Dark Mountains

by Amanda Meredith

  “What can I do?” Libby’s voice was hoarse with tears as she looked back at Cole.

  “Just love him for now.” The nurse chuckled, reaching over to squeeze her shoulder. “Talk to him and love on him. The hardest parts will come when he starts therapy.” She chuckled a little to herself but then stopped when she realized that Libby wasn’t catching onto the joke. “Sorry,” she mumbled with a guilty smile.

  “It’s alright.” Libby smiled back. “I think you’re entitled to a little humor with all the things you probably see here.”

  “The doctor will be doing rounds in a half hour if you have any questions for her and I’ll be right down the hall if you need anything.” Libby only nodded as the nurse left the room.

  She nudged the chair closer to Cole’s bed, careful to avoid the tubes and hoses. She leaned forward and laid her lips on his hand, listening to the sound of the respirator breathing for him. His hand began to twitch again and Libby picked it up carefully as she leaned forward.

  “Cole?” She tried to control the shaking of her voice as she whispered. “Can you hear me, Cole?”

  I was in another nightmare, my body on fire. I was trapped, being strangled by snakes as they choked the life out of me. The laughter echoed in my head, making the pain unbearable, drowning out the sound of my own screams.

  Libby. I needed to think of Libby. I tried to picture her face, her smile, but everything in my head was so blurry. I wanted to scream her name but I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see Libby in the darkness.

  ***

  “Cole has developed a pretty severe infection,” Dr. Heinrich explained as Libby stared numbly at her. It had been over two weeks since Cole was injured and he was still in a medically induced coma. “It isn’t in his bones but the deep muscle tissue of the leg. We’re going to remove some of the muscle that’s infected before it gets any worse.” She knelt down in front of Libby. “I will do everything I can to save his leg, Ms. Michaels but I want to be very clear with you. Saving his life is the priority.” Libby nodded and watched with fear as they began preparing Cole to move to surgery.

  Two days later Libby was in another room, just as dark as the first one had been. Cole was being kept near the operating room in case he needed to go back into surgery. His pseudo-seizures were getting worse, though his head had healed enough for Dr. Heinrich to remove the probe. She was going to bring him out of his medically induced coma but he would have to be heavily sedated to keep him from flailing too much and injuring his leg further.

  “We’re going to slowly reduce the medications that are keeping him unconscious,” Dr. Heinrich explained. “It will take roughly 24 hours for the anesthetic to wear off completely. We will be monitoring pressure and brain function as well as his heart rate and blood pressure. We might have to put him back under if his body isn’t ready. Do you understand how this is going to work?” Libby nodded. “I want you to talk to him. It might help him stay calm when he’s able to hear and understand you.”

  “He can’t hear me now?”

  “No one knows. The brain is very complicated. He can hear you, certainly, but whether his brain can process that information and understand what he’s hearing is another matter.”

  Eight hours later, Cole still hadn’t moved. Libby had fallen asleep, her head resting on the bed next to his hand when the heart monitor alarm woke her. It seemed like every monitor began going off at once and Libby jumped up, seeing that Cole’s body was convulsing. His arms and legs jerked against the restraints. Nurses rushed in, checking monitors, adjusting levels but Cole continued to shake. They paged for Dr. Heinrich and she arrived minutes later.

  “Heart rate at 140, BP 160 over 120.” Dr. Heinrich nodded as the nurse spoke, looking at the EEG report as it printed out of the machine.

  “Libby, I want you to talk to him,” she explained as she put a stethoscope onto his chest. “He’s starting to wake up and his brain is trying to process everything it’s feeling. He’s going to feel pain, the restraints. He’ll be extremely confused. He should be able to hear you.” She moved the stethoscope to the other side of his chest. “We’ll see if he can calm down but if this keeps up we’ll have to put him under again, okay?” Libby nodded and stepped closer to the bed.

  “Cole,” she whispered, leaning down towards his ear. “You have to fight, Cole.” Her voice was louder as she spoke. “You have to be strong now.” His body still convulsed. “I love you so much, Cole. I always have.” She was crying now. “I won’t lose you now, damn it! You have to fight.” She kissed his face as she murmured, praying that he could hear her.

  “You have to wake up now Cole. You still have to propose to me, you know,” she teased through her tears as she continued to squeeze his hand. “We’re supposed to get married, Cole. Start a family and grow old together. So you have to wake up Colton Andrews! Dammit, wake up!”

  I saw a flash of light. I gulped in air as the snake around my neck loosened its hold.

  “Fight!”

  Another flash of color.

  “Fight, Cole.”

  I moved my arms. More snakes began to loosen their hold. An image flashed across my mind. She was sitting on the rock at our lake, staring out at the water.

  “Wake up!”

  The snakes were losing their hold. I could move my arms and legs now. The image flashed again in my mind. Libby had turned to look over her shoulder, smiling at me.

  “I love you.”

  “Libby!” My voice finally broke through the barrier in my mind. I felt my body being freed, one last snake trying desperately to hold on. The image flashed again. I was sitting next to Libby, kissing her.

  “Wake up!”

  The snake was suddenly gone. The darkness was fading but the light was too strong, hurting my head. I’d never felt so exhausted in my life. In my mind, I closed my eyes and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

  Cole’s body suddenly stilled. The monitors that had been beeping loudly suddenly went silent.

  “Oh no!” Libby cried out looking at the doctor desperately.

  “It’s fine, Libby,” Dr. Heinrich assured her. She pointed at the monitor and Libby saw the line of Cole’s heart rate rising and falling rhythmically. “Heart rate 80. Pressure 117 over 75. He’s doing great, Libby.” Libby fell into the chair sobbing, her head resting near Cole’s arm.

  “You did it, Cole.” She murmured. “You’re alright.”

  Chapter 12

  The light was a white heat, seeping into my body, warming my bones. It was white all around me. I was stiff and sore, like I hadn’t moved in years but I wasn’t trapped and that was something. I could hear voices everywhere now. I’d turn around, frantically trying to find their source but I saw only white.

  “Vitals all within normal range Doctor.”

  “Pupil response is brisk.”

  Where were the voices coming from? Who were they?

  “He may need more time. Ms. Michaels, why don’t you try talking to him again?”

  Ms. Michaels? Libby was here? I turned, trying to find her but it was still nothing but white.

  “Cole?”

  Her voice shook the white expanse around me like an earthquake.

  “Try, Cole. Please try to wake up.”

  But I am awake! There’s nothing here! Where are you!

  “I’m holding your hand, Cole. Can you squeeze my hand?”

  I looked down at my hands. They were empty. There is nothing here!

  “Squeeze my hand if you can hear me, Cole.”

  I’m trying Libby!

  “Dr. Heinrich!” Libby was crying. “He squeezed my hand! I felt it!” Dr. Heinrich took her flashlight out and checked his eyes again.

  “Pupils responding to light but there’s no movement of the eye.” She stuck the flashlight in her pocket. “Try again, Libby. Ask him to do it again.” She was watching Cole’s hand.

  “Cole, honey, you did great! Squeeze my hand again, Cole! I know you can do it, just squeeze
my hand!”

  Honey? She’s never called me that before. The warmth that filled me then had nothing to do with the bright white surrounding me. The word didn’t sound strange coming from her lips. It felt natural, normal. It felt good. Where are you Libby?

  “There, see?” Libby cried beaming up at the doctor. “He squeezed it again!” Dr. Heinrich checked his eyes again.

  “Eyes are moving now,” she murmured, scrawling something in Cole’s chart. “I think that’s enough for today though. He’s made tremendous progress though, Libby. We’ll keep him off the anesthesia but mildly sedated so if the pseudo-seizures start up again, he won’t hurt himself.” Libby nodded as she stroked Cole’s hand.

  “What Cole just did for you was a big task, Libby. Now he needs to rest. We’ll try some more tomorrow, okay?” Libby nodded again and the doctor left the room. Nurses were in and out the rest of the evening but Libby stayed vigilant by Cole’s side, waiting for him to move again.

  ***

  It was dark again but I noticed right away that I wasn’t having a nightmare. I could hear a sort of whooshing sound near my ear, steady with the rise and fall of my chest. A quieter beeping sound from a bit further away matched the rhythm of my heart.

  My mouth was dry, parched like the desert and I tried to swallow but something was in the way of my mouth. I tried to open my eyes but they were heavy, giant sandbags, keeping my world dark.

  I felt pain, so much that I felt like I was being burnt alive and hit by a truck at the same time. My back, which I could tell I was laying on, felt as if it had been whipped. My head was also pounding but no longer foggy.

  I tried to open my eyes again. A small gray slit appeared and the thrill of victory gave me more motivation. I blinked and the slit became wider, letting in more light. A few more blinks and they were all the way open. Everything was blurry, as if I was trying to see underwater. I blinked furiously, trying to clear my vision. It felt like I hadn’t opened my eyes in a long time.

  My vision was getting better and the more I blinked the clearer it became. There was a light on the ceiling, set to low. For this, I was thankful; my eyes probably couldn’t take any bright lights right now. I tried to turn my head to get my bearings but something pulled at my face and the more I moved the more it hurt so I lay still. Instead, I looked with my eyes, as far as I could.

  I could see the annoying beeping machine I’d heard next to the bed beside me. I knew it was a heart rate monitor as I watched the lines jumping up and down with the beeping… a little faster now than it had been a moment ago. The machine I’d heard the whooshing sound from was a ventilator, I’d seen plenty of those in the last few years. I followed the tubes with my eyes as far as I could. I tried to swallow again and felt that my mouth and throat were blocked.

  I could hear the heart rate monitor beeping faster as I realized what was going on. The heart rate monitor was mine. The ventilator was keeping me breathing. I subconsciously tried to swallow again, and knowing I had a ventilator tube all the way down my throat sent panic through me. Normally I would be steadying my breathing but the respirator was doing that for me.

  I understood that somehow I was in the hospital. That something had happened to me, serious enough for me to need help breathing. My heart raced on, sending off a minor alarm on the machine. I tried to force my heartbeat to slow, like I’d been trained to, but I needed something to concentrate on.

  My eyes wheeled around the room, searching for something to focus on when they landed on a picture on the table next to the bed. It was a photo of Libby and me holding blue bells. The very picture I’d given her before I left for Iraq. My fingers twitched, my subconscious wanting to reach out for the picture. Something twitched back.

  I let my eyes trail down slowly, the soldier in me prepared for some kind of ambush. Chestnut hair pooled on the sheet next to my arm. A delicate hand with chipped pink fingernails lay over my hand. Libby’s face, lying on the bed near my arm.

  My hand twitched again, aching to touch her. Libby moaned a little, the sound making my heart jump. She sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes. She glanced at the clock behind her before yawning. I moved my hand again and she jumped out of her chair with a shriek. The sudden movement had my body instinctively reacting. Years of training made the movement involuntary. I went to lunge out of the bed, intending to grab Libby and shield her from danger.

  I instantly regretted it. The pain was bewildering. Every part of my body was on fire. I moaned, the sound gurgled by the ventilator. I hadn’t gone far. I realized that my arms and legs were restrained and was actually thankful for that. My unnecessary evasive maneuvers would’ve sent me flying off the bed had they not been holding me in place.

  “Cole?” Libby’s voice was like a balm to my burning body. I tried to focus on her face but my eyes had filled with tears. “Oh God, Cole. I’m so sorry!” She put her hands on my face and leaned above me so I could see her without moving my head. I was struggling to focus and I could feel my body going into a panic when I couldn’t control my own breathing. My body was screaming at me to suck in giant breaths but I could only breathe with the steady rhythm of the machine.

  “Cole, look at me,” she commanded as she stroked my cheek. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to force my body to obey. I opened them again and saw that she was crying. I tried to lift my hand to wipe them away but they were held down by the restraints.

  “No, no.” She reached a hand down to hold mine. “Keep still. It’s alright.” I shook my head a little. I couldn’t panic right now. Every movement dipped me in that lake of fire and I didn’t want to risk losing control again. “Don’t try to talk, honey. You’re on a ventilator. Do you understand?” I tried to nod my head but the pain had me closing my eyes again. “Blink if you understand me.” I opened my eyes and very carefully blinked for her. She smiled, new tears coming to her eyes.

  “You’re in the hospital, near Ramstein. Do you understand? Blink twice for no.” I blinked once for her again.

  Ramstein was where they sent you were seriously wounded. Minor injuries were treated in the forward operating hospitals near your field base. If you were too injured to serve but well enough to fly, they shipped you stateside to Walter Reed. I resisted trying to wiggle all my toes and fingers. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to know if they were all there or not. Then I wondered absently if I’d even be able to tell.

  “Do you remember anything?” She asked me and I blinked twice. She seemed to chew on her lip a little before she spoke, as if she was unsure of how to tell me. I could only pray I wasn’t missing a leg.

  “You were on a mission, by yourself,” she started and I blinked once. I remembered that part. My mission had been to assassinate a murderer. “There was an explosion.” I blinked twice. I didn’t remember any of this. What explosion? “Cole, you’ve been in a coma for over two weeks.”

  Two weeks? Jesus. What the hell had happened to me? I was blinking furiously now.

  “It’s okay.” She was stroking my cheek again. “Your brain got bounced around in that hard head of yours and swelled too much. There’s a fracture above your left ear. They kept you asleep while the swelling went down.” She leaned down and kissed my cheek. “You broke a few ribs and punctured your spleen. You got lucky… they didn’t have to take it out.” She smiled a bit and continued to touch my face.

  “You’ve got some pretty bad burns that are going to need skin grafts…” I blinked furiously at that. I’d seen soldiers with bad burns. They didn’t even look like men anymore.

  “They’re on the back of your neck and upper arms. The doctor said they wouldn’t scar too badly. You broke your nose.” She chuckled a little and I blinked twice again. “I was just thinking that this little bend in your nose makes you even more handsome than you were before.” I couldn’t blink for a second and then, very carefully, blinked once. “There’s a bit of shrapnel embedded here” I could feel her very carefully touching my cheek. “A plastic surgeon is going to take them out
when you’re better.” I looked at her for a moment. I must not look too horrible. I’d be able to tell from her eyes if it was too bad.

  “Your leg was pretty banged up,” she murmured and I would’ve sucked in a breath if I could have.

  Was. I closed my eyes. I had a feeling this would be coming. So many times, I had seen my brothers being carried out of harm’s way with mangled and missing limbs.

  “A piece of concrete landed on your right leg and snapped your femur,” Libby continued. “The bone went through your leg and pierced your femoral.”

  I didn’t have a leg anymore. I couldn’t fathom it. It still felt like it was there; pain and all.

  My mind went back to when I’d helped the medic in my unit work on a guy that had been shot in the leg. The bullet had hit his femoral. He’d bled out before we could find the artery and clamp it. His name had been Michael. I opened my eyes slowly, tears leaking out of them again.

  “It won’t be that bad, Cole,” Libby tried to reassure me. “The rod will have to stay in for life and you ended up getting a bad infection so they had to remove some of the muscle but the doctor said that with physical therapy your leg will learn how to function with less muscle mass. She has no doubt you’ll be up and walking soon.”

  I blinked furiously. I still had my leg? My hand tried to reach out to touch it but the restraints held me back. I got angry then. So angry I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to scream and kick but I couldn’t do either. Libby’s voice was the only thing that kept my sanity.

  “It’s going to be alright, Cole.” Her voice settled onto me like a warm blanket and I forced my wide eyes to look into hers. Her face could never lie to me and I saw that she was telling the truth. It was going to be okay. I was going to be okay.