Back After the Break

by Anita Notaro

  ‘OK, let’s take a look.’ She examined her stomach gently and confirmed that all seemed OK. ‘But I would like you to have a scan more or less immediately, just to be sure. Have you thought about a gynaecologist?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I can refer you to Paul Boran, who’s a friend of mine and he’s great, really laid-back and easy to talk to. Do you want to see him privately?’

  ‘Definitely.’

  ‘OK, I’ll arrange it and he’ll send you for a scan.’ She paused for a moment.

  ‘Are you all right about all this? I gather it was something of a surprise.’

  ‘That’s an understatement, but yeah, I’m OK now I guess.’

  ‘Have you any support?’

  Why did they all ask that?

  ‘No, well yes, at least my family and . . . I have a few good friends.’

  ‘Well, use them because it’s a very emotional time and you’ll need someone to lean on. And I’m here to talk to as well, don’t forget.’ They hugged and Lindsay left feeling lonely.

  She went straight to the office and there was a note on her desk from Chris, wondering about the ratings, which she’d completely forgotten. She was glad he wasn’t there because she felt very vulnerable.

  Talking about scans and specialists made her feel the baby was real and she wasn’t sure how much she’d accepted that yet, which she knew was ridiculous.

  The ratings were hard to believe. They were No. 1 by a mile. It seemed a huge number of people had tuned in to see how Chris would get on and, amazingly, they’d all stayed and the figure had crept even higher during the mistresses item, which made Lindsay feel vindicated. She phoned Chris on his mobile and he seemed really pleased. She couldn’t resist telling him that the mistresses were the most watched item and he laughed out loud and conceded he’d been wrong.

  ‘You disappeared early, how come?’

  ‘I was meeting some friends after the show.’ The lie came easily.

  ‘I didn’t really get a chance to talk to you.’

  ‘Well, I made some notes on the show when I watched it again so maybe we could have a chat after the meeting tomorrow.’

  ‘OK, fine.’ He took her lead and didn’t say any more and they talked through the next show and she went home early feeling a bit washed out.

  The week continued with Lindsay feeling tired all the time and having to sit on the loo and hide when the heartburn got bad. She was trying to drink lots of water, to keep herself hydrated but the oddest smells sent her running to be sick even though she had very little in her stomach to get rid of.

  She went to see Paul Boran, the gynaecologist recommended by her doctor and he was relaxed and easy and smiled a lot. He confirmed that all seemed OK and arranged for her to have a scan immediately, something she wasn’t looking forward to.

  The newspapers had given Chris and the show a resounding thumbs up, with one even going so far as to say he was the best thing to happen to the programme in years and another re-showing the photo of herself and Chris and declaring them to be a ‘dynamic duo’. Lindsay was feeling anything but dynamic. Jonathan asked if she was OK when he called in during the week, and she resolved to apply even more gunge to her face and headed off to have her hair washed and dried in a vain attempt to restore some energy. She was wearing mostly black, baggy clothes these days, which didn’t help her morale.

  A further incident with Kate didn’t help, either. Lindsay had asked her to follow up a story that had appeared in one of the Sunday papers the previous week and she still hadn’t done it ten days later. Lindsay had finally had enough and she called the sullen-faced girl into the private meeting room.

  ‘I want to place on record that I am unhappy with your performance since I’ve taken over. The incident with the audience should not have happened and now I find you haven’t acted on another item. I need someone who is prepared to pull their weight and I’m afraid you haven’t shown any commitment to the show recently. Is there a problem I should know about?’

  ‘I don’t see why I should have to report to you, you’re not a producer.’

  ‘Kate, I have been asked by the Head of Programming to act as producer in Alan’s absence. If you have a problem with that I suggest you talk to him. I have tried to make this work and quite frankly I’ve had enough of your appalling attitude. If we weren’t at the end of the season I would ask to have you taken off the show and, as things stand, I would not be eager to work with you in the future. Now, I have certain things I need done this week and I want them on my desk pronto. Understood?’

  All she got was a surly nod in her direction, and the meeting left her even more frustrated. She mentioned it to Alice over coffee and immediately regretted it.

  ‘Sorry, that was wrong of me, I normally would never discuss one team member with another. Forget I said it.’

  ‘Actually, I was going to say something to you anyway. You see, Kate went for the job of Assistant Producer and got to the final round, then didn’t make it to the Training Course. She really resents you because of that, but to be honest, I think she’s unhappy anyway, she’s always been difficult.’ Lindsay sighed, unsure how to handle it.

  ‘And there’s something else, although I’ve no proof, so you must promise not to involve me. I just think you should know.’

  Lindsay waited, dreading what was coming.

  ‘I think I overheard her talking to a journalist about you, so perhaps that’s how the stories are getting out. I came back to the office one evening last week to collect a file and she was deep in conversation and I heard your name mentioned. She ended the call as soon as I came in and she looked really uncomfortable.’

  Lindsay felt like bursting into tears. ‘Thanks for telling me.’

  The younger girl nodded.

  Lindsay waited for the right moment, until she was alone in the office with Kate one evening. She walked straight up to the girl’s desk, leaned over and looked her in the eye.

  ‘One thing I forgot to mention at our meeting. If I find that you have spoken to anyone in the media about me personally, I will ensure that you never work in this business again. Understood?’

  She knew from the red face that Alice had been right.

  ‘I’m warning you, Kate, do not talk about me to anyone, or you’ll regret it.’ She was shaking as she picked up her bag and left the office, feeling completely drained.

  The next show was even better than the previous week, Lindsay thought proudly, as she watched from the sidelines on Saturday night. She knew Chris didn’t need her as much this time and she missed the awkward closeness of last week. He was more relaxed and confident and she thought how right he was for the programme as she watched him gently lead a fifteen-year-old girl through a harrowing interview, as she recalled her experiences on a bus in Kenya which had been bombed, killing three members of her family, including her mother. The girl had managed to raise the alarm as she lay injured on a lonely country road and she broke down as she remembered seeing her sister beside her but not being able to reach her.

  Chris let her cry and took her hand in his own and took over when she couldn’t speak and told the audience about one of his own horrific experiences while working as a journalist in the same country. It was a memorable interview and Geoff, the director, cut to several mothers crying openly in the audience and, as Chris led the young girl over to her father when she couldn’t continue he unknowingly showed another, more vulnerable side to himself which she suspected would win him many more fans.

  Afterwards, he was a bit more subdued and admitted to Lindsay that the interview had been tough. It was the closest they’d been after a funny week in which Lindsay had deliberately kept her distance, mostly because she felt sick and horrible and also because she’d had her scan and it had been tough.

  She hadn’t told anyone about it, convinced she could handle it alone but she wasn’t prepared for her reaction to the sight of a little tadpole floating around in her tummy. She shook her head wordlessly when the
kind woman asked if she wanted to know the sex of the baby and left clutching a pathetic picture, with no one to show it to. The loneliness finally hit and it hit hard.

  Once again she slipped off home very early and she heard on Monday that he’d been in great form and that a couple of the team had gone to a club in town afterwards and she wondered if he’d been with them but didn’t ask, hating herself for even wanting to know.

  The following week was their last show of the season and they were all on a high, because of the soaring ratings and the prospect of a life. There was to be a big party afterwards on Saturday night with all the press and guests from throughout the season invited and a number of celebrities expected to attend. Lindsay had asked Alice to be in charge of the event and the young researcher was taking it very seriously. She asked Chris if he would be bringing anyone as his partner and he looked preoccupied and shrugged.

  ‘I hadn’t given it any thought. What’s everyone else doing?’ Alice explained that all of the team were bringing a guest and Lindsay felt his eyes on her. She didn’t look up as she heard him ask for two tickets.

  ‘Oh and my parents will be in Dublin for the weekend, would it be OK if they came? I was supposed to be taking them to dinner on Saturday night but obviously now I can’t.’

  Alice smilingly told him he could invite as many people as he wanted and he promised to confirm later in the week.

  Alice approached Lindsay. ‘Lindsay, how many tickets will I keep for you?’

  ‘Four should be fine for me, thanks.’ Again, she felt Chris looking at her and deliberately kept her eyes glued to her computer screen as she wondered who she could invite. She thought of Tara and Debbie but felt they might try to get into conversation with Chris to see how things were with him and she didn’t want that. She was tired and irritable, and having him around all the time just reminded her of what she’d lost. She wanted to bury her head and sleep for a month and just forget about it all.

  Colin phoned her that night and asked how she and Chris were getting on. He didn’t agree with the way she’d handled the meeting that day in the car park and felt she should make another attempt to tell Chris, now that they were at least on speaking terms again.

  ‘Please, don’t lecture me, I can’t take any more at the moment, I feel sick all the time,’ she begged him between belches.

  ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘Yeah, sorry, I’m just a complete bore.’

  He changed the subject and made her laugh with stories of the girls and he promised to call her as soon as he knew when he’d be home.

  On the morning of the final show, Lindsay felt a little better and she made a last-ditch attempt to do something with her appearance, getting her hair cut and wearing a gorgeous lime-green silk ruffled shirt over a long aubergine wrap-around skirt. She had to wear a pair of ‘tummy toners’ underneath to hide her little bulge and a wide studded belt helped. The whole thing came courtesy of Tara and while it wasn’t an outfit she’d have bought for herself it was truly beautiful and it made her feel young and summery and she hated all her own clothes anyway. She was surprised to find the colours made her skin and hair look darker and the belt pulled the whole thing together. Tara had also made her borrow some hoopy earrings and she was really pleased with how she looked, especially after she’d sneaked into make-up and begged them to do something with her dull, grey complexion.

  The show was lighter than usual but she had deliberately wanted it to be meaty so they had a number of strong interviews and big names, including two of the current crop of young, foreign footballers, guaranteed to have everyone in a tizzy. As Lindsay went backwards and forwards between studio and the hospitality room she noticed a young, dark-haired Penelope Cruz lookalike and asked Alice who she was.

  ‘She’s Chris’s partner, don’t you just want to get sick?’

  Lindsay did and not just because of her condition. She stared at the exotic young girl, heart thumping, wondering what she meant to Chris. Surprisingly, she didn’t even hate him for it. Working with him had made her remember all the reasons she’d been attracted to him in the first place and now, feeling fat and old and tired, and looking at her younger, much better-looking replacement she missed him more than ever and in spite of everything that had happened she still wanted him.

  Chris looked relaxed and mingled with the audience more than usual and they responded and joined in and the footballers were an instant hit, especially with the women. Lindsay watched from the corner of studio and thought again about Chris’s girlfriend and wanted to run away. It had been the longest three weeks of her life, seeing him every day and thinking about him most nights and wondering if she was doing the right thing. He clearly wasn’t worried at all.

  Afterwards the party was in full swing by the time she arrived in the huge marquee erected for the occasion. Alice had done a great job. There were balloons and candles everywhere, a champagne bar doing a roaring trade and a huge buffet table, full to the point of collapse. There was plenty of seating, a small dancing area and the music was relaxed. She grabbed a glass of mineral water and plunged straight in, glad that it was nearly all over.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  AS LINDSAY MADE her way over to a lively gang of crew members she came face to face with Chris’s mother, who greeted her warmly. ‘I’m glad to see you again.’

  Lindsay was surprised that the older woman even remembered her.

  ‘How’s that gorgeous dog of yours?’

  ‘Neglected, I’m afraid, but hopefully that’s all about to change.’

  ‘I hear you’ve had the most horrendous few months.’

  ‘It’s been pretty lively, yes,’ Lindsay laughed at the irony. ‘How’ve you been?’

  ‘Fine, fine, Chris says you’ve been absolutely fantastic, by the way. It’s been a big learning curve for him, this live entertainment stuff, pretty strenuous for you both, I should think.’

  They chatted away and Nina was rooting in her handbag and acting as if they were best friends when, without warning, Chris appeared behind her.

  ‘You two are looking very pally, what are you cooking up?’ he smiled at them.

  ‘Why do men always assume we’re planning something nasty?’ Nina Keating gave her son a friendly poke. ‘Actually, Lindsay was just telling me that she’s planning to take some time off over the summer months.’

  ‘Oh, to do what?’ he was looking at her intently.

  ‘Haven’t really firmed up on my plans,’ Lindsay lied, not wanting him to know anything. She was sorry now she’d mentioned it at all, it had just slipped out.

  ‘Did Chris tell you he’s going to Australia on Tuesday?’

  ‘No.’ It was her turn to be surprised.

  ‘We haven’t really had a chance to talk,’ Chris said pointedly to his mother before turning to Lindsay. ‘I’m combining a gathering of world leaders in New Zealand, which I’m covering for News, with a trip to Oz to see my sister Lisa. It’s been planned for months. I was hoping to get to talk to you before I go.’

  She ignored the last part. ‘Good for you, I hope it goes well, it’ll be very different to what you’ve been doing lately and I’m sure the break will do you good.’ Lindsay fixed him her brightest smile and excused herself. ‘I just need to say thanks to all the crew,’ she explained to Chris’s mum.

  ‘I hope we’ll get to talk again,’ the other woman said kindly and Lindsay fled to join her colleagues, passing the Cruz clone, who was surrounded by practically every male in the place under forty.

  Suddenly, there was a buzz of activity and flashes at the front entrance and Lindsay, along with everyone else, turned to see what was happening. To her absolute amazement, she saw Colin strolling in, on his own and glancing around. At least ten people, including Jonathan Myers, were practically killed in the rush to greet him and she saw him shake hands and stroll in the direction of the bar. He spotted her almost instantly and came towards her with a shy grin and she smiled back and then didn’t know what to do. He solved
that particular problem by giving her a huge hug and then kissing her on the lips while everyone pretended not to watch. He looked great, his blond hair was cropped even tighter and his eyes crinkled with laughter.

  ‘Where did you come from? When did you arrive?’ she asked, her face as hot as a toaster.

  ‘Sure I’d get in anywhere, you know that. I arrived home last night. Did I mortify you or are you always that particularly attractive shade of plum?’

  ‘I don’t believe it, you never rang. And you came alone, I thought you big stars never went anywhere without an entourage?’

  ‘I wanted to surprise you and the effect would have been ruined if I’d walked in with my agent, don’t you think?’ He was still looking very pleased with himself. ‘Besides, I thought you might need some support,’ he whispered in her ear and she wanted to hug him to bits. ‘And, of course, the idea of a pint of Guinness was another attraction.’

  They stayed at the bar chatting for ages and she was really glad and very surprised that he’d turned up. Jonathan eventually strolled in their direction accompanied by Chris whom he wanted to introduce to Colin. Lindsay knew that Colin would take an unhealthy interest in Chris and she was a little annoyed when Jonathan asked to speak to her privately, leaving the two younger men alone together.

  He dragged her off to a quiet corner and thanked her again for all her hard work. ‘I’m glad you went to see our Welfare Officer. She’s been in touch with me directly and we’ve worked out a bonus package for you, which should cover most of your time off, although as I think she pointed out, you are entitled to maternity leave.’

  ‘Let me see how I go, I really do want to keep this quiet, you and she are the only two here who know.’

  ‘I understand but, Lindsay, people are mostly kind, you know. No one would judge you.’

  ‘It’s not that, it’s just . . . complicated so I want to keep it this way.’

  He kept her for ages, talking about the future, assuring her that they would facilitate her on her return and finally wishing her luck and asking her to keep in touch with him personally. When she returned to the bar Colin and Chris had disappeared and more people nabbed her and she eventually found them deep in conversation at a secluded table.