Chapter Twenty-three
On a sunny mid-July morning, Rebecca walked out Bay Street admiring the sparkling water filled with fishing boats and merchant vessels. Her heart ached to know she would be leaving this beautiful ocean-side town in just three days. She did miss her family and wished they could be here in this peaceful place where they would have time to get reacquainted without the chaos and intrusion of a town full of well-meaning friends and neighbors. It was just too hard for Rebecca to keep her thoughts straight while surrounded by so many voices no matter how helpful their intent.
Lost in thought, she strolled up Main Street peering in shop windows for perhaps the last time. Eventually, she made her way to Church Street and rang the bell at Doctor Samuel’s residence.
His apprentice, a blonde-haired young man not much older than Rebecca, introduced himself as Zacharias Crane and escorted her into Doctor Samuel’s exam room.
“How are you this fine morning?” the doctor asked as Rebecca took a seat on a thick cushioned stool. His apprentice stepped away and stood beside a tall cupboard to observe her visit.
Rebecca opened her mouth to say she was fine, but she wasn’t. Not by a long shot. “I don’t want to go home,” she blurted. “I... I’m just not ready yet.”
Doc Samuel arched a white eyebrow. “Any particular reason you don’t want to go back?”
She sat silent for a moment, her mind whirling as she tried to come up with a suitable response. Finally, she shook her head and said, “I haven’t remembered a single thing about my life, Doctor. The thought of going back without remembering even the slightest bit about my family is just so... it’s frustrating and makes my head hurt and I just... I can’t bear it.”
He studied her in silence for so long she began to fidget. Finally, he said, “You need to understand and accept that you might never recover your memories, Rebecca. I know that’s dreadfully upsetting, but you need to understand and accept this possibility.”
Hearing her biggest fear stated so baldly left her breathless and on the edge of tears. “I have to remember, Doctor. I just... I must remember.”
Again he studied her in silence, tapping his finger across his pursed lips. The young apprentice stood silent and watchful as if trying to read the doctor’s mind. Finally, Doc Samuel spoke. “Rebecca, I suspect there’s more on your mind than recovering your memory. You’ve been agitated during all of our visits, and yet you won’t share your concerns with me. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s really going on with you.” He stopped as if waiting for Rebecca to make her confession, but she sat mute and frightened, not knowing if she could trust the doctor or his watchful apprentice. Finally, the doctor placed his hands on his knees and pushed himself to his feet. “All right, young lady. Let’s get you on the exam table so I can take a look at you.”
While the doctor ran through his typical exam, testing her recall and balance and various other things to determine her healing and progression, Rebecca knew he couldn’t help her if she didn’t trust him.
“I’m having bad dreams,” she blurted.
Surprised, he stopped looking into her ear canal and stepped back, the lighted scope hanging from his hand. “What’s bad about them?”
“I keep trying to get home, but I’m lost and... and someone is chasing me.”
“Who is chasing you?”
Rebecca swallowed and reminded herself that the doctor couldn’t help her if she wasn’t honest with him. “You are.”
Both of his eyebrows lifted. “Why am I chasing you, Rebecca?”
She wrung her hands, but forced herself to look at him. “You want to put me in an asylum like you did with Dawson Crane.”
“What?” He laughed and then immediately sobered as if aware he might have insulted her. “I apologize, but you have surely given me one of the biggest shocks of my career. Why am I trying to put you in an asylum?”
“Because you think I’m insane, of course.”
“Oh, dear.” He patted her shoulder and chuckled. “Rebecca, what makes you think you’re not sane?”
“I don’t think that,” she said, immediately defensive. “I’m quite sane, Doctor Samuel.”
“I quite agree, but something is going on that makes you question yourself. I can’t help you if you don’t share those things with me.”
He was right. Rebecca released a sigh, weary of trying to carry her troubles alone. “Do you recall that I saw a woman on the beach that my grandmother couldn’t see?”
He nodded. “Have you seen her again?”
Rebecca shook her head. “No, but I talked with a woman on the train that no one else saw. Daddy said I was asleep and dreaming the event, but I... I remember the porter searching for a valise, so I couldn’t have been sleeping, and the event was so real I can still see it in my mind.”
“You could have been in a half-sleep, Rebecca. We can imagine things as if we’re right in the middle of them and still hear what’s going on around us. That doesn’t make one crazy.”
“Perhaps,” she said, “but I’ve also had very disturbing thoughts that make me question—um, that frighten me.”
“Thoughts about what?” he asked.
His apprentice seemed deeply intrigued and began taking notes.
Rebecca knew then that she had gone too far. She simply couldn’t reveal her irrational thoughts and risk being sent away. “I seem to have developed a fear of snakes,” she said, knowing she would reveal nothing else to the doctor or his inquisitive apprentice. She would find her way through this on her own.
“There is nothing unusual about that, Rebecca. I have a healthy fear of those critters myself.” The doctor circled the exam table and checked the back of her head. “This has healed nicely.” He circled back to stand in front of her. “Rebecca, I didn’t put Dawson Crane in an asylum. Doc Franklin did. He was a good doctor, but he was old and didn’t have the benefit of the education I received, just as I don’t have the benefit of the education young Zacharias here has gotten. Medicine is always making progress. Doc Franklin put Dawson in the asylum because he didn’t know how to help him.”
Rebecca pressed her hand to her sick stomach. “I’m so sorry, Doctor. I hope I haven’t offended you.”
Doc Samuel shook his head. “Of course not. I understand now why you’re having difficulty talking with me.”
She wasn’t talking because she couldn’t share her bizarre thoughts with anyone.
“Rest assured I have no intention of putting anyone in an asylum, least of all you.”
However comforting his assurance, she wasn’t convinced he could keep his word once he really understood the level of her irrational thinking. And there was no guarantee that Zacharias would uphold the doctor’s promise. “How did you know about Dawson Crane?” she asked.
“Dawson’s father, George Crane, contacted me and asked me to check on his son. I went to the asylum to see Dawson, and when I met him I knew his injury was significant, but he was not insane. He just needed time to heal and some help relearning things. I brought him back to Crane Landing and made this place my home.” He patted Rebecca’s clenched hands. “You have no reason to fear me. Now, do you think your father would agree to you staying another month? I believe we’re beginning to make some progress.”
Rebecca didn’t know if she could or should extend her stay, but she certainly wanted to. While she waited, the doctor placed a call from his office to the Grayson sawmill and spoke with her father. Rebecca sat in mild shock when she realized the doctor not only had her father’s number but that they had spoken several times during the course of her treatment. When Doc Samuel hung up the phone he was smiling. “Your father sends his love and wants you to take whatever time you need here.”
The news elated Rebecca, but as soon as she began the walk home, she realized how selfish she was being. Adam had a partnership waiting for him at the mill. Her grandmother had other grandchildren and a life in Fredonia. To keep either of them here any longer would be unforgivabl
y self-serving and inconsiderate. She’d already asked too much of them. And Adam wanted to marry her as soon as they returned home.
But that evening Adam assured her he was enjoying their stay and even felt a little selfish because he was glad to have her to himself for another few weeks. Grandmother expressed a mixture of melancholy and delight at extending her holiday. She desperately missed the rest of their family, but knowing it was only for another month soothed her heartache. She even expressed a bit of embarrassment that she was glad to spend a little more time with her friend Dawson. The Crane family, Mary in particular, was thrilled to have Rebecca and her grandmother making use of the house for another month. Rebecca and her grandmother thanked the Cranes with a huge picnic style supper on their back porch that weekend. Adam, Dawson and Leo attended making it a large, festive affair that pulled Rebecca’s thoughts far from her troubles.
Their picnic set the pace for the weeks to follow. Grandmother and Rebecca spent their days housekeeping and playing with Jojo and preparing evening meals that were always attended by Adam and Dawson and often included Leo and Mary—and sometimes her family. After their casual suppers, and on weekends, they would play lawn games or cards or just share each other’s company amid frequent laughter and storytelling. Rebecca visited Doc Samuel again and shared another snake dream with him, but kept everything else to herself. She took long walks with Adam and engaged in interesting, fun and sometimes intense conversations that made them laugh, and some talks that jangled her nerves and made her beg Adam to stop talking about their past. He seemed to be learning when to leave their past in the past, which was helping Rebecca relax and share more with him.
And late at night, when everyone was sleeping, Rebecca would make a steaming cup of willow bark tea Adam had mixed for her and drink it while she waited for him on the porch. When he arrived they would talk quietly and she would dream of having a fulfilling normal life someday.
With each day that passed she found herself a little deeper in friendship, admiration, and even love with Adam, and one day closer to their inevitable return to Fredonia. As their time at Crane Landing grew shorter Rebecca’s head filled with more and more odd thoughts, none of which she shared with Doc Samuel, even during her final visit. She expected his frustration and perhaps even anger, but he simply shook his head and said he wanted to see her again in six months. He suggested she go home and spend time with her family. Then, to her surprise, he gave her a hug and told her to find someone she could trust with her troubles.
His advice resonated deep in Rebecca’s heart and she longed to do just that, but she couldn’t.
August heat warmed the sun washed beach. Rebecca clung to Adam’s arm and approached the towering lighthouse with a mix of excitement and melancholy. Tomorrow morning, she would leave her little house on the river and take the train home to Fredonia with Adam and their grandmother.
Walking the rocky shoreline for the last time made her heart ache. Ocean waves broke against rocky shoals and crashed into shore, shooting foamy spray high in the air. A strong breeze carried the mist across the beach, cooling Rebecca’s face and creating mini rainbows in the dazzling sunshine.
She should be rejoicing to have spent so much time in this beautiful place instead of brooding about going back to her little village filled with so many wonderful people. Leaving didn’t have to be forever. Adam had promised to bring her back to Crane Landing. If her suspicions were on target, her grandmother might like to return for a visit as well. Maybe Rebecca’s memories would return before she came back and she could share more of her life with Mary Crane during her next visit.
Forcing her despondent thoughts away, Rebecca struggled to keep pace with Adam as they followed their grandmother and Dawson along the beach strewn with ocean grass, stone, and shells. When they finally stopped and craned their necks to look up the rocky cliff, Rebecca’s breath caught in her throat.
Perched high atop an outcropping of rock that jutted into the North Atlantic, the white lighthouse with a red and green crown seemed to scrape the blue sky above.
“How utterly magnificent,” she said.
“That climb looks daunting.” Grandma eyed the wooden stairway that hugged the rocky cliff before them. “There must be a hundred stairs or more.”
“Sixty-four actually,” Dawson said. “Plus two-hundred-fourteen inside the lighthouse.”
“Sakes alive, I won’t even manage to reach the door of the lighthouse,” Grandma said.
Dawson merely grinned. “You don’t need to make it to the top, Nancy. You just have to try.”
Rebecca shot a look of approval at Adam. She liked Dawson Crane and the effect he was having on their grandmother. Adam’s crooked smile suggested he liked the man too.
“You sound like my late husband,” Grandma said, parking her hand on her hip.
Dawson grinned. “He must have been a smart man.”
“He was too smart some days, just like you, Mr. Crane.” She pursed her mouth as if trying to hold back a smile. “Now how do you propose to get me out of here should I not manage the climb?”
“I have no idea.” A perplexed look crossed his face. “It’s a long way back... and it’s a long way up. You could be stuck here for some time, I’m afraid.”
Grandma eyed the cliff with concern. “How did I let you talk me into this?”
Dawson’s laughter rang across the shore. “Don’t fret, Nancy. Hitch up your skirt and let’s see what you’re made of.”
To Rebecca’s delight her grandmother lifted her skirt two inches and strode toward the wooden stairs that zigzagged up the face of the rocky cliff. “Challenge accepted, Mr. Crane. I just hope these old treads will support our weight.”
Behind them, Adam offered his elbow to Rebecca. “May I escort you up sixty-four rickety stairs?”
Rebecca gladly took his arm. “If we come crashing down upon the rocks I’m counting on you to cushion my fall.
“I’ll absorb the impact with my own body,” he said leading them on.
She laughed and missed the first step.
Adam caught her elbow.
As she looked up, he looked down. His gorgeous smile was so close and enticing that she nearly kissed him.
“Are you being intentionally reckless, my love?” he asked.
The breeze lifted strands of her hair and brought the scent of ocean and fish and sea grass. “Walking the shore with the wind on my face and you at my side makes me feel reckless.” She hiked her skirt a couple of inches higher. “It makes me think about giving you that kiss I owe you.”
“My resistance is at low tide, Rebecca. Watch your step now,” he said quietly, nodding to the worn board beneath her shoe. But she knew he was warning her not to push him beyond his limits—and that made her wonder what he’d do if she did push him. The thought was intriguing.
Looking into his handsome face she longed to throw herself into his protective arms. She wanted to let the tide of their love pull her out to sea... Maybe she would. After all, it was their last day at Crane Landing. Tomorrow they would be going back to Fredonia. Back to a place that Rebecca was supposed to remember and to people she was supposed to know. Back instead of forward...
“Shall we?” he asked, gesturing for her to begin to climb.
Yes, she thought. Yes, we shall.
And so Rebecca embraced the day and Adam’s love and the wonderful sense of playfulness that seemed to permeate their relationship. She would make the best of each new day.
She would also make it up these never-ending stairs. Somehow.
Thankfully, her grandmother stopped so often to admire the view that the climb became an enjoyable adventure rather than a hard trek to their destination. The bay and ocean beyond were dotted with dories and schooners and fishing vessels of all kinds. A ship with her magnificent sails billowing surfed across the waves and eventually slipped across the horizon.
Overcome by the vastness and the beauty, Rebecca pressed a palm to her stomach and sighed. “Th
ere are no words, Adam.”
He stroked her back and said nothing, as if he agreed. Words couldn’t capture such a moment of majesty.
“I must see this from the top of the lighthouse,” she said, her voice dreamy sounding even to her own ears.
“Let’s step around Grandma and Dawson and make our way up. I think they’ll be a while yet.” Taking her hand, Adam carefully led them past their grandmother and Dawson, who both seemed blissfully happy lingering on the cliff-side stairs watching the day go by. “Will we see you two at the top?” Adam asked.
Their grandmother laughed. “If you mean at the top of these stairs, then yes, I’ll make it that far. But if you’re asking if I’ll climb another step once I reach the top of this cliff, you have a lot more faith in these old legs than I do.”
“All right, then,” he said, laughing. “Rebecca and I are keen for the challenge. See you at the lighthouse.” With that, he and Rebecca finished the climb.
At the top, Rebecca stopped and fanned her face, awed by the towering monument in front of her. A heavy wooden door painted red and trimmed in black gave access to the circular brick tower shooting into the vast sky overhead. “It’s so much bigger than I’d imagined,” she said, breathless from the climb and her first up-close view of a lighthouse. “I can’t even imagine how one would get to the top of this thing.”
“Stairs that wind around and around and go up and up and up,” Adam said, laughing at her horrified look. “Come on. You’ll love this.” He guided her inside.
Sunlight washed in the open door behind them as Rebecca stopped in surprise. Two large arched windows sat deep in the brick walls of the structure. A thick cushioned well-worn chair sat beneath the window to her left, and a single bunk topped with a multicolored charm quilt had been pushed against the same wall. On the opposite side of the room a small heat stove and another chair offered an inviting respite. In the center of the room sat a massive oak desk and a man about her father’s age with dark hair, gray sideburns, and eyes the color of the ocean.
My Forever Love Page 24