Right Next Door

by A. J. Pryor

  Last night. Shit! I’d begged Damian to screw me, cried that I needed to have sex. Oh my god I came . . . I don’t even know how many times I came.

  What was I thinking? I splash more water on my face, removing the makeup that has bunched up under my eyes making me look like a green eyed raccoon. I take my naked ass back into the bedroom.

  Damian is thankfully still asleep.

  He is on his back; his naked body on full display. He’s huge—all of him.

  How the hell did that fit in me?

  No wonder I’m so sore. Even at rest, he’s an impressive size and suddenly a longing of desire shoots through me.

  This was a very bad idea.

  Matt’s heated fingers had left their mark on my skin only hours before I begged Damian to have sex with me, my thoughts and emotions scattered like a broken puzzle. Probably not one of my brightest decisions. We’re neighbors, how awkward could this possibly get. I find my clothes and creep into his living room. Great, my shirt is ripped and my jeans are missing a button. I’ll have to run next door and hope no one sees me in the process. I have the genius idea to just go out through the balcony and crawl over to mine.

  I pull on the metal door handle to get into my place. The door is locked. Resting my head on the cold clear glass, I take a deep breath and figure out my next move.

  Chancing a glance back at Damian’s open balcony door, I realize I need to go through there and to my front door, at least I have a key to that.

  Sneaking back inside it’s still quiet. He’d made it clear he wasn’t into a one-night stand, but can I offer him more at this point? Last night was . . . earth shattering and in the moment it all felt like this was exactly where I was supposed to be, as if my past was a distant memory and my future was staring me in the face. But this morning . . . sighing, completely deflated, I realize in the light of day, I can’t give Damian more than last night. Not until I get a handle on whatever feelings I have for Matt,

  This was a mistake.

  Making it home in one piece and as quietly as I can, I only have to look at my bed to know I need more sleep.

  Something loud rings in my ear, and it won’t stop. My eyes fly open, and I reach around on my nightstand to kill the incessant sound. In my flailing attempt to reach my phone, I knock it off the table and across the floor. I have to crawl to it because walking still feels like too much trouble.

  It is dark in my room; the curtains are drawn. I can see that dusk is closing in and I have quite possibly missed the sunset. The light from my ringing phone is illuminating my room, indicating I’m headed in the right direction as I continue to crawl on my hands and knees.

  I grab it and bring it to my ear. “Mia, I’m here.” I say breathlessly into the phone.

  “Addy, what’s wrong? You sound . . . I don’t know . . . strange.”

  I look down and realize for the second time today I have woken up naked. But this time I’m in my own room and alone. Moving my butt up against the wall, I rest my head between my knees and find comfort in my best friend’s voice.

  “Oh Mia, I did something so incredibly stupid.”

  “You got down and dirty with your hot neighbor didn’t you?”

  My heart is racing and I’m extremely light-headed. I haven’t had anything to eat or drink since the night before. After sneaking back into my own apartment, I’d taken a shower and clearly fallen right into bed, not even bothering to get dressed. I probably would have slept through the entire night had Mia not just woke me up. My body is shaking needing some sort of nourishment besides alcohol. I crawl into my kitchen still not trusting my legs to hold me up as I press my phone between my ear and shoulder.

  “Who cares that you got a little dirty with your neighbor? It’s exactly what both of you needed.”

  I drink a gallon of water then take a bite of cold Chinese food that has probably been in my fridge for a week. I need sustenance and I need it now. I almost pop a beer thinking it may help but change my mind at the last minute.

  “Mia, I begged him to screw me. Like, crawled on top of him, asked where his condoms were.”

  “Hold the front door! Why the hell did you have to beg him? What’s his problem?”

  I spend the next half hour telling her about the consumption of alcohol, what I could remember about our conversation and his need for more than one night. How I feel like my body has been worked over by some sort of machine I didn’t know existed.

  “So it was good, the sex I mean. The sex was good?” she asks.

  “The sex was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, Mia. We’re talking multiples.” The only other person I had to compare sex to was Matt and from the stories I traded back and forth with my friends, Matt was great in bed. But he’d never delivered anything like what I’d felt last night.

  “He asked me to stay.” I start feeling sick from either the pace at which I’d just inhaled my food or the thought of having to face Damian.

  “Well that’s sweet. Addison, he likes you. Maybe you should stop freaking out and give this a chance.”

  When Damian found me on the balcony, I was lost. Not understanding how I could be anxiously awaiting the arrival of Damian one minute, then allow another man to touch me the next. Why does my body completely defy me when Matt is in the room, and why in the hell do I even allow him to get close enough to touch me?

  Damian couldn’t have been clearer, he wanted more than one night, but I know deep down that if I continue to sleep with him, if I can’t straighten out whatever it is I’m feeling for both these men, it’s my heart that’s going to be on the line and I’m not ready to take that risk.

  “Give what a chance?” My stomach is really starting to rumble. I can’t do this. I’m not good at casual and I’m not good at commitment. I should become a nun, it would serve me better.

  “A relationship with Damian.”

  “Mia, just because he wanted more than one night, doesn’t mean he wants a relationship.”

  “You have no idea what he’s looking for, and unless you talk to him about this, you’ll never know.”

  Feeling like a piece of my soul had left me, I can’t remember a time in the past five years that I hadn’t dreamt of the day Matt would waltz back into my life. The idea that another man would hold my interest; that someone would stand between me and the life I so desperately wanted seemed impossible. But, the pieces of my soul that were left empty by Matt’s departure and my father’s death have slowly started to return in the past two months and I only have Damian to thank for filling that void. I’m just not sure I’m mentally ready for this.

  While my body has missed the touch of a man—the feeling of being adored and cherished, my heart wouldn’t withstand another heartbreak and the only way to protect it, is to simply not allow anyone access to it. Sleeping with Damian was a monumental mistake in the safety of my heart and I’m going to make damn sure, it never happens again.

  I run to the bathroom and throw up, resting my head against the cold porcelain of the toilet.

  “Jeez, Addy. You really were plowed weren’t you?”

  “In more ways than one.” I sigh.

  Mia starts laughing and we get off the phone. I drag my ass back to bed and crawl under the cool sheets. The building is silent. No music or television blares through the walls. Maybe he’s gone and it’s safe to go out on the deck and get a little fresh air.

  I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth. A glance in the mirror tells me I look like hell. The hickies running the length of my body only darkened further. Bite marks line my shoulders, I didn’t notice before and the bruises on the insides of my thighs still replicate someone’s fingers. A hickey the size of a golf ball blemishes the back of my knee.

  “Bite me,” I whisper.

  He groans, as his lips suck on the sensitive flesh behind my knee, the vibration of his throat traveling up my leg and between my thighs. Trailing his tongue up my inner leg, that sweet ache begins to crest, my insides burning with intense heat that
need release as the scruff on his jaw gently scratches my sweet spot and I explode, my body convulsing, my hands gripping his head and my throat raw from screaming his name.

  Damn, I’m so screwed. Quickly I splash cold water on my face.

  His lips, his teeth, and the way he groaned when I asked him to bite me. A familiar ache begins in my belly.

  I throw on my white terry cloth robe and Billabong hat to hide the bloodshot eyes and blotches on my face then tentatively make my way to my balcony.

  Slowly sliding the door open, I take a cautious step outside. The coast looks clear. The sun is beginning to set and the sky is a pretty shade of bluish gray. I can feel a slight ocean breeze, and for once, I’m happy I live by the beach. The scent of the ocean is so familiar to me and instantly I feel calmer.

  The sun is making its descent when I hear the door open to my right.

  My body tenses, and I watch as Damian walks out on his balcony, shirt off, workout shorts hanging off his hips and running shoes on. His hair is wet from a recent shower and as he grabs for one of his T-shirts air-drying on the balcony, his back flexes and very red, deep scratch marks show themselves.

  I want to run back inside. Not having noticed I am out here, Damian busies himself tidying up his place, but an abrupt turn lands his eyes on mine and like a punch to the gut, I’m breathless.

  His face softens, and his lips curl up in a genuine smile. “I didn’t realize you were out here.” Damian pulls his shirt over his head, wincing as the material hits his back.

  I watch him, not sure what to say or how to begin this conversation.

  “You feeling okay, Addison?” he asks as he moves closer. Forgetting about the rail that separates our two balconies, he runs right into it.

  “Better than this morning, but still not back to normal.”

  A small smile hits his lips. “Give it a few days, you were pretty plowed.”

  Internally laughing at how true that statement is, I ignore his comment.

  “I’m on my way to meet Reed for a workout. I’d ask if you want to join, but you’re looking pretty content.”

  My eyes sink. “I don’t think I’ll be able to hit the track for few days, my body feels like it’s been run over by a truck.”

  He frowns, and his head tilts to the side as he studies me. “Can I come see you when I get back tonight? I think we have some things to discuss.”

  I shake my head. “There’s nothing to discuss Damian. It happened and it’s not going to happen again. I think we both know it was a huge mistake.” I want to take the words back the minute they leave my lips. His eyes cloud with confusion and instantly fill with hurt. He’d said he wanted all of me and I told him I could handle it. Clearly, I was wrong.

  “A mistake,” he repeats, his face turning into a cold hard mask.

  With every ounce of energy I have, I face him and slightly nod, wondering if I just made an even bigger one.

  He lets out a humorless laugh, turns and leaves.

  Every window in my car is open, the air hitting me in the face as I drive to the Santa Barbara City College track to meet Reed.

  A mistake.

  How the fuck can she think last night was a mistake? She’s lying through her perfect swollen lips, and I have scratch marks down my back to prove it.

  Her skin, her taste, her lips, fuck, those sexy lips that drove me wild while her eyes stayed locked onto mine. I’m getting hard at the memory.

  I thought I’d made it clear that I don’t do mistakes; that one night is not on my agenda. Now, knowing what she feels like, there’s no way that was a one-time deal. She is going to tell me whatever warped reason she has for thinking we were a mistake last night. If my foggy memory serves me correct, last night was the first right thing that has happened to me in a long time, drunk or not.

  Reed is waiting for me when I pull into the parking lot.

  “Dude, you look like shit. What the hell happened to you?” He unzips his sweatshirt revealing a T-shirt that says “Time for a good ass-kicking. Yours, not mine.”

  “A peacock invaded my life, Reed. That’s what happened to me.” Bending down to stretch my hamstrings, I miss the initial look of shock on Reed’s face.

  “Damian, are you hell-bent on ruining your own life? She lives next fucking door to you!”

  I stand up and take a defensive stance with my arms folded across my midsection. “How in the hell will that ruin my life?”

  He walks towards me and stops inches from my face, his hands resting on his hips. “Because Dude, she doesn’t know what she wants, and you’re not exactly whole. What if she goes back to that douche of an ex? What then? You have a little girl who needs you pretty fucking bad, what are you doing messing with a girl who may not choose you?”

  I’d trusted Reed with that information about Addison and her ex, and he just threw it back in my face. I glare at him. Pissed at what he’s saying and more pissed that his words may be true. Something had rattled Addison last night, scared her enough to not want to give us her best shot. I wasn’t going to let her get away with it, at this point, there was no way I’d let her call us a mistake and walk away. It would be physically impossible for me to stay away from her.

  He drops his hands by his sides in frustration. “You banged her didn’t you?”

  “That’s none of your fucking business Reed. And if I did, why the disgusted look on your face?” Reed’s been on my ass about Addison since I met her. What. Is. His. Deal!

  Reed moves right into my face and points a finger at me. “Because you don’t just fuck Damian, you get attached. And you don’t need anyone messing with your brain right now. Do I need to remind you what your life was like six years ago, Dude? That for three years after the accident you were so lost I thought for sure one day I’d come home and find you dead. I get it, you don’t want to be like your father, fuck, I get it, but that doesn’t mean you have to save every girl within a ten-mile radius, Dude. A million fucking chicks out there would fall at your feet, so why in the fuck are you picking the one who may crush you? That’s what the disgusted look is for.”

  “You going to sit on this couch all day?” Reed’s just moved in front of the television, blocking my view of the latest America’s Most Wanted episode.

  “Yep, move the fuck out of my way.” I pour myself another shot of whiskey and wince as it burns on its way down.

  He grabs the remote and turns it off, then throws it to the other side of the room. “Guess you’re going to have to get up and find that damn thing if you want to keep watching it.” He picks up the Jack Daniels and caps it. “This making you feel any better?”

  I sit up and pound my hands on the table in front of me. “What do you want, Reed?” I’m shouting. If I wasn’t so buzzed I’d get up and beat the shit out of him, but I’d probably lose, so yelling seems to be the next best thing.

  “Live your life Dude, not piss it away because it didn’t go in the direction you had planned. Be a fucking man!”

  My arm slices across the coffee table, clearing it of anything in its path. It’s been three years since the accident and my leg still isn’t functioning at full throttle. I’ve let him drag me to the track, I’ve let my mom come over and bring me food, I’ve let him bring chicks over to try and cheer me up, but fuck if I’m going to let him take away my right to be pissed as fucking hell that my life was stolen from me.

  “You think you have it bad?” he challenges. “You think your life sucks?” he continues to scream at me.

  “Yeah, I fucking do asshole!”

  Reed glares at me, his breathing coming in shallow gasps in and out of his lungs. “She had a daughter.”

  My head snaps up, my eyes landing directly on his. “What did you say?”

  His shoulders fall slightly, his tense stance softening. “Megan’s death orphaned a little girl, Damian. A little girl who is now five-years-old. You think your life’s bad? How do you think that little girl is doing?”

  This cannot be true. I rub my h
ands over my face, trying to comprehend what he just said. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because you need a reality check.” Reed leans against the wall, his eyes studying my reaction.

  “How long have you been keeping this from me?”

  He looks to the floor, then back at me. “Three years.”

  Fuck.

  “Wake up Damian. Realize you have a lot to live for.”

  Air, I need air and I need a lot of it. I take off as fast as I can. My Nike’s slapping the red material of the track. Running from a past that haunts me, running from my best friend who has just pointed out every flaw in my life and running from the woman who shines so bright in my eyes, that I can’t imagine not spending every night like the one before.

  I run for an hour and I run hard. Reed keeps a safe and noticeable distance behind me, but he doesn’t leave the track and he keeps a watchful eye on me.

  When I’m done running I make my way to the uneven bars and start my pull up routine. Fifty in all. I drop and do over one hundred push-ups. After that, I turn over onto my back and start in on my abs but have to abort that part of my work out the minute my scratch marks hit the ground.

  My life as a soccer player had ended, but I still trained as if I was competing in the world nationals. I still keep in shape as if someone is going to call me and ask me to join their team and bring them to victory. I still train because blood is blood and flesh is flesh. I am still my father’s son.

  “You done killing yourself?” Reed sits next to me, sweat running down the sides of his face.

  “She jumped me.” I’m sitting, my elbows resting on my knees.

  “Addison?” He looks over, curiosity swimming in his eyes.