by Kit Pearson
Why should she have to sit in church when it wasn’t Sunday? She didn’t especially want to be confirmed, either; memorizing the catechism was as boring as Scripture lessons in school. She didn’t want to do anything—except to be unburdened of her secrets.
Since she was in here, however, she might as well try to pray. “Please, God, make Maud keep Danny!” she whispered. “And please make me brave enough to tell Noni I’m not going back to school.”
Polly waited, gazing out her favourite window, the clear glass one that framed an arbutus tree. The church smelled like cedar and wax. Its arched wooden interior had always reminded Polly of the inside of a ship. Once, she had told Uncle Rand that, and he had turned it into a sermon: how the church was a boat ploughing through rough seas towards the harbour.
How proud Polly had been, listening to him use her idea for a sermon. She’d been about eleven then, so light-hearted and secure. That was before Daddy came back, before she went away to school … and before Maud’s momentous news.
She didn’t feel any answer to her prayers. Why should there be? Why would God be interested in her problems? He probably had far more important matters to deal with.
Daddy had written Polly that he and Esther had got married right away. “Our only witness was Maud,” he said. “How I wish you could have been there!” He told Polly that Maud had been fine on the train journey and seemed glad to be in Kelowna. “Esther is now wearing your mother’s ring,” he wrote. “We bought Maud a cheap one, so she can go out with us without people gossiping. We’ve told the boarders that her husband is studying overseas and that Maud will join him after the birth. I’m sure they don’t believe that, since they saw her here before without a ring, but they seem to have decided not to ask questions.”
Polly wept with frustration when she read Daddy’s letter. She’d been left out of his wedding and she was going to be excluded from Danny’s birth. It was as if she didn’t matter.
“What’s wrong with you, Polly?” asked Biddy. “You act as if you’re not really here.”
They were walking Tarka and Bramble to the lighthouse. “Nothing’s wrong,” said Polly, trying to pay attention. As usual, Biddy was going on and on about George, wondering if he liked her.
Polly hated to admit it, but Biddy was beginning to bore her. And now she was stuck with her for years. She had told Biddy her decision, swearing her to secrecy.
Biddy was thrilled, of course. “Oh, Polly, I don’t know what I would have done with just Dorothy as a friend! We’ll be exactly the way we were before.”
But nothing could be the way it was before. Now Polly felt much older than Biddy. She imagined how shocked her friend would be if she knew about Maud.
Biddy picked up a stick to throw to the dogs. “Have you told your grandmother yet that you’re not going back?” she asked.
“Not yet,” said Polly.
“But you have to tell her!”
Polly grimaced. “She’ll be so upset.”
“She’ll get over it. She’s always been nice to you. Tell her tomorrow!”
“All right.”
Tomorrow came, and Polly took Noni’s breakfast up to her as usual. “Won’t you stay and chat?” Noni asked as Polly hovered at the door.
“I have to walk Tarka,” said Polly.
She just couldn’t tell her. Every time she imagined the conversation, she was so overcome with dread that she felt sick.
That afternoon Polly ran into Chester at the store. They walked on the wharf and sat on the end, dangling their legs.
Polly tried not to stare at Chester too obviously. He seemed more like a man than a boy, with his broad shoulders and hint of stubble on his face. His brown hair flopped on his tanned forehead, and his hands were so strong-looking. Polly longed to stroke them.
Chester was telling her about a huge salmon he’d caught. Then he hesitated. “Polly … do you remember when we saw the whales last summer?”
“Of course!”
“Well, you said then that you were only going to St. Winifred’s for a year. Is that still true?”
Polly nodded. “I’m not going back. I can’t stand Miss Guppy—or anything else about the school. It’s like a prison.”
Chester laughed. “Mine is, too, but the other fellows and I have a good time. Isn’t there anything you like about St. Winnie’s? Don’t you have friends there?”
“Yes,” admitted Polly. “I have two friends, and I love my art classes. But I’m not going back.”
“Your grandmother must be really upset. How did you talk her into it?”
“I haven’t told her yet,” said Polly, “but I’m planning to very soon.”
“I wish you’d go back, Polly. Then when you’re older and I’m at Victoria College, maybe we could go to a dance. Do you think the Gorgon would let you?”
Polly giggled. “‘The Guppy’—not ‘the Gorgon’! She might. Millicent, one of the prefects, was allowed to go to a dance after she got permission from her parents.” Polly sighed. “But I won’t be there, Chester. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay? And don’t tell anyone I’m not going back. I don’t want my grandmother to know yet.”
Chester agreed, but he looked so disappointed that Polly mumbled a goodbye and left.
Gregor and Sadie arrived for a week’s visit. Polly decided not to tell Noni her decision until after they left.
Polly and Sadie embarked on a project of cleaning out Aunt Jean’s pantry. They removed all the food and scrubbed down each shelf. Sadie was as jolly as ever; her constant cheerfulness lightened Polly’s mood.
The only problem was, she kept talking about Maud. “How I miss her! We asked her to come and stay with us, but she said she was going to take this course in Oregon. I suppose she and Ann are better friends than she and I are now,” she added wistfully.
Gregor had finished his curacy, and the parish liked him so much they had given him a job as an associate rector. Aunt Jean was over the moon. “Just imagine—he has a full-time job when work is so scarce!” she crowed to anyone on the island who would listen.
Sadie loved being a rector’s wife. “It’s just like a novel, kiddo,” she said. “The ladies often come to me with their woes, and you wouldn’t believe their stories. And the feuds! I’m the head of the altar guild, and I have to be so careful about whom I let polish the important silver. At first they wouldn’t listen to me at all because I’m so young, but now I think I amuse them.”
Aunt Jean cooked a special dinner for them on their last night. At the end of it, Gregor cleared his throat. “Listen, everyone. Sadie and I have something to tell you. We—she—” Then, to everyone’s astonishment, he began to weep.
“What a silly boy!” Sadie put her arm around his shoulder. “I’ll tell them,” she said calmly. “We’re going to have a baby.”
“Oh, my goodness!” Aunt Jean’s chair fell backwards as she ran over to Gregor and Sadie and showered them with kisses. “Oh, chickies, I can’t believe it!”
“What wonderful news, my dears,” said Uncle Rand, his voice breaking.
“Congratulations,” said Noni. “I’m so happy for you both.”
At first Polly couldn’t speak. After everyone had settled down, she looked at Gregor and Sadie and whispered, “That’s swell.”
Then she sat silently as excited questions and answers buzzed around her. When was the baby due? December. How did Sadie feel? Fine now, although she’d been sick in the beginning. Where were they going to live? They’d found a tiny house to rent instead of the apartment they were in now.
“Just think, Rand—we’ll be grandparents!” Aunt Jean said.
“And I’ll be a great-aunt,” said Noni.
“You’ll be a great aunt,” said Gregor fondly, “just as you’ve always been to me.”
“What will I be?” asked Polly weakly. She had to say something.
“Let’s see,” said Aunt Jean. “Gregor is your first cousin once removed, so the baby will be your first cousin twic
e removed?”
“No, her second cousin,” said Noni, “because she’s the same generation.”
“That’s good,” said Sadie. “We don’t want our child to be at all removed from you, Polly. We hope you can visit us often, and become his or her good friend.”
She smiled so warmly that Polly felt a bit better. At least there’d be one baby who was staying in the family.
But it wouldn’t be the same as Danny. She wouldn’t see their baby very often, and being a second cousin wasn’t nearly as important as being an aunt.
What if Sadie knew that her best friend had a new life inside her, just as she did? If Maud decided to keep Danny, would the family be as excited about him as they were about Gregor and Sadie’s baby?
Of course they wouldn’t. They would be ashamed and embarrassed, just because Maud wasn’t married. It was so unfair. “I’m going to bed,” Polly told them, escaping from the happy gathering.
The next morning Noni asked Polly to stay after she’d brought up her breakfast.
“I need to clean the henhouse,” muttered Polly.
“That can wait,” said Noni.
“But you’ve been asking me to do it all week.”
Noni chuckled. “You aren’t exactly fond of cleaning the henhouse, Polly. You can do it later. Come and sit down.”
Polly sighed. Noni was either going to ask her what was wrong, or ask why Maud was avoiding them.
But as Polly climbed onto the bed and leaned against a pillow, Noni said, “That was such welcome news last night. Gregor and Sadie will be excellent parents. Polly, hen …” Noni sounded embarrassed. “Do you know … are you aware of how a man and a woman create a baby?”
Polly blushed. “Someone at school told me. So did Maud.”
“I hoped she had. That’s all right, then. I just thought that, now that you’re almost fourteen, you should know.” Noni took a deep gulp of tea and put her cup on the table. “Polly …”
Noni’s lips quivered, as if she were afraid of what words would emerge from them. Polly braced herself. Was Noni going to tell her at last about why she and Una had quarrelled? Would she be angry that Daddy had already told Polly?
Then Noni seemed to swallow what she was going to say. Instead, she sighed. “I’m so worried about Maud. Are you sure there’s nothing she isn’t telling us? Has she got some secret she’s asked you not to tell, the way she did when you both pretended your father was dead? I know it’s important to be loyal to your sister, but if something is wrong, it’s more important to tell me. Then I could help.”
Polly tried to still her breathing. Surely Noni couldn’t have guessed!
“As far as I know, nothing’s wrong,” she said as steadily as she could. “She just wanted to take this course—that’s all.”
“Is there another young man in her life? Does Ann have an older brother?”
“I don’t think so,” said Polly, glad she could answer honestly for once.
“She’s slipping away from us,” said Noni. Then her voice became bitter. “Una did the same thing, but I never expected it of Maud. If she’s chosen to spend so much time away from her family, then I suppose we don’t mean much to her anymore.”
Polly took her hand. “You mean everything to her. You’ll see, Noni. Maud will be here in August and she’ll be really happy to be back.”
“Perhaps you’re right. In her letters, Maud does say she misses us. Well, at least I still have you, hen. Are you sure there’s nothing troubling you?” she asked, for what seemed like the trillionth time.
“I’m sure.”
Noni kissed her. “I hope so. I count on you so much, my dear wee Polly. I couldn’t bear it if you changed, as well.”
All Aunt Jean could talk about was the baby. Her main concern was names. “I hope they’ll decide on ‘Jean’ or ‘Randolph,’ of course. But if they don’t want to use those as first names, they could choose ‘Mairead’ or ‘Roderick’ after our parents, Clara. ‘Mairead Jean Stafford’—doesn’t that sound grand? They could call her ‘Maisie’ for short. Oh, how I hope it’s a girl! They’re so much more fun to dress than boys.”
“It’s possible, Jean, that Gregor and Sadie will want to choose their own names, or use names from Sadie’s family,” said Noni dryly.
Aunt Jean ignored her. “I’m going to make a list of all the family names and send it to them.”
She had already begun to knit a tiny pink sweater. “Here’s some extra wool, Polly. Why don’t you make some booties. Knitting will help you forget your worries.”
Polly had to sit in the living room every night and struggle over the booties. She tried to pretend they were for Danny.
The next visitor was Eleanor. Polly was glad to see her, but having her there made her life even trickier. Eleanor had to be sworn to secrecy about Polly not going back to St. Winifred’s.
“How I wish you would!” she said. “How did your grandmother react?”
“I haven’t said anything yet,” said Polly. “That’s why you can’t.” Now she was putting off telling Noni until Eleanor left.
“Don’t tell her! Oh, Poll, you’re so wrong not to go back!”
She made Polly feel so guilty that Polly forbade her to talk about it. Eleanor’s sorrow made a gulf between them.
Even worse was the antagonism between Eleanor and Biddy. The last time Eleanor had visited the island she had been nice to Biddy. This time, she was jealous that Biddy would have Polly all to herself.
“You’ll forget all about me,” she said one night.
“I won’t!” said Polly.
“Yes, you will,” said Eleanor, as if she were stating a scientific fact. “It’s completely understandable. You and Biddy have been friends for much longer than you and I, and soon you’ll be spending all your time together. But she’s so boring, Poll! All she talks about is movie stars and her freckles and this George person.”
“Eleanor’s really smart, isn’t she?” said Biddy to Polly when they were alone. “You must find me stupid compared with her.”
Of course Polly couldn’t say that she agreed. Everyone on the island that summer was reading a new novel called Gone with the Wind. Aunt Jean lent her copy to Polly after she and Noni had finished it. Polly and Eleanor decided to read it out loud together, alternating chapters. They were so engrossed in the story that they longed to spend all their time with it.
Biddy didn’t want to hear them read, however. “It’s too much like history,” she complained, “and way too long.” Polly and Eleanor began finding excuses not to be with Biddy so they could continue reading.
On some days Alice joined them for a swim or a bike ride. She and Eleanor chattered endlessly about school. “In the fall I’m going to recruit you two for the school play,” she told them. “It’s a musical, and I’m sure I’ll be picked for the lead. Eleanor can help with the props, and you can paint some nifty scenery for it, Goldilocks.”
Biddy looked smug. “Oh, but Polly—”
Polly poked her, and Biddy stifled a giggle. Luckily, Alice hadn’t noticed.
On Eleanor’s last night, she and Polly took Tarka for his bedtime walk. The nights were getting darker, and the moon glistened on the edges of the waves.
Polly wondered when she would see Eleanor again. “Could you come to the island for Thanksgiving?” she asked her.
“We always go to my grandparents’ then,” said Eleanor. “But I’d still like you to visit me after Christmas, Polly.”
Christmas seemed years away! Polly blinked back tears. “Will you and Daisy and Rhoda be in the same dorm this fall?” she asked.
“No, we’ll be in the east dorm. It’s much larger and brighter than the junior dorm, and it’s closer to the bathroom. It’ll be swell not to be the youngest boarders anymore, don’t you think?”
Polly shrugged. She didn’t have a right to an opinion, since she wasn’t going back. If she was, though, it would be nice to be in that big dorm near the bathroom. If she got there early enough, she c
ould nab a bed close to the window …
But she wasn’t going back. Miss Guppy had made that impossible.
They stopped to listen to an owl. “It’s so peaceful here,” said Eleanor. “I can see why you love it so much. But Poll …”
“Please don’t say it, El,” said Polly miserably. They began walking again.
“You’ve changed,” Eleanor told her. “You’re so detached, somehow. Is it because you’re worrying about telling your grandmother?”
It’s because my sister is having a baby! Polly wanted to scream. She’d already betrayed Maud by telling Daddy, however. She couldn’t do it again by telling Eleanor.
Uncle Rand had given Polly and Biddy a holiday from confirmation classes while Eleanor was there. The day after she left, the classes resumed.
“ ‘To renounce the devil and all his works, the pomps and vanity of this wicked world, and all the sinful lusts of the flesh,’” recited Polly.
“Well done. Now, girls, tell me some ways in which the world is wicked.”
“It’s when people are cruel to one another, or dishonest or unfair,” said Biddy. “Or when they fight, like in the war in Spain. And I just heard my dad and Captain Hay talking about another big war that Canada would have to be in,” she added.
“There won’t be one, though,” said Polly. “Right?”
Uncle Rand sighed. “There might be, I’m afraid. We may have to go to war to stop Hitler. There’s an example of wickedness.”
He looked at their shocked faces. “Now, girls, I don’t want you to worry about it—perhaps it won’t happen. It’s too sunny to stay inside—let’s stop early today.”
“Do you think there will be a war?” Polly asked Biddy as they walked out of the rectory.
“I’m sure there won’t. Your uncle’s right—there’s no point in worrying when nobody knows,” said Biddy.
Polly smiled at her friend. Biddy might be dull, but she was still as comfortable and reassuring as always.
Now that all the visitors were gone, Polly had no excuses left. Two days after Eleanor’s departure, she marched into Noni’s room, plunked down her tray, and blurted out her decision before she had time to procrastinate.