by DD Prince
“I just didn’t know why. Or from who. He has demons, Ang. He’s in so much pain. But I know fucking nothing. I knew there was a bad guy, but it’s his father?”
She hugs me, “I’m so sorry.”
I bawl into her shoulder. It all comes flowing out of my eyes.
I feel so broken. For him.
She starts to talk softly into my ear. “You wanna know what I know?”
I nod.
“You sure? It’s ugly.”
“Tell me,” I urge.
“This is all I know. His mother was kidnapped and enslaved and raped by him until he got her pregnant with Lex. Then he married her. Lex’s father is a lunatic. Horrible man. Known in the trade as Sandro the Butcher. I’d even heard of him from overhearing Kruna conversations among a couple girls who were acquired by him originally and sold to Kruna, though I only recently found out that this was Lex’s father. And he is whacked. Lex’s mother escaped with him when he was a little boy, but his Dad hunted her down and found them years later in Lex’s teens and dragged them back. Now, he’s been hiding the last few years and making Lex carry out his orders, by blackmail and he uses the safety of Lex’s mother as his currency. But she’s not safe because she’s with that animal. He’s got a rep for being among the most notorious, most cruel criminals on the wanted list. And Dare told me that his father found out about you and was pissed or something about something Lex did with the business so he’s been trying to get to you to punish him for it. That’s why he’s had to keep you safe and hidden, until he can catch the sonofabitch. You know, we found out after Dare took down Kruna that your husband was a huge part of that. He downplayed it but if it weren’t for him, I don’t think it would’ve gone nearly so smoothly. I know I’ve been critical of him, but Holly, a lot makes sense now.”
I can’t stop crying. I’m shaking all over, the reality, all of it sweeping through me. Ang still has her arms around me and I’m shaking so hard.
El Diablo is Alessandro’s father. He drunkenly muttered ‘Mama’ in pain the night before our wedding. And Alessandro’s father’s name is Sandro. So, he’s named after him. Almost everyone calls him Lex but me. I call him the name of the man he’s named after. The man who raped his mother. My God.
“Breakfast!” Sarah calls out from the house.
“Try to hold it together, Holly,” Tia urges and I start wiping my eyes, “We’ll talk more later. Tommy and Dario are helping him. So’s Zack. This will get dealt with. Don’t doubt it for a second.” Tia squeezes my hand.
I nod, but I’m staring off into space.
Tia jiggles my hand so that I look at her. “I know what demons are like when you’ve got a father who you don’t… who disappoints you. So does Tommy. Lex will come out the other side. It’s not gonna be easy but…trust me. It can be done. You ever need to talk, ever, I can be a good ear. Tommy and I have been through some very dark times. I know what it’s like to love a man who’s always fighting with demons.”
“Thanks,” I mutter.
Angie looks so concerned. Tia puts an arm around me and Ang and walks us both inside.
Sarah is pulling the Exersaucer closer to the table while carrying a big plate of pancakes to the table, which is set for all of us and already has several platters of breakfast foods on it.
Alessandro
“Let’s head down man, talk more later. I smell bacon. Fuckin’ starved,” Tommy mutters.
They’ve filled me in, got the lowdown from Zack already via phone call. Zack is on his way here, too. He has people doing their thing, tracking. I’ve got Jonas, my hacker, following some digital trails, too. There may have been financial activity in Kinshasa at the same time as we arrived at that little house he was supposed to be in. From there, he might’ve gone anywhere. I’d lay bets he’s on his way home. I flushed out some informants and know that there’s a good chance he’s had word of some of the actions I’ve taken. Actions that will piss him enough to wanna confront me in person.
The Ferrano boys have offered their resources and they’ve come with their wives for Holly. I hadn’t known that was happening, the girls coming, but Holly getting to see Angel after what she’s been through is the least I can do. I wanted to leave today, but they’ve talked me into staying another day. Zack is on his way so they suggest I wait, get another update from Zack. Get my head together, spend time with my wife.
I reluctantly agree.
I’d expressed concern about their women and Tommy’s daughter being here with my shit, but they waved it off. They had Tino assemble a crew of a dozen men who were camped around the property watching. They had a couple camper vans, even, so they could watch out for everyone in shifts.
I’d given Zack the green light to tell the Ferrano boys everything a week after Dario and Angel picked Holly up from my house, on the condition that Dario not tell Holly any of it.
Since then, I’ve met with the Ferranos and Zack on more than one occasion not only about keeping Holly safe but about the plan to take my father down. For some reason, the Ferrano boys wanted to help, which I don’t totally get, but I drank beers and then we migrated to Bourbon one night with Zack and the two of them a few weeks after my and Holly’s wedding, and we traded some war stories about our fathers, who knew one another and had done a bit of business together in the 80’s.
By the end of the night, I had won bragging rights for the biggest prick of a father. The late Tom Ferrano was a bad motherfucker but Sandro Romero made him look like a fuckin’ saint in comparison.
Zack wants my father taken to task for his actions - what he says is only slightly less than I do.
He’s wrong. His desire to bring my father to justice does not touch my emotions on the matter. But that doesn’t matter. He’s motivated. And he’d brought me an immunity deal that meant I could get away with just about any crime and have it overlooked provided I brought Sandro Romero to them. If they got him first, I had to testify to keep my deal and go into Witness Protection. If I brought him to them, I didn’t have to say squat. Just agree to end my illegal activities and move on with my life, but as a law-abiding citizen.
I’m thinking with my heart and my head because my heart wants him to fucking suffer.
It's not out of the question that my father knows about this place but it’s highly unlikely he’ll expect me to be here with the Ferranos. As far as I can tell, he hasn’t figured out who my wife is and what her connection to the Ferranos is.
I follow them down and we all sit to have a meal together. The Ferrano girls talk happily among themselves and Holly’s sister is being nice to me. Again.
I’d seen her two or three times while Holly was in Tasmania and she has warmed up to me. I didn’t know what Dario said to get her to cool her anger with me until now, but when I catch the look on Holly’s face my gut fills with acid.
Angel and Holly exchange looks. Fuck. Angel Ferrano knows more shit about me than I’d like. It’s very apparent. And right this second, I’m pretty fucking certain she’s said shit to Holly.
Holly catches my eyes and looks away, which is something she almost never fucking does. When I’m pissed at her, she looks right at me, stars still shining, dimples often showing. Not now, though. She won’t look at me and her eyes are bright and shiny but not with stars, with the fighting back of more tears. Her eyes are rimmed pink. She’s already been crying. And this isn’t just about how rough I was when I got into bed with her last night.
The Spanish housekeeper starts talking to me while filling my plate with food and I wanna explode. I deep breathe to hold my shit together. She’s talking to me in Spanish, asking me if I want more of this or if I’d like some of that. I’m glaring at my wife, wanting her to see that I’m pissed that she’d been discussing me with her sister. But I can tell by the way her sister is versus the way that she is, that Holly hasn’t said a bad thing about me. And her sister has said shit that has Holly looking like someone told her that Santa Claus got beheaded live in front of a kindergarten class.
“No. Just coffee. Black. Not hungry. Thanks,” I tell the housekeeper and see that all eyes in the place are on me.
Tommy’s little baby girl is making a repetitive, “Da da da da” sound while banging a rattle off the baby chair she’s sitting in. Other than that, the room is silent. My mood is obviously having an affect so I should just fucking go and let these people eat their breakfast.
I take the coffee the woman brings me and get up from the table and go upstairs with it.
Holly
I need to hold myself together. I’m feeling so broken.
My sister kisses my temple when she gets up from the table, taking both of our plates. My plate is mostly untouched and I’ve barely paid any attention to the people all talking at the table while eating. The girls were trying to be casual but there’s a heavy tone in the air and I think their men clued in quickly to the awkwardness and the fact that Alessandro is pissed at me.
I’ve got my eyes on the dock, where Alessandro has just moved to. He’s sitting on a chair, drinking his coffee and staring at something in his hand.
When his eyes met mine at the table, he gave me a look like he wanted my head to explode, and then stalked away and upstairs with his coffee. He came back down a while ago and went outside.
I excuse myself, finally, and walk out to see him. When I get close, I realize he’s got two sketchbooks. My work. My in-progress graphic novels. I wince.
“Don’t,” I say and reach for them.
He looks up at me and glares.
I’ve got my hand out for them but he flips a page. It’s a page where I’m jumping out of the window when the building is on fire. He’s standing there, ready to catch me.
“I’ll catch you,” reads the caption in black. In pink I’ve written, “And he does. He doesn’t let me fall. He didn’t let me burn.”
He’s reading the book of my life, the unfinished one.
Underneath it is the fantasy. That should give him a good laugh. Not.
“Is this smart?” he demands.
I wince. He’s right. Anyone could pick them up. Dare or Ang could’ve done it and there’s some really personal stuff in there.
“Sit on my lap.” He opens his arms.
I frown.
“Now. Put on a show for your sister, for fuck sakes.”
“She doesn’t need a show.”
“Sit the fuck down and put your arms around me.”
I climb onto his lap and he buries his nose in my hair for a minute and I realize that this isn’t a show. He needs me right now. I run my fingers through his hair and cup the back of his head. I kiss his mouth softly. He’s breathing hard. He doesn’t kiss me back but his grip on me tightens.
After a few minutes of staying just like that, he shifts me a little and I put my head on his shoulder, my arms around him, and he goes back to reading the book.
I stay there in his lap, chewing my lip while he keeps reading. I read over his shoulder and try to think about what he must be thinking.
Of course the book isn’t as graphic as our real story but it portrays a girl who didn’t have a great life before she got locked up. But she knows, despite the fact that he’s standoffish and aloof, that he has feelings for her. That he wants to protect her.
Her thought bubbles are very telling about how she feels. How I feel. About him.
He gets to the last completed page, which is the morning after our wedding when he says what he said about me keeping his soul safe, which I did put in, verbatim, and then I’m tied and my mouth has tape over it. He’s in the foreground, looking angry. There’s a thought bubble over his head and there’s El Diablo, the devil, with me in his grasp. So, it’s pretty obvious that I’m being protected.
Alessandro flips the page and sees that I haven’t gotten any farther.
He puts the book under his thigh on the chair and flips open the other sketchbook. The Rapunzel fantasy.
I close my eyes, not wanting to look as he sifts through it.
I snuggle in, though, giving him what I can give him, my snuggles, hopefully some comfort. He’s pretended that this is for show but I can tell he wants me in his arms, he wants to draw comfort from me.
I know he read me like an open book when he came to the table for breakfast. And I just want to do something, anything to help.
Alessandro doesn’t say anything as I hear him flipping, hear the waves splashing, and then I hear baby Carina crying off in the distance.
He chuckles and I open my eyes and see he’s on the page where he’s killed the dragon. He’s beheaded the dragon with the devil horns.
The laugh is the kind of laugh you know is painful. He flips the page to the happily ever after part but doesn’t take enough time to read it. He snaps it closed and shoves the book under his thigh in the chair with the other one, then runs his fingers through his hair.
“He got away?” I finally ask.
“He got away,” he confirms.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
He rolls his eyes skyward and blows out a breath.
“Angie told me some things,” I mutter.
“No shit?” he snaps sarcastically.
“I’m sorry. It’s not her fault. It’s mine. I could tell by one little thing that she thought I knew stuff and that she did know stuff, so I got her to spill just quick. She just spewed a bunch of stuff just before you came downstairs for breakfast, and … and I’m sorry.”
“Whatever.”
“Whatever?” I’m taken aback, “What. Ever?” I’m not just taken aback. I’m angry. I lean back and glare at him.
He looks at me and raises his eyebrows.
“Maybe it would’ve been good to tell me what was going on, you think?”
He looks at me like I’m out of my mind.
“Why?”
“Why? Why?” I’m in shock.
“Lower your fuckin’ voice,” he grounds out warningly.
My faces reddens, but I lower my voice, “If I’d known… I would’ve understood what you were going through.”
“What is it you think you know, anyway?”
I wince. I don’t wanna say these things out loud. Not out here in the open.
“We should be alone for this,” I say, glancing over my shoulder. Everyone is inside so maybe they don’t hear us but I know there are bodyguards, security guards, around.
“Tell me what you think you know. Quietly.”
“You do what you do because your father forces you. He’s a bad guy, a crazy guy and he’s got your mom hostage so you have to do what you do. You have to be this bad guy to keep your mom safe.”
He laughs, “Close, but no cigar.”
I tilt my head, waiting for him to explain.
“I’m not pretending to be a bad guy, Holly. I am the guy I am. Yes, my father is pulling some shit. Yes, he has her and he’s using her as my weak spot. Yes, he figures you’re another weak spot so he’s tryin’ to get to you because I’ve fought back and he can’t have that, but no. I’m not just being a bad guy because of him. I am who I am.”
“And who is that?”
“The man who bought you and kept you locked up. The man who runs the family business, acquiring and moving guns and acquiring, and then selling sex slaves. A man who has murdered many times. Probably will many more times. The man who, until you started your games, fucked those slaves, got rough with them… left marks…”
I cover my ears with my hands. He pulls my hands away and gets so close our eyelashes are a hair’s breadth away from touching.
“The man who will continue to hurt you until you fucking hate me. When the fuck are you gonna wake the fuck up and see what I really am?”
My chin is trembling.
“You keep me safe, you love me, because I do see what you really are.”
He rolls his eyes and gets up, setting me on my feet. He takes the novels and starts ripping them up into tiny pieces in front of my eyes and drops the tiny pieces of paper into the ocean with a flourish a
nd then glares at me.
Those were hand drawn, hand written. My only copies. Weeks of work.
I wrap my arms around my middle and start to sob.
“Stop it. Stop with the fuckin’ fantasy and grow the fuck up. Wipe your eyes and get to the bedroom quietly until you pull your shit together. I’m goin’. Stay with your sister for now. Be good. Keep your mouth shut about us and our shit. I’ll be in touch.”
“Our shit?” I snap.
He says nothing.
“Yeah. Our marriage is shit to you? Lovely.”
I can’t read his expression but he’s breathing hard, glaring at me.
“What does that mean? In touch? When? A week? A year?”
“Don’t be a brat. Get inside,” he swats my ass and points toward the house.
He’s trying to be as cool as a cucumber right now but his eyes tell a different story. There’s a whole lot of pain in them.
“Alessandro,” I whimper and cover my eyes with my hands.
He doesn’t reach for me. I just want him to fucking reach for me and hold me. So I can hold him back.
He just stands there.
I shake my head, pain piercing my heart.
“Go,” he says and jerks his chin toward the house.
I take a deep breath and blow it out slow. “You’re gonna get him. You’ll get to the other side of this. And I’ll be there for you every step of the way. If you let me. Let me.”
He takes a big breath but doesn’t exhale.
“Alessandro. Let. Me.”
He shakes his head.
“I love you,” I tell him and he flinches. I put my head down and walk to the house like I’m told.
Alessandro
I go in, upstairs, ignoring Holly lying in the bed on her side, curled into a ball, knees pulled to her chest, tears in her eyes.
I grab my phone, wallet, passport, and the keys to the rental car. I text Dario. I don’t wanna talk to anyone right now. I’m gonna slip out of here.
“Need time. How long you staying? Keep her here with you or take her home. Just let me know what you’re doing. That ok? Rocco too.”
He answers quickly,