His Pain

by Wrath James White

  The world was so big, so loud, and there was so much he didn’t understand about it. Cars whizzed down the street, lethal two-ton projectiles belching noxious fumes. Each one buffeted him with their thunderous engine noise as they passed and the force almost drove him to the floor. Their radios blared a violent cacophony that made him want to scream. But the smell was worse.

  Jason felt like he was choking to death. The air in the house was heavily filtered and pure oxygen was pumped directly into his room. What they breathed out here was thick as stew. He felt like he should chew it before he swallowed it. Dogs barked, people laughed and yelled, horns blared, tires screeched, the wind blew the smell of dust and pollution, grass, trees, dog feces, fast food, car exhaust, human sweat, breath, and hygiene products. It descended on him like a dense cloud gagging him, making his eyes water and his stomach churn. For a moment Jason wanted to cry out and run back inside. Then he remembered his lessons. He’d been able to touch the woman and his mother because it had felt good then. He could make this pain feel good as well. He could convert it all into pleasure.

  His mind traveled inward finding every discomfort and irritation, every ache and affliction, then collected and transformed it. The dust and pollution filling his nostrils and laying thick on his tongue became the taste of his mother’s blood and vaginal fluids as she convulsed in that same miasma of rapturous agony that he’d experienced from her caresses. The riot of noise became sultry moans. The feel of the wind, the heat, the clothes on his back, the shoes on his feet, abrading his delicate skin, became loving kisses, the wet silky flicker of a tongue. This time it didn’t take him long. He was getting better at it. Now the sensations were exciting even as they continued to wound him. Soon he didn’t even have to think about sex at all in order to work the transformation. The pain itself became all the stimuli he needed. It now felt good on its own terms.

  Jason smiled as he picked up his bag and walked off the porch onto the sidewalk with a painful erection tenting the front of his pants. He didn’t know where he was going. He had no knowledge of how people got along in the world. How they acquired food and shelter. He knew his father worked to get money for those things, but he didn’t know what work was or how you went about procuring a job. All he knew was that he had to get far away from the house before his father returned.

  Cramps wound up through his calves as he walked. His ankles swelled. His quadriceps felt like they were on fire. Years of sitting around in his room had atrophied his muscles to the point of near uselessness. His will and his excitement over the new sensations kept him moving despite the considerable discomfort. He’d barely walked more than two miles before his legs refused to carry him further and he collapsed onto a bus stop bench and fell asleep. He was awakened just a few hours later when a girl sat down next to him.

  “Hey. Can I have a seat too? What, are you running away from home or something?”

  The girl looked younger than him by a year or two. She wore combat boots and was dressed all in black. Her skin was pale like his, but he could see that much of it was due to cosmetics rather than genetics or an aversion to the sun. Her nose, ears, and eyebrows were pierced with small silver hoops and she twirled a metal stud around in her mouth that was pierced through her tongue.

  “I guess I am.”

  “Your parents some kind of freaks or something or were you the freak and they just didn’t understand you?”

  Jason slid over so that the girl could sit down next to him. She flopped down beside him and looked into his eyes, smiling vibrantly.

  “I guess I was the freak.”

  “I figured. The latex body bag kind of gave it away. My name’s Katie,” she said, offering her hand.

  Jason reached out gingerly and took her hand in his. He stroked it with his other hand then brought it up to his face and rubbed it against his cheek. He then kissed it and rubbed it against his cheek again before releasing it.

  “Your skin feels wonderful.”

  “Wow. You are a freak, aren’t you?” the girl said, looking more delighted than worried or offended. “Where are you going? Do you have someplace to stay or were you just going to sleep out here all night?”

  “I–I don’t know.”

  “Well, look. I just ran away from home a few weeks ago myself. I’m stayin’ at this motel with weekly rates until I can afford a real place. It took all the money I stole from my parents just to pay for the first week though. I’ve been workin’ at this peepshow place dancin’ for dollars, but it really doesn’t pay much. It’s the only place I can work though until I turn eighteen. The good places won’t let under-aged girls in there. The shit hole I work in never even asked. I was thinkin’ about turnin’ a trick to get some more money until I saw you lyin’ here moanin’ and groanin’ and lookin’ all miserable.”

  “Why did you leave home?”

  “The old man had been fuckin’ me for years and I finally got tired of it. I tried to do a Lorena Bobbit on him and cut it off, but he woke up and kicked my ass. I did manage to cut him pretty bad though, before he bashed my head into a wall and tossed me out on the street.”

  Jason didn’t know what to say.

  “C-can I touch you again?”

  “You’re cute, but you are damn weird. What I’m tryin’ to say is that you can stay with me if you want to. The bus should be coming in a few minutes. It goes downtown and it’ll let us off right in front of the motel I’m stayin’ at. You’re not some rapist or serial-killer are you?”

  “I won’t hurt you.”

  “Then you’ve got a place to stay.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. And if you’re good and don’t try anything funny than maybe I will let you touch me again.” She winked at him and stuck out her tongue. The little silver stud flashed in the moonlight.

  Jason stared at it in fascination then reached out to touch her tongue. She pulled her tongue back in her mouth and winked at him again.

  “Did that hurt?”

  “Of course it did, stupid.”

  “Than why did you do it?”

  “Because sometimes pain feels good you know? It helps you forget about all the other bullshit in your life. Clears your mind, you know what I’m sayin’?”

  “Yes. I know. “

  ***

  The bus arrived ten minutes later and half an hour after that they were pulling up in front of a dilapidated motel on Vegas blvd. Scantily clad women reeking of perfume, alcohol, sweat, semen, and venereal disease patrolled up and down in front of the motel waving at passing cars.

  “What are they doing?”

  “They’re just trying to pay the rent. Same thing I was about to do tonight.”

  “How? How do they get money?”

  “Are you serious? They fuck. Guys pay them to let them stick their cocks in their ass or down their throat and occasionally even in their vaginas. Sometimes the guys just want a hand-job, but most of the time they’re looking for something to humiliate and abuse. These girls oblige as long as the money is right.”

  “And that’s what you were going to do?”

  “Don’t get all self-righteous on me. A few days sleeping at bus stops and you might have been doing it too. You should be thanking your lucky stars that I rescued you.”

  Katie stormed across the parking lot reaching into her purse for her keys.

  “Well, come on. Just because you pissed me off doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you out here. Bring your body bag with you.”

  “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

  “Don’t sweat it babe. I’m tougher than that.”

  The room was small and hot. The air conditioning system just seemed to be pushing the hot air around. There was one tiny twin-sized bed and two nightstands, one closet, one small bathroom with a shower, and a television set that advertised twenty-four hour hardcore porn.

  Katie dropped her purse on the floor and plopped down on the bed, snatching up the television remote at the same time in one def
t motion.

  “You want to watch some porno? That’s all this TV plays.”

  “I’ve never watched TV before.”

  Katie raised an eyebrow and twisted her mouth into a scowl.

  “Where did you say you were from?”

  “Right where you met me. A few blocks away, actually.”

  “And you’ve never watched TV before?”

  “The sound of it used to… hurt me. And the light from it gave me headaches.”

  “Are you serious? What’s your story anyway?”

  Jason sat down next to her on the bed and began to tell her all about himself. About sleeping in the vacuum bag without light or sound or sensation, doped up on pain-killers. He told her about how he used to scream when his mother would try to touch him or speak to him. How he’d never been outside before today, had never heard music, or driven in a car, or watched TV.

  “So you’ve never been with a girl either?”

  “Well, not before today. My mother found this monk, a Yogi, who taught me how to control the pain. He brought me a woman today. It was his final cure. It worked.”

  “He cured you with sex? Wow. That’s crazy. What, did he buy you a whore? How does that work?”

  “I don’t know. He just brought a woman to me while I was going through withdrawal from the painkillers and she showed me how to touch and be touched without pain. Then everything the Yogi had been trying to teach me just made sense and I was able to go out on my own.”

  “So you ran? That’s pretty deep. I’ve never heard anything like that before. So when I touched you back at the bus stop, did that hurt?”

  “Yes and no. It felt good, but it was still painful, like your tongue piercing I guess. Everything is like that now. It all arouses me.”

  “So what was sex like if being touched hurts?”

  “So much pain I wanted to scream forever, but it felt so good I didn’t want it to stop.”

  “Sounds more like when I got my clit pierced. Can I touch you?”

  “Go ahead.”

  Katie reached out and ran her hand over his face. She could feel his entire body tremble at her touch. She saw him grit his teeth against the pain and watched the sweat bead up on his forehead.

  “That’s trippy! What would happen if I hit you?”

  “In the old days it would have almost killed me. Now, I suppose it would excite me.”

  Katie drew her hand back as if she was going to pimp-slap him. Jason reached out and grabbed her wrist in a surprisingly firm grip.

  “I don’t think I should be aroused right now.”

  “You’re right. We just met and I should be getting some sleep. I’ve got to work tomorrow. Well then, goodnight. You’ll have to tell me more about yourself in the morning.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Katie watched as Jason stripped off all his clothes and climbed under the covers. He was as gaunt as a scarecrow, with long, almost elegant limbs. His skin was so pale and translucent she could see his veins and capillaries through it giving it a bluish tinge. She didn’t know what to make of the story he’d told her about having some weird congenital disease that made everything painful to him. But still she liked him. He looked like one of the beautiful undead bloodsuckers she liked to read about. She would have loved to fuck him. But more than that she wished he would drink her blood and make her live forever. Shrugging she undressed as well and slipped under the covers with him.

  They slept spooned together with Jason’s arms wrapped tight against her. At first she could hear him grinding his teeth and breathing heavily, his body tense and shivering. Then he relaxed, all but one part of him which suddenly became more prominent, poking her in the small of her back. Katie smiled, flattered. They held each other all night as they slept. They were both grateful for the other’s presence despite the added body heat in the already sweltering room. At least it helped ward off the dreams.

  ***

  The morning came and Jason greeted the sunrise with a scream.

  “What’s wrong?” What’s happening?” Katie almost fell out of bed, reaching for her clothes and looking around frantically for whatever was attacking them.

  “It’s the sun! It burns! It’s killing me!”

  Katie smiled.

  “Shhhh. It’s okay Jason. It’s just sunlight. It can’t hurt you.”

  But his skin was already starting to blister and she could smell the aroma of cooked flesh. It made her aware of her own hunger.

  “Damn. I never saw anything like that. Maybe you are a vampire? Try that trick you told me about. You know, make the pain feel good.”

  “Touch me. Please.” Jason held out his arms to her and Katie came to him.

  He kissed her face, forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose, lips, chin, as he pressed her flesh to his. She responded, kissing his face as well before sliding her tongue between his lips into his mouth. Their tongues danced and dueled before she withdrew from him breathless.

  “Does it hurt?”

  “Yes,” he replied in a strained hoarse whisper.

  “Do you want me to stop?”

  “No.” They kissed again and lightening bolts of pain seared through his flesh wherever she touched him. He gasped and groaned. His body twitched and spasmed as white hot agony ravaged his nervous system.

  “Are you sure it’s okay? It sounds like I’m really hurting you bad.”

  “Don’t stop.” The veins popping out in his face and forehead, his eyes bulging from their sockets, his teeth biting into his lower lip, betrayed his excruciating anguish, still he held her tight to his body and kissed her shoulders and throat. Katie reached down between his legs and seized his manhood, stroking it a few times sending fresh tremors of anguish radiating through Jason’s turgid flesh before slipping it inside of her.

  “My God!” he exclaimed as her wet silken flesh received him. It was so powerful, so overwhelming. It felt like he was plummeting through the atmosphere after being shot into orbit and burning up on reentry.

  “Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh fuck!” Katie cried out as Jason’s wild shrieks and convulsions brought her closer to her own orgasm. She rocked her hips back and forth sliding his length in and out of her and grinding her clitoris against his pelvis.

  She came just as he did.

  “Shit! That was fucking wild! I thought I was killing you. I can’t believe it turned me on so much. Your cock felt great! Are you okay?”

  “I love you, Katie. I never want to hurt you.”

  “Don’t get carried away now. It was just a fuck, an extraordinary fuck, but still just a fuck.”

  “You don’t love me?”

  “I just met you, buddy. Give it some time.”

  Katie started to get dressed.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To get us some breakfast.”

  “I thought you said you didn’t have any money? You aren’t going to sell yourself are you? Those girls get hurt. Sometimes, they get killed.”

  “Damn, Jason! We just fucked once. Don’t start the jealous boyfriend thing on me now.”

  “You’re the only one I have, Katie. Everyone else is gone.”

  Tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks as he remembered what he’d done to his mother. It was the first time he’d cried over pain that was not physical.

  “Come on, man. I’m sorry. I’m not going to turn tricks. Now come on and let’s get some breakfast. I’ve got enough for the buffet at one of the hotels downtown. They’re only about $3.99 for all-you-can eat pancakes.”

  “I’ve never had pancakes before.”

  “Everything is new to you huh? Well, don’t worry baby boy, Momma will protect you. Momma will teach you all about this big bad world.” Katie finished strapping on her boots and stood up smiling down at Jason who was struggling to climb out of bed and into his pants. He looked up at her with fresh tears streaming down his face.

  “Momma’s dead, Katie. I killed her.”

  ***

  Katie didn’t know
what to think of Jason. They’d been together for weeks now and he stilled seemed so mysterious to her. She’d been teaching him to read and write and it was like teaching a child. But when it finally clicked, she’d caught him reading an entire book with a dictionary in one hand and a thesaurus in the other struggling his way through it. A few days later he was devouring novel after novel like they were candy. It was wild. Then there was the pain thing, which still turned her on immensely, his ignorance to even the most basic aspects of life like burgers and fries and alcohol and drugs, and that story about him fist-fucking his mother to death. That had really creeped her out.

  She’d checked the newspapers for a few days for any mention of a dead housewife or prostitute but had found nothing. Still, she didn’t think Jason was just bullshitting her. He was convinced that he’d murdered his mother and that his father had killed a hooker after Jason had torn her face off. Katie was used to guys trying to impress her with tales of murder, torture, and mayhem. Somewhere along the way vampires and serial killers had become signatures of the “Goth” lifestyle. She had to admit she did have a thing for vampires, but she’d never understood those freaks who wrote love-letters to serial killers in prison, even though Jason’s story excited her as much as it terrified her. It was like the experiments they’d started doing together.

  Since the moment Jason mentioned his condition and how he’d overcome it, she’d been dying to test the limits of his abilities. She’d also been curious to see if she could do it too, convert pain into pleasure. She supposed it was the same as the piercings. She enjoyed the sharp stab of pain every time she got a new piece of jewelry punctured through her flesh, especially in her nipples and clit. She was admittedly addicted to tattoos and had almost a dozen of them on her body with more to come once she had the money to spare. But the constant torture Jason seemed to suffer was unimaginable to her. So they’d begun to test it.

  She must have been crazy after the story he’d told her, but she couldn’t imagine him killing anyone. He seemed so fragile. Besides, he’d said he would never hurt her and she trusted him. He didn’t seem capable of deceit. He was like a true innocent. So she’d swiped a scalpel from a hospital and brought it back to the motel room.