Because of Logan

by Erica Alexander

  I can’t see her, but I know she’s smiling.

  Logan: You want to know a secret?

  Skye: Yes!

  Logan: I never pulled anyone over for running a yellow light unless it turns to red while they’re doing it. And I didn’t see you had a tail light out until I’d already stopped you.

  Skye: But it didn’t turn to red when I ran it. I went thru the light while it was green and then it turned yellow.

  Logan: I know.

  Skye: Then why did you go after me?

  Logan: I have no idea. It was the end of my shift and I wasn’t looking forward to doing any paperwork. But something just told me to go after you, and I did.

  Skye: Wow!

  Logan: Yeah, wow.

  There were a few minutes of silence after that, and I could almost see the expression on her face as she thought it over. I have asked myself that same question many times. Why did I decide to go after that particular car when it had clearly crossed the intersection before the light turned yellow? I still don’t have an answer.

  Skye: If you hadn’t . . .

  Logan: I like to think we would have met anyway. We live practically on top of each other and we both go to Pat’s.

  Skye: Yes, but . . .

  I can see the dots flowing on the screen. She’s still typing.

  Skye: We lived next to each other for three years and never met.

  Logan: It was not the right time, I guess.

  Skye: My mom would agree with you. She’d love you for saying that.

  From the few times we talked about her family, I got the impression that Serena, her mom, is a very spiritual person. I’m not religious and don’t know much about any of it. Religion is another thing my father vetoed. But a lot of the guys at work are superstitious, and I have seen and heard enough to take heed and have a healthy respect for gut feelings.

  Skye says her mom is a modern hippie. River calls their mother the Woo-Woo Lady. She doesn’t seem to take it as seriously as Skye, but I might be wrong. River is really hard to read. As outspoken and sometimes abrasive with her no-holds-barred honesty as she is, I have a feeling she hides a lot. No proof. Just a . . . I laugh. Just a gut feeling.

  Skye: How late are you working tonight?

  Logan: Until midnight.

  Skye: :(

  Skye: I was hoping you’d be done early. Bruno is coming over and we’re making pizza.

  Fuck!

  Fucking Bruno.

  I hadn’t seen or heard of him for over a week. I thought he’d gotten the hint and backed off. I guess not.

  Now, I’m annoyed and jealous. Jealous of the time they spend together, jealous because I can’t be there. Jealous of the three years they had together before we met. It’s completely irrational, I know. I’ve never been the jealous type. And it's not that I don’t trust Skye, because I do, even with all the crap I’m still carrying around since I found Amanda and my father fucking in my bed. It’s that I don’t trust Bruno. Or any guy, for that matter. But River should be there too, so at least there’s that.

  Logan: Sorry, I wish I could. Just the three of you then?

  Skye: Three?

  Skye: Oh, you mean River. No, just us two. River has a study group after school tonight and won’t be home until later.

  Red-hot, jealous anger takes a place in my chest and weighs me down into the seat. Jesus! I need to get ahold of myself. The need to bust into her little pizza dinner party for two is like a living, screaming thing inside me. And it's ugly.

  I could stop at Pat’s Cafe for a coffee. Nothing wrong with getting a cup of coffee during a late-night shift. It’s expected, even. And if I take a short walk down the block . . . the ugly, screaming little beast inside me likes this plan and quiets down.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  “Dude! You’d better not eat everything, or River is going to be so mad at you.”

  “What?”

  Bruno talks around a mouthful of pizza.

  “There’s a whole other pie waiting to be baked in the fridge.”

  I can’t believe he can pack all that away, but then again, he is a big guy. He’s already on his third slice to my one and only. I could never eat more than one slice of pizza, two if they are the thin crust kind.

  “I’m saving that one for tomorrow, for Logan.”

  The oven timer dings, and I get up to check on the batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies I’m baking. There’s a knock on the door as I’m pulling a cookie pan out of the oven. I glance at the clock on the microwave. It reads 8:12 p.m. Huh? Who could it be? River wouldn’t knock.

  “Can you get the door?”

  I call out to Bruno, my back to him as I slide the parchment paper the cookies sit on onto the kitchen’s granite countertop to cool.

  “On it,” he calls back.

  I turn when the door opens and can’t help the smile that takes over my face. I drop the hot cookie sheet in the sink and make a beeline to Logan. I throw myself at him, arms around his shoulders. He catches me, and his head buries into my neck a second later and he’s inhaling me. His arms tightly wrapped around my back hold me flat against him. I want to wrap my legs around his waist, but police duty belt and the dozens of things hanging from it make that impossible. I settle for just hanging on to him, my feet dangling several inches off the floor.

  He inhales me again and whispers against my skin.

  “Hmm, orange blossom, pizza, and . . . is that cookies I smell too?”

  I laugh. His cookie addiction cannot be denied. With one last squeeze, he sets me on the floor. I take him in. I love to see him in his uniform. I love it even more when he’s out of it. As in, naked.

  With no shoes and on my bare feet—or my socked feet, rather—the height difference between us is even more evident.

  Logan reaches behind him and closes the door and looks over my head. I look back too and realize—with a little guilt—that I forgot Bruno was here. And now he’s working on his fourth slice. I narrow my eyes at him and he smirks at me.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you couldn’t make it.”

  “That’s because I’m not here. I’m at Pat’s, getting a coffee. You haven’t seen me tonight. Not at all.”

  Logan winks at me and I catch on.

  “Too bad you’re not here. If you were, you could have some homemade pizza and fresh-baked cookies.”

  “Oh, I think I’m also getting a slice of pizza and some cookies to go with that coffee from Pat’s.”

  “Come on.”

  I tug at his hand.

  He resists and glances back at Bruno sitting at the table and back at me, then pulls me into him again and kisses me. Not a hello kind of kiss. Not even a lingering hello kiss. Nope. With one arm around my waist and the other behind my head, Logan positions me against him and molds me to his body. This is a breath stealing, heart thundering, panty melting, fucking-my-mouth-with-his-mouth kind of kiss. The kind of kiss that promises so much more is on the way. The kind of kiss that gets burned into one’s lips, skin, memory. If there were a Nobel Prize for kissing, this kiss would win it. By a landslide.

  When Logan lets me go, I wobble a little on my feet. I’m drunk on lust. Logan steadies me, a smile on his face. His smile melts away the last few functioning brain cells I have. He looks over my head again. I turn back and remember Bruno. Damn it! I forgot all about him. Again.

  Bruno’s mouth is half-open, a bite of pizza hanging from it. And is he blushing? I’ve never seen Bruno blush. Ever. My face gets warm too, reaching the same heat level as the rest of my body.

  I take a step away from Logan.

  “Pizza?”

  “I can’t stay. I shouldn’t even be here, but I had to see you.”

  “How about I get you a slice to go?”

  “And some cookies too?”

  His hopeful smile is that of a little boy. Gosh, he’s melting my panties one minute and in the next, he’s melting my heart.

  “Come on, I’ll pack it to go.”<
br />
  Logan sits at the table across from Bruno and nods at him. Bruno, still looking uncomfortable, nods back.

  I grab two slices of pizza and put them on a paper plate and cover it with another. That earns me a frown from Bruno.

  “Oh, please. You’re on your fourth slice. I don’t know where you put all that.”

  Bruno flexes his biceps for me.

  “Do you think these babies get this big all by themselves?”

  I laugh.

  “Uh-huh, I’m sure pizza is the building block of muscle.”

  I could swear Logan narrows his eyes at Bruno, but I’m still so flustered from that kiss I don’t think my feet have touched the floor yet.

  “Let me get you some cookies too.”

  I go back to the kitchen and grab some foil and wrap half a dozen cookies in it. They’re still warm.

  “Pizza and cookies. You’re all set. Want a can of soda too?”

  “No, thanks, babe. I’ll stop at Pat’s and get that coffee. She’s my alibi.”

  He reaches for my hand.

  “Walk me to the door?”

  I trail after him to the door, and he pulls me into the hall, holding me with one hand and the food in the other.

  When his head bends, his kiss is a lot sweeter and tender.

  “I missed you.”

  My heart does a happy dance in my chest.

  “I missed you too. I’m so happy you stopped by. Will you get in trouble?”

  “If I do, it was worth it.”

  He gives me one last kiss, brushes his lips on my forehead, and leaves. I watch as he closes the outside door, staying in the hall for a full minute, enjoying the moment before I have to go back in and hear Bruno’s commentary on that kiss.

  The door opens again, and I smile, expecting him to come back, but it's River this time. I slump against the wall.

  “Well, hello to you too!” Is her sarcastic remark.

  “I thought you were Logan.”

  “I saw him walking to Pat’s. Is he coming back?”

  “No, he just left. He’s working tonight.”

  We walk back into the apartment, and River kicks her shoes off by the door and drops her backpack and jacket on the couch.

  “Touch that and die!”

  I’m still in dreamland and jump at her words. She’s walking to the table, and Bruno is frozen in place, a hand hovering over the last slice of pizza. River snatches the whole serving tray from right under his fingers and brings it to the kitchen with her, pausing to place it on the counter and wash and dry her hands before taking a huge bite of the last slice.

  “You ate the whole pizza,” she says accusingly.

  “Me? No. Your sister ate some and Logan ate some.”

  She scoffs.

  “We both know Skye only ate one slice. Logan’s not here to defend himself, and I’ve seen you put away an entire pie. So don’t go blaming everyone else. If you’re man enough to eat a whole pie, you should be man enough to own up to it.”

  “I’ll be man enough to own up that watching your sister make out with Logan five feet away from me gave me a chubby. Holy shit, I wish I’d thought to get my phone and video that kiss.”

  And now I’m blushing again. Heck, I wish he had it on video too. I want to see if it looked as hot as it felt.

  “What?” River asks.

  “Oh, it was just Logan marking his territory. I thought he was going to whip it out and piss a circle around Skye.”

  “No, he wasn’t.”

  The need to defend Logan is greater than my embarrassment.

  “Yes, he was. I bet you the only reason he stopped by was to check on us and make sure there’s no funny business going on.”

  “Logan trusts me. And that’s kind of hurtful and untrue. He stops by nearly every day.”

  “I’m sure he does, but it does not change the fact he’s jealous and wanted to check in and make sure there was nothing going on that shouldn’t be going on.”

  I look at River, trying to gauge her opinion on this, but she’s leaning against the counter still, the last bite of pizza disappearing into her mouth. She grabs for a cookie next. She’s watching the exchange with keen eyes, and I know she has an opinion on it and I also know she won’t say anything in front of Bruno. Whatever she has to say is for my ears only. I never told either one of them what Logan said about his ex and his father. I can’t help but think that maybe Bruno is right. That Logan’s reason to visit had more to do with Bruno being here than stopping to see me. And it bothers me more than I can say. All the joy from seeing him evaporates. River’s watching me closer now.

  “I have another pizza in the fridge. We can put it in the oven for you.”

  “No, save it for tomorrow. They had snacks and I’m not that hungry.”

  “Why the nine degrees on my ass then?”

  Bruno asks, still annoyed by River’s dig on his pizza-eating habits.

  “Because you should know better. You couldn’t know if I ate before or not. I could be starving.”

  “We have a whole other pie!”

  Bruno’s voice is indignant.

  “Besides the point.”

  River waves him off and walks to the bathroom. A minute later, we can hear the shower.

  Bruno looks at me, his eyes narrow. He’s always been good at reading me.

  “I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say the only reason Logan stopped by was to check on me. It’s obvious he’s very much into you and he feels threatened by my presence here with you alone.”

  “Maybe if I told him—”

  “No. You promised me,” he whispers and looks over his shoulder toward the hall. We can still hear the shower. There’s no way River can hear this conversation.

  “And I’ve never broken that promise. But don’t you think it—”

  “No. I have a plan and I’m sticking to it. I don’t want to talk about it, Skye.”

  He stands up abruptly, gathering our paper plates and napkins.

  “I should get going.”

  Bruno carries our dinner mess to the kitchen and tosses everything in the trash.

  I’m standing in the same spot, hugging myself like I used to when I was a little kid whenever I was upset and my parents were busy at work and not around to cuddle me. Hold it together, Skye.

  His eyes do not meet mine when he walks by, but he stops to kiss me on the cheek and squeeze my arm. This is a silent apology, I know. He grabs his jacket and is gone a moment later.

  The door closes behind him with a dull thud.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  That was a dick move, I know. That kiss was more for Bruno’s benefit than Skye’s, and I feel like the asshole I am for doing it. Still, I don’t regret it. I have no idea what the deal with Bruno is. Maybe he has no interest in Skye other than friendship. But he’s a guy, and she’s a sweet and sexy woman.

  And biology is biology. A man does not have to be interested in a woman to fuck her. I have fucked my share of women whom I had little interest in. I’ve never led anyone to believe it was more than a simple fuck. She got off. I got off. We were even. End of story. Not that I’m proud of it.

  I don’t see myself as a player. I’m not playing games or putting marks on my bedpost. Just scratching the itch. But Skye is so much more than an itch. I want to know her. I want to know what makes her tick. What she hopes to do with her life. And how do I fit into it? It’s so much more than lust and great sex. I enjoy her company, feel comfortable in her presence. Being near Skye is like being home. I can let my guard down. I don’t have to be a cop, my father’s son, or a Cole. I can just be me. Logan. And not just my last name or what is expected of me because of it.

  I think I’m falling for Skye.

  Fast.

  Logan: I was a dick today, Liam.

  Logan: I checked on my girl because I’m jealous of her friend.

  Logan: Instead of trusting her like I should, I keep looking for clues that she’s like Amanda.

>   Logan: There’s a nasty voice in my head saying this is too good to be true and it sounds like Dad.

  Logan: I’m falling for her.

  Logan: And it’s not fair for me to bring all this crap from my past and our family into our relationship.

  Logan: What should I do?

  The idea of being in love terrifies and fascinates me. Part of me is elated and so desperate to finally have someone love me for me. But it makes me feel weak and stupid and needy. I don’t want to depend on someone’s approval ever again. I don’t want to need someone’s love and try to fit into an impossible mold just to make them happy.

  When I think of it, my first instinct is to run. I keep thinking this is too good to be true and waiting for the other shoe to drop. For her true colors to show. For Skye to be controlling like my father, or manipulative and cunning like Amanda, or aloof and detached like my mother. But she’s none of these things. I keep reminding myself of that. Skye is not like them at all. Either that, or she’s all of it and just much better at hiding it.

  No.

  I can’t let myself go down that path. Nothing good can come from it. I have to learn to trust again. And if I can’t trust her just yet, I can at least trust my gut. And it's telling me Skye is the real deal. I’d much rather go with that because it makes me happy in a way I’ve never experienced before.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  “How long have you been dating Logan now?”

  River’s question takes me by surprise, and I have to think about it for a minute, but it’s a welcome distraction from the class notes I have to study.

  “Two months. Why?”

  “It feels longer than that. You two got close really fast.”

  She folds another T-shirt. We have a pile of warm laundry between us on her bed. Folding laundry is one of the few house chores River does not hate. She finds it calming. The fresh, clean smell, the warm fabrics. It soothes her. Her words, not mine. Baking soothes me. I guess for the same reasons laundry does her. But a warm oven and baking scents instead.