Unspoken Words (Hope and a Future Book 1)

by Janna Halterman

  Evelyn sat quietly for a number of minutes before she moved. Jackson couldn’t even begin to guess at what she was thinking. Without a word, she stood and walked to him. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and pressed her cheek against his bare chest. “Promise me you’ll come back. Promise me you won’t fall in love with someone there and leave me here alone. I know that’s not fair, but I need to know I’ll see you again if you leave.”

  Jackson’s heart broke discovering her biggest fear was him forgetting her. “Beloved, as long as God doesn’t take me home, I will return to you. I promise.” He watched as she moved her hands to his chest. She began tracing over the scars from his last trip to New Mexico. He swallowed hard when she pressed her lips to those scars, kissing them one by one. It was a tender gesture, but it made his pulse quicken and sent a spark through him he knew wasn’t going to be easy to extinguish. She saw what he was feeling when their eyes met, and hers widened in understanding, flushing her cheeks red. “I love it when you blush.”

  “You just like knowing you affect me.”

  “That is true,” he admitted, cupping her face. “But I also love it because it reminds me how modest you are, and how sweet.” She overwhelmed him in the best way. “I love you so much.”

  “I’ll leave you the combination for this in case you need anything while I’m away,” he said, suddenly leaving her to open his safe. He needed the envelope his mother gave him on Christmas.

  Late Christmas night, after their joyous day of celebrating had come to an end, when he was alone in his room, Jackson had taken out the envelope holding the letter from his mother. He took the letter out and tipped the envelope letting the concealed ring fall into his palm. Justine Carter’s engagement ring.

  The letter was, actually, from Justine and had been addressed to his mother. She left her ring with Natalie, explaining that she had to hide, but if anyone found her with her ring, she’d be found out. She also couldn’t leave the ring with Evelyn because it could be stolen or lost so easily, or bring her trouble. Justine expressed her hopes that one day the ring would find its way back to her daughter, though she put no responsibility for that on his mother. It was just one new mother sharing her hopes with a friend she knew would understand. In one line, she even joked about Jackson putting her ring on her daughter’s finger, one day.

  Now, Jackson took the letter out and handed it to Evelyn to read.

  He saw the emotion of reading her mother’s letter wash over her. Her right hand pressed against her heart, her left shaking slightly as she held the paper. When her eyes lifted to his, they were filled with tears.

  “I know it’s too soon, Evelyn.” Jackson could barely speak. “I know you’re still scared of me and I’m leaving for six months. It’s too soon, but time has run out.” He slid the ring out of the envelope and dropped to his knee, holding it out to her. “This ring is yours, regardless of your answer to me. And if your answer is no, I understand, and it won’t change anything between us. But I have to ask you. I can’t leave you and not ask. Ayanna Evelyn Carter, Beloved, will you marry me?”

  Evelyn felt her blood pressure drop as quickly as the tears from her eyes. Jackson was up and had her in his arms just before her knees gave out. Marriage. He’d asked her to marry him. She pressed her cheek into his chest, breathing deeply, trying to think through the shock.

  “Have I told you that you’re completely overwhelming?” she smiled up at him once her head had stopped spinning.

  “So, what’s your answer?”

  “Oh, Jackson,” she sighed. “I love you, but I don’t…” she felt defeat rise up in him, and for the first time it was his eyes that dropped from hers. “Deserve you, Jackson. I don’t deserve you.”

  “That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.”

  “It’s true, Jackson. You –”

  “Ignore the voice telling you that,” he fought back. “It’s a lie. The truth is I have no right to your heart, but by some miracle you’ve let me in. Evelyn, please marry me.”

  Shock overtook him when she pressed her lips hard against his. He could feel her smiling and tears washing down her cheeks. “Yes!” she whispered against his lips. “Of course, I will.”

  He held her away from him long enough to slip the ring on her finger. A perfect fit. He scooped her up in his arms and stood kissing her. He didn’t deserve this woman, or her joy, but he thanked God for both.

  Evelyn’s heart felt as though it would explode, thinking she’d never have enough of this man. And then panic and fear slammed her. Marriage would bring intimacy.

  Jackson put her down gently. He’d felt her mood change as her body tensed. “What’s wrong?”

  She looked at the perfection of his build. Even with his scars, he was beautiful. Marriage would bring an openness and intimacy that absolutely terrified her.

  “Don’t worry,” Jackson said, tipping up her chin. “We’re not married yet. And I’ll be patient. And gentle. I promise.”

  Chapter 46

  January 14 - Sunday

  Evelyn never knew that Bekah carried a gun until Tom stopped by the second Sunday Jackson was away and found himself staring down the barrel of her quickly drawn pistol. To Evelyn’s surprise, he didn’t look the least bit shaken. He slowly took his own gun out and handed it over to Bekah. She kept him at the end of her gun for another moment before she finally decided to let him in.

  “Well?” Bekah demanded. “What do you want?”

  “I just wanted to check in with you two,” Tom replied. His voice sounded like he was trying to control his temper. Evelyn didn’t think he was used to not being in charge. “I know Jack’s going to be gone for a while.” He looked at Evelyn for the first time that night. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

  “We have other officers seeing to that,” Bekah shot at him.

  Evelyn sighed. The change in her heart towards Tom was astonishing. She had hated him so strongly before and feared him to her very core; but now things were beginning to change. She tried to understand him instead of judge him; though he still made her uncomfortable, and the memories of his attack continued to haunt her. “Bekah, could you excuse us for a little?” Bekah’s look could kill. “Take his gun with you. Then you can shoot him with both hands if he tries anything.” That seemed to pacify her once docile roommate.

  When Bekah was gone, Evelyn turned back to Tom who still stood at the door. “Hi, Tom.” It was all she could manage to say now that they were alone. She wondered what Jackson would think of her letting him into her home. It hurt to think of Jackson.

  “Hey, Evie.”

  They both stood in silence for what felt like a long while. “Would you like something to drink? Some tea? Or coffee?” She was surprised now by the look Tom gave her.

  Something akin to what others had described as shame rose in Tom’s stomach. “I attacked you. Why would you offer me something to drink?”

  Evelyn knew she had a decision to make: hold on to her hate and her hurt, or give everything to Christ and follow Him in loving Tom. Hatred would ruin her in the end, but loving him…her strength alone wouldn’t be enough. “You’re not attacking me now. Today you’re a guest in my home, and I intend to treat you as such. So, what will it be, tea or coffee? I have water and milk as well, if you’d prefer one of those.”

  “A glass of water would be nice, thank you.”

  She knew he was watching her and she tried to keep her hands from shaking. She did intend to treat him as a guest, but she still feared him. She wasn’t sure if there would ever be a day she didn’t. When she handed him the glass, his eyes fell to her hand. He saw the ring.

  “Jack moves fast, I see. He’s a lucky man.” He spoke as a man defeated.

  “Thank you, Tom. You can sit if you’d like.” She sat in the chair, and he followed sitting on the couch.

  “When did he ask you to marry him?”

  Evelyn looked at the promise she wore on her finger. “The night of the ball, after we all made
it back to his house. Thank you, by the way, for helping me that night.”

  “Please don’t thank me. After everything I’ve done, it’s not right that you’d thank me for anything. Evie, about that night, I am sorry.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t come here to talk about that. May I ask why you did come by?” She knew he was being sincere, but she couldn’t talk about that night right now or maybe ever.

  “Yes,” Tom said, clearing his throat. “My father found out who you are, along with the rest of the extremists. I tried to argue that it didn’t matter who your parents were, since you never knew them, but when they found that Bible stuff here…well, I lost that argument. So, I came to see…I’m wondering if there’s anyone, any men, you trust? You can’t be alone anymore. I know Jack set up a tighter Patrol route on your apartment, but walking to work, or after class… If it’s light out, you’ll be safer, but after dark, you just can’t be alone anymore. They won’t hit your home again for a while, but it doesn’t mean they won’t try and grab you if they find you.”

  A chill ran up Evelyn’s spine. “I trust George.”

  “Besides George. He’s too busy as it is with Jack gone.”

  “Liam.” She felt guilty even thinking about asking him and suddenly had déjà-vu rush over her. Just a short while ago, she sat in her apartment with Jackson while he explained that she needed to be with other men. At least this time she didn’t have to pretend to flirt. Tom looked at her like he expected a longer list. “I don’t have many guy friends.”

  “That’s fine. Liam’s the one you were sitting with at Jackson’s party?” Evelyn nodded. “He’ll do alright.” He looked at her for a long moment, wishing he had been more patient, that he hadn’t drank as much as he did that night, wishing everything was different between them. “I could be there for you too, if you’d let me…if you could forgive me.”

  Tom wasn’t one to apologize, Evelyn knew that; and he’d asked for her forgiveness twice now. “I forgive you, Tom,” she whispered out. “But I’m still so scared of you. I’ve had nightmares about that night, so many I’ve lost count. I don’t hold it against you. Truly, I don’t. But it’s taking every ounce of self-control to be in this room with you, even with Bekah just down the hall.” She wasn’t sure why she was telling him all that, but she knew it was the right thing to do. He needed to know she forgave him, and she needed to say it out loud to make it real. She saw the hurt in his face. “I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I just want to be honest.”

  Evelyn couldn’t have known the pain she saw on his face came from the depth of his heart. From the first time Tom met her, she had found her way into his heart and kept a small part of it soft. He knew the rest of his heart was as hard and cold as stone, but as her words of forgiveness washed over him, it was as if she had struck him deep inside his heart, sending cracks through it from the inside out, letting blood pump there for the first time. It was painful, to say the least.

  “I’m not sure how you can forgive me, after everything I’ve done,” he said, standing. “I’ll keep my distance from you. But if you see me, please don’t be afraid. I just want to keep an eye on you and make sure you’re safe. Bekah,” he called down the hall. “I’m leaving. I’d appreciate my gun back.” Bekah appeared with her gun in her right hand and Tom’s in her left. She handed it back to him, barrel pointed away. Tom tucked it under his shirt and left without another word.

  Chapter 47

  Jackson had a foul taste for all of New Mexico, but Las Cruces was unbearable. He wanted the cold of a New York winter, not the tepid air he now breathed. He didn’t know how a desert could ever be a desirable enough place to build a city. At one time, Las Cruces was just smaller in population than Syracuse, but now it was almost double the size. Everything about the desolate landscape made him thirst, physically, mentally, and spiritually. He fought that thirst the only way he knew how, by engrossing himself in prayer and God’s Word.

  Of all his torments, none were worse than his fear and longing for Evelyn. Thoughts of her did keep him safer at work, though. He was more apt to take extra precautions to protect himself and his men than he had been during his last trip to New Mexico; but his thoughts of her also kept him awake at night, depriving him of sleep. He prayed all hours of the day and night for her.

  He’d received five letters from her in the almost six weeks he’d been away. He knew Tom was back, and though he was grateful someone was keeping an eye on Evelyn, he didn’t like that it was Tom. Liam was another threat entirely. He knew Liam wouldn’t hurt her, wouldn’t pressure her into anything, but he also knew Liam would be all too eager to comfort Evelyn while he was two thousand miles away.

  Work kept him busy. He worked seven days a week, and after every shift he collapsed in exhaustion. But busy was not necessarily good. Murder was on the rise; violent, heinous murders. No matter how many Patrols were sent out, they couldn’t seem to get control of the war the extremists waged. In Las Cruces, it was easy to see that Bekah’s information had been correct. The war was against Christianity now, not just Texas. That accounted for the chill he would feel all the way to his bones sometimes, as if something unseen was oppressing him. Praying memorized scriptures became an invaluable weapon against the invisible enemy, the real enemy. Satan.

  God had blessed him in his friendship with his partner, Rick. Rick was an older man, and if he weren’t a widower, Jackson thought he’d be long retired by now. But as it was, his wife had gone to be with the Lord fifteen years back and they had had no children, so he was alone. He was a wonderful man of God.

  Rick counseled Jackson on and off their shifts, speaking truths through Scriptures and his God-given wisdom. When Jackson was particularly anxious about missing Evelyn, Rick would encourage him to share stories of his times with her, and would share his own stories about his Rosie. When Jackson was with Rick, life was a little easier. But he couldn’t always be with his friend.

  God is in control. Jackson was reminded of this as verses from Matthew ran through his head.

  Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell. What is the price of two sparrows – one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.

  As was his normal routine, tonight he lay in his bed – his mind wide awake but body exhausted to weariness – praying for Evelyn. Something else was eating at him this night as well. As the Scriptures ran through his mind, it felt more like God was speaking to him about himself, not about Evelyn. As his eyelids became heavier and heavier, he was relieved to know he was finally finding sleep that night, but then his eyes shot open. He hadn’t noticed the smoke in the air. It had come so gradually, while his mind had been elsewhere.

  Jackson ran to his bedroom door and opened it, just to find the rest of his apartment catching fire. It was too much to put out on his own or for him to leave through the front door. He closed his door again and quickly holstered his weapons. He thought twice about jumping quickly from his window onto the fire escape and was glad he did. As he peeked through the curtains, he could barely make out two men below. They were watching the front door though, not his window, so he slowly and quietly made his way out and up the ladders lining his building.

  As he climbed to the next story, he realized his fire alarm hadn’t gone off. His attackers must have disarmed it before setting the place on fire. Other apartments would catch without any warning. He’d have to get them out. Maybe a rush of people would scare his attackers off, but it could also result in innocent people becoming targets for these men. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the luxury to weigh every outcome; they needed to get out of the building.

  He’d met the family below him; a young couple with kids. Jackson climbed quickly back down to the window below his and tapped lightly, praying
the husband would be the one to look out. He was. Jackson held his finger to his lips and motioned for him to open the window, which he did. Jackson climbed in, quickly explaining they needed to get out. The husband and wife scooped up their young children and waited for Jackson to lead the way.

  Jackson’s pulse began to quicken, realizing blood was sure to be shed tonight. But it couldn’t be this family’s. There was no fear, just determination to protect innocent people. As Jackson had instructed, they went out their front door and the parents ran their children to safety behind the staircase’s rails, shielding them with their bodies.

  Jackson’s gun was already up when his two attackers saw him. If he hadn’t been ready to shoot, he’d already be dead. But he was ready. One attacker was down, hopefully still breathing. Thankfully, the other was a bad shot and his gun clamored to the floor when Jackson’s bullet went through his knee.

  The shots were enough to rouse curious neighbors and, before long, the evacuation was complete as the Fire Patrols assisted in putting out the flames. But his letters, and his quilt, were gone.

  Both extremists made it to the hospital alive, but the one Jackson had targeted first only made it a few short hours. One more life to add to Jackson’s list of lives taken, but the young family and the rest of his neighbors were safe. Their children had been completely hidden from the violent scene by their parents’ bodies, and Jackson was grateful for that.