Good the Goblin Queen

by Becket

  “Maps do not say anything,” the clock goblin said. “They show.”

  “Well tell us then,” the bug goblin said, “what does the Mist Map show?”

  “It shows,” the hobgoblin griped, “that you’re bugging me!”

  “I am not a bug!” the bug goblin shouted, losing her temper completely, her wings buzzing with irritation. “I am a bug goblin. There is a difference.”

  “I don’t see it,” the hobgoblin said. “You look like a bug to me.”

  “Me too!” said the cobble goblin.

  “Me three,” said the bed goblin.

  The bug goblin sighed sorrowfully. “All right,” she said, “I guess I do look a little like a bug.”

  “But,” said Good, stepping closer to her, “I have never seen a finer looking bug in my life. You have character.”

  The bug goblin stood a little taller now. “Did you hear that,” she said proudly to the other six goblins. “I have character.”

  “What’s character?” the bed goblin whispered to the hobgoblin.

  “I don’t know,” the hobgoblin said. “I think it’s like a kind of cheese.”

  “Oh I like cheese!” the cobble goblin said delightfully.

  “Look!” the tall goblin said. “The Mist Map is dissolving.”

  And sure enough it was! Good started to worry about what might happen if they had no map.

  “We only have a little left in the canister,” the tall goblin said. “So we have to use it sparingly.”

  “Sparingly?” the bug goblin asked in a tone of doubt. “Is that some sort of vegetable?”

  “Not quite,” the tall goblin remarked. “We have to use the Mist Map only in dire need now.”

  The goblins all agreed, though Good had to tell them what the word dire meant.

  Then she looked around at the doors. Why couldn’t they just go through one? “Where do all these doors lead?” she asked.

  “They lead,” the tall goblin answered, “anywhere and everywhere.”

  He looked at the Mist Map again before it vanished mistily. Then he went to an orange door that was so crooked it looked as if it were a piece from a jigsaw puzzle. The tall goblin took out a large key ring full of keys. He unlocked the door and went through.

  Almost one second later, the green door on the other side of the hallway opened and he popped his head out.

  “See?” he said. “These two doors lead to one another.”

  He came out of the door and locked it behind him.

  “All these doors in this hallway lead to everyplace in the whole world,” he said, “and anyplace you can think of.”

  Then all the goblins started talking at the same time. Good had difficulty telling who said what, yet she understood a little.

  “Yes that’s right—”

  “The doors will lead to a home—”

  “Or into some foam—”

  “Or in a skyscraper—”

  “Or on some fly paper—”

  “Or on a box—”

  “Or near some rocks—”

  “Or in a car—”

  “Or in a jar—”

  “Or in a truck bed—”

  “Or on a duck’s head—”

  “Or in a cemetery—”

  “Or with a cinnamon fairy—”

  “Yes, yes, yes,” the tall goblin said, putting an end to it. “These doors take you anywhere and everywhere.”

  Then he looked at Good.

  “Shall we keep going?” he asked with a toothy smile.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Speaking Goblin

  Soon the seven goblins and Good were marching again and singing their song, the Pots and Pans Parade. They went down many more hallways and passed by many more doors. Sometimes they went into a door and passed through a new place. Each one was completely different from the last.

  One door led them into a circus. Another led them through a school. Another led them through a library. Another led through the ears of the heads on Mount Rushmore. And another door led them through the middle of a monster truck rally.

  Every time they went through one door and passed through another interesting place, there was always another door that brought them right back into the Hall of Countless Doors.

  Good was very impressed with this way of traveling and she wished more people could do this. If she ever needed to go to the market, she needed only go through one door and she would be there. She could visit all the places she’d ever wanted to go like Paris and Rome and the North Pole where she knew Santa Claus must live too.

  But then she changed her mind about the doors. It happened after they had been marching and singing for some time. Finally, the tall goblin took out his large key ring jangling with many keys and he unlocked one more door. After that he led Good and the other goblins inside.

  When they were all in Good looked around. She had never been in that place before, yet she recognized where she was. They were passing through the bedroom of a little girl.

  The bedroom lights were off and the little girl was in bed. The girl saw the goblins light lanterns before moving farther through the darkness. The little girl sat up in bed, brought the covers to her mouth, and trembled with fear. Good felt sorry for her and tried to comfort her. But she forgot that she had green skin and long crow-like fingernails. The little girl saw the Goblin Queen step closer to her and her eyes widened with fright.

  Good tried to comfort her. “Don’t worry,” she said. “We are just passing through. We will be gone before you know it.”

  But the little girl suddenly opened her mouth and shrieked so loud Good had to cover her goblin ears. Then the little girl hid under her covers and tried to make as little movement as possible, even though she was shaking all over with fright.

  “What are you doing, Your Highness?” the bug goblin asked.

  “I’m trying to talk to this little girl,” Good said.

  “But she doesn’t understand you,” the bug goblin said. “Most girls do not understand goblin-talk because they’re so smart. Boys do. But not girls.”

  “What do you mean?” Good asked in a tone of surprise. “I’m not talking like a goblin.”

  “Well, you’re not talking like a human, that’s for sure,” the bug goblin said with a little titter.

  Good had no idea she was no longer speaking the way she used to. And she had no idea what goblin-talk sounded like, but she did not like the idea of frightening little girls since she never liked to be frightened either.

  “What do I sound like now?” she wondered aloud.

  “One thing’s for certain,” the hobgoblin said, butting into the conversation, “you don’t sound like an orangutan anymore.”

  “I am not an orangutan!” said Good with some alarm, thinking of her mom and dad. “I have never sounded like an orangutan in my life!”

  “Of course not because you’ve never been human, have you,” the hobgoblin said. “All humans sound like orangutans in a zoo.”

  Good did not like the sound of that one bit. As Queen she decided she would have to make some changes, one of which would be teaching goblins more about humans, namely that they were not orangutans, and that a little girl’s bedroom was off limits.

  “No more frightening them,” she said decisively.

  Good wanted to know what she sounded like. She had never heard goblin-talk before and now that she was speaking it, it did not sound strange to her ears. She could understand the other goblins and herself perfectly.

  The bobgoblin saw the look of curiosity on her face. So he took out of his tiny vest pocket an even smaller device that looked like a cross between a crystal ball and an old time record player. He handed it to her and pointed to a little button that she should push.

  She pushed it and a sound like scratching started. It was recording. The bobgoblin touched his mouth, showing her that she could say something.

  She did.

  “Hello, my name is Good,” she said into the small device.

>   The bobgoblin smiled and nodded. Then he took it from her, pressed a few of its small buttons, rewired some of its small wires, and then he played the recording back for her.

  The voice sounded almost like Good’s voice, yet it seemed scratchier, as if she had a cold. And the words were nothing like words she thought she would ever speak.

  “Flrupy grubble slarty dingle—Good.”

  Good blinked at the bobgoblin.

  “Is that me?” she asked in alarm.

  He nodded with a happy smile and put the device back in his vest pocket.

  Good looked pityingly at the little girl, still trembling under her bedcovers.

  “I must have really frightened her,” she said regretfully.

  She followed the goblins under the bed where there was another door that led back into the Hall of Countless Doors.

  Now they had come quite close to the Goblin Kingdom.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  This Way to the Goblin Kingdom

  At long last Good and the seven goblins came to a dark looking door. On it was a sign that read: This way to the Goblin Kingdom.

  “Here it is,” the tall goblin said.

  “We’re here at last!” the hobgoblin shouted with delight and started hopping up and down.

  Several others started jumping up and down joyously too. They were really excited to be leaving the world of people behind and returning home where they could get a good mud bath and eat Snuckle Truffles all day long.

  The tall goblin took out his large key ring again and tried to unlock this door too. He seemed to have a key for every door in this maze of halls and doors. But when he tried to unlock the door to his own home, he couldn’t. It would not unlock.

  “Are you sure you got the right key?” the hobgoblin asked him.

  “Of course I’m sure,” the tall goblin said in a tone of irritation. “It’s the green one with the skull and crossbones on it.”

  He showed the ring to the other goblins and they all nodded their approval. “Yes, that’s the right key,” they murmured among themselves.

  “So if that is the right key,” the clock goblin asked, “how could the door be locked?”

  The goblins became very quiet as they thought about this. But they all decided together that this was an impossible mystery to solve and that the end of the world had come.

  “Wait,” Good cried as the goblins were falling into despair. “You shouldn’t jump to conclusions.”

  They all blinked at her doubtfully.

  The cobble goblin was the first to speak up. “I’ve never been very good at jumping,” he said, “and I have never been to a place called Conk Lesions. Is it very far? Could we get there by row boat?”

  “No,” Good said with a little laugh. “It’s not Conk Lesions. Don’t jump to conclusions. What I mean is that you should not assume the worst of a situation. You don’t really know what’s going on.”

  The goblins all nodded.

  “She’s got a point,” the tall goblin said.

  “As sharp as a thumbtack!” the others all cheered in agreement.

  “The world isn’t coming to an end just because you’ve come to a difficult challenge,” Good said. “I’m sure there is a perfectly understandable reason why your key doesn’t work. But we won’t know it on this side of the door. Once we get through it, then we will know why the key does not work.”

  “I don’t know,” the cobble goblin said. “That sounds like a lot of work.”

  “What do you suggest?” the bed goblin asked Good.

  “Well,” she said touching her green fingers to her lips, considering what to say. She looked at the tall goblin’s key ring. She studied the many doors. Then an idea came to her. “You said that all these doors lead to anywhere and everywhere.”

  “I did,” the tall goblin said. “What of it?”

  “Could there be a door that leads to some place inside this door?” Good asked.

  All seven goblins became thoughtful together. They thought and thought, but they could not think of any other place besides this door that led into the Goblin Kingdom.

  Just then, when they thought they could not think anymore, the bobgoblin started pulling the hem of Good’s long dress. He seemed to be the gentlest of all the other goblins, yet now he became more forceful as he tried to pull her down the hallway. But when she did not follow him immediately, he snatched the key ring from the tall goblin and ran along the hall, waving for the others to follow.

  “Hey,” the tall goblin shouted after him, “you’re not allowed to carry key rings!”

  Good and the other six goblins then chased after the bobgoblin who turned the corner and went down another hallway.

  They caught up with him when he stopped before a small golden-colored door. It was so small that Good would have to get on her hands and knees to crawl through.

  The bobgoblin took the green key with the skull and crossbones on it and fit it into the lock. He turned it and the door opened.

  “That is the only key to the Goblin Kingdom,” the tall goblin said in a tone of frustration. Then he pointed in the direction they had come. “And that door we just left is the only door into the Goblin Kingdom too,” he added. “So what door is this and where does it lead?”

  The bobgoblin smiled and nodded. Then he handed the key ring back to the tall goblin and went through the open door.

  The others followed him.

  Good followed last of all. The door closed behind her, locking her in with another little click.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  The Dream Kingdom

  Good was in an amusement park. No, she realized, it was not an amusement park. It was an amusement maze!

  “And it’s not any amusement maze,” the hobgoblin said. “It’s the amusement maze! It’s the only one of its kind.”

  They were all standing in the middle of a theme park with lights and rides and games. There were fun houses and not-so-fun houses, video arcades and haunted mansions, shops and musicals and restaurants, and much more! The rides were the most impressive. Some looked very fun and some looked very scary. Some went around and around while some went upside down and one seemed to go inside out!

  “Why have we come to an amusement maze?” Good asked.

  “That’s what it’s called, but that’s not its name,” the tall goblin said. He pointed up to a sign near the entrance. In bright beautiful lights that shimmered like stars were the words The Dream Kingdom.

  “Its name is the Dream Kingdom,” the tall goblin went on to explain. “And the Dream Kingdom is sort of like a backdoor into the Goblin Kingdom.”

  All the goblins cheered and patted the bobgoblin on the back. “Well done, Bob,” they said. “You’ve really done a great job!”

  The bobgoblin blushed in embarrassment and he hid his face in his hands.

  “Hold on, everyone,” the tall goblin said. “This is not going to be as easy as it looks. This might be the Dream Kingdom, but it also borders Nightmare Hollow, a dangerous land. Sometimes the two places get tangled up so we have to be extra careful not to get lost.”

  “Nightmare Hollow?” asked Good, surprised to see the goblins were biting their fingernails, fearful of this other place. “Are you all afraid of nightmares too?”

  “Afraid of them?” the bed goblin said with a shriek. “Nightmares are terrifying!”

  “I thought you—I mean we—were supposed to be the stuff of nightmares,” Good said to them.

  “We are!” they all said together.

  “But,” the bed goblin added, “they still scare the buttons off our boots!”

  Good looked down and saw that some of their boots were missing some buttons. Then she looked up and saw a sign that read, This way to the Goblin Kingdom.

  “I think I see the way out,” she said. “Follow me.”

  Good started slowly moving forward into the Dream Kingdom. All the goblins slowly followed her, looking left and right with their eyes wide, fearful of any nightmares that m
ight be crouching nearby.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Chocolate Heaven

  Good and the goblins soon found out that there were many twists and turns in the Dream Kingdom. But at the same time, everything seemed connected in some way. If they took a left on Right Street, they ended up going on Wrong Way. Going down Up Street took them straight to Upside Downtown. And heading south on Back Road led them down to Feet Street. If they went into the Magic Bookshop, they found themselves in the Tragic Hook Stop. The O.K. Saloon put them face-to-face with the Ballet Baboon. Going into Boomtown introduced them to the Broom Clown. The Haunted House was home to the Daunted Mouse. The Ghostly Grave was filled with the Mostly Brave.

  It was definitely the strangest place Good had ever been. And yet it did remind her of having a dream, not a nightmare, just a very odd dream.

  There were cats that turned into bats, dinosaurs that turned into rinosaurs, and bales of hay that turned into whales of clay. There were boars made of doors, cars made of jars, and apes made of grapes. There were flying peoples and crying steeples, leaping lizards and creeping gizzards, talking crabs and squawking scabs. There were rice eating mice, pies eating flies, and geese eating meese! There were apricots served on tater tots, oil served on plates of soil, and bowls of peaches with sides of leeches. And there were so many more strange and wonderful things that Good almost got dizzy from all the sights and smells and sounds. She had never been in such an odd place, except perhaps when she slept.

  Soon they came to a place called Chocolate Heaven and Good definitely knew that this must be the Dream Kingdom because she had never seen anything in the real world as heavenly or as chocolaty in her life! The houses, buildings, cars, streets, and everything else were all made entirely of chocolate, even the people walking around.

  Good wanted to go in there but the goblins would not let her.

  “It can lead to many places,” the tall goblin told her, “none of which is the Goblin Kingdom.”