Picking up my phone, I called Damien.
“Hey, Sam.”
“Hey. Allison wants to come check on me, and I’m not feeling well. I decided not to go tonight because of the baby, and I would hate to get her sick.”
“Thank you, Sam.”
“Anytime.”
That made me feel even shittier, but I needed time to come to grips with everything.
Moments later, Allison texted me.
Allison: You don’t play fair. I’m worried about you.
Me: Don’t be. I just need some time. Please. I promise, I’ll be fine. I always am.
Allison: That’s what worries me, sweetie. I’m here when you need me.
Me: Thanks, bestie.
Laying back on the couch, I mentally confirmed that I needed to avoid Mark for the next few days. What was wrong with me?
I was in a funk and needed to pull myself out of it. After putting on my baseball cap and sunglasses, I hastily walked to the deli. Because of my social hiatus over the last few days, I was out of food. The deli wasn’t too crowded, so I was able to snag a bistro table in the far back corner.
“Hey there, Sam. You just missed Mark. What can I get you?”
I looked up to Edna and gave her a weak smile. Her news was both relieving and disappointing at the same time. I missed him, and that scared me to death.
“Just a turkey sandwich on wheat and a lemonade.”
I put my head down, not wanting to continue talking. She took the hint and left.
Thank goodness. My emotions had been all over the place.
My conversation with Damien had struck a deep nerve. He had gone through hell and back, and he’d still been able to find his version of happily ever after.
Maybe there is hope. Sam, stop being stupid. This is your life.
A plate was set down in front of me.
Without looking up, I responded, “Thanks, Edna.”
Then, the chair started to scoot, and Edna sat down beside me.
Oh shit, here we go.
Edna asked, “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, thanks. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
What the hell? Why am I sharing all this with a stranger? I still refused to look up even though her presence did comfort me.
“I see. Man troubles?”
“You could say that, I guess.”
I sounded pathetic, even to my own ears. I was too tired to pull out my inner self that acted as if nothing was wrong. Everyone knew me as the happy-go-lucky person. For some reason, I felt like I could let my guard down with Edna. It was refreshing. I glanced up to her face, and she was looking at me so lovingly.
“Well, Sam, the best thing you can ever do is follow your heart. What’s your heart telling you?”
The napkin in my hands was being shredded to smithereens. “To try something I don’t deserve.”
“Oh, we all deserve happiness. Most of us are just too scared to really go after it.” She had the kindest voice, one that was perfect for reading bedtime stories. “Take it slow. Don’t rush it.”
A few tears slid down my cheek, and I hastily wiped them away. I felt like I was on a cliff, ready to jump, and I was scared to death. “We’ll see.”
“Eat up. Take each day as it comes.” She patted my hand and gave it a little squeeze.
Reminding me of my mama, who always wore aprons in the kitchen, Edna’s blue gingham apron made me want to crawl onto her lap and cry.
“Also, remember that whatever you’re doing now isn’t making you happy. So, what do you have to lose? The worst that could happen is that you would still be unhappy.”
My heart started pumping a little faster as her words set in. “Thanks, Edna.”
“Anytime. My deli is always open to you. Remember, one day at a time.”
I nodded and started eating my sandwich as she walked away.
Slow…I need to take this slow. I raked over all her words with a fine-toothed comb.
Hell, I made it so clear to Mark that I wanted no entanglements, and now, I potentially want to have a few. He’s going to think I’m delusional. What if he only wants me as a fuck buddy?
After finishing my lunch, I left enough money to more than cover the meal and the tip. As I walked by the counter, I gave Edna a little wave, and she winked back at me. Taking a deep breath, I headed out the door. I was about to make a left when I saw Mark casually leaning up against his pickup truck right in front of me. He was in jeans and a loose-fitting T-shirt. He gave me a smile, and I smiled back. Unsure of myself, I started kicking around a rock on the sidewalk as I shifted my gaze to pavement.
“Hey, stranger. I saw Allison at the stadium yesterday, and she said you were sick.”
“Yeah, it’s been a rough couple of days.”
Nervously, I adjusted the baseball cap on my head and tucked back a few pieces of hair that had escaped. The silence caused me to look up as he pushed away from his vehicle before he walked over toward me.
He grabbed my hand and started rubbing it. “Hey, why don’t you take a drive with me? I have a few things to pick up, so you can get some fresh air.”
I swallowed. “Sure.” I felt so stiff around him now.
We got into the vehicle and proceeded to pull out of the parking lot. The truck was quiet, and my nerves were on edge.
We were coming to the entrance of our condo complex when I blurted out, “Why don’t you drop me off at my place?”
He looked over at me as I rubbed my sweaty palms down my jeans. My mind was frazzled, and I was scared to voice what I wanted.
“Sure, Sam.” He pulled in and parked the car.
I jumped out. “I’ll see you later, Mark.” I bolted up the stairs so quickly.
Damn it, I chickened out again.
I was stepping through the door when hands snaked around my waist. Mark pulled me to his front, and my body conformed to him. He walked us both inside my condo, and then he shut the door behind us with his foot.
“What happened? Why are you pulling away from me again? I’ve given you exactly what you wanted. I’ll take you however I can get you. Talk to me.”
I took a deep breath. Barely above a whisper, I said, “What if I want to try for a little more?”
He spun me around and grabbed my face. “What are you saying, Sam?”
I stood there. Our green eyes were darting back and forth across each other’s features. My mouth wouldn’t work as all the moisture left it.
“If you want more, I’m ready to give you more. Just tell me what you want,” he said.
“Yes, I want to try for more.”
Then, he sealed his lips on mine. I was relieved not to talk anymore right now. I had already said so much. We went for each other’s clothes, stripping down.
I sucked on his neck as I pulled him towards the living room. As I leaned back on the arm of the couch, he skimmed his hand down my stomach and dipped his finger into me, massaging the walls of my core. “Shit, you’re wet.”
I moaned at the sensation as I pulled us both backwards, tumbling onto the couch. Within seconds, he spread my legs and impaled me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him into me deeper, harder. I needed it like this in order to forget what I had said. We were moaning as we were climbing in a desperate way. We were both totally lost in the sensations.
“Sam, wait. Stop. I forgot a condom again. Shit.”
I groaned as he disengaged to go find his jeans. He was taking forever—or maybe I was that horny.
“Hurry the hell up, or I’m getting my BFFF.”
He was back, sheathing himself, before he slid into me again. We were even crazier for each other, and it took no time before I was screaming out incoherent moans while the rush flowed through my bloodstream.
That was exactly what I needed.
Mark lay beside me. We were both panting, lying boneless from our release, on the couch. It was always satisfying with Mark, each and every time. He kissed my forehead and cuddled me closer. My
ingrained reactions kicked in, and I started to pull away. He let me as he sat up with me. My high from my orgasm ebbed, and I was a nervous wreck again. I jumped up and put on his T-shirt, needing a shield, and then I sat down by him again, keeping a few inches of distance. Sex was easy for me, but feelings and emotions were hard.
“Talk to me, Sam. If I misunderstood what you wanted…shit…I fucked up, didn’t I?”
I turned to him and put my fingers on his lips. “I wanted that, I promise.”
Pulling my fingers away, I started worrying the hem of his T-shirt. I refused to look him in the eye. “I do want to try for more, but I need to take it slow.” I let out a slow breath. “I’m not the kind of girl you take home to your mom. I have my quirks and my problems, but I do want more with you. I just don’t know how much I can actually give.”
He said nothing. I was starting to get nervous because I had not felt that raw and exposed in a long time. I looked up to him finally, and he was smiling at me. I smiled in return, and a little of the nerves started to fade.
Finally, he said, “I’ll take whatever you want to give, Sam. I need you to promise me that if I push you too hard, you’ll tell me.”
Can it really be that easy? I thought about his words for a moment. “Okay, I’ll try, but I’m not good at this, Mark. I’ve never done this.”
He was still grinning like a damn sexy buffoon. My heart was leaping with a joy I didn’t recognize.
He put a cautious hand on my knee as he asked, “So, does more include being public about us seeing each other?”
I took another deep breath. “Um…I guess, if you want that.”
Without hesitation, he responded, “Yes, I want that.”
I let out the breath I had been holding. Who would have thought this would be so hard? This was exhausting.
There was a knock at the door. I started scrambling for my pants as Mark leisurely put on his jeans. My nerves returned in full force, and I had no idea why. I tossed him the T-shirt on the floor and then dashed to the front door. Part of me welcomed the distraction and distance a visitor would bring, so I could regroup.
When I opened the door, I wished I had pretended not to be home instead of trying to escape the awkward conversation I was about to have with Mark. Allison was standing there, trying to look furious with her scowl, but the glow from her pregnancy hindered her significantly.
“Sam, you’ve been ignoring me for too many days. What is going on? I know you’re not sick.”
A hand came down on my shoulder, and it felt nice. I refused to let my fear overreact on such a small gesture.
Mark was right there with me. “Hey, Allison.”
“Hey, Mark.”
Allison looked down at my shirt and then at Mark. I followed her gaze when I realized I had on his T-shirt, which meant he must be shirtless.
Ah hell, I threw him my shirt.
Allison’s eyes got wide. “Oh my gosh, how do I keep doing this? I’m never dropping by here unannounced again.”
She went to leave, but then she pushed through us with her hand over her mouth, running toward the bathroom.
Poor thing. I knew the nausea was getting worse and worse.
I looked up at Mark. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to see if she needs my help.”
“Is she okay?” He was a gentleman through and through with how worried he sounded.
“Yes, she’s okay. I’ll be right back.” I was not about to break the news of her pregnancy to Mark without her consent. For the time being, Damien and Allison were being careful with who they told.
I ran after her to the bathroom. I closed the door as I found her cleaning her face and pulling out a new toothbrush from her purse.
After brushing her teeth, Allison leaned against the counter and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m getting to be a pro at this. I’m hoping it gets better during my second trimester.” She threw away the toothbrush she had used.
“Can I get you anything?” I had no idea how to help her.
“I’m good. I’ve got some crackers.” Allison started wagging her eyebrows up and down. “So…”
I was shocked at how fast she was able to bounce back after being so sick. She was fine now, so there was no reason to treat her with white gloves.
My finger went in the air, pointing at her. “Okay, l don’t want any shit for what I’m about to tell you. Mark and I have decided to officially start seeing each other.”
“Good. I’m glad.” Her voice was so calm and nonchalant, but her smile was huge.
I knew she was on the verge of jumping up and down, but she was resisting the urge. I smiled back, finally trying to allow myself to be happy about this.
Allison held out her hand as she said, “Shall we? Hanging out in the bathroom for a long time might look a little weird.”
“Okay.” I eyed the door cautiously. This shit is about to get real.
“Hey, don’t worry. I won’t make a big deal even though I’m really excited about it.”
I finally moved to open the door, and we made our way back to Mark, who was still shirtless.
Shit. This is awkward.
He walked toward us with concern etched on his face. “Hey, Allison, are you feeling okay? I let Damien know you were sick.”
She groaned, and his brows pinched in confusion.
“He’s probably on his way, isn’t he?” She fished out her phone and started typing out a text, probably trying to halt Damien from leaving work.
I was sure that was a regular occurrence these days. Part of me wanted to laugh as Mark tried to piece together this situation.
He responded, still confused, “Yes, I think so.” He had no idea he had fed Damien’s need to ensure Allison was okay every second of the day.
Her phone pinged.
“Geez, women have been having babies for centuries. A little morning sickness isn’t going to kill anyone. I’m going to get some water real quick.”
I wasn’t sure if she was talking to herself or Mark. In a huff, she left the room.
“Is Allison—”
I didn’t give Mark a chance to finish his question. As soon as she left, I wrenched off his shirt and threw it at him. I found mine on the back of the couch, where he must have laid it after I threw it to him, and pulled it on.
Mark was smiling at me. “Sam, it might help if you put it on the right way.”
I looked down, and it was inside out and backward. I started fixing my shirt while he laughed at me.
Bastard. “Not funny.”
He was calmly sliding his shirt back on. Just as I finished righting myself, Allison came back in the room with her crackers and water. She still wasn’t showing at all in her T-shirt and jeans. She looked at both of us and smirked, but she didn’t say a word. Mark was at a loss for words as he stared at her while she moved to sit on the couch.
Allison looked over at Mark and sweetly said, “I’m sorry I got irritated with you earlier. To clear it all up, I’m pregnant, and Damien is in total overreaction mode. I might have him committed before this is over with.”
“Congratulations. When is the baby due?” Mark asked.
He came and stood a little closer to me, and it made my insides feel gooey for some reason. I had no idea what was proper protocol for being a girlfriend.
Allison took a small sip of her water. “Thank you. We’re beyond excited. We’re due at the beginning of January. Please don’t say anything to anyone. We’re waiting a few more weeks until I’m out of the first trimester.”
She was so adorable, munching on her crackers.
“Won’t say a word.” He did some little cross thing over his heart.
“Thanks. Plus, if you do, I’ll sic Sam on you.”
She gave a little shrug and a wink, and Mark smiled.
There was another knock on the door, and I went to open it. Damien came straight in, greeting everyone, while trying to look over Allison without being crazy about it. He failed, of course. Even though she was
irritated at his overreactions, she smiled the moment her eyes made contact with his. That action alone spoke volumes of how she really felt. They had true love.
We all took our seats, and Damien’s hand automatically went to Allison’s stomach. He remembered himself though and tried to casually take it back. I was surprised others hadn’t already caught on.
Also noticing what he was doing, Allison piped up, “I told Mark since he’s dating Sam now. He also got to witness my spectacular bout with morning sickness.”
The smile on Damien’s face was glorious.
Mark squeezed my knee. “Congratulations. Allison says the baby is due in January.”
I thought Damien was going to explode from joy because someone else knew the news.
“Thank you. Yes, we’re excited,” Damien responded with pride in his voice.
For the first time, the thought of them having a baby didn’t cause me to panic, and I was able to enjoy it with them. Emotions were a bitch when they weren’t cooperating, I had found out.
I tried to settle in next to Mark. Our relationship felt different now.
“When are you guys making the official announcement regarding the baby?” Mark asked.
He put his arm around the back of the couch, and my body started to slowly relax.
Allison responded, “When we get back from the guys’ rafting trip in Colorado. I would rather announce it than have people think we are hiding it. I don’t want the press to start hounding us again.”
Shit, I forgot about the trip to Colorado.
It had been in the works for a while now with Damien, Allison, Martin, Nina, and me. Nina was Martin’s girlfriend, and it’d appeared they were serious about each other. The guys were going on a rafting trip, and the girls were going to hang together.
Allison asked, “Sam, are you still going with us?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” I wanted to smack my forehead. My heart started pounding because I wasn’t used to having a significant other at all. How do I handle this? Should I invite him?
A relationship wasn’t going to stop me from doing things. I needed to talk to Allison about how to handle this kind of stuff when Mark and I were in public.
Being the best friend that she was, she completely bailed me out. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured with everything you have on your plate from the move. Mark, you’re more than welcome to join us. We leave this Thursday. Damien and his friend Martin are doing a one-to-two-day rafting trip.”
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