Londyn Falls

by Jennifer Domenico

  “Oh, Mummy, I am in love with him. I know it.” I wipe away a tear that falls down my cheek. “I just don’t know what to do about it.”

  “Tell him,” she says, rubbing my back.

  “No, I can’t. I mustn’t. I can’t bear the thought of being rejected.”

  “I don’t believe he would reject you, dear. Perhaps he just needs a gentle push. Men need that sometimes.”

  “Perhaps,” I sniff.

  “There, there, dear,” she says, pulling me into her arms. “Don’t cry. Being in love is a wonderful thing. You both just need time. You’ll get there. I believe it. When he looked at you, it warmed my heart. A man only looks like that at a woman when he is in love.”

  “Really?”

  “Give it some time. Be patient with him. I have a feeling he will be worth the wait.”

  “Thank you, Mummy.” I give her a big hug. “Are you ready to tuck in?”

  “Absolutely. Your father wants to cut the turkey. Is that alright?”

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  Later that evening, with a full belly, I lay in bed wondering how the rest of Luca’s day went. Writing furiously in my boodle, I can barely keep up with my racing thoughts. I wish I could tell him that seeing him today was wonderful. I wish I could call him to tell him goodnight. I wish he were here. I finish my entry with a final thought.

  Note to self: I must find a way to tell Luca that I love him.

  I sigh and roll over, hoping for sleep.

  “SO, LUCA,” JAKE STARTS, “Update us on the situation with your assistant.”

  I cut into my turkey. “What would you like to know?”

  “Did you tell her how you feel?” Priscilla asks. “You were supposed to call us.”

  “Not exactly.”

  “And why not?” she asks.

  “Well, you said to give her time if she wasn’t open right away. I’m still waiting for that.”

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake, seriously?” she asks.

  “Yes, seriously. I have a lot on the line with her.”

  “I thought you would’ve made a move by now,” Jake says.

  “No opportunity.”

  “You work with her every day. There are plenty of opportunities,” he adds.

  “I saw her today. I had to drop off something at her house.”

  “See now, that was an opportunity,” Priscilla says.

  “Her whole family was there. The timing wasn’t right.”

  “Luca, we’re all gonna be old people by the time you get around to kissing this poor girl,” Priscilla says. “Just do it already.”

  I laugh. “I’m working on it. I’m going to tell her one day.”

  “I hope so. The suspense is killing me!” Priscilla exclaims.

  “Yeah, me too,” Jakes agrees. “Aren’t you glad you agreed to hang out with us and get the third degree all day?”

  “I’m very happy to be here.” There’s only one place I’d rather be more. Anywhere Londyn is.

  I busy myself, knowing Londyn will be here at any minute. It had to be the longest weekend of my life and I know I need to find a way to spend time with her. I need to tell her how I feel about her. I’ll go crazy over the winter break if I don’t. I don’t know how or when, but dammit, I’m going to tell her.

  She catches me by surprise when she walks in the room. I didn’t hear her coming at all. I smile when I see she is wearing her glasses.

  “Good morning,” she says.

  “Good morning. How was your weekend?”

  “Very well. Yours?”

  “Fine, thank you.” I missed you. I want to scream it.

  “I’m happy to hear that.”

  “Are your parents still here?”

  “No. They’ve gone off sightseeing. They plan to stay in New York tonight and will fly out tomorrow.”

  “It was nice meeting them.”

  “They enjoyed you as well. Although I never heard the end of letting you leave.”

  “That’s very kind.”

  “The veggie dish was a hit. Thank you again.”

  “My pleasure.” I would do anything for you. Vegetable dishes being the least of it. “What are your plans for the weekend?”

  “Um, nothing.”

  “Would you like to come over Saturday? Perhaps late afternoon and I can make dinner. We can really get some work done on the book.”

  “I would love to. I enjoy working with you very much.”

  “The feeling is mutual.”

  I watch as she falls into her daily ritual of setting her things up just so. I have to find a way to keep her in this room with me. I couldn’t bear to let her go. Even if it is just across the hall. Maybe this weekend I can find a way to tell her how I feel. I just have to take the chance.

  “Londyn?”

  She looks up at me and smiles, tugging at my heart just a bit.

  “The glasses are lovely.”

  “Thank you, Luca.”

  Yes, I have to take the chance.

  OH, HOW WILL I MAKE it through this week knowing that Saturday I will get to be alone with Luca again? It’s been ages since he last had me over, since that terrible night of the almost-kiss. I wonder what has changed his mind. I was certain he wasn’t going to put either of us back in that situation. I decide I don’t care and I’m just happy for his change of heart.

  It’s not possible I could be more obvious that his opinion of me matters. What with wearing these ridiculous glasses and all, but if he says they’re lovely, well, they must be. I honestly wonder what he thinks of my outfit today. I adore it, but never thought I would find myself wearing such an item. Glancing down, I run my hands over my lap. Only Madeleine could’ve convinced me that I look good wearing knee high boots. I do have to admit, I feel a bit sexy in them and even managed to get all the way here without breaking a heel. Or my ankle.

  My dress is shorter than I prefer, but she insisted it is the look these days and the boots keep the look respectable. I added a cami under the deep V-neck to avoid the avalanche of flesh that threatened to spill from it. I actually do like the way I look today. I just wonder if Luca does. I glance over at him, and to my surprise, he is watching me.

  “Yes, Professor?”

  “I enjoy watching you set up your day. You have a routine.”

  “Yes, I suppose I do.”

  “I would miss that if you moved to the other room,” he says, softly. I smile, but say nothing as he continues. “You look very nice today.”

  “Do I?”

  “Yes, the boots are very nice and kind of sexy, if I may say so.”

  “You may.” Damn cheeks are burning again. I look away and try to hold back my grin, but it’s useless. When I look up again, he is still looking at me. If he doesn’t stop, I very well may tear off everything but the boots.

  “You reacquainted yourself with your boodle this weekend?”

  “Perhaps.”

  “Always coy.”

  “Not intentionally.”

  “I know.”

  I pull up the professor’s calendar and print it off. Sadly, he’s very busy today and I realize suddenly, the rest of the week. This is the busy time. There is so much to do to prepare for the end of the term.

  I walk across the office and hand it to him. I start to move away, but he grabs my wrist, keeping me there. I look down at him, holding my breath.

  “I know I tell you all the time, but I want to tell you again,” Luca starts. “You do such a wonderful job for me. I would be lost without you.”

  “Thank you, Professor,” I whisper. He slowly releases me and I walk back to my safe little corner. What I wouldn’t do to be wrapped in that man’s arms.

  From a distance, the man is breathtaking, but up close, he is staggering. I feel a bit dizzy in his presence, as though the very oxygen is being sucked from the room. My mum is right. I should tell him how I feel, but how the bloody hell do I do that? And what if his reaction is to let me go? I can’t stand the thoug
ht of not seeing him nearly every day. Winter break is going to be the death of me.

  “You have a faculty meeting this morning,” I say.

  “Yes.”

  “You’ll be late if you don’t go now.”

  He looks down at his watch. “I didn’t notice the time, thank you.” He stands and puts his coat on, black wool with a popped up collar that makes him look as though he just stepped out of the pages of a magazine. “This afternoon is the film in my lecture. Will you come? After all, it was your suggestion.”

  “I would love to.”

  “Great. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  “That’s good as I wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t.”

  How I wish he meant that in the same sense that I do. I set about my day and do my best to give my work my undivided attention. All I want is for this week to fly by.

  I wait patiently for Luca to return. It’s nearly one and the lecture will start in an hour. I spent my lunch hiding in a corner of the library, writing down my thoughts and my plans to tell Luca how I feel about him. I’ve decided I am just going to stand up and say, Luca, I’m in love with you. Yes, I can say that. I drop my head on my desk and sigh. Who am I kidding?

  “Ugh!” I exclaim.

  “What’s the matter, Londyn?”

  I look up to see Luca standing next to me, a look of concern on his handsome face.

  “Um, er, nothing. I’m perfectly fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Oh, yes.” I try to distract him. “How was your morning?”

  “Perfectly fine,” he says, smirking. “I’ll just wrap up a few things here and then we can head over to the theater room.”

  “Okay. I left some messages for you on your keyboard, but nothing pressing. Also, I’ve drafted up the two proposals you asked for. They are pending in your email.”

  “You were busy this morning.”

  “You have a lot going on.”

  “That I do. It’s amazing I got by as long as I did before you. I did work much longer hours, though. Now, I have some free time in the evenings.”

  “Good for writing.”

  “And other things.”

  I don’t know why, but his last sentence just sent shivers shooting through my spine. Oh, the things I could think of to fill his time!

  I watch him from the corner of my eye, pretending to be reading an email. I shift my eyes away as he looks up at me.

  “Ready?”

  “I am.”

  “Fantastic.”

  We walk down to the lecture hall and prepare the room. Dixon is there and says hello to me after ensuring the equipment is set up. After he leaves, Luca sits on the edge of the desk in the front of the room and crosses his arms.

  “I love this movie and I hope the students do too. I’ve decided for an assignment, I’m just going to ask them how the film made them feel. I don’t want to hear all the technical or the hidden meaning behind the imagery. I just want them to feel it. Does that make sense?”

  “Absolutely. That will be a bit of a change for them. I’ve seen your normal requirements. They will think you’ve gone mad.”

  “Perhaps I have gone mad.” Luca glances at the floor then quickly back up at me. “Let’s call it holiday cheer.”

  “I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.”

  “Sometimes the best way to learn about something is to experience it, no?”

  “I like when you do that,” I say, not really meaning to aloud.

  “Do what?”

  “When you say no at the end of a sentence.”

  “Why do you like it?”

  “I don’t know. It’s so European, I suppose.”

  “Well, my Italian roots shine through at times.”

  “Much of the time. You have just a slight Italian accent whilst Nico has a very strong Boston accent. Odd, since you are brothers. You seem so cultured and European. He seems so casual and American.”

  Luca frowns slightly and I don’t know what I said that was upsetting. Does he not like the comparison?

  “Yes, well, clearly Nico and I are very different.”

  “Yes, of course. Have I upset you?”

  He starts to speak when several students come into the room. He turns his attention to them and far away from me. I turn and go back to my seat. Damn, I just had to open my stupid mouth.

  “Welcome, everyone,” Luca starts. “Today we’re going to watch a film, but I have some very specific instructions for you while you watch.”

  All the students open notebooks or flip open laptops in preparation to take notes. Luca walks in front of the podium and paces slowly for a moment.

  “Today, instead of looking for the hidden meaning of the film, or discussing the cinematography, or any other technical aspect of the film, I want you to do this instead. Close your computers. Shut your notebooks. Put away your recorders. All I want you to do is watch this movie and while you watch it, I want you to recognize how you feel about it. What emotions rise to the surface? What lingers with you when it’s over? That’s what your paper will be about.”

  The students look surprised and one bravely raises his hand.

  “Yes?” Luca responds.

  “The whole paper is about how we feel?”

  “I believe that’s what I said.” He glances briefly at me. “Sometimes in life, we can be so focused on tasks, items to check off a list. The best part of life though, if we allow it, is to take a step back and truly, deeply recognize the impact of how our experiences feel. Cinematography, books, music—all created to invoke feelings. If you walk away with anything from this class, I hope it will be that I made you feel something that stays with you long after it’s over.” He pauses and then looks back at the student. “Did I answer your question?”

  “Yes, Professor.”

  He lowers the lights and presses play then crosses the room and chooses the seat next to mine. I try to catch his eye, but he won’t look at me. Clearly, I’ve upset him. The movie starts to play and I decide to pay attention to it, rather than Luca’s sudden mood shift. It’s going to be a long week.

  I DON’T KNOW WHY Londyn’s comparison of Nico and me pissed me off so much, but it did. I still don’t know what transpired between them that night. I do know from my parents that Nico is bringing Candace to Christmas, and seems to be in a committed relationship with her, but what about the night I saw him with Londyn? They looked far too friendly for my liking. I want to believe that I’m overreacting, but I know Nico. He could try to take her from me just to hurt me. That’s assuming he knows how I feel about her, which he doesn’t. I could be making more of this than I should.

  I should just ask her, but I’m scared shitless to do it. If she admits something happened, it would kill me. I want her, need her. I don’t know if I could deal with being second to Nico. It’s fucking eating me alive not knowing, though. Glancing over at her, her expression is pure enjoyment. She is captivated by this film, moved by it. I want to know how it makes her feel. I want to know everything she thinks. Especially about me.

  I shift my attention around the room and notice a student looking in my direction. She smiles when our eyes meet, and I being the ass I am, do not return it. I’ve always been very careful not to give a student even the slightest opening to cross the line. I take it very seriously. Not that there has never been a student I found attractive. I have. My reputation is far more important, though. In fact, if anything ever does transpire between Londyn and me, we may have to consider her transfer to another department. As much as that would fucking kill me.

  There are more than a few professors around campus whose spouses started off as students and assistants, though. It’s not uncommon to find love here. Maybe it’s my turn now.

  Londyn won’t look at me. She’s completely absorbed in the film. At least she agreed to come over Saturday. I need to just look her in the eye and say, ‘Londyn, I’m in love with you.’ I sigh. Why does that sound so
stupid? I need to come up with something better than that. But what? I’ll figure it out by then. For now, I just need to focus on the week ahead. There is so much to be done. My reward will be private time with her. I can hardly wait, but it’s going to be a long week.

  “WOULD YOU LIKE TO grab a coffee and discuss the film?” Luca asks.

  “That would be lovely.”

  “I’ll run upstairs and get our coats.”

  “Thank you.”

  I’m thankful his mood seems to have lifted. I gather up the professor’s notes and make sure the room is tidied up as the students all file out discussing the movie. I can tell they are excited to write a paper about feeling. A girl walks up to me and stands there until I look up.

  “Hello,” I say cheerfully.

  “Hi, I’m Natalia.”

  “I’m Londyn, nice to meet you.”

  “You’re the professor’s assistant, right?”

  “I am, yes.”

  The girl smiles and I start to wonder where this is going. “I don’t know if you’d be willing to tell us, but a few of us have a bet going.”

  “About?”

  “About Professor Di Roma. If he’s gay or straight. My vote is gay because he is just way too perfect with his clothes and his grooming. Straight guys, especially professors, don’t look like that. Two of my friends think he’s straight, just metro.”

  I stifle a grin. “I don’t know that I would be the best person to resolve your bet. I know very little about the professor’s personal life.”

  She frowns. “Seriously? I thought you would know for sure. Well, what do you think?”

  I contemplate my answer. I have no idea what Luca would think of this conversation and my loyalty ultimately lies with him. I decide to be elusive.

  “I haven’t given it a moment’s thought and I’ve seen no clues towards either possibility. He is a very private man.”

  “Hmmm,” the girl taps her chin. “Darn it. I only have till winter break to prove it.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Yeah. The assignment he gave us today is exciting. Normally his criteria is so complex and difficult.”