Jealous I was not.
In fact, I felt lighter since my ordeal. Not because of the ordeal itself but because of the place it had taken me in my relationship with Gavin. I felt calm where Gavin was concerned. I missed him terribly, of course, but something had passed between us that day—something that made me feel more whole. Perhaps he had given back one of the portions of myself that he had taken when he left. Whatever the reason, I was conflicted, being wound up and edgy about Jeshua’s pursuit of Kalina, while at the same time feeling more calm in my soul than I had felt in a long time.
***
A week after Jeshua’s departure, I decided to go into the maze. Ever since my kidnapping I had wondered if I should try to talk with Gavin. Perhaps if we had a conversation devoid of fighting or threats against my life, I could bring our relationship back into perspective. Perhaps we could be friends again now that I knew where he stood. He may have wanted me, but he had chosen Brinna.
I had only been into the maze once since he returned. I had entered angry and hurt and our conversation had turned into a fight, ending with a kiss. That couldn’t happen again. So I entered calmly, trying to avoid any expectations. I had brought my art kit and decided to sit in one of the large open areas of the maze and draw, relatively certain he would happen upon me eventually. I ended up in the room where I had helped him trim the branches of a tree. I sat down facing the tree and pulled out my pencils.
I had done several sketches before he walked in, beating his gloves against his thigh, and I tried not to notice how his arms strained against his rolled up sleeves. He looked up, slowing to a stop, and I wondered if he had the same sense of déjà vu as I did. This situation felt so familiar: me, sitting cross-legged on the ground, sketching; him, working with a satchel of tools slung across his body.
“You haven’t been here much,” he finally said.
I gave him a smile. “You know I couldn’t.”
He nodded, seeming happy to see me. “I do know. But I’m sorry you’ve been driven from a place you love.”
“It’s all right,” I assured him.
His eyes went to the gloves in his hands. “So, why can you now, when you couldn’t before?”
I shrugged. “Just…time, I guess.”
He walked a little closer, still maintaining a sizable distance.
“You still draw.”
I focused on the paper in my lap. “Not as much, but yes.” I didn’t tell him most of my sketches during his absence had been of the castle’s harsh lines and dark interior. I brought my eyes up, admiring the maze. “And you still work wonders with this place.”
He peered around, scrutinizing. “It’s still not what it was, but I’m working to remedy that.”
“Do you know why they didn’t keep it up better?” I remembered my mother admitting it was partially the maze’s disrepair that brought Gavin back.
“I’d been tending this maze for so many years…everyone knew how I felt about it. I think they left it alone out of a sort of respect, I suppose.” His gaze fell to the ground. “It sounds ridiculous.”
“It doesn’t, actually.”
He seemed embarrassed, mumbling, “Thank you,” before clearing his throat and looking at me. “How are your wrists?”
I swallowed, surprised by how this question affected me. My wrists had been bandaged for two weeks after it happened. The velvet cuffs I had worn to cover them remained after the bandages came off, hiding the scars. I fidgeted with them before answering, “They’re fine.”
“And the rest of you?” His jaw twitched.
I swallowed again and tried to be honest. “I’ve recovered well enough.”
“I hope so,” he said quietly, then shook off his emotion and grinned. “You’ve created quite a stir in the village.”
I laughed. “That’s one way to put it.”
“And how would you put it, Princess Ari?” He was trying to keep a straight face, but smiling underneath it.
“I would say I’ve finally found a purpose.”
“I’m very glad about that.” Silence settled between us and his eyes darted about. “I should be getting on with it.”
“Gavin.” He turned back to me. “I…I need you to not let my guards see you when I’m in the village.”
Confusion swept over his face before understanding set in. “I’ve caused problems for you?”
“No,” I assured him, “but it might cause problems for both of us if they keep seeing you.”
He nodded. “Understood, Princess.” He gave me one of my favorite smiles, so I took no offense at the title. I suppose it was good to remind ourselves of where we stood. “It’s good to see you back here.”
“I’m very happy to be back. Good luck with your work, Gavin.”
He inclined his head. “Princess.”
He left and I went back to sketching, relieved it had gone so well.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Reprimand
I HATED MY dress. I was accustomed to inconvenient formalwear, but the design Kalina had chosen was extreme. In addition to the bodice being tighter than any dress I’d ever owned, it was also fitted down to my hips, instead of just my waist, making it not only difficult to breath, but also impossible to sit down.
Tonight we celebrated an engagement. Jeshua had done it. Only seven weeks after his desperate last effort to secure my hand, he had managed to secure that of my sister. It horrified me that this conniving little pretender would soon take my sister to wife, but I could do nothing. Besides, he may have been a sniveling little whelp, but he wasn’t really dangerous. At least, that’s what I hoped.
Throughout the evening I contented myself with being quietly disgusted and hoping I wouldn’t be forced to dance. Having never fainted in my life, I was left to wonder if this dress would finally get the best of me. I kept a keen eye out for any gentleman who might be coming my way in the vain hope of getting me onto the dance floor.
In all fairness, Jeshua and Kalina seemed to make a good couple. Kalina wasn’t as giggly and ridiculous as some of my sisters, and Jeshua was seen as charming by most everyone. In fact, he seemed even more charming than usual. I suppose having Kalina reciprocate his affection had made him redouble his efforts. They were quite a sight to see; their children would be gorgeous. I just hoped Kalina would be the one instructing them in matters of ethics.
The main part of the gardens had been transformed for the party. I was relieved to be outside, for I could only imagine how much more uncomfortable I would be if this many guests had been forced into the great hall.
“Your Highness?” I spun in the direction of the voice. I had been distracted by Kalina and Jeshua and had not seen the young lord coming. I fought for composure as I dipped my head and extended my hand as custom dictated. He took it in both of his and bowed over them. “You look stunning tonight, Highness.”
I tried to smile in a flattered sort of way as I said, “Thank you, Lord Wilden,” then pulled my hand away with a little more force than necessary. “And how are you enjoying your evening?” I would have just excused myself, but I was on thin ice with my father and it would not do for him to hear that I had snubbed nobility.
“Very well, indeed. This is an exquisite celebration.” He looked around in appreciation and sucked in a large breath as if preparing himself. It was now or never.
“It is that,” I responded. “And if you’ll excuse me, there is something I must see to.” I stepped away before he could say anything else. I didn’t want to be rude, but I also didn’t have the energy to appear interested. Fighting my way through the throng of people, I slipped into the maze. I didn’t go far, for I didn’t want to be missed, but I needed the reprieve.
I leaned back against a pillar not too far from the edge of the maze. I didn’t want to be at this party. Not only because I couldn’t stand the thought of Jeshua being my brother-in-law, but also because I would rather have been at a different dance. I couldn’t go to the village dances as Ella anymore, since I
would surely be recognized, but I could have gone just as myself. That is, if my father allowed it, if I ever got up the nerve to ask.
Even worse, my trip into the village had been cancelled today. My morning had been spent in last-minute dress fittings and then having my hair pulled and twisted and fluffed just the right way. Kalina had made Gretchen do my hair four different ways, and then declared she liked the first one best. I nearly strangled her before remembering that her engagement to Jeshua was largely my fault. I forced myself to hold my tongue.
“The children missed you today.” I opened my eyes, instantly recognizing Gavin’s voice, but I didn’t move, his presence catching me off guard.
I turned slowly to see him sitting on a stone bench several paces farther into the maze. It was the spot I would have rested if I dared sit down in this dress. His feet were planted wide, his elbows resting on his knees and his eyes fixed on the ground. I wondered how long he had been there and why. When I didn’t say anything, he finally looked at me. “They were quite disappointed you couldn’t be there.”
“What are you doing here?” Gavin never stayed so late.
He shook his head, shrugging as he rose to his feet. “Just…enjoying the frivolity.” His voice sounded accusing as he stepped toward me. “I hear it is an engagement celebration. Jeshua of Tride is to marry one of our dear princesses.”
My brow furrowed. “And?” I prompted him, wondering why I felt as though I should be ashamed of myself.
He shrugged in a would-be casual gesture. “I’m just surprised is all.” He slapped his gloves against his thigh, causing puffs of dirt to fall to the ground. “I would have thought a man of his caliber wouldn’t warrant anything kinder than a knife in his gut, much less your sister’s hand in marriage.”
I was taken aback by his harsh tone. “And what do you propose I do?”
“Why haven’t you told them?” He still maintained that disappointed expression and it set me on edge.
“Told who what?” I asked defensively.
“About the kidnapping, about Jeshua. Why haven’t you told your family it was Jeshua?”
I tried to remain calm, tried to remember the camaraderie he and I had shared. “They wouldn’t believe me.”
“Since when do they not trust you? Are you secretly some great liar?” His words were gentle, but I could hear the underlying disapproval.
“They wouldn’t understand.”
“What wouldn’t they understand? Jeshua had you abducted; how can that be misunderstood?”
I stared at him, trying to convey my fears, to make him understand. “I never saw his face! It’s only my suspicions, and if I tell them anything more, I’ll have to tell them everything. Everything, Gavin, including you.”
“So tell them everything!” he blurted impatiently. “I didn’t do anything wrong. As I recall, I was the only one who did anything right!”
“Do you really think they’ll see it that way?”
“Why would they not?”
“Because you’re you! Because in my father’s mind, you are the villain. My father hasn’t trusted a word I’ve said since you happened.” He was surprised by this, having been unaware of the disintegration of my relationship with my father. “Do you think I want this? Do you think I want Jeshua skulking around, courting my sister? They’ll think I’m jealous, or they’ll think I’m trying to get you back. I want, so much, to be able to scream out loud that you were the one who found me, but they won’t believe me. They’ll think I went off to meet you, that there was no kidnapping. They’ll find a way to blame it on you. If there were anyone else who knew the truth, that would be different. But for you and I to try to convince my father that our meeting was a coincidence—he won’t believe me.”
“So, you’ll let your sister marry him?” It was a reprimand and it made me angry.
“I’m not letting her do anything. She makes her own choices, just like everyone else.”
He remained calm, missing the accusation and spoke gently. “She, at least, should know. She’s going to spend the rest of her life with this man. What if he’s not just an arrogant fool? What if he’s worse?”
I pinched my eyes shut, trying to block out that possibility. “He’s always been above reproach—”
“How do you know?” he interrupted, his voice impatient.
I kept my eyes closed, trying to keep a hold on my rationale. “He’s royalty. Everyone knows everything about him. Someone would know, someone would say something.”
“Like you?” I looked up at him. “You know something and you say nothing.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“I won’t let them blame you for anything else, Gavin. I won’t!” I looked away, not wanting him to see how desperately I was trying to protect him and what that meant.
He chose his next words with care. “I am honored,” he began with emotion burning through his voice. “And grateful that you are trying to protect me.” He took a deep breath and spoke deliberately, making me listen to each word. “But you can’t trade your sister’s happiness to save me.”
“She wants this! She wants him; she’s always wanted him.”
“She doesn’t know who he is. You do.” I focused my eyes elsewhere, not wanting to have my mind changed. “You have to tell her, Ella.”
“I’m doing what is right.” I was saving Gavin from humiliation and possible punishment. Surely, that was the right thing. Kalina knew what she was doing. She wanted to marry Jeshua; why should I get in the way?
“You’re doing what you think is right.”
I bristled, unaccustomed to having my judgment questioned.
“Think about it, and really do the right thing.”
I didn’t say anything. What could I say? I just stared at him, defiant and wanting to be right. He regarded me steadily and then turned away. Our conversation had come to an end.
“By the way,” he said over his shoulder, “you look beautiful.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Friend or Foe
I HAD SUSPECTED this moment might come, and found myself oddly calm when it did. I had arrived in Tride with my family this morning for the festivities accompanying my sister’s engagement. The people of Tride were being introduced to their future queen at a grand ball held in her honor. I had been dreading our trip to Tride, but not for the usual reason. I knew Jeshua would pay me no mind, which suited me, but this trip brought Kalina one step closer to marrying a man who didn’t deserve to be within fifty paces of my sister, much less marry her. Yet here we were, and I felt physically ill because of it.
In an effort to distract myself, I decided to keep watch in case I came across my captors. It was unlikely, but from the conversation Gavin and I had overheard, we knew they were not hired thugs, but more likely loyal servants or even his friends. I had thought quite a bit about what I would do if I were to encounter one of them. In fact, I had thought about it so much, that I felt very prepared and relaxed when I saw him across the room.
It was the leader, the man Jeshua had called William. He stood against the wall, behind a large pillar in the formal raiment of a knight. He was turned to the side with one shoulder leaning against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest. He was trying not to draw attention to himself, but his eyes were constantly scanning the crowd.
I made my way around the outside of the room, picking up a drink on my way, keeping my eyes on him. I expected him to appear menacing, skulking in the shadows, but he seemed more watchful than anything.
I approached from behind until I stood only a few feet from him. Then I leaned my back against the wall and gazed out at the crowd while I spoke. “Can I ask you a question?”
In my peripheral vision, I saw him turn, recognize me and freeze. I continued to speak without looking at him. “Did you think I wouldn’t recognize you, William, or did you just not care?” I kept my voice friendly and took a sip of the drink in my hand before turning my gaze on him.
I looked at him with open, innocent eyes and waited for him to find his voice. He cleared his throat and tried to look at me. “I follow orders, Your Highness.” His anxiety was obvious, but controlled. “There are few things I do and few places I go that are of my own choosing.” He stared into my eyes, searched for understanding. “I follow orders.” He said this heavily, no doubt trying to convey that his actions had not been his choice.
It struck me that this man might be willing to tell me about Jeshua and his intentions. He obviously took no pride in what he had done. I peered down into my drink, still leaning against the wall, and couldn’t help asking. “And you were ordered to scare me senseless but not hurt me?”
The silence stretched until I glanced up at him, surprised that he hadn’t confirmed my suspicion. “I was ordered to bring you to the tree; he gave me no specific instructions as to your physical well-being.”
I stared at him and digested this for a moment. My opinion of Jeshua was already so low that his wretchedness didn’t concern me. However, my opinion of this man was still negotiable and suddenly very blurry. His gaze held no animosity. The way his eyes kept examining my own felt as though he were asking forgiveness, though he couldn’t say the words out loud. And I started to wonder if I could forgive this man—this man who seemed so trapped by the position he held serving Jeshua—serving a royal.
And oddly, I did feel some understanding—only a small portion, but it was understanding nonetheless.
I blinked and looked down, unable to hold his gaze. I didn’t want to understand him. I didn’t want to feel this compulsion to forgive a man who had held me captive. This entire situation felt ludicrous. Here I stood, chatting with the perpetrator of my own kidnapping, and I couldn’t muster the loathing I should feel.
“What would he have done?” I focused on my drink, trying to keep my head clear.
“When?”
“If I had stayed tied to the tree, and he had found me. What would he have done?”
“Rescued you.”
Just Ella Page 23