed in the scent of him, that musky, bitter scent that made her think of cold winter days and evergreens. Clinging to him, she gripped his shirt in her hands, his body pressed against hers until she couldn’t tell where he ended and she began.

  When he pulled away, he brushed his thumb against her cheek. She didn’t even know she was crying.

  “Don’t,” he said gruffly. “Please, don’t cry.”

  She leaned her forehead against his chest and swallowed hard against the panic of his leaving.

  “I’ll be okay,” she said. “I’ll miss you like crazy, but I’ll be okay.”

  The man named Hamish appeared at Nikolai’s shoulder. “It’s getting late. We should be going.”

  Hamish made his way discreetly to the staircase, waiting there for Nikolai.

  Nikolai smoothed the hair back from Jenny’s face. Then he touched his hand to his lips and pressed his fingers against the skin of her collarbone. She had a flash of him in the concrete room, lying next to her, his eyes glassy as he pressed a hand to her neck to stop the bleeding.

  She had to put a fist to her mouth to fight a sob as he headed for the open door. He was at the top of the stairs when he looked back, the torchlight reflecting in the green pool of his eyes.

  “I love you, Jenny. And I’ll always find you.”

  Then he was gone.

  THIRTY-FIVE

  She said an awkward goodbye to Morgan before crossing the field with Tiffany and Ben. Jenny was grateful to Morgan for helping Nikolai get out of Stony Creek, but she was still stung by Morgan’s deceit. Only time would tell if they would be able to find their way back to the relationship they’d once had.

  Other than a soft, “You okay, Jen?” from Tiffany, they were quiet as they headed for the car. Jenny almost lost it when she slid into the driver’s seat of the Audi. She’d never realized how much the car smelled like Nikolai until he was gone.

  She drove Tiffany home first, getting out of the car to give her a hug while Ben waited in the passenger side.

&nb
sp; “There will never be enough words to thank you, Tiff,” she said.

  “No words necessary.” Tiffany squeezed her back. She pulled back, grinning. “And I can totally see why you’d risk your life for him. He’s hotter than hot.”

  “Yeah … ” Jenny smiled in spite of herself, then felt her heart freeze up when she remembered that Nikolai was gone. He was really gone. “So I’ll see you soon?”

  Tiffany nodded. “Definitely. Except I think we’re both out of a job, so we’ll have to keep it cheap. Movies and popcorn at my house?”

  “Sounds perfect.” Jenny got into the car. “I’ll text you tomorrow.”

  She waited for Tiffany to get inside before she pulled away. Ben was quiet, and Jenny remembered everything that had happened before the retreat center, before her goodbye to Nikolai.

  She wasn’t the only one suffering.

  His face was softly lit by the blue light from the dashboard. It made him seem young, like a little boy lying in bed with a nightlight.

  “Hey,” she said softly. “You okay?”

  He nodded. “You?”

  “Yeah.” She hesitated. “You want to try that again? For real this time?”

  He chuckled a little. “Sure.”

  “So … you okay?” she asked.

  He shook his head slowly. “Not really. You?”

  “I’m a long way from okay, actually.”

  They both smiled in the darkness.

  She pulled into Ben’s driveway, surprised to see it empty.

  “I just remembered we left the truck at Books,” she said. “Want me to take you back to get it?”

  “Nah. I’m beat. I’ll get it tomorrow.”

  She put the car in park, letting the engine idle while they sat in the dark, trying to find the words to say the things she needed to say to Ben. Even in the midst of his own loss, he’d been there for her. He’d come not just to protect her, but because he knew what it would mean for her to lose Nikolai.

  And whatever he said, he’d done it knowing that Nikolai was the reason Jenny couldn’t return his feelings.

  “Thank you, Ben. I don’t know what I would have done without you these past few days.”

  He turned to look at her. “You were there for me, too. It’s always been me and my mom. I’ve never had anyone else. It … it means a lot to me. If I could be there for you, too, well, I guess that’s what friends are for, right?”

  “Right,” she said softly.

  “So we’ll hang out soon, yeah?” he asked.

  She nodded, smiling. “Yeah.”

  He got out of the car, and she watched him amble to the front door. Just knowing he would probably be staying in Stony Creek made her less lonely, but it stung a little, too.

  Ben got to stay, but Nikolai had to leave.

  Once Ben was inside, she headed home. Nikolai was everywhere. In the smell of leather in the car and the residual scent of him on her clothes. In the feel of his lips on hers, the memory of his eyes seeing into her soul. She was emptying out, the shock of the last few hours wearing off as she faced the reality of life without him.

  She was almost to her driveway when she saw the black car parked at the side of the road. She knew who it was even before she saw the moon symbol. She drove past it, her heart thudding in her chest. It took her a minute to realize it wasn’t fear taking over. It was anger.

  She stopped the Audi just inside her driveway. Then she got out and walked back to the road, making her way to the driver’s side of the car. The windows were tinted. She could only see the faint outline of the man inside, but she banged on the window anyway.

  The window rolled down with an electronic hum. She wondered if it was her imagination that the blond-haired man staring back at her looked surprised.

  She leaned in, her fear left somewhere in the mausoleum where she’d said goodbye to Nikolai.

  “You’re too late,” she said. “He’s gone. You can go back and report that to your little cult of wardens.” She stomped back toward the driveway, turning one last time. “And stop following me or I’ll call the police.”

  She got back in the car and headed down the long driveway to the house, parking next to her dad’s SUV. She hadn’t expected him to be home, and she contemplated driving the car back to Nikolai’s and cutting across the field, just to avoid the questions that would accompany the Audi in the morning.

  But she was too tired. Besides, she had to start being straight with her dad eventually, and he would have to come clean with her, too. She’d finally started to understand some things about her mother that might explain some of the mysteries of her own life.

  But there was still so much more to learn.

  Even if it was painful for her dad. It was her birthright.

  He was in the kitchen making tea when she got in, still in his shoes and clothes. He must have beaten her home by only a few minutes.

  “Hey,” he said. “There you are.”

  “I was with Ben,” she said.

  “I figured.” He took a mug out of the cupboard. “Want some tea?”

  She nodded. “Sure. I thought you’d be home a lot later.”

  “Me, too,” he said. “Turns out they released Clare after taking her statement. I took her home.”

  “Is she okay?” Jenny asked.

  Her dad thought about it, pouring steaming water over the two tea bags. “As okay as can be expected.” He pushed the mug in front of her. “She told me what you did. How you helped her out of the building. How you wouldn’t leave without Ben.”

  Jenny nodded slowly.

  “I don’t know whether to kill you or tell you that I’m proud of you.”

  She smiled a little. “I can understand that.”

  “But I am proud of you,” he said. “For sure.”

  Silence fell between them. She dipped the tea bag in and out of the water, gathering her courage.

  “Dad?”

  “Mmm-hmm?”

  “Tell me about Mom.”

  She couldn’t tell if the look in his eyes was surprise or fear.

  He set his mug down. “What do you want to know?”

  Where did she start? With the big stuff? Who her mother was and where she came from? Jenny discounted the idea. She had a start with what Morgan had told her. She would take it slow with her dad. Open the door just a little.

  “Just … I don’t know. What was she like?” Jenny asked. “What did her laugh sound like? Was she a good person? What was her childhood like? Stuff like that.”

  He sighed. “That’s a lot all at once.”

  “You don’t have to do it all at once. We have time. Right?”

  His expression was somber but he reached across the counter and took her hand, squeezing it and saying exactly the thing she needed him to say.

  “Right.”

  * * *

  Later, she lay in bed, tears dripping onto her pillow.

  Nikolai was gone. She didn’t know when she’d see him again or how she would go on without him.

  She would have to find a way.

  A soft breeze rushed through the trees outside her window, and the weight on her heart lightened just a little with the knowledge that Nikolai was out there, maybe hearing the same wind, maybe feeling it touch his face, thinking of her like she was thinking of him.

  Wherever he was, he wasn’t in the bardo and he wasn’t in Russia mourning Maria after all this time.

  He was here. In her world, her heart. He was in the wind moving through the leafy branches, in the house next door where they’d come to love each other all over again, in her heart that had opened to him like a long-dead flower.

  She turned onto her back, looking at the moonlight streaming across her bed. He was in its shine, too. Wherever he was, he could probably see the very same moon. For once, it seemed like a friend. She felt Nikolai’s presence in it, his promise.

  The endless past and future of him. Of them.

  Most of all, she knew he’d meant what he said.

&n
bsp; He would always find her. And they would be together again.

  THE END

  AMANDA GRAY

  Amanda Gray believes in magic and fantasy and possibilities. She is a team of two bestselling authors who live only miles apart, but have never met in person. They talk on the phone and are the best of friends, and between them, have written more than a dozen novels and novellas and have had their work appear on television.

  From USA Today Bestselling Author Nicola Marsh

  November 2013

  Table of Contents

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  TWELVE

  THIRTEEN

  FOURTEEN

  FIFTEEN

  SIXTEEN

  SEVENTEEN

  EIGHTEEN

  NINETEEN

  TWENTY

  TWENTY-ONE

  TWENTY-TWO

  TWENTY-THREE

  TWENTY-FOUR

  TWENTY-FIVE

  TWENTY-SIX

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  TWENTY-NINE

  THIRTY

  THIRTY-ONE

  THIRTY-TWO

  THIRTY-THREE

  THIRTY-FOUR

  THIRTY-FIVE

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR