"I would think so. Someone placed exactly fifty-thousand pounds into a well-established account in your name that I knew nothing about. Neither did Jacob." Rayne grinned. "And if you can keep that sort of secret from him, you must be very skilled at deception, indeed." Then he sobered. "I am going to guess that is how much you paid Lord Blackthorne to seduce you?" He raised an eyebrow. "And though it pains me to say this - and you have no idea how much - I am going to guess that the deed has already been done, as it were?"
Miri allowed her silence to speak for her. Even as brash as she was, she could not quite bring herself to admit to her brother that she had allowed Will to bed her - and multiple times at that.
"Why?" Rayne looked utterly confused. "I still do not understand why you would pay a man for such a thing, even if you did wish to save him from debasement. You are exceedingly clever, Miri, and you know there are other ways to go about helping someone."
"I asked Will to teach me about passion," Miri confessed quietly. "For so long, I felt nothing for anyone and then, in the span of a single hour, he made me feel so much that it frightened me. I believed that if anyone could make me feel even more, it would be him." Her eyes flicked to Sarah. "I tried to tell you, to do this the right way after we made such a muck of things in the beginning. After the first few days we spent together, we both knew this was more than a passing fancy. But you never wanted to listen."
"And I dismissed you because I was battling my own fears," Sarah said sadly. "I am sorry, Miri."
"I know." Miri turned back to her brother. "Will asked me to marry him, said that he wished to ask me before he asked you formally, even though he knew that was not proper." She felt tears welling in her eyes again. "I accepted. Soon after, he gave me the telescope and..." She began to cry in earnest again now, though she had no idea why. She was never such a watering pot! So perhaps this, then, finally, was love. True love. If only it didn't have to hurt so much.
"And things fell apart." Rayne sighed and rose, pulling Miri to her feet with him. "Except that now you know the truth. You know he never touched a penny of the funds you gave him. In fact, he gave it all back. If that does not prove that he loves you, Miri, then I am uncertain as to what more proof you would require."
Miri sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "None. I need none. I just need Will. If he will have me."
With a long-suffering sigh, Rayne pulled Miri into his arms. "And you shall have him, my dear sister. I promise." Pulling back, he tilted her chin with his fingers so that she might look at him. "And now, God help me," he rolled his eyes skyward, "I am about to do something that goes against every brotherly and gentlemanly instinct that I possess. And I pray that I do not live to regret this."
Chapter Twenty
Will felt dead and empty inside, whatever had remained of his soul long gone. It had been four days since Miri had swept out of Madame LaVallier's, magnificent and unbending in her fury. He now counted those days as among the longest in his life. Not to mention the worst.
He had attempted to see Miri once two days ago, but as he had expected Lady Raynecourt had turned him away and warned him against ever returning. He had thought about appealing to Lord Raynecourt and he still might once he worked up his courage - if he ever did so after tonight. To Will, the man seemed reasonable and fair. It was only his wife who was behaving like a candidate for Bedlam. After making discreet inquiries, Will had learned that it was unusual behavior for her and that normally, she was a sweet thing, though no one could really explain her intense dislike of him or of his courtship of Miri.
Miri. Even thinking her name brought him a fresh wave of pain.
Images of his times shared with her had been rattling around in his mind ever since that fateful day, particularly at night, making him crazy. Not even the news from his solicitor that a buyer was willing to pay four times the asking price for the lion man statues elicited much of a reaction from him when only days before, he would have been over the moon. Now? He felt nothing.
Well, perhaps he felt anger when he thought of the end of his relationship with Miri and more than a little desire to murder Lady Colchester. Will wanted to blame the other woman completely but the truth was that until he returned Miri's money, nothing would have ever been really right between them. Lady Colchester had merely been the catalyst for an unspoken problem that had already existed. In the end, if nothing had changed between them, Miri would have always suspected his motives and questioned her trust in him, especially with Lady Raynecourt constantly whispering in her ear. And as for Will himself? If Miri didn't trust him, he would have likely come to resent her for that mistrust in time.
Theirs was a relationship begun with a devil's bargain. They should have simply called off the agreement once their hearts had become involved but neither of them had for whatever reason, and now it was too late. She was gone.
She wasn't coming back to him, either, especially if the papers were to be believed. So many rumors now swirled about the two of them that, even if he could speak to her, he doubted she would listen. He mind was made up and for a woman who valued cold, hard proof over emotion, those gossip stories - even though they had no basis in fact - would likely be enough to convince her that she had made the right decision by storming out.
There was nothing he could say that would change her mind. She was too afraid of being hurt and really, he could not blame her. For when it came right down to it, he had used her for her money just as every other man before him had. He had been more honest about it perhaps, but he hadn't really been any different. Will wanted Miri's money and she was willing to give it to him in exchange for his body. However even cloaked in honesty, a user was still a user, no matter how tender a heart.
Not that Will had a heart any longer. Miri had smashed it to bits that morning in Madame's salon. Oh, there was still a physical organ that beat in his chest but the emotional part of his heart was gone forever. There was only one woman he would ever love and that was Miri. If he couldn't have her, then what was the use of anything, especially a heart?
Anna didn't need him now either. So where did that leave him? Nowhere and with nothing except a vast, empty life looming before him. He had no one and nothing to live for any longer, so why did it matter what he did with his life? It didn't. He wasn't certain it ever had. At least not without Miri.
Which was why he had decided to take Lady Colchester up on her offer. A good portion of the ton already thought him a prostitute, especially after the gossips had so thoroughly savaged him as of late. What did it matter if he truly became one, at least in spirit? Oh, he wouldn't take the horrible woman's money. He didn't need it now and he did have some shred of pride left, however small. But if she wished to bed him? Then he would allow it. Then the lie would, in some ways, become the truth and that would be that.
For over the last several days, Will had come to the conclusion that nothing he did would change people's perceptions of him. Now that he had some coins in his pocket, people believed he had come by them either dishonestly or by selling himself. No one could believe that he had been sitting on a house full of rare art and had lived in such a sorry state for so long without even attempting to sell a single piece. Even now, the story sounded preposterous to his own ears. Yet loyalty to his late mother was a powerful thing and it had taken him years to work up the courage to break his deathbed promise to her. Moreover, until recently, the art had been worth very little and it would have cost more to take it to auction than there would have been profits from the sale. After all, there was a reason his father's creditors had left it behind when they pillaged the house for valuables years ago.
Perhaps if he had been more social in recent years, Society might be more inclined to believe him, but they weren't. Instead, his story came off as far-fetched and, given both Lady Colchester and Lady Frostburn's loose tongues, many people assumed they knew how Will had come by his sudden windfall. And it was not honestly.
Thankfully, the scandal could no longer touch Anna. But it
could still touch him and no respectable lady wished to be seen in his presence any longer. If he even had an inclination to wed, which he no longer did.
For him, there was Miri and no other. If he could not have her as his wife, then he would not take a wife. Though he could take lovers. As many of them and as often as he desired.
Which was why he was inviting Lady Colchester to his bed this evening and Lady Frostburn the night after that. And then Lady Abbington the night after that. But he would begin with Lady Colchester - the wench who had started him on this miserable path.
Now that he had some degree of power in this arrangement, Will had forbidden Lady Colchester from bringing Marcel the Frenchman whore with her, though he would not be surprised if she attempted to convince Will again that such a thing would be "enjoyable," just as she had the other night. The lady seemed to forget that he was no longer desperate for funds and that he could say no if he wished - and he did wish. Very much.
There might be some men comfortable with such a suggestion, but Will was not among them. So he had informed Lady Colchester that she could take his offer as it was - him alone for a night and no Marcel - or leave it. Will didn't care whether she accepted or not, for he intended to bed a different woman every night of the week until the end of the Season. Then? He would leave for Hunter's Glen and never return to London again. He had no real reason to, save for his seat in the House of Lords and even then, he could rent a room when required and then leave without much notice. That was to be his future and he would simply have to learn to live with it.
In the meantime, however, he prayed that at least one of the women he brought to his bed would help erase the memory of Miri in his present - if such a thing was even possible.
Will rather doubted that it was, but he still felt as if he had to try.
Now, he was lounging in his bedchamber awaiting Lady Colchester's arrival. Glancing at the clock on his mantle, he noticed that she was late. If she had stopped to pick up that Frenchman Marcel to bring him with her, there would be words and he would toss them both out on their arses. He did not need them. He could find another, more willing woman to take the lady's place, especially since the woman he truly wanted was forever beyond his reach.
Somewhere deep in the house, the ancient gong that had once rung to announce visitors sounded. Now that he had more coin, Will had hired some additional staff, including a footman whose duties including ringing the visitor's gong when necessary. Tonight was the first night since the lad's hire that it had sounded. Just a few hours ago, Will thought the sound would fill him with delight, signaling a return to the way things had once been when he had a happy family. Now, like everything else, the sound just left him empty and cold.
When he finally heard shuffling outside of his door, he stripped off his banyan and lay back on the bed naked and only partly aroused. He prayed that by the time Lady Colchester was beneath him, his cock would be in good working order again. He would also order her to undress herself, ostensibly for his pleasure, though it would be anything but. What he was about to do was no affair of the heart. It was fucking, pure and simple. To undress another woman would be disloyal to Miri and he could not do that - at least not yet. It was too intimate an act. Maybe in time, but not now. Maybe not ever.
"Come," he called when a knock sounded at the door. "It is open." Then he closed his eyes and prayed that between now and when Lady Colchester entered, he might be eaten by a dragon or gored to death by a bull or some other grisly death that was just as fantastical. For at the moment, he was quickly coming to regret his decision to invite the harpy into his bed - even if bedding her and then bragging about it to the papers had only ever been about revenge and hopefully the dulling of a pain that only seemed to get sharper in his chest every day.
"Expecting someone else?"
Will would know that sultry voice anywhere and he leaped off the bed as if he had been burned. "Miri! My God, what are you doing here?" He had so many questions he wished to ask, so many things he wanted to say. Yet the word would not come. Instead, he simply stood there staring at her stupidly, his mouth agape.
He should be feeling...well, really, he had no idea what he should be feeling at that moment. What he did know was that he felt hopeful. And ready to forgive and forget if she would, too. In fact, if Miri came back to him, said that she still loved him, and radiated her warm, healing light into his cold, dark world once more, he would forgive and forget anything she asked.
Instead, Miri said nothing. She simply stood there looking sad, her eyes red as if she had been crying. She also no longer seemed quite as furious as she had only a few days ago. If anything, she seemed...perhaps a little aroused. Which made no bloody sense at all.
As she sauntered into the room, seemingly without a care in the world, Will noticed that she had left her cane behind. Oh, God. Could this get any worse? Was she deliberately attempting to torture him to death? To punish him further? For without her cane, she might trip and then what? He would have to touch her to prevent her from injuring herself. Which, of course, would slice him to ribbons inside - knowing he could touch but not taste. Was she trying to break him completely? Knowing Miri as he did, likely so.
For a brief moment, he wondered if the door was locked, fearing that they might be interrupted, and then decided it didn't really matter. In order for her to reach his chambers, she would have had to get through most of his staff - including either Mrs. Applewhite or Aversely. If they knew Miri was here, they would not disturb him - not even if she was here to kill him. Especially Mrs. Applewhite who had informed Will just yesterday she had known baited badgers with better dispositions than his at the moment.
Finally, Miri stopped at the chair Will had placed in the center of the room earlier, one that he was going to instruct Lady Colchester to use while she disrobed for his viewing pleasure. Now, Miri's hands gripped the back of it tightly. So tightly that her knuckles were turning white. And, if his cock's reaction was any indication, her simply standing there was among the most erotic things he had ever witnessed. Even if she was fully clothed.
"My brother sent me to see you," she said finally, answering his earlier question, which Will had all but forgotten about.
"Your...brother?" Even for a lady as brash as Miri that was a rather bold claim. "I'm afraid you've lost me."
Pushing away from the chair, Miri moved forward again, this time unlacing her gown as she moved. Will's mouth went dry and his brain stopped functioning when, with a few flicks of her fingers, her dress became undone as if by magic and slipped to the floor revealing her luscious breasts hidden only by her thin chemise.
"My family had a little chat this morning," she replied, her eyes still fixed on Will's. "I know you returned the money I gave you."
Will swallowed hard as she reached for the hem of her chemise. He wanted to reach for her, but he stopped himself. "I couldn't keep it, Miri. After I fell in love with you, I should have given it back right then. I just didn't know how. Especially since you were so adamant that what we shared was not love."
Miri smiled at him and Will felt the heart that he had previously declared dead and broken begin to beat again. Slowly at first, but enough to let him know that Miri was still in his blood. And likely always would be. She was here and she was speaking to him again. They could work through this. He knew it in his gut. "I also know where you got the money for the Euler," she said softly, almost embarrassed by the admission. "It was a lovely gift. Thank you. I don't think I ever thanked you properly."
Shaking his head, Will wanted to reach for his banyan to cover his naked body but given the way Miri was staring at his cock, he didn't think she would be pleased if he did so. And at the moment, the last thing he wished to do was displease her. Not when they were so close to repairing something of what they had shared. "I purchased it from my old friend Kingsford. He has seven. Now he has six." It was an idiotic thing to say but now Miri was just as naked as he was, and all Will could focus on was her lush breasts
and erect nipples. Lord above, she was killing him. If she was going to torture him, why didn't she just drag him off to a dungeon and be done with it? Flaying him alive would be more merciful than this.
She smiled and licked her lips as she approached him and he backed up a little. This was his dream, his fantasy - Miri naked in his chambers once more. Yet it all seemed far too good to be true. But maybe it wasn't. Maybe he simply had to allow himself to trust. Just as Miri had once trusted in him, he needed to trust in her. "I know you sold some of your family's art to pay for it. I know you never prostituted yourself. You wouldn't. Not after...us. And I knew that. I never really thought you did. Or would. I was just...afraid. You were right about that from the first." She looked around the candle-lit room that was clearly meant for an evening of seduction. "I also know that whatever this is, it probably isn't what it looks like."
"Actually, for once, it is," Will confessed, his voice shaking. He hated to disappoint her, but he was about to. "I was going to bed Lady Colchester here tonight. Or at least I thought I was." He shook his head. No, he might as well be honest. "Actually, I'm pretty certain I could never have gone through with it. Had she arrived this evening, I probably would have tossed her out on her arse. I thought that I could bed her, but I would never have gotten that far. I couldn't even imagine touching her, so there was no way I could have possibly bedded her. I could never have done that to you, not even after you broke my heart.
"Will, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." She looked as if she was about to cry again.
"I know." He swiped at the single tear that did fall from her eyes with the pad of his thumb. "You were afraid. And hurt. Just as I was when I planned this night of debauchery. But I needed to try something, Miri. I needed to forget you. I needed to make this pain in my heart go away, or at least attempt to dull it so that I could move on."
"Why?" She was so close to him that Will could see the lighter green streaks in her eyes.
An Earl For Hire Page 26