by Renna Peak
“I’m not sure you understand,” I say, a bit taken aback by his exuberance.
Leopold laughs. “That explains your mood. Those first few days after you get the news…” He shakes his head. “It’s crazy. But fatherhood is the most amazing thing you’ll ever experience.”
“I understand that,” I tell him. Or I’m beginning to, anyway. “But that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about the consequences this will have on our family.”
Leopold sobers a little. “Oh.”
“Exactly. We have some things to discuss.”
“But not before another drink.” Leopold raises his glass. “To fatherhood.”
“To fatherhood,” I echo, for his sake. We clink glasses and drink.
When I lower my brandy again, I find Leopold looking thoughtful.
“You’re talking about the ascension, aren’t you?” he says. “When your child is born, Matthew will no longer be the heir.”
“That’s correct.” I study him closely, trying to guess his thoughts, but for once, my brother’s face is unreadable. “I understand this complicates things.”
“Maybe.” He takes another drink. “But is it terrible to admit that the thought of it gives me some relief? It’s a lot of pressure, raising the heir. And probably not something that lies in my specific skill set. You, on the other hand…”
My frown deepens. “I’m not sure I…”
“You were born to be king,” he says. “It’s been a part of you since the moment you came into existence. It’s your life, and if anyone is going to raise the next generation of rulership, it should be you. I have no bloody idea what I’m doing, anyway.”
“Matthew is in good hands,” I assure him. “You and Elle would have done just fine—”
“And now we don’t have to,” Leopold says, though I can’t read his expression. “We’re free to travel the world like we originally dreamed. Elle never wanted to spend her life in this palace. She never wanted to be royalty. Now we have the freedom to do whatever we’d like again.” He pats me on the shoulder. “Really, this is a blessing.”
But I’m not so sure. I never would have taken this news so well—but maybe that’s the difference between my brother and me. But now that I’m looking at him, I’m not so sure he’s telling the truth.
“Don’t look so bloody worried,” Leopold says, though there’s no smile on his face. I could almost swear he wants to glare at me, but his forced, small smile betrays any sense of true happiness. “This is a joyous day. Enjoy your good news.” He tilts his head back and downs the rest of his brandy. “I should probably get back to my wife and my son. You should go find Victoria and celebrate.”
And with that, he’s gone again, leaving me standing at the window with a half-full glass of brandy, feeling more confused than ever.
It will be all right, I tell myself. My brother is telling the truth about one thing—I know he and Elle never wanted to be confined to this palace for the rest of their lives. Maybe he’s right, that this all turned out for the best.
Only time will tell.
Victoria
Part of me wants to be overjoyed at this news, the same as Andrew is. But the more practical side knows there’s only one way to deal with the situation.
I grab my bag, preparing myself for what I’ll tell Andrew when I go into his office. I’m almost to the door of our suite when he walks in.
My husband isn’t usually one to grin, but that’s the only way to describe his expression. But as soon as he sees my bag on my arm, his smile falls instantly. “Where are you going?”
“I should get back to work. It’s a long flight back—I should be able to sleep for most of it.”
He blinks at me a few times before he tilts his head. It’s almost as though I’m speaking to him in a foreign language. “What are you talking about?”
“My job. You know, that thing I do when I’m not here at the palace.”
“I…” He shakes his head. “I know about your job, Victoria. I meant, why would you be going back to it?”
“Well, there’s the whole thing with Sophia, to start with. She hasn’t exactly made things easy with the scandal…”
He groans, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t remind me. But certainly—”
“That was why I went back full time, wasn’t it? To protect your sister from…what was it you called it? The vultures in my profession?”
“Surely you know someone else…”
“You think if I did, I wouldn’t have already come home?”
His lips tick up into the smallest of smiles. “Well, I am glad that you’re at least calling the palace home now.” He lets out a long breath. “But I do think you need to stay here, especially under the circumstances. You should be resting. You should be lying in bed—”
I shake my head. “The doctor said nothing about me needing to be in bed for the next eight months, Andrew. And besides, we don’t know—”
“We know you have a child growing inside you. We know it’s there. We both saw it ourselves on that television screen.”
My heart skips a few beats at the recent memory of seeing the beating pulse of light on that monitor. Knowing that there was actually a life growing inside me—in the right place, no less. But I still can’t seem to let myself actually believe it’s real. There’s too much of a chance something could go wrong, and I don’t think I can live with myself if anything happens.
“I…I’ll be fine. In a few months, if everything is still going well, I’ll come home. We can tell your family then. But I want to wait until we know for sure. For absolute sure…”
Something changes in his expression, and his cheeks turn a deep shade of crimson.
“What?” I cock my head, but he says nothing. “Andrew…?”
“I…” He clears his throat, running a hand through his hair as he steps around me into the room. He sits down on the sofa and motions for me to come and sit beside him.
“You didn’t.” Something twists in my gut, probably terror at the thought of anyone else knowing our secret.
“I…” He pats the seat beside him again. “Come and sit with me.”
I glare at him for a moment before I take the seat next to him. “Who? Who did you tell?”
He rubs at his jaw. “I told Leopold. But don’t worry—he took the news well. Said he was relieved.”
I shake my head at him. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“Why wouldn’t I? He needs to be aware that his son will no longer have a rightful place in line—”
“That’s what you’re worried about?” My voice rises as the anger spills from me. “That is your only concern?”
“At the moment, yes—”
“How could you?” I stand, shaking my head at him. “We’ve known about this for…what? A few hours? And you’re only worried about making sure your brother knows his son is no longer in line for your goddamn crown?”
“Victoria…” He sighs as he rises. “I don’t expect you to understand—”
“Good. Because I don’t.” He reaches for my hand, but I pull it away before he can take it. “My concern is that this is even real. That they didn’t make some mistake and that I’m not going to be devastated tomorrow.”
He looks into my eyes for a long moment. “As far as I’m concerned, we should proceed as if we’re going to have a son or daughter in our arms on Christmas morning—”
“Well, as far as I’m concerned, we should proceed as if nothing has happened. And for the love of God, we shouldn’t be telling anyone this soon. Even if this was normal thing—even if it wasn’t some miracle that I conceived at all—”
He grabs my hand, interrupting me. “But it is a miracle. And we should celebrate—”
I pull my hand away again, tears filling my eyes. I just can’t understand why he can’t see my point of view. “We cannot celebrate anything, Andrew. Not yet. And we damn well shouldn’t be telling people.”
“Well, that is already done. And
if I know my brother, half the palace already knows the news by now.”
“That’s just great, Andrew. Just…great. And I suppose you’ll be the one to tell them when I lose this…this…pregnancy.” I can’t even bring myself to call it a baby. Not yet.
“You can’t think that way, Victoria. You have to stay positive. Believe that the miracle we’ve been given is deserved. And you need to—”
“Stop telling me what I need to do, Andrew.” Tears fill my eyes again as I head for the door. I turn back to him. “The only thing I need to do right now is to get back to work. And that’s what I’m going to do.”
Andrew
I try to keep my patience, but there are some things I can’t let slide any longer.
I cross the room in three strides, reaching the door before her and blocking her way.
“You’re not leaving this palace,” I tell her. “I forbid it.”
Her eyes narrow. “You forbid it?”
I realize immediately that this was the wrong tack to take with her, but it’s too late now. I must stand my ground.
“We’re married,” I remind her. “And now you’re carrying our child. Why do you refuse to live here in the palace with me?”
“I’m not refusing,” she says. “But my work—”
“Damn your work! We’ve only seen each other a handful of times in the past three months. Everything changed the moment we were married, and not for the better. If I’d known you’d behave like this, then I never would have—” I snap my mouth shut, cutting myself off.
But it’s too late.
“You never would have what?” Victoria demands. “You never would have married me in the first place?”
“If this is what you consider ‘married,’ then no, I wouldn’t have signed up for this,” I tell her honestly. “I thought we’d be building a life together. Not two separate lives on opposite sides of the world.”
She’s silent, staring at me with an intensity that makes me uncomfortable. But I won’t budge. This needed to be said. Especially now that everything has changed.
“And yes,” I say, “maybe it would have been more prudent to wait to tell my brother. But I don’t think you quite grasp how much this child will affect my family—it’s important that they know. It’s more than just our lives that will be changing—the future of Montovia hangs on this. And if we… If we lose…” I can’t bring myself to finish the sentence out loud. “If something happens, then I still want them to know. I won’t be able to hide my pain from them. Keeping your pregnancy a secret wouldn’t save us any heartache. It wouldn’t keep such an event from being the single most devastating thing I’ve ever experienced. And if you think I could hide such a thing from my family, then you don’t know me very well.”
Her eyes fall, but her jaw is still tight.
“I’m not asking for this to be a secret,” she says. “I just want some privacy, at least until we know a little more. This will be hard enough without having to answer everyone’s questions. Without this pregnancy being the center of discussion in this palace for the next eight months.” She pauses, and her bottom lip trembles slightly. “I’ve never been so terrified of anything in my entire life. I want to be excited and hopeful, but I can’t. I’m just afraid. All of this could be ripped away from us so easily.”
“And if it is, we’ll figure out how to deal with it,” I say, though I find it difficult to even consider the possibility right now.
She shakes her head. “It feels…inevitable. Like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I…I’m not sure I’m strong enough for this.”
I reach out and cup her face, brushing my thumb against the line of her jaw.
“You’re the strongest woman I know,” I tell her. “No matter what happens, we’ll find a way through it, together.” I frown. “We will be together, won’t we? Victoria, my love, I understand how much your work means to you, but to have you all the way over in the United States at a time like this…”
“Someone has to look after your little sister,” she reminds me.
“Nicholas is there. And if he can’t keep her stay out of trouble…well, Sophia is old enough to learn the consequences of her actions. The most important thing right now is you—you and the child you carry.” I pull her closer. “I want to be a family with you, Victoria. And I don’t know how to do that when we’re far apart.”
She buries her face in my chest. “I know. I just…”
“Are you really so unhappy here in Montovia?”
“No.” She shakes her head against my chest. “I’m not unhappy. Not at all. It’s just…this is your country. Your home. Your job. Your…everything. I wanted—needed—something that was mine. Just mine. I love you, Andrew. So, so much. But I don’t want to lose myself just because I’m your wife now.” She tilts her head back, looking up at me with tear-filled eyes. “And now that I’m pregnant, there’s even more pressure. The entire country will be watching me. Hell, the entire world will be, even more than they were before. It’ll be hard enough without all that attention, and if anything goes wrong…”
“Then better to have you safe here, hidden away at the palace, than off in America.” I brush her hair back from her face. “Victoria, it’s not my intent to make you feel like a prisoner here. But this isn’t something either of us can do on our own. I want you here with me—no, I need you here.” I release her and drop down to my knees. “Please, Victoria. Please, stay here.”
I wrap my arms around her waist, pressing my face against her belly. It’s still the same size it always was, but it holds the world inside it now.
“Please,” I beg her. “I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. Whatever it takes to keep you safe. Just stay here. Let’s do this together, side by side.”
Her hands drop to my hair, and she’s quiet for a long time. I kiss her stomach, already in love with the life inside.
“I’m scared,” she whispers to me.
My lips pause on her stomach. I nuzzle her with my nose instead. “Me, too. More terrified than I’ve ever been in my life.”
Her fingers tighten in my hair. “And you’re right. We shouldn’t do this alone.”
“Does that mean you’ll stay?” I ask, looking up at her.
She nods. “Yes. Yes, I’ll stay.”
I practically leap to my feet, catching her up in my arms.
“I love you,” I murmur into her hair. “I love you so much.”
She clings to me. “I love you, too.”
And on Christmas Day, God willing, we’ll have someone else to love, too.
Victoria
Andrew’s lips crash against mine, sending a pulse of electricity through me. It’s been far too long since we’ve been together, and as his hands slide down my back I’m reminded of just how much I miss him.
He kisses me for a moment before he suddenly pulls away, his hands finding my shoulders as he holds me at arm’s length.
He looks into my eyes for a long moment. “We should get ready for dinner.”
“Why?” I lean into him and loop my arms around his waist, pulling him against me. “I thought you said you missed me.”
He gives me an uncomfortable chuckle as he slowly pushes me away. “You have no idea how much.”
“Well, we have plenty of time before dinner—”
He interrupts with another awkward laugh. “I’ll see you in the dining room.” He leans toward me, giving me a peck on the cheek before he backs himself to the door. Andrew gazes at me from across the room. “You’ve made me the happiest man alive, Victoria. I want you to know that.”
My mind is spinning with what’s happening, and all I can manage is a slight nod of my head.
He turns and leaves our suite without another word.
What the hell just happened? Did I really just agree to give up my career for something that may or may not be real? I shake my head to myself. And then Andrew turned cold on me as soon as he touched me…
I rub my forehead as I hea
d to the closet to find something to wear for dinner. I don’t think I could have been clearer with my intentions just now—it would have been nice to lose myself for a moment in his arms, even if it would have meant we were a little late for dinner.
Maybe he’s afraid, too. For all his talk about how happy he is, he has to be at least as terrified as I am that we’re going to lose this pregnancy. And I suppose he’s right—when we do lose it, he’ll want the comfort of his family. I will, too.
That’s how I’m going to deal with this, I think. If I let myself get too attached—especially now—it’s going to hurt too much when it ends. It’s really the only way to protect myself from the inevitable devastation.
I choose a dress from the wardrobe and pull it on. I still haven’t completely become accustomed to the formal dinners in the palace each night. The food here is infinitely better than what I eat when I’m working, but pretending that each meal is some sort of ceremonial affair isn’t really my cup of tea.
Even if Andrew wants to continue that tradition, I won’t be that way with my family… My family My breath catches in my chest at the realization that I even had the thought. That someday, I’ll be queen and will have children sitting at the dinner table with Andrew and me.
I shake my head again. I can’t be letting myself think about the future like that.
When I get to the dining room, Andrew is already seated at the table alone. He rises when he sees me, smiling as he motions to the seat beside him.
“You’re beautiful, my love.” He pecks me on the cheek again as I take my chair. “Stunning.”
I ignore the compliment. “Are we doing this tonight?” My stomach tightens at the thought of having to share our news. “Telling everyone?”
“I thought…I thought it would be the best way. Particularly since I’ve already told Leopold.”
I nod, trying to ignore the wave of nausea that washes over me—I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with pregnancy hormones.