Unspoken Words (Hope and a Future Book 1)

by Janna Halterman

  Whatever the reason, it gave Evelyn plenty of time to think things over.

  Christmas was approaching quickly. When she lived in the government home, Christmas meant new clothes and a doll, if you were still young enough. Once she turned twelve, she enjoyed helping the Madames prepare the packages for the younger children. Since she’d been away from the home, Christmas had come to mean endless hours alone, just as every other holiday did.

  But this year she’d be spending Christmas with the Monroes. She had no idea what their Christmases were like. The anticipation of it filled her with trepidation, but she couldn’t deny the funny, tingling, slight-nausea-inducing feeling of excitement it brought as well.

  She had wracked her brain over what she could give Jackson…and what would be appropriate. After almost tearing out her hair in frustration, she settled on sewing a quilt for him. He did so much for her, and this way, she could at least help keep him warm.

  She had a lot of sewing ahead of her.

  All Jackson wanted to do was sleep. Between pulling double shifts to help cover Evelyn’s building and his final semester quickly coming to an end, sleep had proven an elusive thing. It was the first of their three dead-days, and he had himself plopped at her library. The hope of seeing her kept him somewhat alert as he attempted to study.

  She walked in just before he lost the battle against sleep, sending a surge of adrenaline through him. A surge he knew would die out too soon.

  He took in the sight of her. Red tinted her nose and cheeks, but it didn’t look to be the effect of tears. It wasn’t snowing anymore, but it was cold, and the wind had a nasty bite. Her flush had to be from that.

  He watched as she removed her jacket and gloves to set about her work. She never looked up to see him. He could sit there and watch her all day long and she’d never be the wiser. She was oblivious to the world.

  He thought back to their Wednesday night together. George told him after he returned from walking them home Evelyn didn’t remember him helping her after Tom’s attack. George also reminded him that she’d been in shock and told him not to remind her of it.

  As he thought on about that night, saying oblivious wasn’t really fair. Evelyn, in fact, observed many things. He was frequently surprised at things she had noticed. But she was undoubtedly oblivious to him. That was something he intended to change.

  Studying was a lost cause. If he couldn’t focus, he decided going home to sleep was an acceptable course of action.

  He wrote a note for Evelyn, tucked it in a book, and walked to her desk.

  He smiled when she startled at seeing him.

  “Jackson,” Evelyn said, putting her hand against her heart. “You really need to stop that.”

  “It’s really not my fault you’re oblivious to me,” he countered. “How are you, Evelyn?”

  “I’m fine, thank you,” she answered. “How are you?”

  She was too polite, too withdrawn. He didn’t like it. “I’m tired and headed home to sleep. I was wondering if you could return this for me,” he asked, handing Evelyn the book. “It’s a good read. You might want to flip through it first, though.”

  “Of course.”

  “I’ll see you soon,” he promised, and he left.

  Evelyn held the book as she watched Jackson leave, wishing he would have stayed. She looked down at the book once the doors closed behind him. It was a bit befuddling that he requested her to return the book. And it didn’t look like a good read. It looked very boring; but she opened the cover anyway and her heart skipped when she found his note.

  I’m coming over tonight.

  Expect me at eight.

  I miss you.

  Jackson

  Evelyn folded the note and tucked it away in her bag. Sarah was going out tonight and Bekah had plans with George.

  She smiled.

  Chapter 32

  George was over when Evelyn got home. He was becoming a familiar sight in their living room.

  “Evie,” Bekah pronounced before Evelyn even had the time to say hello, “We’re going dancing tomorrow night, and you’re coming. George says you haven’t been socializing enough.”

  George gave her a look of apology.

  “Tomorrow’s fine,” Evelyn replied, astonishing both Bekah and George. She smiled at them. “Don’t look so surprised. I’m just too drained to fight.” She decided not to include that she was particularly eager to send them on their way. “Where are you two off to tonight?”

  “I’m taking her to dinner at The Thai House,” George answered. “If we ever make it there,” he called at Bekah, who had disappeared down the hall.

  “I’m coming, I’m coming,” Bekah announced, returning to the room. She had a dazzling royal blue dress on with black tights and ruby-red heels. “How do I look?”

  George stood and took her hand, spinning her into him. “Stunning.” He kissed her. Evelyn hadn’t realized their relationship had taken that turn yet, or so quickly.

  George helped Bekah with her jacket, while Bekah mouthed, “Oh my gosh, isn’t he amazing?” to Evelyn.

  Evelyn had to stifle her laugh. “What time will you be back?” she asked, trying to sound casual. Bekah shrugged.

  “I’ll have her home before eleven,” George answered.

  Bekah rolled her eyes. “He’s a rule follower…I guess nobody’s perfect.”

  Evelyn ate leftovers for dinner and sat down on her couch to pass the time studying until Jackson would arrive. As eight o’clock ticked closer, she became more and more aware of the fact that she and Jackson would be alone together. She also realized the last time she had waited for Jackson, Tom had shown up. She tried to fight the fearful memories away, but she still jumped when she heard a tap at the door.

  Jackson smiled down at her when she answered.

  “You look surprised to see me,” Jackson said. “Did you not get my note?”

  “I got it.” Evelyn was too nervous to know what else to say, and her mouth was dry.

  “Are you upset I came?”

  “No, I’m glad you came.” It was just Jackson, she reminded herself. He was safe. They’d spent lots of time together. But the thought of him, the sight of him, made her nervous.

  “I’m sorry, Evelyn. I can see this was a mistake.” Feeling completely defeated, Jackson turned to leave, frustrated at his own incompetence, unsure how to handle the situation.

  A soft, delicately strong hand captured his.

  “I’m sorry. Come in.”

  He looked her over skeptically. With Evelyn, there was always the chance she was just being polite.

  “Please, Jackson,” she said, speaking to his suspicion. “I’ve missed you too.”

  Her eyes dropped and Jackson knew she meant it. He followed her inside and closed the door behind him.

  Evelyn let go of his hand and stood against the counter. “No one’s home,” she explained. No one was home. And she missed him so much. She missed the closeness they’d had before Jackson decided it was too dangerous for him to spend too much time with her, because of Tom. Missed how he hugged and held her at his parents’ house.

  His laughter surprised her. “So that’s why you’re so nervous,” Jackson said, thinking he understood. “Don’t worry. I promise I’ll be on my best behavior tonight.” He joined her, leaning against the counter, and knocked his hip against her playfully, trying to break the tension. “Are we just going to stand here the whole time?”

  She didn’t say anything, but she moved to the chair and sat down, tucking her feet under her and arranging her skirt to cover her legs. He sat on the couch. She could feel him watching her, even without looking up at him.

  “Evelyn, are you mad at me?”

  Finally, her eyes met his.

  “No, I’ve just missed you. George’s been here a lot.”

  “And I have not,” he added with a frown. “I’ve been closer than you think. I’ve been working Patrols the last three nights. If you had looked out your window, you would have
seen me pass. It’ll be different soon. There’ll be more time when I’m done with school.”

  “Jackson,” she sighed, remembering how dead on his feet he looked at the library, and knowing it was because he’d been taking care of her instead of getting the sleep he needed. “You need to get more sleep.”

  “I sleep,” he argued, smiling tenderly at her as if to show that watching over her was a pleasure and not a burden. “I slept today after I saw you. I’ll sleep more after finals, when we go visit my parents and I know you’re safe in the room next to me.” He enjoyed how her cheeks turned pink in blush.

  “I’ll probably sleep better then too,” Evelyn admitted. “The best sleep I’ve had since Tom attacked me was in your…” She stopped short of saying arms. Oh, her and her wretched inability to keep her mouth shut! Her embarrassment turned silly-school-girl when he winked at her admission. “It’s hard to wake up from a nightmare here,” she clarified, “where everything happened. It was nice to feel safe, and to not be alone.”

  Jackson leaned forward and took her hand…which wasn’t quite right. He cupped her fingers, as perhaps a gentleman of old England may have taken a lady’s in greeting.

  “Please don’t take this the wrong way, Evelyn, but you’re always welcome in my arms. I wish I could always be here to face your nightmares with you, and that you’d never have to be alone.”

  “Thank you.” His words were kind, innocent to be sure, but it fueled the hopes her heart held for more. Nervous energy began to course through her with each pounding beat of her heart. She was sure, almost sure, he saw her as the little sister he never had. But she hoped...

  Hope hurt.

  She needed to know.

  His thumb swept over her fingers.

  “I’m going to make some tea.”

  Jackson was accustomed to seeing her nervous, but he hadn’t seen her like this. He didn’t follow her. He’d give her the space she sought.

  “I’ve been thinking…” Thinking a lot about the conversation they had, it seemed so long ago, in the theatre, before the mirrors, after he kissed her. They had spent a lot of time together since then, though less lately, and he had become her best friend. She was terrified to lose his friendship, but desperately hoped that he felt more for her, as she did for him. “…wondering…” She put the kettle on the stove. "Did you mean what you said?”

  "When I said what?"

  "Never mind.”

  Jackson decided it was time to join her in the kitchen. Something was troubling her, and he meant to find out what it was. She had become quiet and withdrawn since he arrived. “Evelyn, did I mean it when I said what?” He gave her a look to make it clear he expected an answer. He didn’t enjoy using it on her.

  “In the theatre, when you asked me what I saw in the mirror, and…” She trailed off, terrified of him.

  Jackson loved seeing her like this. Nervous and trembling over something other women would blurt out without a thought to propriety. Evelyn was a lady. A sweet, kind-hearted, incredibly attractive lady.

  "Yes," he said, smiling at her. "Of course I meant it."

  That smile, it made her dizzy in the head. She had to remind herself to breathe. "Do you even remember what you said?"

  "Yes. Would you like me to tell it to you again?" Her cheeks turned a soft pink.

  "No!" She almost yelled. "I was just wondering, did you mean all of it?"

  "Yes."

  "Even…" she continued, and he waited. "Even what you said about how I look, and if I dressed differently, that I could have any man I wanted?"

  His voice quieted, dropping involuntarily. "Yes, even those parts.”

  Her eyes stayed on his feet. "How should I dress then, to get his attention?"

  His body drove him forward, putting his hand on her cheek. "If you have not caught his attention by now, then that man has no right to be around you."

  She let her cheek press against his palm and looked up at him. "But what if I want to look nice for him? What if I want him to like looking at me? I think he sees me as a little sister…a child even. I just want to have a chance at being attractive to him."

  Jackson’s hand fell from her cheek. A child. She thought herself a child? He let her see him observe her. "You're far from being a child." Evelyn’s cheeks went hot. His own heated slightly, surprising himself. "But," he continued, clearing his throat. "I thought you were the one who said being looked at and lusted after was different from being liked. Why are you so worried about this?"

  Evelyn just shook her head.

  He set his jaw. "Evelyn?"

  She closed her eyes. “I honestly don’t want to cause him to lust.” She opened her eyes and looked into his. “But is it bad to want this one man to find pleasure in looking at me?”

  “No.” He smiled tenderly. "I don’t think it’s bad." If she only knew the joy she brought him, or saw herself through his eyes, she'd never be self-conscious again. "And just so we’re clear, I never said you don’t dress well. You’re always beautiful. I only meant that you’re modest, and a lot of men aren’t looking for a modest woman, because they’re only interested in a good time. I like the way you dress, and I’m glad you’re modest. Now, are you going to tell me who this man is who’s caught the attention of my Evelyn?"

  His Evelyn. She thrilled at the endearment. "No," she answered. "I'm not ready to tell you yet."

  Then he would wait, even if it killed him. She went willingly into his arms when he pulled her to him.

  Things were changing between them. Even in the security of his arms, Jackson could feel her closing off from him. He just hoped this was a short season in their friendship – relationship – whatever they were, and she’d be ready to share her feelings sooner than later.

  Evelyn’s dream was different that night. Instead of Tom attacking her, Jackson was with another woman. She had the same style and body as Sarah, but she had never seen this woman before. They laughed at Evelyn from across a room. It wasn’t so much their laughter that bothered her, as much as it was their body language; it gave no question about their affections for each other. No question of their intimacy.

  She woke alone, caged in by dread.

  Chapter 33

  Evelyn had never been to this club, though that wasn’t such a big thing. She’d only ever been to a few of them, and didn’t care for any of them. This one was closer to campus than the others, which was why it surprised her that she’d never been. Bekah was the driving force that got Evelyn to go out with her and George. When Evelyn tried to get out of it, George insisted. She wasn’t entirely sure how to argue with him. So there she was, leaning against a wall, watching her friends dance and wondering why they would force her to come out when they obviously wanted to be alone, when he slid next to her.

  His name was Liam and his eyes were blue crystals lined with a forest of beautiful dark eyelashes.

  “Hi,” Evelyn said when he introduced himself to her.

  He smiled. “Do I not get to know your name?” He was very good at using those blue eyes of his. Even as uninterested as she was, it was hard to keep her eyes off his.

  Still, she wasn’t biting. “Not tonight.”

  Her cold shoulder didn’t discourage the man. Instead, he stood in front of her and trapped her between his arms, putting his hands against the wall behind her. She didn’t feel threatened by him, but she was irritated.

  “Don’t worry, Evelyn, I’m only here to show you a good time. Dance with you, make you laugh, and sure, maybe flirt a little. But Jackson made it very clear that if I do anything more, he’ll rip me limb from limb.”

  Evelyn was beginning to despise Jackson. Liam must have seen her frustration.

  “Just think of me as a girlfriend.” He took her arm and spun her towards the middle of the dancing crowd. “Who just happens to be incredibly handsome and charming,” he added with a wink.

  Evelyn couldn’t help but laugh with Liam. He was charisma and charm all bottled up and bubbling over.

&nb
sp; “So, tell me,” Liam said, leading her to a table after they had danced for longer than Evelyn had intended. “Why isn’t Jackson the one out with you tonight?”

  Evelyn slid into the booth next to him and rested her elbows on the table. It was easier to talk in the privacy of the booth. The music wasn’t as loud, and there was no one to overhear what was being said. “He’s decided that people seeing us hang out will make them think that he likes me and will ultimately put me in danger. But,” she added, rolling her eyes, “we never went out together before that anyway, so the motive for sending me out with other guys eludes me completely.”

  “You don’t think he likes you,” Liam asked, “even though he threatened me about even contemplating making a move on you?”

  She laughed at what he was implying. “If you really liked someone, would you send someone else out with her?” Even as she laughed, her heart weighed heavily. She wanted Jackson to like her, but if he was still determined to make her hang out with other men, for whatever reason, how could he really like her?

  “Well,” Liam said. “I think the quickest way to get a man to make a move is to make him jealous. I know,” he said, holding up his hands. “It’s playing dirty, but all’s fair in love and war, right? And come on, that guy needs a knock in the head if he hasn’t made a move on you yet.”

  Evelyn smiled at him. “You’re quite the charmer, aren’t you?” Liam made a silly face.

  Jackson already had her labeled as a cheat, and it wasn’t a horrible idea. No, it was horrible, but it was horrible of Jackson to send other men to flirt with her! “It’s a tempting idea,” she admitted, smiling wickedly, “trying to make him jealous. Wait!” She realized she never admitted to even liking Jackson. “Why would you think I want him to make a move?”

  Liam just shook his head laughing. “You don’t get to argue that now, sweetie. Now what’s your plan to get him to make that move?”

  If the plan of having her flirt with other men was to convince everyone she wasn’t interested in Jackson, it was failing miserably. Besides the fact that she wasn’t interested in other men, she’d never been a flirt. She didn’t know how and had never considered it an issue. Maybe it was because all the old novels she read as an English major painted a picture of a world so different from hers. A world where a lady didn’t parade herself about, seeking the attention of men. A world where men had respect for women and didn’t play games. But her world was not one of fiction and, if Jackson really did like her, her new plan was horribly wicked. “George is Jackson’s roommate. I’m guessing he’s been watching us, or has at least been glancing at us.” Liam was nodding in agreement. “I’m tired, Liam. Would you mind walking me home?” She laced her fingers in his.