A Beautiful Mess

by T. K. Leigh

  As she made her way through the finish line chute, she grabbed her finisher’s medal and found Alexander just outside of the runner’s area. He ran over to her, picked her up, and swung her around. “You did it!!!” he exclaimed. “I’m so proud of you, Olivia.” He put her down and kissed her full on the mouth.

  Olivia pushed him away. “Gross. I’m all sweaty and salty.”

  “I like you salty,” Alexander said, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the crowd. His enthusiasm was infectious and she couldn't help but smile weakly. Olivia cherished that moment. She knew it would be one of her last moments of joy.

  Back on the yacht, Olivia emerged from the shower and saw Alexander sitting on the bed. “Feel better now, Love?” he asked, taking in her beautiful silhouette as she walked through the master bedroom in only a towel, her long hair dripping with water.

  “Yes. Thank you,” she responded dryly.

  There was something off about Olivia. Alexander had noticed it the day before. She seemed like an empty shell. No emotion. There was nothing there anymore and he didn't know what to make of it. The previous day, Olivia had said it was nerves about her upcoming marathon. But now, that was over. She had qualified for Boston. He thought she would return to her normal self, but even at the finish line, when he thought she would be thrilled for achieving her goal, she was distant. Aloof. She was empty. He could see it in her eyes. The spark was gone. He needed that back.

  Olivia sat at a small reading table in the master bedroom. She could feel Alexander's eyes glued to her. She turned her head to look out the expansive windows, not wanting to look into his vibrant green eyes. The eyes that she knew she would be leaving the following day.

  Everything still seemed so familiar as she watched sailboats float by. In the distance, she could faintly make out a military fort. She knew she had been there before. It was Fort Adams. She knew that. But why did she know that?

  A lump formed in her throat as she thought about what it could all mean. The house yesterday. The dream. The green-eyed boy. She was losing her grasp on things. Her life was fine before Alexander walked into it on that night back in August. Since then, she slowly began to lose control of her own feelings. She had started to let him in. And she regretted that. Life was better before when she kept everyone away. And that's what she needed to do again. Keep everyone away. And get her heart back from Alexander.

  After Olivia had finished brushing her hair, Alexander watched her walk back into the bathroom, throwing her long locks into a ponytail before slipping into a pair of yoga pants and tank top. He looked into her eyes through the mirror, although she was unaware of it. The emptiness was there. He hadn't seen that look since the night he first met her. At that instant, he knew she was slipping from him. There was only one way for him to regain that control he so desperately needed.

  “Olivia,” he said sternly, waking Olivia from her thoughts as she finished getting ready in the bathroom. “Get out here.”

  Alexander's voice was powerful. She couldn't help but obey. The past few days something had changed in Alexander and it scared Olivia. Whenever they had sex, he was gentle and sweet. The normally dominant lover was nowhere to be found. But at that moment, she needed that. She wanted to turn it all off. So that's what she did. With a blank expression on her face, she walked out of the bathroom, staring into Alexander's brilliant eyes, hooded with an emotion Olivia had never seen before. She could almost see the struggle within through those eyes.

  “Come here, Olivia,” he said forcefully. She obeyed, walking over to the edge of the bed where he sat waiting for her.

  The emptiness was still there in her eyes. He couldn't bear to look into the cold eyes that were void of any emotion. Getting up from the bed, he strode over to the chest of drawers.

  Olivia turned around to see what he was doing.

  “Face forward, Olivia,” he barked.

  She obeyed again, thousands of different sensations running through her core. She liked it when he told her what to do. That she could deal with. She could turn everything off and just submit to Alexander. What she couldn't deal with was the slow, emotional sex that seemed to occur more and more lately.

  As Alexander strode back behind her, she felt his body heat, the proximity overwhelming her senses. She could do this. She would do whatever he said. And then she would leave him. She knew he saw it in her eyes. The emptiness. He always was observant, knowing how she felt before she even did. At that moment, Olivia realized that Alexander thought he was losing control. And he was. This was his way of regaining that. Olivia would play the part he needed her to play. It was the least she could do. She would make him think that he had control of the situation and that she wasn't going to leave. But no matter what, she had to leave him. She would only destroy him, too. He had said that himself.

  Alexander placed a blindfold over Olivia's eyes. The room was silent except for their breathing.

  “Lift your arms, Olivia,” Alexander said. Olivia obeyed and Alexander quickly lifted her tank top over her head.

  “Place them at your side,” he commanded.

  She obeyed again, her heart racing and her breathing becoming heavy.

  Alexander grabbed one hand and brought it behind her back, joining the other hand and wrapping a silk tie around her wrists, binding them together.

  “Good. I like you tied up,” he whispered against her neck, causing her hair follicles to stand on end. Her body tingled in anticipation. She heard the rustling of clothes around her and could only assume that Alexander had stripped out of his tee shirt and jeans. Seconds later, she felt two strong hands on her waist. Instantly, a tongue was on her stomach, circling, sending tremors through her core.

  Alexander swiftly lowered her yoga pants, helping Olivia step out of them, holding her steady at her hips. He pressed against her and she could feel his erection.

  “Kneel, Olivia,” he ordered.

  Olivia lowered herself onto the ground, Alexander helping her maintain her balance. She knelt on the hardwood floor.

  “Don't sit back on your heels,” Alexander commanded. “That won't work for what I need from you right now.”

  Her heart raced madly in her chest. She raised herself tall on her knees.

  “Open your mouth,” Alexander said quietly. Olivia could feel him right in front of her. She immediately obeyed. Alexander slowly slipped his arousal into her wet mouth, pushing in and out in a slow rhythm, the sensation of Olivia's tongue on his most sensitive part overwhelming his entire being.

  Alexander pressed his hand against the back of Olivia’s neck, holding her head in place, thrusting into her mouth. Olivia met his motion, licking and dragging her tongue across his length, moaning every so often because she knew that he liked that. And this was all about convincing Alexander that she wasn’t going to leave. So she gave him exactly what he wanted. She felt him harden and knew it was only a matter of time before he lost it. She gently barred her teeth.

  “Fuck, Olivia,” Alexander exhaled, pumping into her mouth even harder before pulling out. She frowned from the loss of contact. She was actually enjoying being able to please him like that.

  “Ask me, Olivia,” he demanded.

  The room remained silent as Olivia tried to gather her thoughts. Alexander reached down and grabbed her ponytail, tilting her head back roughly.

  “I said, ask me, Olivia,” he growled. “Beg me. Olivia. Beg me to come in your throat.”

  Fuck, Olivia thought to herself. She loved it when he told her what to do. How could she possibly even think of leaving him when he was like this? His words set her entire body on fire.

  “Please, Mr. Burnham,” she said sweetly. “Please come in my mouth.”

  Alexander moaned at her soft voice begging him. It's what he needed at that moment. It's what he always needed. That way he felt in control of a situation that he knew he was losing all control over.

  He rubbed his erection against Olivia's lips, commanding her to open her mouth wider. S
he did so and he pumped mercilessly, finding his release in seconds and exploding into her throat. There was nothing like coming inside Olivia, but coming in her mouth was a close second.

  When the last of the aftershocks ceased, he withdrew from her mouth and helped Olivia to her feet, crushing his lips against hers, his tongue exploring the place his arousal had just been, tasting himself in her mouth. It made him harden again. He led Olivia, blindfolded and bound, over to the bed. He swiftly readjusted her restraints over her head and helped her lay down.

  Alexander looked down at Olivia, her breathing becoming erratic. Her body was on fire with excitement. She could feel Alexander's eyes searing down into her body. She felt like she was going to come from the anticipation alone.

  Her mind raced, desperately needing some sort of release. She felt Alexander hover over her body. He planted rough kisses against her neck, his tongue trailing down her chest. He bit down on her nipple, causing her to scream out from a combination of pleasure and pain.

  “You like that, Olivia?” he asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

  Olivia simply nodded, unable to form a sentence from the unique sensations running through her core.

  “Tell me you like it, Olivia. Say the words. Tell me I'm the only one who can set your body on fire like this.” He continued torturing her with his tongue, tracing circles around her nipple, sucking and biting gently. Her body shook from the amazing feeling of absolute ecstasy. His words rang through her brain. And she knew this was his way of reminding her how much she needed him. She knew he was the only one who could make her feel like that. But it didn't change anything. Still, she said the words he so desperately needed to hear. It was the only way.

  “Yes, Mr. Burnham. It's you. You're the only one who makes me feel this way,” she exhaled.

  He could tell Olivia was on edge and about to go over. It was working. He was regaining his control. He could feel it. He pressed his lips against Olivia's, softly at first before deepening the kiss into an impassioned exchange.

  She moaned, Alexander's tongue invading her mouth and sending sparks throughout her entire being. She needed some sort of release. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she began thrusting her hips against him, hoping he would get the hint.

  “Oh, no, Olivia. I don't think so. I'll fuck you when I'm good and ready and not a moment sooner.” He looked down at the girl laying on his bed, ready to fall apart at any minute. And he knew he had her right where he wanted her. Where he needed her. He lowered his mouth to her neck, nipping gently as he made his way down the rest of her body, sucking and biting as he went.

  Alexander positioned his mouth between her legs and Olivia could feel his hot breath on her. “Mmmmm… You're so wet for me,” he said.

  “Fuck…” Olivia exhaled. She didn't know how much more she could take. She was ready to agree to anything if he would just make her come.

  “Ask me, Olivia,” he said.

  She knew what he wanted and she was happy she could give it to him. For a moment, all thoughts of running quickly disappeared. She was living in the moment of complete and utter ecstasy. Nothing mattered at that point. Not her past. Not her dreams. Not the memories threatening to come forward at any minute. No. The only thing that mattered was Alexander and making him happy.

  “Please, Mr. Burnham. Lick me…”

  Her breathing became heavy, her flesh on fire from the proximity of Alexander's mouth to the most sensitive part of her body.

  “Lick you where, Olivia?” he asked. “I need you to tell me where.”

  “You know where,” Olivia responded, a grin on her face.

  Alexander's heart warmed. For the first time since the previous day, she looked like her old self. There was a smile on her face. He wanted that smile to stay. He slowly lowered his mouth back between Olivia's legs and softly licked her clit.

  “Fuck!” Olivia breathed out, the simple act of his tongue on her sex about to make her unhinged. Her nerves stood on end and she knew she was on the brink of falling over the edge with Alexander. And the thought didn't scare her at that moment. Because she knew he was the type of person to catch her, no matter what.

  “Come on, Olivia. Don't fight this,” he breathed between licks. “You know you need this. Now give me your pleasure.” He returned his tongue to her clit and slid two fingers inside her.

  She shuddered around him, her orgasm consuming her entire core as the aftershocks coursed through her body. At that moment, she knew no one else could ever make her feel as full and complete as Alexander.

  He raised himself up to her mouth and crushed his lips to hers, forcing his tongue in her mouth. Taking the blindfold off, he gazed into her eyes. He smiled at the beautiful woman laying underneath him. It worked. The spark was back.

  But so was that voice.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  TIME TO GO

  THE following morning, Olivia woke up early, thinking about what the day would bring. The voice returned the day before and she knew she couldn't stay. It became louder and louder. The only way to silence it was to go far away.

  Throughout the previous day, she went through the motions, giving Alexander what he needed so that he didn't become suspicious. She smiled during the extravagant celebration dinner he had arranged on the veranda of the yacht. She giggled at his affectionate words as they shared a bottle of champagne. She was playful during the multiple times they had sex throughout the course of the evening. She played the part she had to play so that she could run. Her survival depended on it.

  During the night, while Alexander was fast asleep, she wrote him a letter explaining everything. She planned to slip it into his suitcase after they were done packing. She didn’t want to leave him with no explanation. She just couldn’t do it face to face. She knew it was cowardly, but she didn’t care.

  She looked over at Alexander and ran her fingers up and down his chest, playing with the little tufts of hair. It was the last morning she would be waking up next to him and the thought broke her heart.

  “Mmmmm…” Alexander groaned sleepily.

  “Ssshhhhh…” Olivia whispered, placing her finger over his mouth. “Don’t talk.” She climbed on top of him. “I’m in control this time.”

  She wanted one last time with Alexander, but she needed to be in control. It was the only way she could distance herself from her feelings. She knew she cared deeply for him and that made leaving him even more difficult. But she had to. There was no choice. He said it himself. She would only destroy him, too, and she could not have that on her conscience.

  Her hips circled Alexander’s waist and she felt his erection grow. She slowly eased herself onto Alexander, taking him inside of her, relishing the feeling of completeness. She began to move against him, trailing kisses down his chest and grabbing his hands in hers, holding on as she said good-bye to him the only way she knew how. She took her time with him, wanting to cherish every feeling.

  Alexander looked at her and noticed there was something different about Olivia that morning. She was slow and deliberate in her motions. There was a closeness that had never been there before, but when he looked into her eyes, they seemed distant and empty again. He held on for as long as he could, but once he felt Olivia shatter around him, he joined her. There was no screaming or moaning of names as there usually was when they had sex. This time it was quiet, the only sound in the room their heavy breathing.

  Olivia stared down into Alexander’s eyes for several minutes, neither one of them speaking. Alexander knew there was something wrong, but he didn’t want to bring it up. He wasn’t ready for that conversation. He just wanted to get Olivia back to Boston.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  “Come back over later, Love?” Alexander asked, helping Olivia bring her luggage up to her house. “I’ve had Nepenthe brought over so he’d be here when you got back.”

  “Thanks. Maybe I’ll just stay the night here if you don’t mind. I’d like to spend some time with Kiera. I feel like I’ve b
een a bad friend lately.”

  Alexander pulled her into him, kissing her forehead. “Of course. I understand. Thompson is out front, keeping an eye on things. I’ll miss you terribly, but you deserve some time to yourself.”

  “I’ll miss you, too,” Olivia whispered. Alexander had no idea how much she would miss him. This was the final good-bye and she couldn’t really even say everything she wanted to. No. She put all that in the letter. If she didn’t do it this way, he would convince her to stay, only to leave her broken hearted later. This had to happen.

  She punched her code into the keypad and opened her front door, quickly disarming the alarm system. “I’ll see you in my dreams,” Olivia said, turning to Alexander as he was getting into his car.

  Alexander blew her a kiss before she closed her front door. She leaned against the door and all of her emotions over the past few months came flooding forward as tears began to flow.

  She cried for all the missed kisses. All the nights she decided to stay at her house instead of going over Alexander’s place. All the times she could have gone up to his office to see him but instead stayed in her own office. All those missed opportunities to be close to him. She cried for herself. But mostly, she cried for Alexander. Her beautiful Alexander.

  She wasn’t in love with him, but even if she was, she didn’t know what love felt like. If it felt like the way she was feeling at that moment, she was okay with running from it. She had never been in so much pain in her life. But if she stayed and got even closer, that pain would be even worse. She needed to leave before the pain became so unbearable that she couldn’t survive.

  Nepenthe came up to Olivia, purring as he rubbed against her. “Ready for a new adventure?” she asked, drying her eyes with her sleeve. Nepenthe continued to rub against her, purring even louder. “I’ll take that as a yes.”