‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Ben batted back, and in an instant they were back to Christmas Day and their ill-fated kiss.
‘Matt hit me!’ The moment was broken with Becky’s loud noisy sobs.
‘Did-urn’t!’ said Matt.
‘Did too!’ said Becky.
‘Only because you kicked me,’ said Matt.
‘I hope no one is kicking or hitting anyone,’ Amy reprimanded in her sternest teacher’s voice. ‘I want you to say sorry to each other this instant.’
‘Sorry,’ Becky and Matt mumbled half-heartedly to one another.
‘Right, you monsters,’ Amy said. ‘If you help me clear the plates away, Ben might play with you while I’m putting Ellie to bed, but then it’s bath and bed for the lot of you!’
Now there was a great idea, thought Ben, wondering if it applied to him too.
‘Are you sure you don’t mind staying?’
Saffron looked pale and drawn. She had come back at ten from the hospital, and joined Amy and Ben for a bite to eat and a glass of wine, before crashing out. Ben had left not long after, promising to return the next morning.
‘Not at all,’ said Amy. ‘Come on, your mum needs you. And you needn’t worry about the kids. Ben and I will take them out for a picnic or something.’
‘I am so grateful,’ said Saffron. ‘I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you.’
‘There’s no need,’ said Amy. ‘Come on. You’ve been a great friend to me since I’ve been here. I’m just glad I can help you back.’
Saffron left at eleven the next morning, having first rushed off to do a mad flit round Sainsbury’s.
‘I’ve just grabbed stuff off the shelves,’ she said, ‘but at least you’ve got food now.’
‘Don’t worry about a thing,’ said Amy firmly. ‘You just go and help Elizabeth get better. I’ll sort this out.’
‘Okay.’ Saffron left reluctantly. ‘The kids are going to forget who I am if this carries on,’ she said. ‘Bloody Gerry. If he’d had them like he was supposed to, everything would be so much easier.’
‘Well he didn’t,’ said Amy. ‘Now, go on, go.’
The sun was shining as they parked the car on the edge of a country park. It had been unseasonably warm for April, and a vast blue sky arced before them in a wonderful panorama. Green undulating fields stretched out ahead. It was the perfect place for a picnic.
The kids immediately ran off to a spot they knew well. Amy pushed the pram, thinking how difficult it was being with a baby, as well as how nice. For the first time, she envied Saffron her second-chance family. Did she and Ben have the option of doing the same? And, more importantly, did she dare take the risk?
Once the food had all been devoured, they sat in the sunshine while the baby slept in her pram, and the three children alternated between kicking a football about, and playing hide and seek. Amy lay back on the rug looking at them all and feeling a deep contentment. She was so lucky to have what she had; despite what she had lost.
‘Penny for ’em?’ Ben sat back and looked at her, a gentle smile playing on his lips. Her heart lurched for a minute.
‘I was just thinking how lucky I am,’ she said. ‘And you?’
He leaned towards her and let his lips softly touch her hair. She shut her eyes briefly, enjoying the sensation.
‘I was just thinking how I’d kiss you if the kids weren’t here,’ said Ben. ‘But I’ll just have to dream about it for now.’
Amy took his hand and squeezed it. Just then Josh and Matt ran up, so Amy smiled ruefully at Ben and together they packed up their things and headed back for the car, achingly aware of each other.
‘I’ve just got to pop home and see how Meg is,’ said Ben when they got back. ‘I’ll take her for a walk and be back later.’
‘No probs,’ said Amy. ‘See you later.’
‘That you most certainly will,’ said Ben, giving her such a look that she didn’t know where to put herself. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at her like that. It was time she stopped prevaricating. Once Saffron was back on an even keel, perhaps they should take things further.
Ben let himself into the house, and was immediately pounced on by Meg.
‘Down, girl!’ he said. Honestly, she was a stupid mutt sometimes. Anyone would think she’d been left alone for days.
It was odd. He felt sure he had put the mortise lock on, but he must have forgotten. Picking up his post, he wandered into the lounge, and was aware that something was different. There, in the corner of the room, sat two enormous suitcases.
‘What the –?’ Who the hell did they belong to? He didn’t think burglars usually came in through the front door complete with luggage.
He heard a creak on the stairs, and turned to see who his intruder was.
‘Hello, big boy. Aren’t you pleased to see me?’
Standing in the doorway, in the skimpiest dressing gown possible, was Caroline.
PART THREE
Here Comes the Summer Sun
In the allotment:
Weed and tend the growing plants. Separate the
seedlings and grow on.
State of the heart:
Growing stronger, reaching for the sun.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
‘Caroline, what a surprise,’ Ben eventually managed to stutter. Surprise? Talk about understatement of the century. It was a goddamned disaster. What the hell did she think she was doing here? As usual around Caroline, he felt a warring conflict of emotions. He was torn between an incandescent fury at the way she seemed to think she could breeze back into his life, irritation that she had made herself at home, and a guilty lurch of sudden desire, which he couldn’t quite help. How on earth was he going to explain this to Amy?
‘Didn’t you get my emails?’ Caroline pouted as she sashayed down the stairs.
‘What emails?’
‘The emails to say I was coming,’ she said. ‘I thought you were avoiding me.’
‘I didn’t get any emails,’ Ben replied. ‘I think I’d remember a little thing like being asked if I could put you up for the night.’
Although, actually, now he thought about it, he’d been so busy recently he hadn’t spent much time online. There were probably a stack of emails sitting in cyberspace waiting for him.
‘Don’t I get a kiss?’ She had come up close to him now, and he was painfully aware of her expensive perfume, not to mention her semi-nakedness. Once it would have excited him, but now he just felt embarrassed. The lurch of desire had been replaced with a sudden picture of Amy.
Ben gave her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek, before swiftly moving away into the kitchen to make a coffee.
‘What are you doing here anyway?’
‘Well, that’s a nice greeting,’ said Caroline, putting on her patented little-girl-lost look.
‘Caroline,’ he said, trying to keep his temper, ‘I haven’t heard from you in ages, and you’ve just turned up in my house, where it appears you’re planning to stay for the duration of your visit. I think it’s a reasonable question in the circumstances.’
Caroline pouted again, then pulled her incredibly flimsy wrap ostentatiously round her. Ben tried looking in the other direction. He was often pretty dense about these things, but even he could see what her intentions were.
‘Let’s just say things haven’t worked out exactly as I’d hoped,’ she said, in a rather dramatic manner. Ben knew of old he was supposed to ask why not, but couldn’t be bothered to play that little game. He contented himself with asking if she wanted tea or coffee instead.
‘It’s all gone horribly wrong, if you want to know.’ Caroline was undeterred by Ben’s lack of interest, and the drama queen in her was evidently going to make the most of the situation.
‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ Ben said evenly, as he passed her a cup of tea.
Caroline took a sip, paused dramatically, and then burst into tears.
Oh lord, the tears. He had forgotten how often and
frequently they came.
‘It’s been terrible, Ben. My visa ran out and the police came and said I shouldn’t be working, and then Dave Behind the Bar chucked me out. I’ve had a row with my aunt, I had nowhere to go, so I came home. And I had nowhere else to come but here. You know I’ve let the house out.’
‘What about your parents?’ Ben knew the Nowhere Else to Go bit was exaggerated. Caroline had incredibly wealthy parents who doted on her. She was hardly destitute.
‘They’re in Florida, looking for a house to retire to. I’m all alone in the world.’
‘Caroline, you know that’s not true,’ said Ben. ‘You do exaggerate.’
Clearly this wasn’t the right thing to say, as Ben was met with a glower. But she changed tack and simply said, ‘Do you mind if I stay for a few days?’
‘Given that you’re already here,’ said Ben, ‘I would say it’s going to be pretty hard for me to say no. But I am rather busy. I only popped in to check on Meg. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go out now. I have a friend waiting for me.’
He caught a flash of anger in her eyes. Anger that the tears hadn’t worked? Anger that he wasn’t dropping everything for her?
‘Female, by any chance?’ The anger was replaced quickly with a sly knowing look.
‘Yes, female,’ said Ben. ‘Now, I really have to go.’
He left as quickly as he could, cursing Caroline for coming, cursing himself for not having been firmer with her, and wondering just what the hell he was going to say to Amy.
Amy was in the middle of cooking tea by the time Ben returned.
‘That was quick,’ she said, looking up from scraping vegetable peelings into the compost bin.
‘What was?’ Ben seemed a bit distracted.
‘You were taking Meg for a walk?’ Amy flicked a tea towel at him teasingly, and he felt an instant physical response. Damn Caroline for turning up now, just as things were going so well with Amy.
‘Oh, yes, well, I didn’t quite get there,’ said Ben, trying to work out how to explain Caroline to Amy. He’d never mentioned her before. Amy was going to find it a bit odd that Caroline should suddenly be staying with him.
‘Dearie me, you seem dozy all of a sudden,’ Amy said, deftly dishing out fish pie. ‘Just as well I’m here to whip you into shape.’
Mentally cooling himself down at the thought, Ben took the opportunity for a welcome distraction. ‘Shall I call the kids in?’ he asked.
‘Good idea,’ said Amy, who thankfully appeared to have forgotten all about Meg.
Ben breathed a sigh of relief. He would tell her about Caroline later, once the kids were in bed. Maybe by then he would have figured out what to say.
Amy felt troubled. She couldn’t put a finger on why, but ever since Ben had returned from walking Meg – or not walking her – he somehow seemed to have retreated into himself. The earlier intimacy between them seemed to have vanished, and she found herself wondering if she had upset him in any way. At one point in the evening she had felt sure Ben had been about to tell her something, but then Matt and Becky had had a fight, and by the time it was sorted out the opportunity had gone. She would have asked him about it when the kids had gone to bed, but Saffron chose that moment to return from the hospital, and by the time they had found out how Elizabeth was – somewhat better, but still not out of the woods – and made Saffron sit and have something to eat, then put the world to rights over a bottle of wine, it had been rather late and Ben had made his excuses and left.
Sunday came and went. Ben popped in around lunchtime, while Saffron was at the hospital, but couldn’t stay long, mumbling something about other commitments. If Amy hadn’t known better she might have thought he was being a bit shifty, but shifty wasn’t really a word she would have associated with Ben before now.
She dismissed the thought from her head. Whatever Ben was, he wasn’t shifty. She was beginning to find him vital to her existence. If she were ever to trust her healing heart to anyone, it would be to him.
By the middle of the week, Elizabeth was much better, and Saffron had come back to hold the fort once more. Amy breathed a sigh of relief. It was nice to get back to her own place and a bit of peace and quiet. Lovely and all as Saffron’s children were, it was a lot to take on three extra children when you only had one of your own.
There was a message on the answer-phone from the estate agent, saying that her landlady was unexpectedly back in the country and would like to view her property, so could Amy ring in the morning. Amy frowned. Saffron hadn’t mentioned that Caroline was coming back to England. But then again, maybe she didn’t know.
Falling into bed that night, completely exhausted, she realised that, apart from a couple of brief visits in the evening, she had barely seen Ben all week. That was odd. Too tired to even feel paranoid, Amy turned over and went to sleep. There was probably a good explanation for it. She’d ring him tomorrow and find out.
Ben had been doing his level best to spend most evenings out. Caroline was mooching around the house dramatically declaring her life to be over. DBtB had apparently got the full measure of her and hadn’t been keen to go for the lifelong commitment that Caroline was seemingly after. But then again, why would he, when it was quite clear from Caroline that, lifelong commitment or not, she was still an outrageous flirt.
‘It’s only to make him jealous,’ she said to Ben. ‘But he thinks it means I don’t show any commitment.’
‘Hmm, I wonder why,’ Ben replied, dashing off to the gym to avoid further revelations. He still hadn’t said anything to Amy about Caroline. He knew he was being cowardly, but with Amy away at Saffron’s he hadn’t managed to run into her on the allotments in the general way of things, as he normally did. He had called in a couple of times to help out, but things were pretty fraught with the children, who were missing their mother badly, and there hadn’t been much opportunity for a heart-to-heart. He thought of soliciting Harry’s help, but then decided that was even more cowardly. There was no help for it, he was going to have to face Amy sometime. And better it came from him than she heard it elsewhere.
‘I hope you’ll find everything in order,’ Amy said, as she let in her elusive landlady. She had to admit she was intrigued to meet Caroline. The woman who had broken hearts all over Nevermorewell, if the rumours were true.
She was much tartier than Amy had imagined, as it turned out. Caroline was busting out of a tight pink top and even tighter and shorter black leather miniskirt. Amy’s eyes boggled at the sight of so much flesh this early on in the year, let alone the day. She sported an even tan, and her brown curly hair was held up loosely in a grip.
‘I’m sure it will all be fine,’ Caroline gushed. ‘It’s nice to meet you at last. I’ve heard such a lot about you.’
‘You have?’ Amy was surprised. She frowned. ‘Who from?’
Caroline ignored her and waltzed through into the front room. ‘Oh, I love what you’ve done with the lounge,’ she purred. ‘I might keep it like that.’
Amy’s heart sank. She had originally taken the let on a six-month lease, which she had just renewed. At some point she was going to have to bite the bullet and buy again, but she needed a bit more time to consolidate her finances, plus she was happy in the house. It had become home for her. Renewing the lease had seemed the sensible thing to do. At the time it looked as though Caroline wasn’t planning to come back for ages. Now it seemed she’d changed her mind.
‘Are you planning to stay then?’ Amy asked, hoping she didn’t sound too desperate.
Caroline waved an airy hand. ‘My plans are, shall we say, fluid at the moment. Don’t worry, I’m not planning to kick you out in the foreseeable future, although now I’m back I find I’m quite enjoying being here.’
Amy breathed a sigh of relief.
‘Are you staying locally, then?’ she asked.
‘Oh, yes,’ said Caroline. ‘A very good friend is kindly putting me up.’
‘Who’s that?’ One of her many paramours, no
doubt.
‘You probably don’t know him.’ Caroline’s insouciance was totally studied. ‘I’m staying with Ben Martin.’
‘You’re staying with Ben?’ said Amy, trying to keep her tone light, as she fiddled with the kettle in the kitchen. ‘He didn’t say.’
Why hadn’t he said? Why? Ben had never mentioned Caroline, so why was she staying with him? Amy cast her mind back to the first time he’d come round to the house – Ben had clearly known his way about. He’d said all the houses round there were the same layout, but what if he’d been lying? Just how close had he and Caroline been? A fleeting memory of the look on Ben’s face on Saturday night, when he had clearly been trying to tell her something, and she had been too busy to hear, unsettled her.
‘Oh, you know Ben then?’ Again, that studied insouciance. Amy felt Caroline knew damned well that she knew Ben, and was trying to gauge her reaction. Well, two could play at that game.
‘You know what it’s like around here,’ said Amy airily. ‘Everyone knows everyone else. Harry introduced us.’
‘Dear old Harry,’ said Caroline without a trace of affection. ‘He still knocking about then, is he? I would have thought he’d have gone to the great garden in the sky by now.’
Amy looked at Caroline with growing dislike. What on earth was Ben doing anywhere near this wretched woman?
‘I expect you know that Ben and I go way back,’ continued Caroline. ‘We were very, very close, but then I decided to go and find myself. I’m a free spirit, you see, I don’t like to be pinned down. Darling Ben is a bit of a stick in the mud. But I expect you’ve worked that out for yourself.’
Mentally thinking that pinning Caroline down and sticking darts in her would be very good therapy, Amy merely smiled sweetly and hoped that Caroline couldn’t detect the churning emotions raging inside her.
‘So were you and Ben an item then?’ She tried to say it as casually as she could.
Pastures New Page 19