Heroine's Journey

by Sarah Kuhn

  “Hmm,” he said. His hands were already sliding under my shirt, raising delicious goosebumps everywhere. “What do you suggest? I think we’re a little old for Calculus Bees.”

  I grinned and kissed him again—long and deep and sweet. Taking it slow, like we always did.

  When we finally came up for air, he brushed my hair off my face and gave me one of those looks that thrilled me so much—like I was the most beautiful thing in the world.

  “I can think of a few things,” I said.

  DEMON ENCOUNTER REPORT

  Submitted to: Sergeant Rose Rorick (Demon Unit, SFPD Emergency Service Division), Dr. Nathaniel Jones (Aveda Jupiter, Inc.), Dr. Kai Alana

  Submitted by: Beatrice Constance Tanaka (Superhero-in-Training Currently On Probation, Awesome Bookseller/Science-Lover, Generally Okay Person Trying to Figure Her Shit Out)

  Short Summary: Mom-Demon tried to turn me into a supervillain, but I kicked her ass.

  Long Summary: This report has been compiled from information assembled by Dr. Jones, Sergeant Rorick, and their respective teams, and from interviews with Kathy Kooper, Bernard Clements, Shelly Wong (previously known as “Poet”), Carmen Ramirez, Edna Flaherty, and Matt Grillo (previously known as “Pretzel Guy”). And yours truly! (That’s right, I interviewed myself. Pretty innovative, eh?!) (Note from NJ: Yes, but next time, consider bringing in a third party.)

  Extensive scanning of the various San Francisco locations “activated” by Otherworld Demon Threat #2752 (aka “Mom-Demon”) indicates they are now dormant—no sign of further demon activity detected. None of Mom-Demon’s chosen human minions (Ms. Kooper, Mr. Clements, and Ms. Wong) appear to have retained the “emotional projection” power she gifted to them. (It has been confirmed that the version of said power Mom-Demon had preserved in her lab was a copy she made from her deceased daughter.) Report Writer still has hers because she always had it, but it remains to be seen whether or not the power “enhancements” received while in the Otherworld (such as being able to implant direct thoughts into people’s minds) remain. She hasn’t tested them out and has no plans to do so in the near future.

  Ms. Kooper, Mr. Clements, and Ms. Wong are currently in a shitload of trouble and are being dealt with by Sergeant Rorick and the SFPD. Ms. Ramirez, Ms. Flaherty, and Mr. Grillo appear unharmed and are currently recuperating with their loved ones. (Ms. Ramirez asked Report Writer to please include a note here to say that she is still looking for her wallet and would like to be contacted if anyone finds it. Report Writer tried to tell her this Report is not for public consumption and including this note is therefore not especially helpful, but given that Ms. Ramirez has been trapped in a demon prison dimension, Report Writer feels it is the least she can do.)

  Report Writer also confirmed with Ms. Kooper that the box of Vivian Tanaka’s letters given to Report Writer and Evelyn Tanaka is the real deal—no supernatural interference involved. They’re just letters. RW is very grateful to have this memento of her mother, though she kind of wishes it didn’t have so much baggage attached.

  As for bigger picture ramifications: Although RW mind-mojo-ed Mom-Demon into (hopefully!) never doing this again, we should not ignore the fact that the walls between our world and the Otherworld have rubbed thin enough to give demons new ways of reaching Earth. Though this incident does not appear to be connected to the near drownings in Maui, the Maui incidents contain enough suspicious markers to merit further investigation. Report Writer is in full support of Dr. Kai Alana’s request to set up a mini Demon Unit in Maui to look into it. (Report Writer would also like to issue a very enthusiastic THANK YOU to Dr. Alana for sending her some of the famous peanut butter mochi from Maui Specialty Chocolates—they are truly a mouth-watering delight and RW ate them all even though she was technically supposed to share. Oops.) (Note from NJ: We are so not telling Evie about that last part.) (Note from KA: Bea, I love your observational style. Thank you for sending me a copy of this. And I’m glad you liked the mochi! :)

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  “STARBUCK. JADZIA. GALACTUS.”

  “Bea!” Evie shot me an amused look across the breakfast table. “We are not naming our baby Galactus.”

  “Awwwww, come on!” I protested, poking Nate with my fork. “Galactus Tanaka-Jones. It has such an excellent ring to it. Aveda will back me up on this.” I turned to Aveda hopefully.

  “Aveda’s gunning for them to name the baby ‘Aveda Jr.,’” Lucy said, letting loose with a snorty giggle. “She will not back you up on this.”

  “It was just a suggestion,” Aveda huffed, stabbing her spoon into her Grape-Nuts.

  “Save that one for us, sweetheart,” Scott teased, slinging his arm around the back of Aveda’s chair.

  “It sounds very dignified,” Rose said, giving Aveda a nod of encouragement.

  “I like Jadzia,” Shruti said, winking at me. I’d invited her to join us for breakfast, ’cause I had things to talk to everyone about.

  It was a week after the big Mom-Demon battle, and we were all gathered around the breakfast table at HQ. Things had gone mostly back to normal. The Pussy Queen portal was still causing random demon incidents around town, Aveda and Evie were handling it, and I had gone back to working at the bookstore full-time and hanging out with Leah and Sam. Oh, and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life in general. I still didn’t have all the answers, but I was getting a better idea of the direction I wanted to head in. And I had planned on presenting it to everyone at breakfast.

  I knew they weren’t gonna like it, though. Which is why I tried to warm ’em up with baby name jokes. (Though to be honest, I thought Galactus Tanaka-Jones actually did have an excellent ring to it.)

  “So, guys,” I said, trying to make my tone light. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and—”

  “—and you want to be taken off probation, finally!” Aveda said, clapping her hands together. “Perfect. Evie and I could definitely use some help—”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. “I mean, thank you. But, no. You actually don’t need that much help with the current supernatural state of San Francisco. You guys and Shruti have it handled. And Shruti somehow manages to be an awesome heroine on her own and leads a balanced life and seamlessly melds with your co-dependent dynamic when called on. Maybe because she’s not related to one of you.” I gave Evie a rueful smile. She smiled back tentatively. “Or maybe just because she’s awesome,” I said, grinning at Shruti. She grinned back and toasted me with her spoon.

  “Here’s the thing,” I continued. “I’m still figuring myself out. I’ve never really taken the time I needed to do that—because I was so fixated on being a superheroine just like y’all. And then when that wasn’t really working out, I went rogue and . . . well, let’s be honest, I got a little drunk on my own power. I tried to control people. I flirted with supervillain territory. So I need to take a few gigantor steps back and think about what kind of hero I actually want to be. And I do want to be a hero. But I need to figure out what that means for me.”

  Aveda’s brow furrowed. “So what are you going to do?” she said. “Back to experimenting on people at the bookstore?”

  “No. That was honestly a little supervillain-y, too,” I said. I took a deep breath, trying to put together everything I needed to say. “A super smart person told me recently that I should follow what calls to me on a visceral level, and the rest will come.” I turned and met Nate’s eyes and he gave me a half-smile. “And then another super smart person told me there’s more than one way to use my gifts, and I should figure out what makes me happy.” I nodded at Shruti. “You all know I love figuring out how things work and investigating science stuff and . . . well. The truth is, I’ve also been thinking a lot about how I’ve never really been anywhere outside the Bay Area. Sooooo . . .”

  I jumped up from my seat and reached behind the counter, where I’d hidden my posterboard. One last po
sterboard. Leah had helped me with it, of course. It depicted the fine Hawaiian island of Maui in glitter (which had taken us forever because the glitter kept wanting to fall off and/or migrate somewhere else so that Maui looked more like a blobby horse’s head or something). We’d drawn the ocean around it and given the waves menacing faces, like they were monsters rising up to attack the island.

  “I’ve been emailing with Nate’s friend, Kai,” I said. “She and the local police department are setting up a small demonology unit to investigate those mysterious near drownings.”

  “Have there been any more?” Lucy said, her eyes widening with alarm.

  “Just the three so far,” I said. “But as we all know—”

  “—three makes a trend,” Evie murmured, giving me a slight smile.

  “Kai really appreciated my notes on her research,” I said. “And she wants to create a position in the unit for someone with my specific blend of talents. For me.” I tapped the monster waves on the posterboard. “Who knows? Maybe if these bad boys try to lure anyone else, I can take ’em down with my scream. That would be a totally heroic, non-villainous use of my powers.”

  “If the demons of the Otherworld have figured out other ways to get through to our world—as your Mom-Demon did—it seems like this will be a necessary mission,” Nate said.

  “Exactly,” I said, waving my posterboard around. “And I think a change of scenery, some distance from the Bay Area, will give me the space I need to figure myself out. I need to be in a place where I’m not Evie’s little sister or Nate’s awesome assistant or Aveda and Evie’s superheroing intern. Where I can explore who I am when it’s just me.”

  “I have a question,” Evie murmured.

  I met her eyes. I’d been trying not to look at her too much during my presentation, ’cause I knew she’d probably like this idea the least. She looked teary, as I’d expected. And like she was tamping down on her instincts to smother me.

  “There are therapists in Maui,” I said, giving her a hopeful grin. “I’m still fully dedicated to dealing with my Mom issues, Big Sis.”

  “It’s not that,” she said softly, getting up from her chair and crossing the room to me. I set down the posterboard so she could take my hand.

  “H-how long?” she said, her tears threatening to overflow. “This sounds like a great opportunity, Bea, and a good plan. And I respect what you want to do—I’m so happy you’ve figured out that this is what you want to do. But . . .” She bit her lip, her expression turning uncertain. “I don’t think I can stand to be that far away from you forever. I need you. I’m still scared out of my freaking mind that I’m going to fuck this up, remember?” She rubbed her stomach and attempted a wobbly smile.

  “You won’t,” I said, squeezing her hand. “And anyway, you’ve got all of them, too.” I gestured to our friends. Our family. “I don’t think they’ll let you fuck it up.”

  She shook her head, tears sliding down her cheeks, and pulled me in for a hug. “I know,” she said fiercely. “But I still need you.”

  I hugged her back hard, my own tears starting to fall. Then I pulled back and rested my hands on her shoulders, giving her a game smile. “Regular visits,” I said. “And my stay there will be open-ended, but it won’t be forever. Maybe a year or two at most? There’s only so much solitary soul-searching a girl can take. Eventually, when I’m awesomely self-actualized, I’ll need to come home. And continue my journey.” I put my hand on her stomach. “And anyway, I plan on being the Best Ever Auntie to little Galactus Tanaka-Jones, here. I’m going to be their favorite adult. After you and Nate, of course.”

  “We’ll see about that,” I heard Aveda mutter. I giggled.

  Then they were all standing up and gathering around me, enveloping me in a big group hug.

  “Oof, guys!” I exclaimed, pretending to be annoyed. “Don’t squish me! I just made a pretty stirring case for my adulthood and independence. No need to revert to treating me like a baby.”

  “Oh, shut up, Bea,” Aveda said. She was trying for imperious, but I heard the warmth in her voice. “You’re our baby. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  * * *

  “So I usually do a sweep through the café area at least three times a day for stray books to re-shelve—you’ve gotta get to them before someone spills on them or gets crumbs on them or dog-ears the pages. I mean, if they crack the spine, forget it. Do you have any questions?”

  I cocked my head inquisitively at my possibly former nemesis, Nicole Yamamoto, who was taking copious notes as I led her on a tour of It’s Lit—her new workplace. It was a month later, and I was leaving for Maui in two days. In just a few minutes, we were having my going away party right here at the bookstore. But first, I had to train my replacement.

  “Um, yeah,” she said, frowning at her notepad. “Does Charlotte’s unicorn collection get dusted once a week, or do you think it’s better to be more frequent? I want to make sure I’m thorough, but I’m kind of clumsy, so I’m a little worried about breaking something.”

  “Excellent question,” I said, nodding approvingly. “Once a week is fine, and if you break something, just blame it on Pancake.” We reached the register area, where Pancake was snoozing on his special pillow. He lifted his head and gave me an irritated stare.

  “Got it,” she said, scribbling in her notepad. She looked up and gave me a tentative smile. “Hey, Bea, thanks for all this.”

  “Don’t thank me,” I said, waving a breezy hand. “Charlotte’s the one who hired you. And I kinda owe you one after trying to drag you to a demon prison dimension and all.”

  “I know. But I meant . . .” She trailed off, set the notebook down, and leaned against the counter, giving me a considering look. “Thanks for giving me a chance. For not protesting me dating Leah. Or working here.”

  I shrugged. “Well. I actually did protest. At least the Leah part. But I was being kind of a narrow-minded jerk and not allowing for the possibility that you might have changed. Or that you might be going through your own identity crisis-type thing.”

  “Yeah, I was kind of freaked out when I got fired,” she said. “I’d been on the lawyer path for so long, I guess I didn’t realize it’s not actually what I want.”

  “What do you want?” I said. “Or are you still figuring that out?”

  “I think I want to be a writer,” she said, scrunching her face up. “I’m going to try to write a book on my off hours. Leah drew some art for it and we might even make it a comic book. Full of fantastical female creatures who fall in love and murder people.”

  “Sounds amazing,” I said.

  “Yeah,” she said. “I mean, I don’t know if it’s going to lead anywhere serious, but we’re just having so much fun with it.”

  “Never underestimate fun,” I said, stabbing a finger in the air. “I think part of our problem as, like, a society is we don’t take fun and joy seriously enough. That we dismiss it every chance we get or consider it lesser than other stuff. But those are, like, the bedrocks of our existence. That’s what makes life worth living. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who come in this store who say being able to escape into a fun, joyful book saved their lives. I mean, me realizing I have so many joyful things in my life is part of what saved mine. Fun is important.”

  “Can you give my parents that speech?” she said, laughing. “Because I have a feeling I’m in for a fight when I tell them I’ve switched my career path from lawyer to writer.”

  I scratched Pancake behind the ears, regarding her thoughtfully. “When we were younger . . . I know I pulled away from you with basically no explanation. I’m sorry. I was hurting so much. I didn’t have room for anything—or anyone—beyond that pain.”

  “No, I’m sorry,” she said. “Because I wasn’t understanding at all about your mom, Bea, and then I went and turned everyone against you and I . . . We were so young
. I don’t think I got what a loss like that means. How it feels. I just knew that I’d lost my best friend. And it made me lash out at you in the most immature way possible.”

  “Ugh, twelve-year-olds,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Sooooo immature.”

  She laughed, surprised. “I know you’re leaving soon. But maybe sometime, when you’re ready, we could get together and talk?”

  “I’d like that,” I said, smiling at her. “In the meantime, why don’t you stay for the party? I know Leah would love to have you here.”

  “I would love to,” she said. “Thank you.”

  “Great,” I said, nodding. “If you’re cool here with Pancake, I’m gonna go freshen up before everyone arrives.”

  “Sounds good,” she said, moving behind the register. “I’ll take this time to study all the notes you gave me.” She rubbed Pancake’s head and cooed at him, putting on a baby voice that seemed completely at odds with her entire personality. “Who’s the best doggo, the cutest doggo, is it you?” Pancake looked up at her adoringly and rolled over, presenting his belly.

  “Man, really?!” I said to him, putting my hands on my hips. “She’s the only one you don’t look at with complete disdain?”

  “Is that good?” Nicole said, rubbing Pancake’s belly.

  “It’s more than good,” I scoffed. “It means I should start preparing yours and Leah’s wedding registry.”

  “What’s this about a wedding?” Leah sang out, bursting through the front entrance. She bustled over to the counter, loaded down with party supplies. “Ooh, are you and Sammy—”

  “No,” I said, laughing. “I mean, not yet. Hey, Nicole, can you give us a moment, here? Take Pancake with you to the café?”

  “Roger that,” she said, scooping up the pup and heading off.