I was so exhausted by the time I was bandaged and delivered back to my room that it took me a moment to realize I had been handed over to Gretchen’s care. It was her sniffling that finally broke through my foggy mind. I focused on her and saw a stream of tears running down her face, though she continued to work steadily at helping me prepare for bed.
My brow furrowed, wondering what had upset her. Then she met my eyes and I realized her distress was for me. Her hands stilled and then she wrapped her arms around me. “Are you all right, Highness?” she whispered through her tears.
I returned her embrace and opened my mouth, intending to say, “I’m fine.” Instead I heard myself say simply, “No.”
That one word was my undoing. I had been able to remain stoic and numb while my mother and nurse had worked over me, while the captain questioned me about the events of the day. But Gretchen’s question and the utter truth of my answer brought the reality crashing in.
My mother came in to check on me a few minutes later and found me crying in Gretchen’s arms. I was transferred to my mother’s solid embrace and fell asleep with my head in her lap.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Protector
MY WRISTS STUNG as Nurse Mary replaced the bandages. I ignored the pain, staring out the window as she fastened the velvet cuffs over the bindings. I hated seeing the evidence of my wounds hour after hour, so I insisted on something to cover them. It had been three days.
My mother thanked Mary as she left then settled in the chair opposite me, taking my hands in hers. I looked at her face and gave a weak smile. Next she would ask if there was anything else I could remember and I would tell her the same thing I had told her each day. I described the three men in detail, and told her once again that the man in charge had sounded very much like Jeshua. She gave me the same indulgent smile, kissed my head and left.
She always left me glad that I hadn’t mentioned Gavin. She obviously thought me too muddled and emotional to be trustworthy. Only Gretchen heard the entire story. She was the only one who would ever know what Gavin had done for me.
My family members’ reactions to what had happened varied greatly. My mother hovered whenever she had the time. Most of my sisters were silently curious, never asking about it, but looking at me as though I might break at the slightest provocation. Marilee treated it as a grand adventure and Lorraina acted as though nothing had happened. My father became wildly protective, but also standoffish, and we ended up having a rousing fight about my being allowed to return to the village.
“That is out of the question,” he declared when I told him I felt well enough to go back.
“What?” I asked in desperation.
“Do you suppose for one minute that I would allow you to continue these frivolous visits after what happened to you?”
I wanted to scream and throw things, and I was on the verge of doing just that when I saw the undiluted fear cross his face. It so shocked me that I lost my vehemence and found myself begging in a whisper, “Please, Father. Please don’t take this one thing away from me.”
He would have continued to say no. I only won the argument because of my mother. The number of times my mother had gone against my father could be counted on one hand, but when she did, she won. The truth was that my father would give my mother anything she asked.
Even so, I almost lost that freedom only a few days after I resumed my visits to the village.
I had been kneading dough with Josephine, while little Logan sat on the kitchen table, “helping.” I went outside to wash off my hands after the loaves were finished. As I shook the water from my fingers, I glanced up and down the lane, noticing two children playing in a puddle while their mothers stood by in earnest conversation.
A wagon had just passed and stopped at the cottage two doors down. A chair was sitting in the back, tied down with several ropes. The driver jumped down as the lady of the house came out the front door and rushed out to the wagon, eager with anticipation.
When the driver turned to greet her, my heart jumped. It was Gavin. He took the woman’s hand in his own to greet her and she turned back to admire the chair. I wondered at her enthusiasm. I couldn’t see anything special about it, but then I knew my perspective was skewed. I focused my attention back on Gavin as he took off his hat to wipe his forehead, grinning unabashedly.
I heard a throat clearing behind me and turned to see Rowan gazing at me with eyebrows raised. He had stationed himself on the porch when we first arrived and had obviously seen me staring at Gavin. I went immediately back into the house, just in time to pull Logan’s fist from the middle of a doughy loaf.
Josephine turned back as I laughingly extricated him. She sighed. “I swear, Princess Ari, every time I turn my back for even a moment...”
“He is a quick one, isn’t he?”
She just shook her head as I carried him out to the rain barrel for his own hand washing. As I rinsed him off, I glanced over to see Gavin hauling the chair up the pathway to the house. He didn’t appear to have noticed me.
By the time I had finished at Josephine’s house, the wagon was gone.
The next day, I rounded up all the children I could find and let them choose the activity.
“Hide and seek!” was the consensus.
I couldn’t help laughing. My guards had been especially vigilant since the kidnapping. The children would certainly win this one.
“All right, who wants to seek first?” Three of them raised their hands, and I designated all of them as seekers. It always worked best if several of them worked together. They quickly took their place beside the well, with their heads buried in their arms, and started counting.
The rest scattered every which way, and I set out to find a niche of my own—hopefully one big enough to hide both of my guards with me.
I ran down a lane leading to the edge of the dwellings, where the blacksmith resided. “Jeffrey,” I called as we approached the smithy. “Quickly, we need a place to hide.”
“Is there something wrong?” he asked in alarm. Jeffrey was a grandfatherly figure and had a protective nature.
“Of course not, we are just playing hide and seek,” I explained while crawling over and under equipment in order to get into the heart of the shop. “Stop rolling your eyes, Wyatt.”
Jeffrey laughed as Wyatt cleared his throat in embarrassment.
“How did you know I was rolling my eyes, Princess?” Wyatt asked as he followed behind me.
“You always roll your eyes when you think I take games too seriously.” I settled myself among some feed sacks that appeared relatively clean as Jeffrey resumed his hammering.
My guards settled beside me, Wyatt looking as though he may have been blushing. “My apologies, Highness, I did not know you had noticed.”
“I am much more observant than you give me credit for, I assure you.” I said this lightly as I tried to reorganize my skirts, which were twisted beneath me.
“Is that so?” Wyatt’s tone of voice caught my attention and I glanced at him, but his gaze was directed elsewhere. Both of my guards were looking at something or someone out in front of the smithy. My skin prickled and I turned my head reluctantly to see what they saw.
I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. Gavin—again. My face felt heavy and expressionless as I watched him approach Jeffrey and converse quietly. I studied him, letting my eyes take in the state of his dress, the stiffness of his back, the way his hands kept clenching and unclenching, the strip of fabric wrapped round his wrist, peeking out from beneath his sleeve. He kept his eyes only on the blacksmith until his business was concluded. It was only as he turned to leave that his eyes barely skimmed my face.
I sat absolutely still as he walked away, moving nothing but my eyes. I refused to let my feelings show on my face.
“Your Highness?” I turned my head only a fraction in order to see Rowan as he spoke to me, concern lighting his eyes. “That is the third time in the last two days that we have seen that
man.” I didn’t move or speak, just waited for him to continue. “Your father made it very clear that if he did not maintain a suitable distance from you, something would have to be done.”
I sat silent for a long moment, wanting to defend him, wanting to tell them he was only trying to protect me. I had been kidnapped; he worried. But I didn’t have any idea how much Gavin would have known if he hadn’t been there. I couldn’t risk it, so I spoke defensively. “And what do you expect me to do about it?” The question came out sharper than I had intended. “I cannot predict nor control where he goes. If it is a problem, then fix it.”
I got to my feet, making my way toward the front of the shop. My guards got up to follow me, but we heard Jeffrey whisper, “Stay low, I see some young ones coming.” I crouched down just behind Jeffrey’s work station while my guards remained on the other side of a long work table.
The sound of children’s voices reached my ears and came closer, but it was Jeffrey himself, standing above me, who spoke. “Princess.” I cast my eyes up at him, and he continued to speak so only I could hear. “He was only asking after your welfare, wanted a glimpse of you. He is a good lad, and loyal to you.”
As if I didn’t already know that. No one knew better than I of Gavin’s goodness and loyalty. I dropped my eyes as the disinterested mask fell from my face. The strip of fabric wound around his wrist–it came from the torn hem of my dress, the one I had destroyed while climbing the tree.
I didn’t have time to dwell on what it meant, for our hiding place was discovered and I was dragged into the open by five enthusiastic children. I forced myself to smile and continue in the game, but my focus was lost and I ended up returning to the palace earlier than usual. Unfortunately, just as I was saying my goodbyes and leaving the square, Gavin wandered into my path. I felt my guards stiffen and Wyatt went so far as to take my arm and steer me around him. He only stood against the wall, staring at the ground with his hat pulled low.
When we entered the palace grounds, I made to hasten away from my guards, but Rowan caught my arm. I spun to glare at him, looking pointedly at his hand. He dropped it. “My apologies, Princess, but I want you to know that we will have to report Gavin’s whereabouts to your father.”
I fought for a dismissive tone as I answered, “It matters not to me what you report to my father. You will excuse me.”
But it did matter, for I received a summons to counsel with my father a short while later. He wasted no time on pleasantries, only launched into his accusations. “He is seeking you out in the village?” His anger was apparent, and I found my patience very thin.
“No,” I replied.
“Your guards report he was seen three times today.”
“I have no reason to dispute that claim.”
“Ariella, I cannot allow any fraternization—”
I cut him off. “He lives in the village, Father. I am surprised I did not run into him sooner. It was unavoidable, and it was not my fault.”
“If it is unavoidable, then perhaps your excursions to the village should be put off for the time being.”
“Of course, Father. Punish me more; why not?” My patience was gone.
“Don’t be insolent,” he said with a quiet fierceness.
“Haven’t I been punished enough? Do you not think that almost two years of your blatant disapproval has made its point? And if not, shouldn’t the terror of being abducted count for something?”
He was taken aback. “You have seemed to be doing well, I had hoped you had put it behind you, forgotten it a little.”
I pushed the velvet cuffs from my wrists and thrust my arms forward, putting my scars on display. “How can I forget when the evidence still marks my skin?” The pain crossing his face was obvious and something I rarely saw. I dropped my arms to my sides, embarrassed at having been overly dramatic. “I am the first to admit that what happened to me could have been so much worse. I’m fine—I am. But I cannot forget what happened, nor how I felt while it was happening.”
“You haven’t wanted to talk about it.”
“How would you know? You never asked,” I snapped. I saw the guilt and also the defensiveness rise in him, but I’d reached my limit. “I would beg your leave, Sire.”
He dropped his eyes, saddened—whether because I was leaving or because I had called him ‘Sire,’ I didn’t know, and I refused to let myself care. He nodded his permission and I left. I was tired of being in the wrong when I felt very clearly in the right.
***
Oddly enough, the situation with my father got better, in a manner of speaking. Though our conversations remained aloof and stilted, the way he looked at me changed. He started seeing me again. And he seemed glad to see me. Instead of constant disapproval, I sometimes saw simple sadness, but he no longer tried to see past me. It was a pleasant surprise, having something positive come from my kidnapping.
Unfortunately, there was a very unpleasant surprise as well. I had expected never to set eyes on Jeshua again, but three weeks after the incident, as I walked along the upstairs balcony overlooking the entrance hall, I saw several of my sisters rushing down the staircase. I went to the railing to see what had drawn their attention just as the doors were pushed open by two guards, and in walked my father with Jeshua at his side. They spoke for only a brief moment before my father went his own way, leaving Jeshua to walk over and greet Kalina, Marilee, and Lorraina. Only he didn’t greet all of them. He walked right up to Kalina and took both of her hands in his, not even glancing at the other two.
And I just stood there, shocked into stillness, watching from above as Jeshua slid back into my life.
That evening he dined with us, sitting at the opposite end of the table from me and never looking my way. He seemed to have decided that since my most fervent wish was his death, he should pretend that I had never been the object of his affection. It became apparent throughout the meal that he had dedicated himself entirely to winning Kalina over. She seemed thrilled and completely willing to ignore the fact that he had never given her a second glance until now. Truly, his arrogance astounded me. It crossed my mind that it was a good thing there were no knives within my reach. The temptation may have been too much.
I started to regret having told him that I would not share my suspicions with anyone. At the time I had thought only of getting him out of my life; I had never considered the possibility of him pursuing one of my sisters, not after what he had done to me. I was tempted to tell my parents the truth about his involvement, but seeing my father’s reaction to him convinced me that it would do no good. They would wonder why I hadn’t spoken up sooner. They would laugh off my suspicions just as they had when I mentioned that my captor’s voice sounded like Jeshua. They would ask if I had seen his face, and the truth was that I hadn’t, and Gavin was the only one who could confirm my story. And if I mentioned Gavin? Not only would my father go back to despising me for the relationship Gavin and I had shared, but I also feared what he would do to Gavin. The memory of him being strung up, ready for torture, still made me ill.
Besides, I had never been in any real danger, and Kalina was happy. So I bit my tongue and made the best of it.
He stayed the night and took the opportunity to be charming during breakfast. I tried my best to ignore the entire affair. Only after he departed for a hunting excursion did I start paying attention to the conversation again.
“He seems to fancy you, Kalina,” Marilee said in a conspiratorial voice. We were all standing just inside the doors of the entryway as Prince Jeshua rode off with the hunting party.
Kalina turned to Marilee, her eyes bright. “He does, doesn’t he?” She grabbed a hold of Marilee’s hand, trying to channel her excitement. “It’s so unexpected, we all thought—” she cut herself off, glancing over at me.
I held up my hands. “Don’t look at me, I don’t want any part of him.” I wished I could tell them just how much I despised him, but I had the feeling I would come across as jealous and insincere. We tur
ned to make our way up to our day room to meet with our tutors.
Kalina stared at me, incredulous. “How could you not? He’s Jeshua! I’ve wanted a part of him for as long as I can remember!” My younger sisters burst into giggles. “We were all certain he would ask you, but now…”
“I suppose he finally came to his senses and realized who the true prize would be.” I was being much more generous than usual, but for some reason I felt the need to bond with my sisters in that moment. I had been such a solitary creature for so long, it was nice to be a part of this sisterly prattle and affection.
“Either that or he didn’t want to play second fiddle to that gardener of yours.”
The giggles stopped. The camaraderie dissipated and I turned to stare, thunderstruck, at Lorraina. Her face told me this had not been a slip of the tongue.
“Raina!” Kalina admonished.
Marilee and Lylin stood silent. They had all stopped mentioning Gavin long ago. Though my sisters did not often understand me, they could see how his memory hurt me. Lorraina just gazed right at me, her eyebrows raised, daring me to react.
“Gavin doesn’t play the fiddle,” I stated. “He sings.” I turned away from Lorraina’s confused and disappointed face and made my way upstairs.
Jeshua stayed for several days. He took his meals with us, but spent the majority of his days on hunting expeditions or other gentlemanly endeavors. His evenings were spent strolling with Kalina.
I prayed that he wasn’t the wretched human being I supposed him to be and tried to keep myself from glaring whenever I found myself in his company. Not because I would mind him seeing the loathing on my face, but because I knew that anyone else who saw me would assume I was jealous of my sister, that I was being petty to spite them both.
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