“Bye, bestie.”
“Bye. Muah.”
Damien had definitely met his match when it came to Allison. They were perfect for each other.
Resuming my walk to the kitchen, I was reading an email about proper equipment usage. Even though my job wouldn’t officially start for a couple of months, I already had my email set up from the previous work I had done regarding the contracts, so I was trying to get acclimated on the front side.
My phone beeped.
Mark: Where are you?
I giggled that Mark was using one of my starting lines.
Me: In my kitchen, reading about the proper usage of equipment.
Mark: I think I need to stop by and demonstrate it. I hear hands-on learning is much better than reading.
Me: I think the stick goes right here…
I was laughing at our juvenile exchange when there was a knock at the door. Wondering who it could be, I scurried to the door, wanting to get rid of the stranger, so I could go back to the sexual-foreplay texting. Opening the door, the smile that emerged on my face was unstoppable.
“I hear you need some equipment serviced.”
Mark, sweaty from a run, was standing in the doorway in a tank top and running shorts. His muscles were taut from the strenuous exercise. My mouth wanted to taste him, and my body wanted him inside me. I started to laugh, but I reined it in as I took in his cocky smile while he was holding his phone, about to finish sending me another text.
Mashing my lips together for a few seconds, I put my arm up on the door and leaned in at a seductive angle, showcasing my curves. “I called a serviceman to help me with my equipment issue, but he hasn’t shown up. I might require self-servicing.”
“Oh, he must not have told you. I’m the handyman, and I’m well versed in all equipment issues.”
He gave a little hip gyration, and it sent me over the edge. Laughing, I slapped him on the chest.
He continued, still staying in character, “Ma’am, it could be a real issue if it’s not serviced properly.” A devilish grin emerged on his face.
I grabbed him by his tank and pulled him into my condo. I was still laughing as we stumbled through the doorway and fell to the floor. Our lips united, and our hands began roaming all over each other’s bodies. There was something irresistible about him after a hard workout. Just by a simple touch, he worked me up faster than anyone ever had.
Right as his hand reached underneath my shirt, I heard a gasp from behind me, and both of our faces looked back to see Allison standing in the doorway, holding a container of bakery cupcakes. She was turning redder than a beet.
She gave a small wave. “Oh geez. Hey, you guys. I was surprising Sam with some, um…I’ll be going now.”
Allison hastily laid the cupcakes inside the door on the floor. She was biting her lip, smiling, and not making eye contact. She was embarrassed and amused at the same time. I was completely horrified and frozen.
Mark looked at me and then jumped up as Allison was about to turn and dash. “Hey, Allison, don’t go. I was helping Sam out with a problem when she fell.”
Allison stood there, motionless, as she eyed him and then glanced my way. Mark casually smiled.
Hell, he’s better at keeping a cover than I am.
I started to sit up, and nonchalantly, I pulled down my shirt. She caught the gesture and was trying to keep it together at the obvious cover-up. Her lips were pressed so hard together that they were turning white. Mark looked at me to help him sell the lie, but I was totally tongue-tied.
Allison walked over and so sweetly gave him a little pat on the shoulder. “Glad you were able to be so neighborly. That’s really nice of you.”
With Allison’s response, I totally lost it as I was sprawled out on my entryway floor, remembering the conversation Allison and I had just had. Mark started laughing, too, and Allison gave us that knowing smile. It was funny that all of us were acting so juvenile when we were adults.
Turning to me, he said, “Sam, I’ll see you later. Allison, it was good seeing you.”
Allison looked at Mark. Still being just as sweet as can be, she said, “I’ll text you when I’m leaving in case she needs help again.”
Mark winked at me and replied, “I’d appreciate that.”
He turned and made his exit. Before he was out of earshot, Allison started laughing, and then I started laughing all over again. We were near tears. Chortle boxes were officially turned on. After today, I was never going to be able to give her shit again about that kiss she had given Damien on the football field.
As we began to settle down, she leaned against the wall and fanned herself for effect. “Girl, the heat coming from that floor scene I walked into…”
Damn it. That was exactly what I had done to her after that damn kiss on the football field. Right now, I wanted to slap myself for everything I had teased her about. Paybacks are a BITCH.
“What? He was only helping me out.” I busied my eyes on the floor as I lifted myself up, trying to look innocent.
“I guess it could be considered help…if you define it as his P helping your V.” She started laughing again as she picked up the discarded cupcakes. “I hope you realize all the paybacks that will be coming your way from all the shit you’ve given me.”
“Be nice, or I won’t share my cupcakes with you. Just so you know, his P does fit very nicely into my V.”
Having her here eased my tension. I needed this girl time more than I’d realized.
We giggled all the way to the table where she laid down the cupcakes. It took no time at all for me to show her around my modernly decorated condo.
When we finished, Allison gave me a big hug as she said, “I love the place. It’s perfect.”
“You think?”
“I do.”
I went and grabbed the cupcakes, and then we settled into the black leather sofa. Trying to ignore the big elephant in the room, I focused on the cupcakes. I took one out, unwrapped it, and took a big bite.
Around a mouthful of frosting, I said, “Mmm…these are delicious. Thanks for bringing them. Do you want one?”
Allison scrunched up her nose slightly. “You’re welcome. No, thanks. Food and I aren’t on the best of terms. I’m basically forcing myself to eat at this point. Damien is a little worried. I eat ginger thins to help with the nausea.”
She looked at me expectantly. I was practically shoving the rest of the cupcake into my mouth to avoid talking.
Of course, Allison didn’t let it die. “You know, I’m dying over here for the details about you and Mark. You never go back after you’ve walked away. Don’t get me wrong. I think he’s a wonderful guy. I’m just surprised.”
I knew this was coming. She wasn’t judging me or even questioning my decision. She was truly curious. Honestly, I would have been, too, if she had a history like I had.
It would be best if I went with the simple truth. “We hooked up right after I got into town. He seems to get that I’m not the dating type, so with that understanding, we are continuing to help each other out.”
“Is it exclusive?”
“Yes, it is exclusive. I never sleep with more than one guy at the same time. You know that.”
She smiled and bit her lip, trying to suppress her smirk. “I was just wondering.”
“Allison, there is nothing going on.” I was stressing the words to her, almost pleading. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to get the wrong idea.
Without pause, she shrugged. “I didn’t say there was. I was just asking. Take a chill pill, my friend.”
I watched her closely, but she was smiling contentedly, not accusingly. I was so on edge. Allison wasn’t trying to put me there, but my mind kept wanting to go somewhere I didn’t want it to go when it involved Mark. I wanted to change the subject. An idea formed that would help decrease the amount of talking.
“No more talk of boys. How about we pop some popcorn and watch a chick flick, like old times?”
“S
ounds like fun.”
We made our way to the kitchen to make popcorn. Allison always knew what I needed as a friend, and I loved her for not pressing or teasing me about the Mark thing. I felt bad for all the shit I had given her.
We started the movie and snuggled underneath the blankets. We were halfway through our movie when I looked over and saw Allison fast asleep. Her phone was beeping, and I quickly grabbed it to silence it.
Of course it’s Damien.
It made me smile to know she had found her other half. They were truly perfect for each other.
Damien: Just checking on you two. Are you still at Sam’s?
Me: Hey, it’s Sam. She’s asleep over at my place.
Damien: Thanks, Sam. I’ll be by in a bit.
Me: Sounds good. She’s out cold.
Damien: Thanks. She’s been tired a lot lately. Doctor says it’s normal.
Me: You’re funny. Of course it’s normal. She’s creating a life. Stop worrying so much.
Damien: I can’t. I love her too much.
Those last words struck a chord within me. The truth was, I wished things had turned out differently. I wished I wasn’t so tainted, that I could be whole for someone. Someone like Mark. I wished I could go back and erase that night from existence.
I stopped my train of thought.
It wasn’t possible. My hand in life had been dealt, and it was what it was.
As Allison’s mom had always told us, There’s no reason to cry over spilled milk, girls. It’s already been spilled.
I had made the best of the situation, and now, I was coping.
I continued watching the movie. As I sat there, my mind raced back to that night…after I had been raped.
Tears streamed down my face as I ran like hell away from what had to be a nightmare. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping my body going.
He was supposed to be there for me. He’d said he would wait for me forever…until I was ready to give myself to him. He’d said I was his everything. We’d had dreams of having a family together one day. I had wanted to be the mother of his children when we got older.
At the party, my worst fears had become my reality. Greg, my high school boyfriend, had robbed me of my purity. The images flashed over and over again in my head. The pleas I’d made echoed in my ears before I blacked out.
I jumped at the sound of Allison’s phone vibrating in my hand.
Damien: I’m here. Don’t want to knock if Alli is still sleeping.
Me: I’ll be right there.
I got up from my couch and collected myself before I let Damien in. The past is the past.
Before I opened the door, I plastered a smile on my face and pushed the ugliness back down, deep inside me. Still in his dress shirt and slacks, Damien must have come straight from the office.
He gave me a brotherly hug. “Hey, Sam. Good to see you.”
I pulled back. “Back atcha, Wales.”
I was glad we had been able to move past our disagreements regarding Allison. When she’d had her meltdown last year, no one would listen to me. I’d seen my best friend slipping away again, like she had after her parents died. Damien had said that he knew I was looking out for her, and that had made him love me even more as a brother.
Damien was taking in all his surroundings, and then his gaze lingered on his wife. He looked at her adoringly. “Nice place. Do you mind if I wait here while she rests some more?”
I quietly laughed. “Thanks, and of course not. Let’s get a beer and stay in the kitchen where we can actually talk instead of whisper.”
“You read my mind.”
He followed me into the kitchen where I pulled out a couple of beers from the fridge and handed him one. We both casually leaned up against the counter on opposite sides of the room.
After taking a swig, he raked his hands through his black hair as his blue eyes darted around the room. “How are you liking it here so far?”
“Great. I’ll be ready to start when it’s time, but it’s been good to have a few weeks to settle into my new surroundings.”
He arched his brow. “Let me know if you want me to push up your official start date.”
“I’ll let you know. It’s nice to have a break.”
He nodded.
“So, how many times has Allison had to tell you to stop worrying?” I took a sip to hide my grin.
He started rubbing his forehead. “She’s been so sick and tired.”
He really was worried as his hands progressed to his hair again, and he moved his fingers through it several times.
Normally, I would give him a hard time, but I felt the urge to try to comfort him with words. “Wales, she’s pregnant. It’s normal. She’s healthy, and you have the best doctors looking after her.”
He gave me a slight smile.
“She couldn’t be happier, so just enjoy it,” I said.
Letting out a breath, he replied, “Thanks. I’ll try. I’m ready for January to hurry the fuck up and get here.” He was strung so tight.
“Hey, she’ll be fine.” Then, my mind went a different direction. I stood erect. “Has the doctor said something? Allison said everything was fine. Damien, if something is wrong, tell me.”
He started shaking his head. “No, the doctor says she’s perfectly fine. I started reading one of those baby books, and my mind has been a clusterfuck ever since. She’s still doing everything she was before. I would put her in a bubble if she’d let me.”
That earned a snort from me, thinking about how Allison would not stop living. Since she had gotten her life back, she had been living it to the fullest.
“Hey, Allison is going to be fine. You could always call my mom and see if Allison’s mom had any problems. That might ease your mind.”
I relaxed my posture again. Me being tense would only make him tense. He was being his normal worrywart self about Allison.
His eyes lit up at the suggestion. “You don’t think your mom would mind?”
“Are you kidding me? Mama can talk babies for hours. Be prepared after baby Wales gets here. She’ll probably move in with you guys.” I tipped my beer in his direction.
He chuckled, and some of the tension left the air. “Thanks. I’ll do that.” He eyed me for a second. “You seem to be doing better yourself.”
“Of course. I’m always fine.” I didn’t like where this was going.
He pressed on. “You know, Alli worries about you. She’ll never push you, but she knows something is eating at you.”
He was staring at me in that business way he does for measuring a person to see how he or she responded. Sometimes, those blue eyes were like spears when they targeted on something.
I nodded, but I had to ask one question before I closed the door on this subject. “How did you move on? How do you live with it, day after day?”
From what Allison had told me, Damien had a wild past also. When his grandparents died, he began sleeping around. Shortly after that, his sister was murdered which further sent him on a downward spiral to filling the emptiness with other extracurricular activities that were not healthy. Allison had brought him from that dark sordid past and into the light.
Leaning back, he put his hand up to his chin. “I learned the past is the past, and I needed to live in the now and look to the future. I should have dealt with my past before it started fucking so much with my present. I’m a lucky bastard because Alli loves me so much. If I had to guess, you need to find a way to forgive yourself. Alli helped me find that through her unconditional love.”
I didn’t know how he had figured out that I was fighting my own internal struggles. He had always known. From what I had been told, which was probably only a small piece of the story, he’d had a wild past himself.
My grip on my beer bottle was so tight that my knuckles were white.
I was about to respond when a raspy voice sounded from the other side of the bar. “Hey, you two. Sorry, I fell asleep. What are you guys doing?”
Damien i
mmediately walked over to Allison’s side and kissed her hello. “Sam was telling me not to worry so much about you and the baby.”
His hand went to her stomach, and my chest tightened.
Why is it so painful for me to be around them?
I was happy for them. I had been around this for months. It was like the baby was a trigger to a ticking time bomb inside me. It was so intimate, witnessing their love on a depth I knew I wanted but didn’t deserve.
Yes, I want what they have. Fuck.
She gave him a hug as she responded, “Well, you should listen to her. Don’t we have dinner plans tonight with Frank?”
She looked exhausted. Babymaking was really taking it out of her.
“I postponed it. You’re tired. Let’s get home.”
Damien was totally consumed by her, in tune with her every need.
She rolled her eyes. “Sam, I might call you hourly to remind him not to worry.”
“Baby, I don’t think that would help,” he said.
We all laughed as they left.
Is forgiveness the key to all of this? I have no idea.
I had so much on my mind that I turned off my phone and went to bed.
I had missed the team dinner, claiming I didn’t feel good. Allison had not been happy with me.
With all the realizations that had been streaming through my head, I couldn’t go to the dinner.
I want Mark. I don’t deserve Mark.
This is the closest thing to happiness that I will ever achieve.
There was no way I could let Mark see that after what we had agreed to. I would have to be fine with being fuck buddies.
So, instead of confronting the issue, I had taken the pansy-ass way out of going to the dinner. I kept replaying that night over in my mind.
I needed to get out of the dinner. The pressure of attending with Mark was too much. I texted Allison.
Me: Not feeling well. Going to skip the team dinner.
Allison: Bullshit. I’m on my way to your place, and if you’re lying, I’m dragging you there.
She is going to come over. I knew it.
Promise Me Page 6