Pastures New

by Julia Williams

  ‘Harry, are you sure you’re all right?’ The colour had drained from his face, and he was sweating profusely.

  ‘Think – probably – it’s my heart,’ Harry said. ‘Need aspirin. Top pocket. Jacket, in the shed.’

  Amy raced into the shed and grabbed the aspirin with shaking hands.

  ‘Need. One. In mouth.’ Harry’s voice seemed fainter, but he took the aspirin offered and crunched it up in his mouth, then with a short sigh he tipped forward and slid off the bench.

  ‘Harry!’ screamed Amy. ‘Harry!’

  Ben and Meg were on their way down to the allotments when he heard the screams. They raced towards the sound of the commotion, which seemed to be coming from behind Harry’s shed.

  ‘Amy!’ said Ben. ‘What happened?’

  Amy was crouched over Harry, slapping his face and calling his name.

  ‘I can’t get a response. I can’t get a response.’

  ‘Here, let me,’ said Ben, expertly tipping Harry’s head back and checking the airway was clear, before starting CPR. ‘Right, you need to ring for an ambulance while I try to get his heart started. Have you got a mobile on you?’

  Amy shook her head.

  ‘Mine’s in my car – the keys are in my back pocket.’

  Amy took the keys and hurried off, leaving Ben kneeling over Harry, counting the number of compressions he was doing. She was shaking like a leaf, but it took her moments to find the phone. She rang 999 and gave them directions to the allotment gates, which she opened to allow them access.

  ‘Are they coming?’ Ben barely looked up, so intent was he on what he was doing. ‘Come on, Harry. Come on.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Amy, watching as Ben worked steadily away on Harry’s heart. There still didn’t seem to be any response. At the back of her head she half-remembered something she’d once read about most heart-attack victims being lost because of the lack of a defibrilator.

  ‘How long did the ambulance say they’d be?’ asked Ben, who was beginning to flag, the physical exertion of what he was doing taking its toll.

  ‘Ten minutes,’ said Amy. ‘This is hopeless. We’ve lost him.’

  ‘Not if I have anything to do with it,’ said Ben. He carried on with renewed efforts. To begin with nothing happened, but then Harry gave a sudden spasm, and finally he started to cough.

  ‘Harry, can you hear me?’

  Harry groaned slightly.

  ‘You’ve had a heart attack. The ambulance is going to take you to hospital.’

  As if on cue, the ambulance arrived, and soon the paramedics had taken over and assessed the situation before taking Harry away.

  One of them turned to Ben. ‘Well done, mate,’ he said. ‘I think you just saved that old boy’s life.’

  Ben sat back on the bench and put his head in his hands.

  ‘Thank God,’ he said. ‘Thank God.’

  ‘Coffee?’

  Amy looked up to see Ben standing before her holding a plastic cup.

  ‘Not very strong, I’m afraid,’ said Ben, ‘but it’s the best I can do for now.’

  ‘It’s warm and it’s wet,’ said Amy. ‘It will do.’

  ‘Has anyone said anything?’

  ‘Not yet,’ said Amy. ‘How long do you think we’ll be hanging round here?’

  ‘How long have you got?’

  ‘Will he be okay?’

  Ben ran his hands through his hair. He’d been dreading answering this question ever since they’d got there.

  ‘Honest answer? I don’t know. I’ve been expecting something like this for some time. But you know Harry, he’s a tough old stick.’

  ‘I don’t think I could bear it if – you know.’ Amy’s eyes filled with tears. Ben took her hand and held it in his. To his delight, although hating himself for feeling so in these ghastly circumstances, Amy didn’t push it away.

  ‘He’s not going to die,’ said Ben. ‘Otherwise it’s a total waste of my time resuscitating him, and Harry knows how I hate time-wasters.’

  Amy smiled a watery smile, and squeezed his hand tight.

  After what seemed like hours, a doctor in a white overall came over towards them. He rubbed his eyes, and looked exhausted.

  ‘Doctor Cloughton,’ he said, extending a hand.

  ‘Doctor Ben Martin, GP at Riverview Practice.’ Ben shook the hand. ‘We’ve corresponded, but never met before. How’s Harry?’

  ‘Good to meet you,’ said Dr Cloughton. ‘Well it seems your friend Harry is made of tougher stuff than most of my patients. He has had a heart attack, but a relatively mild one. He’s been lucky. We’ve made him comfortable and we’re about to get him up to the ward.’

  ‘Can we see him?’ Amy wanted to know.

  ‘Five minutes,’ said Dr Cloughton.

  Harry was sitting up in bed when they got there, looking pale, tired and rather grumpy.

  ‘Well, you gave us a nasty shock and no mistake,’ said Ben.

  ‘Next time, don’t bring me back,’ said Harry.

  ‘There’s gratitude,’ laughed Ben.

  ‘Ben, I am quite serious,’ said Harry. ‘If it happens again I want it noted that I don’t want to be resuscitated.’

  Amy and Ben exchanged anxious glances.

  ‘You can’t mean that,’ said Ben.

  ‘You know I can,’ said Harry. ‘I’d have been quite happy to go.’

  ‘Never mind you,’ Amy joshed Harry as best she could, trying to control the turmoil inside her. ‘What about us?’

  Harry looked at her, as if remembering her presence. ‘Don’t take any notice of me,’ he said, ‘I’m feeling a bit grouchy.’

  ‘Can we get you anything?’ Ben asked. ‘I can pop home and find you some PJs if you like.’

  ‘Thanks, old boy,’ said Harry. ‘I’m pretty filthy. I was scrabbling in the mud before all of this.’

  ‘How are you feeling now?’ Amy asked. Although Harry looked a bit better than when she’d first seen him at the allotments, and seemed pretty compos mentis, the sight of him turning so pale and keeling over was going to stay with her for a long time. Thank God Josh hadn’t been with her.

  ‘I’ve felt better,’ said Harry. ‘I mainly feel tired, if you must know.’

  A nurse came bustling in and said, ‘Right, Harry, we’ve found a bed for you, so we’ll get you up to the ward now and make you comfortable.’

  Taking that as their cue to go, Amy and Ben left, promising to return later with clothes and toiletries.

  ‘Is there anyone you want us to ring?’ Amy asked as they left, but Harry just shook his head.

  ‘Apart from my cousin, you two are the nearest thing I’ve got to family now,’ he said. ‘Although if you bring my address book back, I’ll let you know who to call from the regiment. We’ve a reunion coming up and I think I might have to miss it.’

  ‘You okay?’ asked Ben, as he followed Amy out to the car.

  ‘So-so,’ said Amy. ‘Actually, I feel a bit shaky.’

  ‘Me too,’ said Ben.

  ‘You saved Harry’s life,’ Amy stated, and swallowed hard.

  ‘It’s my job,’ said Ben. ‘Come on, let’s get you home.’

  ‘Yes, I had better get back,’ said Amy. ‘Josh will be wondering where I am, and I promised I’d tell Saffron the minute we had some news.’

  They climbed into Ben’s car. Then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Ben came with Amy to pick up Josh, and they went together to Harry’s to sort out his things. Josh needed to get to bed so Ben went back to the hospital on his own.

  ‘I’ll have tea ready for you when you get back if you’d like,’ said Amy.

  ‘I would like,’ said Ben. ‘I would like that very much.’

  And he left, leaving Amy to struggle with a whole range of emotions – worry about Harry warring with anxiety about Ben, and muddled up in there the hugest feeling of relief that she and Ben were talking again. It felt like she’d come home.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

 
; ‘How are you doing, Harry?’

  Amy sat down beside Harry’s bed, and flashed him what she hoped was a cheerful smile. She didn’t feel cheerful. On her last visit Harry had been grumpy beyond belief, and she was beginning to feel worn ragged by the constant hospital visits, which were squeezed in between work, school pickups and trying to sort Harry’s house out. The first time she and Ben had gone round they’d both been shocked. Harry had always kept things neat and tidy, and yet now his home had an air of neglect about it, as if somehow he’d given up caring. By unspoken agreement, she and Ben had taken over both the house and Harry’s allotment; Amy doing the bulk of house-cleaning, and Ben in charge of allotment duties. It meant they had seen precious little of each other, but at least they were speaking again.

  Amy shoved the thought of Ben from her mind – now was not the time to be thinking about him in that way. Maybe when Harry was better, she and Ben would have time for each other. But for now there were more important things to consider.

  ‘Much better today, thank you,’ said Harry. ‘But I can’t wait to get out of this place, I can tell you.’

  ‘Have the doctors said when you can come home?’ Harry appeared to be recovering well, but the fact that he lived alone was proving a stumbling block. He looked terribly frail and Amy couldn’t imagine how he was going to cope when he did get back home. Thanks to Ben, she had got in touch with social services, who were trying to set up some kind of care package to enable him to stay in his own house. They had muttered about old people’s homes, but Amy had put her foot down. Harry had no family who could help, and she knew he would hate to lose his independence.

  ‘I’m only next door,’ she had argued with the patronising social worker who insisted on calling Harry ‘dear’ all the time, and speaking about him as if he wasn’t there. ‘I can keep an eye on him. The last thing he wants is to be in a home.’

  ‘I don’t know yet,’ said Harry, ‘but the head honcho’s coming round later on, and yesterday he seemed to think it wouldn’t be too long.’

  ‘That’s wonderful,’ said Amy. ‘Josh and I can’t wait for you to come home.’

  ‘And I can’t wait to get shot of this place either,’ said Harry.

  ‘So Harry’s back this week?’ Saffron asked, as she pushed her wheelbarrow down Mrs Turner’s side passage.

  ‘Yes, all being well,’ said Amy. She was exhausted. Ever since Harry had been given the green light to leave hospital, she’d been racing around trying to sort everything out for him. Luckily, Josh had now gone back to school, so her days were freeing up, but it had been a tiring couple of weeks.

  ‘I must say, it’s nice to be doing something normal,’ said Amy, as they got to work raking and weeding.

  ‘You look knackered. Are you okay?’ asked Saffron.

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Well, don’t overdo it.’

  ‘Leave it, Saffron,’ said Amy, more snappily than she’d intended. Ben had been on about her overdoing things yesterday as well. ‘Everything is okay.’

  ‘It’s been pretty tough on you recently,’ said Saffron. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been more help.’

  ‘Don’t be daft,’ Amy told her. ‘You’ve got enough to do with the kids and Pete, it’s been fine.’

  ‘And don’t forget Gerry,’ said Saffron with a grimace.

  ‘As if I could,’ Amy replied. ‘No sign of him moving out then?’

  ‘Doesn’t look like it,’ Saffron told her. ‘We keep making hints, but he has the hide of a rhinoceros and they fall on deaf ears.’

  ‘You’ll just have to tell him,’ insisted Amy.

  ‘It’s not as easy as that.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘This is going to sound ridiculous, but, well, I feel sorry for him.’

  ‘You are joking?’ Amy tried to hold back the laughter. It felt good to laugh. She’d found precious few moments to do so in recent weeks.

  ‘Why would I be joking?’

  ‘Hell-oooo. Earth to Saffron here. This is Gerry we are talking about. The reprobate who left you with two small children and has been a thorn in your side ever since.’

  ‘Yes, yes, I know all that,’ said Saffron. ‘The thing is, Gerry’s changed. I mean, he’s still really annoying. And he sings very much out of tune in the bath – but well, here he is pushing forty, he’s lost his girlfriend, his house and his business is going down the pan. The man I married had so many dreams and they’ve all turned to dust. So, yes, I do feel sorry for him. At least he’s trying quite hard with the kids now, so it’s better for them.’

  ‘Blimey,’ said Amy. ‘I really never thought I’d hear you say that. Sounds like you’re quite taken with him.’

  ‘As if!’ said Saffron. ‘Mind you, Pete seems to have got it into his head that Gerry fancies me. Which is clearly ridiculous. So the way things are, it will be much better if we can persuade Gerry to move on.’

  ‘With the way things are, I think it probably would,’ said Amy. ‘You don’t want Pete being jealous.’

  ‘Too late, he already is,’ said Saffron with a rueful smile. ‘Not that he has any reason to be,’ she added hastily. ‘Anyway, enough about me. How are you and the gorgeous doctor getting on? Better, I hope?’

  ‘Much better,’ said Amy, ‘but we’re just friends.

  Nothing more. Now doesn’t seem the time to progress things further.’

  ‘But –?’

  ‘When the right time comes, you’ll be the first to know,’ said Amy with a grin.

  She was still grinning when she got home. Normally she had a quick shower after work, but today there was time to have a bath before the school run. She lay back, luxuriating in the warm soapy bubbles, enjoying the freedom of ten minutes entirely to herself. For once, she also allowed herself a few moments of daydreaming. She thought back to what her Auntie Grace had said about going forward and not back. It was time she did exactly that and started living her life again, to the full. She had resisted the pull of attraction to Ben from the beginning. But no longer. She was going to resist him no longer. When Harry was better, and everything was more settled, she would go with the flow and see where it took her. She had a feeling she was going to enjoy the journey …

  Saffron was feeling out of sorts. She couldn’t put her finger on it exactly. It was partly seeing Harry the way he was. She had insisted Amy take a break from hospital duties and had popped in to see Harry, and she was shocked by his appearance. Harry was one of those fixtures on the allotments who didn’t ever change, but now he had. He was grumpier than he used to be, fretful about not getting onto his allotment – though Amy and Ben were spending all their spare time making sure it was kept going – and more forgetful. Saffron wasn’t stupid. She knew that Harry was very weak, and chances were he wasn’t going to be around much longer. The thought depressed her. Things wouldn’t be the same without him.

  But it wasn’t just Harry’s illness that was niggling her. It was her home situation. She had tried to ignore it as best she could, but despite joking that Gerry had the hots for her, she was beginning to suspect he really did. He seemed to show no interest in making up with Maddy, who had apparently put the house on the market without him anyway, added to which he was still making no attempt to move on. Saffron had stopped hinting and started making direct comments, but she was always met with this little-boy-lost/puppydog look, which made her feel slightly helpless.

  ‘But I’ve nowhere to go,’ Gerry would say rather pathetically.

  ‘Well, find somewhere,’ Saffron would respond in exasperation.

  ‘You know my money situation is tight …’

  ‘Gerry, don’t even go there. We haven’t any spare cash, and if we had, do you think Pete would be keen to lend it to you?’

  Saffron sighed – Pete was another problem. He was saying less and less. And spending more and more time out of the house. And where their love life had been picking up, it seemed to have slipped away again. Pete was always too tired. He kept blaming the job, but,
for the first time since she had known him, Pete didn’t make her feel attractive any more. In fact she was beginning to think he was losing interest. Even the suggestion of watching one of his films hadn’t worked. And now he’d gone away on business for a couple of nights, and she was left alone with Gerry.

  ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,’ Pete had said as he left, giving her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek. It was the kind of thing he often said, but this time it felt, to Saffron, laden with meaning – as if somehow he were expecting her to do something wrong. Or perhaps she was just chasing shadows. Perhaps …

  Was it only a few months ago they had lain on the bed not wishing to say goodbye as Pete had headed off on his first business trip? And now he could barely bear to kiss her, as if his leaving were of no consequence whatsoever. Saffron shivered. The weather was turning autumnal, there was a chill wind in the air, and somewhere deep down inside she felt she was losing Pete.

  ‘Easy now.’ Ben helped Harry out of the car and into the house, where Amy, Saffron, the children and the Guys were waiting to greet him.

  Although it was a hot day, Harry was wearing a big overcoat. Never a big man, he had lost weight in hospital, and it hung off him now. As Amy came out to greet them, she and Ben exchanged glances. Harry looked incredibly frail, and for the first time since Amy had known him, he seemed old. How was he going to manage on his own?

  ‘No need to stand on ceremony,’ Harry muttered as people rose to greet him. Amy smiled as she put on the kettle. Harry being grumpy at least meant he was still with them. Several times in hospital he had seemed to be totally uninterested in anything. A reaction – even a grumpy reaction – was at least an indication that he wasn’t quite ready to throw the towel in. Amy shivered. She didn’t want to think about what would happen if the worst came to the worst. But she had to face facts. Harry was eighty-five. Up until now a very fit and able eighty-five, but would he really be able to pull through? Don’t even go there, she muttered to herself. In the short time she had known him, Harry had become indispensable to her, the father she had never had, and the grandfather Josh was missing. The thought of him not being around was unthinkable.