by A. J. Pryor
“Thank god.” Damian releases his grip on my hand and slides his palms over his face and head, rubbing out the anxiety this conversation just caused.
“It’s not all good news, Damian. Rebecca wouldn’t go along with his demands to block you, but your time is being limited. We’re supposed to monitor you to an hour a day. You know we’ll do our best to give you as much time as both you and Emily need, but don’t be surprised when we ask you to leave. We’re going to do the best we can, but please be patient with us.”
He nods and juts his head in the direction of Emily’s room.
“Yes, go ahead and see her. I think she just finished eating.”
Without another word, we walk silently down the long white corridor. The television is on, some sort of Disney channel and right before we take a step inside her room, Damian stops and rubs his hands over his face one more time. Taking a few more deep breaths, he plasters on a smile and then walks through her doorway. It takes me a few seconds to follow, realizing he’s doing everything in his power to keep it together in front of this little girl. Not allowing her to see the hurt and fear he has for her or for what Thomas is going to do to try and keep them apart. And more importantly, why he wants to keep them apart.
As Addison follows me into the room, Emily starts clapping and her big toothy grin flashes our way.
My heart breaks. I definitely can’t not visit this girl every day she’s stuck in this room until she’s better. No fucking way.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming with him today. I’m so excited you’re here too.”
The sadness I’ve felt coming off Addison in waves all day instantly vanishes. “Of course I came. Who else is going to paint your nails?” Emily’s eyes widen in excitement as Addison pulls out an array of nail polish bottles from her purse.
Kissing Emily on the head, I sit down on the small couch in the corner and let Addison sit next to the bed. I’m working on less than an hour of sleep, spending most of the night stopping myself from banging on Addison’s door and either telling her Megan’s secret or screaming at her for asking me to break a promise to a woman who meant the world to me. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to tell Addison the information she wants to know, but one thing’s for sure, I never want to spend a night without her again. It completely sucked and while today started out better, it’s beginning to suck all over again. Thomas Feeley is lucky I’m not jumping in my car and heading over to beat the shit out of him.
That short fuck has no idea who he just messed with. No fucking way he’s banning me from this room. No way in hell. He’s going to be disbarred when my team of attorneys is done with him. I’ve played it cool over the past nine months, fighting when I need to, keeping quiet as to not disrupt Emily’s treatments, but he just pushed it too far. The fucker’s going down and I’m setting it in motion this very second. Pulling out my phone, I send a quick text to my attorney detailing exactly what just happened and what needs to happen next. I’m done playing nice where Emily is concerned. I know what’s best for her, I know where she needs to end up, and I’ll be damned if things don’t go my way.
A little more at ease now that I’ve set things in motion, I sit back and watch as my two favorite girls spend the next hour painting their nails and discussing the latest One Direction song, who got kicked off of Master Chef Junior and how excited Addison is to go see America Ninja Warrior live. My heart expanding with each breath I take, as the two most important people in the world to me get to know each other a little better.
In this moment, I’m the saddest and happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life.
“Did you get word to your attorney?” Those are the first words Addison speaks as we approach my car.
“Yep. They’re working on it.”
She nods and gets in the car.
We drive in silence until I pull onto our street. I have no idea what is going through Addison’s mind, but mine is full of possibilities on how to get Emily out of the situation she’s in.
The deafening silence is interrupted by the ringing of a phone—Addison’s phone. She looks at the screen confused before she answers it.
“Hello?”
Parking the car, I can hear a male voice on the other end of the line and the deep breath Addison takes lets me know exactly who just called.
“Matt, did you change your number?”
Rage boils up in my blood. I’ve already been fucked around once today, I’ll be damned if it’s going to happen again. I get the urge to rip the phone out of her hands and throw it out the window, but I need to tamp down the caveman bursting out of me. Addison’s with me and Matt can crawl back inside the designer magazine he came from.
But then she laughs. And every muscle in my body stiffens as I watch her laugh at something he said.
“You got a Santa Barbara number to ease back into Southern California living? Matt, you’ve lost your mind. I’ve gotta go.”
I’m hoping she’s about to hang up so we can discuss how next time she needs to hang up on the douche the minute she hears his voice. What I’m not expecting are her next words.
“Yep, I’m officially unemployed, he really did fire me.”
What the fuck? When the fuck did she last talk to this guy? I can’t handle it. Taking the phone out of her hand, I hit end and look down into her confused eyes.
Those green eyes fill with panic and my stomach sinks.
“Addison, when’s the last time you saw Matt?”
Her phone rings in my hand, and I silence it.
She doesn’t answer, the fear in her eyes doing the talking for her. Throwing my door open I take the stairs two at a time and head to my front door. I’m going to go running—alone, and get a handle on what I’m feeling right now. I know if I say another word to Addison, I’ll regret every single syllable that comes out of my mouth.
“Damian wait. You have the wrong idea.” I can hear her panting behind me as she races up the stairs, but I don’t answer her.
“Damian stop. Listen to me. Yesterday, when I left my office building, he was outside waiting for me. I literally bumped into him as I exited through the doors.”
Fuck. I can’t hear this. I want to throw my hands over my ears. Fuck. I abruptly turn to confront her and she runs right into me. “Did you fuck him?”
She jolts back like I slapped her. “What? No! Of course not.”
Okay, she didn’t sleep with him, but she saw him, yesterday, and she hasn’t once attempted to tell me about it.
“Did you tell him about me? Did you tell him about Emily?”
Her eyes narrow in anger, and I know she’s about to lay into me. “Damian! He was there. I was upset and he took me to the Brewing Company. We had a few beers, put a few bad feelings behind us, and then I came home and confronted you. I was confused and angry and I needed a break before I came home . . . a distraction. But I would never cheat on you and if you think that of me, maybe we need to rethink us.”
Her lips are trembling, either from the wind that’s picked up or an emotion that’s running through her. Those wild eyes are beginning to get glassy and I suddenly feel bad that I apparently don’t trust her, or maybe it’s Matt that I don’t trust, but she clearly knows it too. It sounds as if she spent an afternoon with her ex who she should hate and yet, she didn’t tell me. She should have told me.
Reaching for her, I pull her up close to my body. “So we’re clear, Addison. I don’t ever want you talking to Matt Bryson again. I don’t want you seeing him, I don’t want you laughing at anything he says. I don’t want him near you.” I kiss her, my tongue slipping inside her mouth. Her trembling lips begin to stabilize and her body starts to tremble instead. “Can you do that for me Addison? Can you stay away from him?”
“Damian, I . . . I’m sorry. I would have told you. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret. I’m sor—” I kiss her again, not wanting to hear the rest of what she was going to say.
“Promise me Addison that you won’t let him
near you.” My lips are brushing against hers with each word I speak, our breaths mingling together.
She doesn’t answer, and I’m wondering what part of her still loves him, whether it’s her heart, her soul or just her mind playing tricks on her because there’s no reason she wouldn’t immediately tell me she never wants to see the asshole again.
I search her remorseful eyes for the answer I’m looking for but she’s giving me nothing.
“You still love him don’t you?” She blinks twice, tears filling her eyes, and I’m ruined, my heart completely stilling inside my body. “I gotta get out of here.” Turning away from her, I head to my front door.
“I don’t love him,” she finally says. “But talking to him gives me a sense of closure that I need.”
My hand is on my doorknob, my breaths coming deep and heavy. Not knowing exactly what that means, I don’t have an answer for her. I hear her tentatively walk up behind me, and she places a hand on my shoulder.
It’s impossible not to react to her touch. My heart picks up speed, and my muscles tense. I want to turn around and pin her to this wall, strip all her clothes off, and run my tongue between her legs until she promises me she’ll never let him call her again.
“Damian, my mom abandoned me with no explanation. Matt did the same thing. Do you have any idea what that does to a person?”
Do I? I hated my dad and his fucked up way of living. But he never took off on me. No matter what he did, I knew he loved me. That was something I never questioned. And it hits me; I don’t want Addison to question it either.
I turn around and face her, taking her hand in mine. “Addison, I have no idea what that must have felt like. None at all. But I do know, I’m so in love with you it consumes me. I wake up every day wondering if you love me back, wondering if that past asshole of yours shows up again if you’d go with him. I wonder if your friends like me, I wonder if you’d just move all your shit into my place so I can see you everywhere, not just on your balcony. Last night . . . I’m so sorry about last night. I wish I could tell you everything and one day, I will. But I’m not keeping it from you because I don’t love you or don’t trust you. I feel like I owe it to Megan and in some respects Emily too. Maybe one day I won’t feel that way anymore, but I love you and I’m not going anywhere. I will never leave you wondering what the hell happened to me. I promise, I will never do that to you.”
Yeah, I’m a total stud in and out of the bedroom. I have a face that women love and a body they love even more. I have a shit load of money Addison doesn’t even know the half of it and I can take care of her the rest of her life. But I’m human, and I also have a crap load of insecurities. I just laid them all out on the table. She can either step on them all, rip them in two and crush me, or she can love me back. It’s her call.
She smiles, and my entire universe brightens as she stands on her tiptoes and kisses me. Soft at first and then hard and passionate. “I’m tired of fighting with you, Damian. Let’s go make up.” She doesn’t tell me she loves me back but the way she’s kissing me, the way her fists are clenched in my shirt holding me close to her body—she doesn’t have to say a word. I know exactly how her heart feels.
Damian thinks he loves me, and maybe he does, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t say the words back. It was exactly one week ago today that he professed that love. Now, it’s like a damn broke and he hasn’t been able to stop saying those three words. A part of me wants to tell him I love him too, but it feels like I’m only loving a part of him. Until he trusts me enough to share his entire past with me, until he lets me in, I can’t give him my whole heart, it’s too much of a risk I’m not willing to take.
We’re leaving for Malibu in a few hours. Maybe spending a week away from our daily lives, will give me the clarity I need.
Not having a job to go to everyday, I’ve been able to visit Emily whenever Damian goes, coming up with ways he can work around Thomas, but it’s been hard not having all the information. I’ve kept my promise and not asked any more questions about Emily’s mom, but it hasn’t been an easy promise to keep.
“I love this part of your body.” His fingers are trailing along the curve of my waist and the swell of my hip, every so often dipping down to slide along the cheek of my butt.
“When do you want to leave?” I ask.
My leg hangs over his hip and my hands roam through his hair, gently scratching at his scalp. He shivers in my arms and holds on tighter.
A wicked grin spreads across his face and my insides heat.
Damn, how does he do that to me?
“Not for at least an hour.” His lips connect with mine and he flips me on my back, his tip running along my entrance.
Moaning, I close my eyes and relish in our skin on skin contact. “We are never going to get out of here.”
Trailing kisses up and down my neck, he says, “We will. Eventually.”
His phone rings as I’m about to bring him into my body. He jumps up faster than I’ve ever seen, his face pulled in concern.
My body jolts in shock at the loss of heat but the look on his face has me on high alert.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s the hospital.” He holds up his finger and takes the call.
“Shit, please tell me she’s okay.” his voice cracks and my mind goes to the worst-case scenario. Emily was going to the medical placement home today, the foster parents who watch her when she’s not receiving treatments and has no reason to stay in the hospital.
“But she’s stable?”
I release the sheets I have balled in my fists at the word stable.
“Can I come see her?”
“I’ll be there in ten.”
He hangs up and gives me a guilty look.
“Don’t look at me like that. Go. She needs you.”
Conflicted, he begins to dress. “You’re okay if we don’t leave until later today?”
“Of course! Get out of here.”
“It’s only . . . she’s sick, she never made it out of the hospital today and she’s asking for me.”
“Go see her.”
After a two-minute shower, he throws on a white long sleeve T-shirt and blue jeans, going completely commando, which gives my heart a slight jolt. Quickly brushing his teeth and then pulling on his beanie, he’s ready to go in less than five minutes, his hair still glistening with water and face taut in concern.
“Come here.” I leave the comfort of his bed, completely naked, the cold air causing my nipples to stand erect.
He pinches one between his fingers and bends to kiss it. “I shouldn’t be too late.”
“It’s okay. Go.”
“I love you.”
The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I nuzzle my face into his warm neck and take a deep breath instead. I do love him, I know I do, but I need more. I need all of him.
His body slightly deflates against mine and he sighs into the top of my head. I know he’s disappointed that I won’t say those three words, but he also knows why.
After a gentle kiss on my cheek, he’s gone.
Quickly throwing on a pair of sweats and one of his old T-shirts, I head to my own apartment. It’s early in the morning, and the air is crisp and chilly as I walk along the outer deck.
I’m unemployed, already packed, and have nothing to do while I wait for him. This is something that I could either get used to or hate with a passion.
Sitting down to catch up on my shows, I can’t decide which one to watch. I start the latest Amazing Race episode, but it doesn’t hold my interest for more than five minutes. Saving that for a later date, I turn on The Voice. Again, it’s not doing anything for me. Maybe I’m not in a TV watching mood.
‘Glimmer in the Sand’, the third in the trilogy I started when I met Damian is staring me in the face. Reaching for it, I lie back on my sofa and pull a blanket around me. A hopeless romantic falls for a broken playboy. He never knew he needed love until he met her. This looks right up my
alley, but after the first twenty pages, I can’t focus on the words. My mind is wandering in a million different directions.
This is ridiculous. I can’t let Damian become my whole life. The last time I allowed a man that much access I was the one who ended up ruined. There has to be a happy medium somewhere. I call Paige to see if she wants to grab a movie or a bite to eat, but she’s working. I try Mia. Shit, she’s working too. This should have been a great sign that maybe today is a good day to job hunt. I have about two months’ worth of money saved up, but two months will go by in the blink of an eye.
Opening my Mac Air, I begin to search recruiting websites. I’m into it for a good ten minutes before I once again begin to lose concentration. What the hell? I’m jittery and antsy and I’m going to get nothing done until I take a good look as to why I’m suddenly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.
The question hits me in the chest like a bullet.
Why hadn’t he taken me with him?
I’ve gone with him to see Emily this entire past week. Did he think I’d get in the way?
My concern should be with Emily and what happened, and it is. But selfishly I also feel burned, slighted that I’m not important enough to be a part of her healing process. Yet another thing he’s keeping me separated from.
I’m startled out of my depressing thoughts by a knock at my door. Cautiously, I look through the peephole and I freeze, my heart pounding loudly in my ears, my blood boiling. My hands shake as they rest on the doorknob. This is not what I need right now. I’m not sure if I should open the door or leave him standing outside, but I have no doubt that he won’t go away easily. And Damian coming home to find Matt outside my front door is going to be cause for murder.
Taking a long, deep breath, I slowly open the door.