Silent Sins: A Lotus House Novel: Book Five

by Audrey Carlan

  My silence is defining.

  “Words, Dove. Right now, I’m going to bury myself inside you, and I need to know that it’s mine, when I want it, how I want it. Just like your heart…your broken soul. I’m taking it all.”

  “You can have it,” I whisper, more tears falling.

  Nick leans over to the side table and pulls out a condom. I stop his hand and shake my head. “I’m safe and clean.”

  “You letting me have you bare?”

  “You want all of me?” I firm my jaw and lift my head, feeling prideful and beautiful.

  “Fuck, yeah.”

  “I want all of you.”

  Once the word leaves my mouth, he notches his thick cock at my entrance, wraps both of his hands around my hips, and slams home. I cry out at the intrusion, his mighty length large and thick inside my walls. I suck in several breaths and shimmy my hips, attempting to accommodate his girth, but I’m not sure anything would do. He’s huge. Everywhere.

  Nick lays his body over mine, curls a hand under us to grip my bum where he curves his hips, and tunnels his cock deeper. I ease my head back and push down with my hips, wanting him inside as far as he can go. I bite my lips with the pain that move brings, washing over my lower half like a true bathing of his soul into mine.

  “You will take all of me, Dove.” He growls and sucks on a sensitive spot at the base of my neck.

  I’m awash with overwhelming sensations of pleasure, pain, need, and desire. I raise both of my knees up his sides. He takes that opportunity to press against the back of my thighs and thrust deeper.

  “Sweet heaven,” I call out, gripping the rungs of the headboard so tight I’m sure I’ll have indentions in my palms.

  “Fuck yeah it is. Warm, beautiful heaven. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I should have taken you sooner.” His voice is raw, gritty, and coated in lust.

  I smile against his neck and lay a round of kisses on every patch of skin I can reach. He groans and swirls his hips, crushing my clit in the process. My entire body goes stiff as an orgasm races through me. My toes curl, and my fingers tighten around the wood above my head as I go off.

  Nick runs his hands up my arms and unfurls them from the rungs. “Hold me, babe. Touch me.”

  Glorying in the ability to finally put my hands on him, I run them all over his sweat-misted back, feeling each bump of his spine. He fucks me hard, lifts up off my chest so I can see his magnificent body. His shoulders are wide and full of sinewy muscle. Each pec is a hardened square with a brown, almond-shaped nipple I’d like to lick and bite. Down farther is sheer male perfection. He works hard at keeping his body healthy and toned. I draw a fingertip down the center of his chest and over each brick of his eight-pack.

  “Everything about you is hard,” I whisper, touching all over his upper body.

  He smiles, opens my legs wide so my knees fall out to each side. He takes his thumb and swirls it around my clit, which reacts like a lightning bolt to the rest of me. I jerk and tremble, the pleasure obliterating all thoughts besides ramping up for another explosion.

  “And everything about you is soft. Your body…” He runs his hand over my inner thighs, up my abdomen, and to my breasts, where he gives them a little squeeze. “Your heart.” He comes over me and kisses the skin above my heart, which repositions his dick in such a way to torture me with pleasure.

  I moan and grip his hips, wanting him to stay where he is. His dick is gliding along the most perfect place; I feel like my insides are going to explode in sheer ecstasy.

  “That the spot?” He kisses me as I sigh and moan into his mouth.

  Nick uses his talented hips, rotating and stirring his length inside me, crushing that hot bundle of nerves with each rotation. I curl around his body, bringing us as close together as we could possibly be.

  He fucks me slow and long, until I’m panting, squirming, pushing, and pulling for that last little bit that will send me over the edge.

  “Gonna love you like this forever, Honor.”

  “Nick!” I tip my head back and let out a long breath of air as the orgasm pounds through me.

  He picks up the pace with his hips, hammering into me in short bursts. His mouth covers mine, and his massive body locks around me. His cock seems to get bigger, thicker, until both of us fall over the edge of the cliff into nothing but ecstasy.

  “I love you, Honor. I fucking love you,” Nick whispers in my ear as his body shudders and his release fills me.

  Closing my eyes, I hold this man to my body and open the broken parts of my soul, allowing this moment to fill some of the empty holes.

  “I love you too.”

  * * *

  A pounding on the door breaks through the warm haze of sleep swarming around me. Nick’s naked body is pressed up against the back of mine, his arm locked around my waist. I press against his back, snuggling closer as the knocking sound comes again.

  “Nicholas Salvatore Salerno Jr.! You better answer this door for your mama, or I’ll call your father and have him break it down!”

  I sit up like a shot in the dark and pull the sheet up to cover my chest. Nick rolls over and starts laughing.

  “What’s going on?” A nervous panic swirls around me instantly.

  “My mother is here.” He chuckles and scrubs at his eyes.

  “Why?” I rub my head, our lovemaking flickering through my mind like a sexy movie on repeat.

  Nick gets out of bed stark naked. I admire his form longingly, my gaze focusing on his thick cock and sculpted muscles. My mouth waters at the idea of bringing him into my mouth, making him crazy for me. Taking him over the edge into bliss.

  He narrows his eyes and points a finger. “None of that,” he says, sounding more Italian in that moment than I’ve heard him.

  “What?” I blink innocently.

  “Looking at my cock like it’s your next meal.” He grips his length and gives it one long stroke.

  I moan, and he shakes his head. “Fucking knew it. Perfect goddamned woman. Wants me to fuck her face even when my mother is banging at the door.”

  The reminder of his mother has me scrambling out of bed. “It’s not my fault all of your maleness is so…so you!” I wave my hands and look around the room, finding my yoga pants on the floor and one of his shirts. I tug them both on as he zips up his jeans and walks bare-chested out of the room.

  Oh, my God. He’s got nothing but a pair of jeans on, and he’s going to answer the door. His mother is going to know what we did.

  Like his mother doesn’t already assume.

  “There you are. I thought I would have to call the cavalry out on you,” I can hear his mother say from the other room.

  I take a few precious moments to run my fingers through my hair and find a speck of courage to walk out and meet his mother.

  “Where is the girl? I want to see her. You can’t hide her away in your love nest forever!” she scolds.

  I take that moment to exit the room. I wave shyly. “Hello.”

  Nick’s mother is more beautiful than I imagined. She’s small, curvy, and stunning. Her hair is as dark as Nick’s and her smile just as kind.

  She lifts her hands to her heart in a prayer position. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! You are real! And so beautiful!”

  Guess that answers where Nick got one of his favorite religious sayings.

  “Come, come child, let me get a good look at you.”

  I pad close and stretch out my hand to shake hers.

  She shakes her head. “No, no, no. That’s not how we greet one another in this family.” She holds her arms out and embraces me in an all-encompassing hug. “I’m Josephine or Jojo, or Mama. Whatever ever makes you comfortable, my darling girl.” She pulls back and holds both of my cheeks. “My boy has done well. Son, she will make me beautiful grandbabies.”

  I’m certain my eyes are about to pop out of my head, and I cough.

  Nick laughs. “Yeah, Ma, she will.” He answers as if it’s every day that you introduce your girlfriend
to your mother and blatantly admit to the prospect of having children. We haven’t even talked about kids. We just admitted we loved one another.

  Oh, my God! We admitted we loved one another.

  In all the touching and lovemaking, that little admission slipped to the wayside. Now that I’m awake and standing in front of his mother, the memory of him whispering he loved me is running rampant in my mind. Did he mean it? Was it something he said in the heat of the moment?

  Nick comes over and tugs me to his side, looping an arm around my shoulders and kissing my temple. “Ma, this is my girl, Honor Carmichael. Dove, this is my mother, Josephine.”

  “It’s so good to meet you, Josephine.” I grip Nick’s waist and hold on tight.

  “So, tell me, Honor, are you Italian?” she asks while lifting a bag off the floor and walking into the kitchen. She starts unloading several Tupperware containers onto the counter.

  “Um…” I try to come up with the right words, but Nick cuts me off.

  “Five percent, Mom.” He winks at me.

  His mother beams. “I knew it.” She wipes her hands on a dish towel and throws it over her shoulder. “Now, you both look hungry.” She gestures to the stools at the bar. “Sit, sit. I will feed you, and you will tell me all about how you met and fell in love.”

  I shakily make my way to a stool and gratefully sit down before I fall down. I am not used to a mother who not only cares this much but makes a point to insert herself into her children’s lives because of concern and love instead of status and keeping up with the Joneses.

  His mother opens all of the Tupperware she brought, gets the plates, and dishes out more food than I can usually eat in two days, let alone one meal. Lasagna is cut and steaming hot. A bowl of minestrone soup, thick slices of garlic bread, and some steamed fresh veggies are sitting in front of me, making my mouth water. I haven’t smelled food so good in ages.

  Nick digs in like nothing is strange about his mother popping over, laying out a feast, and grilling him about his girlfriend. Without knowing what else to do, I tuck into the food and answer Josephine’s questions as best I can.

  When she leaves, she hugs me not once, but twice, and kisses me on both cheeks.

  Nick walks his mother down and out of the gym. She must have a key if she was able to reach his door inside the building. Thankfully she doesn’t have a key to the inside, or she’d have found us in a more precarious position, and I would have died from sheer embarrassment.

  “My mother likes you,” Nick says as he comes back from downstairs.

  “I like her. She’s full of happiness and love. What’s not to like?”

  “Care to tell me about your mom?”

  Instantly, ice fills my veins. My mother is nothing like the loving, joyful woman who pushed her way into Nick’s home so she could make sure he and his new girlfriend were okay. My mother doesn’t even know where I am, and she probably doesn’t much care.

  “Not today. I want to end this day on a happy note.”

  He comes over to me and tucks me against his chest. I wrap my arms around him and know as long as I’m in these arms, I’ll be fine. Nothing can hurt me here.

  “Okay, Dove. But soon, yeah? You have to let me in on the good, bad, and ugly.”

  I nod and hold him tighter. “Soon.”

  “How’s about we cuddle up and watch some TV like an old married couple?”

  I chuckle into his chest. “Sounds perfect.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Cow Pose (Sanskrit: Bitilasana)

  Getting back to the basics, cow pose has the yogi dropping the belly low while the hips and bum rise up, along with the head and neck. Keep the shoulders hip distance apart and press into the hands and arms getting the most from your stretch.

  NICHOLAS

  Our convoy stops suddenly. “Master Sergeant Salerno, there’s something up ahead.”

  The skin at the back of my neck stings, and the hair stands up. We were supposed to be alone. This trek has been hidden from our enemies for a year now, and we’ve had zero problems.

  “What do you see, Private?” I gesture to Danielson, a young twenty-year-old from Kansas. He’s got eyes on the desert ahead. We’d been driving along a path cut near a long line of boulders, scoping out enemy territory. This is the first time we’ve seen any movement along this route.

  The sky is pitch dark, but a faint light can be seen ahead. I squint, focusing on the light.

  “Not sure, looks like two women in burqas stuck in the desert. The van they’re standing near has the hood up, Sergeant,” Danielson reports.

  One of our jeeps goes on ahead, and that sensation I get when things are about to go tits up hits me again. “Keep your eyes on them. Something doesn’t feel right.”

  “Master Sergeant, we’ve saved some women before. The guys could use this pick-me-up. Been a long few weeks.”

  I nod and grit my teeth. “Eyes on.” One of our jeeps meets the two women, and our men jump out of the cars.

  “Women are holding their hands up,” Danielson reports back.

  A niggle of frustration and fear digs at my psyche. What are these two women doing out here alone in the desert at night? Could be refugees. We’ve seen that before too.

  Just as I’m about to use the two-way radio to check in on my men, Danielson gasps.

  “No, oh fuck! Get out of here!” Danielson screams.

  I grab the binoculars and watch as two men come out from behind the car. One is holding a rocket launcher, the other a machine gun. The women drop to the sand as the gun blasts through my four men. They didn’t even have a chance to lift their weapons in defense.

  “No!” I roar as a light sparks in the distance, and I watch as a rocket is launched into the second vehicle in front of me.

  The jeep is blown to bits along with eight of my men. Just gone in a flash.

  “Gas it. Get to the rocks!” I instruct, pulling out my weapon and firing alongside Danielson. Enemy fire prattles against the jeep, the sound of metal on metal piercing my eardrums. Bullets continue to fly as my driver gets us to the section of rocks that will ultimately be our escape route. I’ve got my sights on one of the men as another of my men goes down, taking out the radical with the rocket launcher.

  “Fuck. No!” I slam my hand down on the seat in front of me. Danielson doesn’t say anything, his head flopping from side to side as another one of my men gets us out of the line of fire.

  “Danielson!” I scream, pulling myself toward the front of the jeep to find him bleeding from his neck, his body littered with bullet wounds.

  “No!”

  “No!”

  * * *

  “Nick, honey, I’m here. Wake up.”

  I’m shaken awake, and I can see nothing but a white halo and darkness.

  “You’re okay!” Honor touches me, but I push her back with one hand, not sure exactly where I am. Sweat tingles against my skin as I turn toward the mattress and slam my fist into it over and over. The images are so real. Death and loss all around me.

  “They’re all fucking dead!” I cry out and punch the mattress again. “I couldn’t save them.”

  A small, cool hand flattens against my back. “Nick, honey.”

  I turn around fast, scoop her up, and hoist her over me. She straddles my legs and rests her head against my beating heart.

  “You’re okay. I’m here.” She kisses my chest over and over.

  “They’re all gone,” I whisper, holding her close.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I couldn’t save them,” I say, tears falling down the sides of my cheeks like a pussy.

  She doesn’t judge me. Not her. My Honor sits up, wipes the tears away, and kisses me until all I can see, hear, and feel is her wrapped around me.

  “Nick, you’re saving me. Every day I’m with you I feel alive.”

  I hold her close and cry against her neck, letting out the anger, rage, and grief. She holds me, never letting her grip soften until I’ve cried al
l the tears I can. There’s no more left.

  “Maybe I’m the one who needs saving,” I whisper against her temple.

  She nods. “We can save each other.”

  “I love you, Honor.”

  Her body softens and relaxes against mine. “I love you, Nick.”

  After a few long minutes of just being with one another, Honor sits up on my lap, curls her fingers around the hem of her tank, and rips it over her head. Her pretty breasts glow pale white in the moonlight.

  I cup both of them and swipe my thumbs over her nipples.

  “You can take it out on me,” she offers.

  “Take what out?” I’m not sure where she’s going with her statement.

  “You’re angry and upset. Whatever is hurting you. Use it to hurt me.”

  I grip her hips, close my eyes, and suck in a full breath and let it go, along with the wonder that is this woman. She’s always surprising me with her selfless acts.

  “Do you need me to hurt you good, Dove?” My voice is as rough as sandpaper. How she could know I need this is beyond me.

  She bites down on her bottom lip and nods.

  “Words. I need your words.” My jaw feels tight and ready to crack rocks with my teeth at how much I want to take her up on her suggestion.

  “Yes, Nick. I want you to use me to feel better.”

  I sit up, and she slides down my thighs and comes face-to-face with me. “What if I told you I want to hit you? Spank you until your white ass was red with my handprints and then fuck you until it hurt to walk tomorrow.”

  Her pupils dilate, and she lets out a little moan alongside a wiggle of her hips. That move makes my Johnson perk up and take even more notice than when she sat in my lap and bared her tits.

  “I see you like that idea.”

  “Yeah,” she murmurs, as if saying it out loud will make the idea disappear at any second. She’d be wrong. I’ve been dying to get my hands on her ass, and tonight, I need her submission. Need her to give me full control of her body and her pleasure.