Unspoken Words (Hope and a Future Book 1)

by Janna Halterman

  “We made a bet and I lost,” he said, glancing up at her with another smile. “So, I really did have to do this.” He finished the few dishes he had left and, after drying his hands, took up his coffee and leaned against the opposite counter.

  She had a bad habit of not controlling herself when she was tired and around him and caught herself staring. It really wasn’t safe for her to be around him after so little sleep. She quickly looked down and took another sip of her coffee.

  He noticed. “It doesn’t bother me when you do that,” he said.

  “What doesn’t bother you?” she asked, red with embarrassment. He gave her a knowing look and she knew for sure she had been caught. “I’m sorry. I promise I don’t mean to do it.”

  “I told you, it doesn’t bother me,” he repeated. It was all pride, but he enjoyed catching her looking at him that way. “And you don’t need to be embarrassed about it. I’ve been just as bad with you. You just never notice, because I’m so sneaky.”

  Evelyn almost choked. “You’re such a liar, Jackson, but thank you for trying to make me feel better. I guess I shouldn’t really blame myself though; you are Mr. Gorgeous.” There she went again, not censoring herself with him, saying things she didn’t mean to tell him.

  “Mr. Gorgeous, huh?” he teased, looking very pleased. “Not such a bad name. I’ll take it.”

  Evelyn slid from the counter and Jackson followed her to the couch, sitting close to her. “Don’t give me credit for that,” she said. “That’s just what Bekah calls you.” She wasn’t sure why she was telling him that. She decided to blame him. He made it so difficult to think sometimes, and editing her thoughts before speaking was becoming just plain impossible.

  Jackson kicked his feet up and put his hands behind his head, giving himself an air of cockiness. “So, I’m Mr. Gorgeous to Bekah and a candy shop to you? And you can’t give credit to anyone but yourself for that. I’ve got to say, if I ever need a boost to my ego, I’m just going to come over here.”

  Evelyn pulled a blanket over her from the back of the couch and laid down, leaning away from Jackson. “Yeah, that’s just what you need, a boost to your ego,” she joked. “More like you should avoid us so you don’t become one of those horrible self-absorbed ego-maniacs.”

  Jackson found her feet and pulled them on his lap, rubbing them as he battled his feelings for her. “Evelyn,” he spoke after a spell of silence. “Do you feel safe with me?” He had asked her this just two nights ago, but he didn’t think she remembered; and she was much more coherent now.

  “That’s a strange thing to ask,” she thought aloud, indeed not remembering the previous time he’d asked. “Of course I do. You’ve protected me from so much.”

  “I don’t mean do you feel safe because of me,” he countered. “It’s my job to make people feel safe and make this town safe for them to live in. What I mean is, right now, do you feel safe with me touching you this way? Or if we were alone, and Bekah wasn’t in the back room, would you still be okay with me being here?”

  “I’ve never felt safer with anyone else in my entire life,” she answered, completely naïve to what he was really asking. “I’d never lay like this with someone else, or fall asleep on anyone besides you. Actually, there are a lot of things I’ve done with you that I’ve never done, and probably would never do, with anyone else: ride in a car, visit your family, be thrown over your shoulder and carried around like a sack of potatoes, have breakfast in bed.” She wiggled her toes. “Have my feet rubbed. But you’re safe. I’m too young for you to like me…so maybe that’s it.” Her nose wrinkled. She didn’t like remembering how childlike she was to him, and she certainly didn’t enjoy saying it out loud.

  He watched her for another minute. How could he show her that he did not see her as too young, but as a woman that he had fallen for. For as many relationships as he had been in, he was completely unsure of himself with her.

  “It hasn’t even been a week since Tom attacked you,” he commented. “I don’t want to scare you away.”

  Evelyn’s lips parted to answer just as the door opened. Sarah was home.

  “He came over this morning,” Evelyn explained, sitting up and stealing her feet away from Jackson. “That’s all.”

  Sarah didn’t acknowledge Evelyn or her words. Her eyes were focused on him alone, and he was all too familiar with the look he saw there. Ice ran through his veins, for in that moment he knew, Sarah was an extremist.

  Terror gripped his heart. Evelyn had the enemy under her own roof.

  “What a convenient surprise.” Sarah wore a faint, mocking smile. “I don’t think I could manage to carry my bag another step. Jackson, would you mind taking it to my room for me?”

  Jackson kept his expression uninterested and didn’t respond to Sarah. She couldn’t see his fear, or she’d know he’d figured her out. Instead, he turned to Evelyn. “I’ll be right back.”

  He retrieved Sarah’s dropped bag and followed her down the hall. When he reached her door, he was careful to keep his feet outside of her room as he leaned in to drop off her bag. He turned around and left without speaking to her.

  When Jackson retuned, he found Evelyn with her knees pulled up to her chest, leaning her head against them. It was the look of defeat. She’d probably seen too many men disappear in Sarah’s wake, not to reappear so quickly. It hurt more than he imagined realizing Evelyn thought he’d fall prey to Sarah, or would ever choose Sarah over her.

  Swallowing the pride he had no right to have, he set his path to the fridge. His mission: strawberries.

  Her pretty little head turned to him when he sat next to her. Her surprised smile lit up the room.

  “I didn’t expect you to come back so quickly.”

  “Do you have that little faith in me?” And there went her smile. He was an idiot. “I came over this morning because I wanted to see you, not Sarah.”

  Her smile almost returned. “Can I have a strawberry?”

  Jackson looked up, pretending to consider his response. “Hmm…ok.” He tossed one up in the air and was astounded when she caught it in her mouth. “Um, that was kind of awesome.”

  “Well,” she said, smiling and chewing. “I am kind of awesome.” The strawberry was ripe and sweet, drawing her across the couch to sit close to him. “It’s still really early. What time did you get here?” she asked, stealing another strawberry.

  “Four thirty.”

  “Is there more whipped cream?” she asked, thinking about the strawberries again.

  He laughed at her and started getting up, but she tugged him back down.

  “No, no,” she said. “You’ve done enough and must be exhausted. I’ll get it.” She retrieved the whipped cream and returned, sitting closer to him and tucking her feet back under his legs because she was cold now from leaving her blanket. “Have you slept at all since being back?” She dipped a strawberry in the whipped cream and ate it.

  He swallowed hard at her closeness. She had no idea the power she had over him. He had to force the thoughts of taking her face and kissing her away from his mind. “I slept a little, but I don’t work again until tonight. I’ll have time to sleep some more after class.” He wondered if Tom would be in class today. He wanted to force the thought away, but it was time to update her on the varmint. “Speaking of work,” he added. “I need to talk to you about a couple things.”

  The look in his eyes. The line his jaw drew. The way he spoke. Evelyn didn’t like it. “What?”

  “First,” he eased in. “You’re going to notice more officers around your building. George and I set a new Patrol route with officers stationed very close to you.”

  “Why?” she asked, unease unfurling in her chest.

  “That’s the second thing I need to talk to you about. I got back to work last night and was informed that Tom has been released.” He saw the chill run through her, but she kept a brave face. “He’s on probation, and George and I hand-picked the officers who will be on your route. Evelyn
, I have to be completely honest with you.” Even if he didn’t want to be. “George and I have been tracking a streak of break-ins, and we don’t think they’re random. We both believe I’ve been targeted by the same people responsible for those break-ins.”

  “Wouldn’t it be really unwise of someone to target you?” she asked, interrupting him. “I can’t see you as being an easy target.”

  “That’s the problem,” he continued. “I think they’re trying to get at me, by going through you.” He expected her to shudder, or show some sign of concern, but she looked perfectly calm. He could almost hear her thoughts. She’d become a target because of him. It was cause for concern, but she wasn’t afraid. At least not yet. Something else had drawn her focus.

  “Okay,” she said finally. “What about Bekah and Sarah? Do you think they’re safe?”

  He stared. It was all he could do.

  “Jackson,” she said, more insistently. “What about Bekah and Sarah?”

  “I don’t think they’re in any danger,” he admitted. Sarah, being the danger, was most definitely safe. He prayed Bekah would be safe. He couldn’t see a good reason for her to be targeted. But being collateral damage was always an issue…

  Evelyn exhaled. “Good. Then just tell me what I need to do, how to be careful.”

  He shook his head. Her calm baffled him. “I’ll tell you how to be careful, but promise me, if this person comes at you, you won’t try to fight. Promise me you’ll yell for help as you run away as fast as you can.”

  Evelyn understood; whoever was after him, and therefore after her, she wouldn’t be able to fight off. She knew who it was; of course, she knew who it was. “It’s Tom, isn’t it?” Fear was pressing in on her now.

  “Yes. George and I believe he is involved, and he has a personal grudge against me, so I believe he’ll try something again.”

  She retreated into her thoughts for a moment. “It’s so weird,” she said, thinking allowed. “When we were little, Tom picked on everyone, but especially me. Then when we ran into each other here, it was all so different. He said he only teased me and the others so I would look at him. It had to all have been lies, but even looking back now, it really seemed like he had changed; well, changed towards me. It wasn’t until later…” She trailed off, lost in her thoughts.

  Jackson watched her while she spoke. She was trying to figure something out, something she hadn’t mentioned to him before. He didn’t want to ask her. He didn’t want to hear about Tom and her; but he needed to. She had already told him some about her and Tom. At the time he heard it, he thought that was the end of it. Now, he could see there was more. “What happened between the two of you?”

  She slid away from him, closing off from him, sitting with her legs crossed, thinking. “The first time I saw him was here, on this couch. I tried to sneak past him, but he saw me and had me sit between him and Sarah. Sarah wasn’t ecstatic. He acted like we were old friends, and when he looked at me…” Her eyes found Jackson, and she hesitated. “He just looked at me differently. And then he showed up at my work, and after my classes, and would walk me home. He was always touching me; not inappropriately though. I just mean, he’d always have his arm over my shoulders, or would…”

  She looked at Jackson who was watching her carefully with his jaw clenched tight. “I don’t want to talk to you about this. It’s very uncomfortable.”

  “I don’t want to talk to you about it either,” he admitted. “But I think you need to talk through it to work through whatever it is you’re trying to figure out. And I need to hear it. I need to know as much as I can about him.”

  She nodded and began playing with her nails. As she spoke, she only glanced at Jackson. “The next time he was over, he stood with me in the kitchen. He put his arm around me, in front of everyone. I didn’t know what to do. He told me to lean against him, so I did. He told me…” She tried to push through the embarrassment and humiliation of sharing everything with Jackson. “He told me that my purity made me more attractive. He only found out that night I hadn’t ever dated anyone or been with a man before. And he said he’d teach me how to be with one…with a man.” She looked up, wide-eyed, hoping to convince Jackson, “I didn’t know what he meant! I thought he just meant how he told me to lean against him when he had his arm around me, stuff like that.” But that wasn’t entirely true. Her eyes fell.

  Jackson could see she was holding something back, and he was sure he didn’t want to hear it. “I won’t judge you for anything you tell me, and you don’t need to be ashamed; but I won’t force you to tell me more than you want to.”

  Evelyn nodded again. “A part of me hoped he meant a little more than that. But I promise, I never wanted him to teach me to…” She was panicking. “I didn’t…never…I just…”

  Jackson put the bowl of strawberries on the table and put his hand on hers, causing her to look up. “You don’t have to explain that,” he said, trying to soothe her. “I think I know you pretty well, and I know the kind of woman you are.” He left his hand on hers and she began to trace his fingers, which made having to hear everything about Tom a little better.

  “He wanted me to go out with him and Sarah’s friends dancing that night, but I said no. So, he made me promise I’d go later. I told you about that, remember? At the library. You told me to be careful. You and Bekah both told me to be careful that night. Anyway, I went out with him, and we danced. Then this guy came over and was being too…I’m not sure I even know. He just seemed like he was up to something. I didn’t like him near me. Tom apparently didn’t like him near me either, because before I knew it, the guy was lying on a table and Tom was ready to fight everyone all at once. Right then was when everything changed. He hit another guy, then grabbed my arm and took me out of the bar. Something was different in him then. It was on the walk back to my apartment that he tried to kiss me. He wanted me to prove I liked him. It felt like he was afraid there was someone else. I couldn’t understand any of it. I got scared, and he called me a tease, so I hit him and ran. He could have caught me if he wanted to, but he let me go. The rumors started the next day.”

  Jackson took his hand away. It didn’t make sense to her, because she was missing a part of the story.

  It was all his fault.

  He looked at her. Her hair. Her face. Her eye that had mostly healed since Tom assaulted her. Her shoulders and arms. Her hands now fiddling with her pajama pant leg. “I should have never spoken to you.” She looked up as he spoke, startled and confused.

  How could he explain? “I should have asked the other woman to help me find that book. I shouldn’t have asked about your day or told you to be careful. I should have turned from you in the garden and I should never have kissed you. I should have stayed away from you completely.”

  Evelyn didn’t respond. She couldn’t. Tears filled her eyes and spilled over. She didn’t understand why he was saying those things. Weren’t they friends?

  Jackson wanted to hold her and comfort her, but he didn’t know if he should. Everything he had done to try and help her ended up bringing her pain. He knew he needed to explain better, but didn’t know what to do or how to say it.

  Silence stretched between them as tears streamed down her face. “I’m sorry I told you about Tom,” she finally managed to get out. “I completely understand you feeling that way.” She stood. “Don’t feel like you need to stay any longer. And don’t worry; I’ll leave you alone from now on.” She couldn’t look at him.

  He couldn’t keep himself from her. “Evelyn, that’s not what I meant!”

  She backed away from him, holding a hand out to keep distance between them.

  “Evelyn, do you really think anything you could tell me would make me not want to be near you? I meant I should have left you alone for your own sake. Everything Tom’s done to you was because of me, starting that night at the bar.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense. We weren’t even friends then.”

  “Evelyn I was there. I knew
you were going out and I went to a bar with George, hoping it would be the one you were going to. I saw the whole thing. I saw you dancing with Tom. I saw him leave you to get your drinks, I saw the women at the bar talking with him, and the man approach you and put his hands on you. I almost went at him myself, but George stopped me. And then when Tom hit him, George and I went to help, and I ordered him to get you out of there. He already didn’t like me, and I didn’t like him, and because I knew who you were and was worried about you, he must have thought I was the other man. So he tried to kiss you. Then, I confirmed his suspicions when I kissed you. He even waited for me after I walked you home from the campus library and I ordered him to stay away from you.

  “I lied to you, Evelyn. I told you that you’d be safe with me, that just being friends with me would keep people away from you; but I was wrong. Everything, every last horrible thing, was my doing.” He sat on the couch and held his head in his hands, completely defeated. How could he have been so blind and caused her so much pain? She would have been safer with Tom. At least then she’d be in his care, and not his wrath.

  The logic of what he said made sense to Evelyn, but some of the details didn’t. She didn’t care about the details at that moment, though; she just wanted to comfort him. She knelt down at his feet and rubbed her hand gently over his hair. “Jackson,” she cooed. “Do you remember what we talked about yesterday on the way home from your parents?”

  He rested his arms on his knees and looked at her. If he hadn’t been sitting, his knees would have given beneath him from the way she was looking at him. “Yes, Evelyn, of course I remember. I remember everything we talk about.”

  She put her hand on his arm. “Tell me what I said.”

  His brows furrowed. “Which part? We talked about a lot of things.”

  She smiled, her face still wet from crying. “When we first got in the car, before you started interrogating me.”

  “You were talking about God.”

  She began stroking his arm with her thumb. “Good. What about God?”

  “You were talking about His love.”