Right There with You

by R. J. Sable

  “It doesn't take much to make you happy does it,” he smiled at me warmly.

  We made our way into town, hand in hand once more. As we walked towards the busy town centre, we chatted away happily. He asked me about growing up with my brothers and I tried to help him understand the complicated relationship I have with them

  “Ian is twelve years older than me, he was only just eighteen when Dad died,” I explained. “He enrolled in the army almost straight away. Partly to honour Dad, but also to support me and the others. Jake was only eight at the time and Craig was almost twelve.”

  Jason nodded, listening attentively.

  “After basic training, he got deployed pretty quickly, which left Karl and my other relatives to look after us. He'd planned on going to university, but in the end he enrolled in the military as well. I always wondered if Ian kind of pressured him into it, but he really enjoys it now.”

  Jason squeezed my hand gently, encouraging me to continue.

  “When Karl got deployed, his girlfriend helped Matt and the twins out as much as she could and between them they helped us through school. Whenever Ian and Karl were at home they took back over and kept us all in line.”

  “That sounds like a lot of responsibility at such a young age.”

  “It was,” I nodded solemnly. “I always feel bad that they weren't able to do the things they wanted to because they had to look after me.” And because of what I've cost them. I cleared my throat, the truth of my words causing my stomach to tighten. “I caused them so many problems.” I shook my head, ashamed. “I can't even count the amount of times one of the twins had to leave lectures early to come and pick me up from school because I was ill or something.” I sighed deeply, closing my eyes briefly. “The point is, they've always been there for me, no matter what personal sacrifices it meant for them, and I haven't always appreciated their support as I should have.”

  “That's what big brothers are supposed to do,” Jason said, squeezing my hand once more.

  “Doesn't mean they had to,” I answered. “It's why I don't mind too much that they're so protective of me. I understand their reasons.”

  I meant it. They'd given up so much of their lives to give me the best they could and when I messed up it must have felt like they ought not have bothered.

  “That's why Simon reacted like he did the other night. He knows Craig and the others pretty well, he knows how they are about me. If they'd found out that I'd been there, and knew Simon hadn't taken care of me, they'd have been pissed off at him too.”

  Jason nodded his understanding but didn't say anything. We walked in silence for a while, both lost in thought.

  “Sounds like you really love your brothers,” he smiled warmly at me.

  “I do,” I said honestly. “They drive me mad sometimes but I love them to bits.”

  We joined the others at the restaurant and had a really pleasant meal. Jason kept his hand on my thigh, choosing to eat with just a fork throughout the whole meal. I'd thought it was really sweet but couldn't help but giggle at him when he tried to eat his corn on the cob with one hand. I wasn't used to such close contact and found it hard to concentrate on my food while his warm fingers were sending pleasant tingles up my leg.

  When everyone was done eating the group started discussing which clubs they wanted to go to. I wasn’t really in the mood for that sort of evening, it wasn’t really my scene. Jason insisted on making sure I got home okay instead of following the others to the club.

  “We'll get a taxi back, it's much colder now,” he said as he helped me pull my coat on.

  I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off.

  “It's on me.”

  “Jason, I-”

  “I swear to God, you argue with me one more time about paying and I will take you over my knee,” he threatened, leaning close to me so only I heard.

  My eyes widened with shock. Is he serious? And why am I suddenly too hot?

  Jason grinned wickedly. “Come on, let's say goodbye to the others.”

  The taxi ride back only took ten minutes. Jason paid the driver and came with me to the front doors.

  “You want to come in for a bit and watch TV?” I asked, not ready to say goodbye to him just yet. His eyes flicked to the door and back. He seemed conflicted.

  “No, I don't think that's a good idea,” he said firmly.

  “Oh, okay then,” I mumbled awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other.

  “Thanks for coming tonight.” He pulled me into a hug.

  “Thanks for dinner, and everything,” I said, nuzzling against his soft white t-shirt through his open shirt.

  I wrapped my arms around him, unwilling to let go. He smelt of fabric softener and Jason. He sighed, pulling me away from him and holding me at arms length.

  “My pleasure,” he said distractedly as he kissed me softly on the forehead before taking a few steps back.

  “Sweet dreams, little squirrel,” he answered quietly as he held the door open for me. Completely confused by his mood shift, I looked up at him as I walked through the open door. He smiled, closed the door, and walked away.

  I stood there a few minutes and watched him leave, enjoying the fading warmth where his lips had pressed against my skin. Why didn't he want to come in? I'd thought it would have been nice to chillax on the sofa and watch some crappy TV.

  Maybe he thought I was asking him in for something else, I cringed at the realisation. If he'd thought I wanted him to stay the night and he'd said no it means he doesn't want me. My stomach lurched as I realised what a fool I'd made of myself.

  I'd never have dared invite a guy in for the night for anything like that. I'd never really done anything like that. I'd been kissed before. Well, once. The fallout from that was enough to scare off every guy within a twenty-mile radius. But nothing more adventurous than that, and I was in no rush to either.

  Those things required an emotional connection, or at least should do. If I ever cared enough about somebody to want to take those steps, I'd probably avoid it either way to save them from losing limbs and possibly other bodily appendages. I headed up to bed, hoping sleep could save me from thinking too much about the embarrassing situation I'd gotten myself into, once again.

  Chapter 9

  Friday, May 8th 2009

  We walked though the park chatting away amongst ourselves. Amy was a few steps in front with Rhys. I was behind her with Mick, his fingers intertwined with mine. I couldn't stop grinning. I can't believe he's holding my hand. I felt awful that I'd lied to Ian but I knew how he'd react if I told him the truth. I'd asked him the day before if it would be okay if I had dinner at Amy's house after school. He'd said it was fine as long as I was home by half eight. Instead, we'd gone to the chippy for chip butties and were on our way to sit at the back of the park and hang out with a few of the year elevens and a couple of sixth formers. We saw the others and made our way towards them.

  Mick took his jacket off and put it on the grass next to the others, inviting me to sit down with him. We spent the afternoon laughing and joking around, making fun of the teachers and watching a football match outside the social club. Somebody had brought portable iPod speakers and plugged their phone into them. I lay down on my back and was watching the clouds above us when I felt Mick shift his weight so he was lying down on his side next to me.

  He moved his arm underneath me so I could rest my head on his forearm and was gently running his fingertips over the skin on my shoulder. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I liked Mick, and I wanted to do the stuff the other girls were talking about. I was curious to know how it felt to kiss a boy. But I wasn't sure.

  He leant in to kiss me and I froze, even more sure I didn't want it to happen and willing my body to wake up and push him off me. But I didn't. I let it happen. I scrunched my eyes closed tight and felt his tongue as it passed through my lips; it felt odd and slimy in my mouth. It was kind of gross, but I let him continue because I didn't want to look frigid in front o
f the others.

  I heard somebody gasp nearby and felt Mick's weight being suddenly wrenched away from me. I opened my eyes and it took a second to register the scene around me. Jake was holding onto Mick, locking his arms behind his back. Rick and Danny were standing behind them. Everyone around us was just stood staring, gobsmacked. The twins looked furious. They took a few steps towards the other kids who seemed to sense danger and ran off towards the small alleyway that led away from the park. Amy hesitated a little, but she ran off to join them catching my eye with a sympathetic look.

  Jake had dragged Mick around the corner behind a fence and into an alcove that couldn't be seen from the social club. Mick was chucking out apologies left, right, and centre and I could have sworn he was actually crying. Rick grabbed me roughly around the middle, threw me over his shoulder without a word, and followed after Jake.

  “Please, look, guys...” Mick stammered as I watched Jake slam him up against the fence.

  Jake wasn't having any of it and laid into him pretty hard. Rick set me down and Danny grabbed my arm immediately, twisting it behind my back painfully and pinning me against the fence on the opposite side of the alcove. They didn't say anything but I could see how angry they were.

  Jake stopped, breathing hard as Mick dropped to the ground, one hand covering an eye that was just starting to swell up, the other clutched around his ribs. Jake backed off and looked at Rick, who nodded. I closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears. Danny pulled my ponytail roughly so that I was forced to open my eyes as I let out a small cry. Rick pulled the trembling boy up and gripped him firmly behind the neck.

  “P...please” I begged, my voice breaking, but Rick ignored me. Don't hurt him any more.

  “You stay the fuck away from her, you understand?” He spat at Mick who nodded his reply, his gaze lowered to the floor. Rick stared at him a little longer and then let him go, stepping back. Mick looked shocked and glanced at us all before making a run for it, sprinting across the grass as fast as his legs would carry him.

  “Come here,” Rick growled, turning his gaze to me.

  I felt Danny release me and fear swept through me as I realised it was my turn. I turned around, my back to the fence and found myself pushing up against it, wishing I was on the other side.

  “Now, Jelly,” he snarled, a little louder this time.

  I whimpered and forced my legs to move towards him. He grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me back over the football field towards the social club. We rounded it and I saw their car in the car park. We drove back to the house in silence. My whole body was shaking, my imagination running wild trying to figure out what my punishment would be.

  When we got home, they took me inside. Danny ordered Jake to take me down to the den. We sat on the sofa and waited. I looked over at Jake and noticed his knuckles were bloody. I winced, guilt washing over me. He'd gotten hurt trying to protect me.

  “Jake, I'm so sorry,” I whispered. “Please don't be mad at me.”

  He ignored me, refusing to even look in my direction. It wasn't long before we heard several sets of heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. Ian made his way over to me, his expression unreadable. He stood in front of me, his legs set apart and his arms crossed over his chest. Soldier mode. I focussed my eyes on his boots. My hands were gripping the edge of the sofa so hard that my knuckles were white.

  For the longest time, he just stood there, not saying anything. I chanced a glance up at his face and found him staring back at me. His face was expressionless but his eyes were burning with fury.

  “Let's hear it,” he said calmly, but I knew he was anything but calm.

  I swallowed. “I'm so sorry, sir,” I started.

  “I don't want to hear apologies that you don't mean, Jelly,” he said, his voice slow and controlled. “Tell me what happened.”

  I knew he was giving me a chance to own up to everything, testing me. It was better to be honest and admit everything straight up, but with him standing over me I found that my tongue wasn't willing to co-operate. He cleared his throat impatiently and I forced myself to begin talking.

  I admitted that I had lied so that I could hang out at the park with my friends because I wanted to do stuff all the others were doing. I tried my best to hold back my tears and not stumble over my words because I knew that would annoy him even more – if that was even possible. I told him that I'd held hands with Mick and that he'd kissed me.

  “I didn't want him to do it, I swear,” I tried to explain. “But I didn't want the others to laugh at me.”

  “So, just so I have this straight,” he paused, motioning for me to stand up in front him.

  I did as I was told, keeping my eyes on his bootlaces.

  “You lied to me, so that you could go off with a bunch of random people. Kids who obviously aren't your friends if you were scared they'd laugh at you if you didn't whore yourself out,” he snarled, flexing his fists.

  I kept quiet, not sure what to say. He was right, I supposed. I let myself feel pressured to do something because I was worried how the others would react, and I couldn't deny that I'd lied to him. I felt the tears beginning to spill over and I wiped them away quickly with the back of my hand.

  “Not only that, but you made a spectacle of yourself by practically spreading your legs for some waster in the park in front of everyone.”

  I felt my cheeks burning as he glowered down at me. What could I say? I thought he was being a bit harsh. It wasn't like I'd stripped naked and had sex, but he was right. It was trashy to kiss a boy in front of everyone like that. I blushed harder when I realised everyone at the football match and in the social club must have thought I was such a tramp. The twins must have been at the club and had to witness it and listen to everyone laughing at me.

  “I'm sorry, sir, I didn't think-”

  “That's the problem, Jelly! You don't think!” Ian yelled, cutting me off. His raised voice was the last straw, the dam broke and I burst into uncontrollable tears.

  My vision was blurred through my tears but as I glanced up I saw him raise his hand. I didn't have chance to prepare myself for the blow that landed across my cheek. It caught me completely off guard and I fell back onto the floor next to the sofa.

  He took a step towards me and fear swept through me. I scuttled away on my hands and knees, eager to avoid a repeat of the pain that was radiating from my lower lip and across my cheekbone. I didn't make it far, the others were close by and had been watching silently. I was trying to put some distance between Ian and myself when I felt a strong hand grabbing my ponytail. Matt wrenched me up and my hands flew to my head to try and stop the sharp pains shooting through my scalp. He flipped me around and held my arms so that my back was pressed against his front and I was facing Ian once more. I wriggled, desperately trying to get away but he just held on tighter, his short fingernails digging into my skin.

  “Hold still, Jelly,” Matt said through clenched teeth, his words filled with warning.

  I tried to force my body to relax but I was still sobbing uncontrollably and could barely see.

  “Please don't!” I cried. It hurts.

  Ian looked conflicted. I knew he didn't really want to hurt me. I'd messed up badly and he'd reacted in anger. I knew on some level that I deserved to be punished, but I was scared.

  “Go to your room, now,” he snarled.

  I scampered up the stairs as quickly as I could. I heard somebody outside my door a few minutes later and listened as they locked my door from the outside.

  I'd stayed in my room the whole of Saturday. One of them would come in every now and then to take me to the bathroom or bring me a glass of water and some food, but they'd refused to talk to me.

  On Sunday they let me come out. Karl opened the door and stepped into the room, flipping the lights on. I glanced at the alarm clock, it read 07:15. They always got up at six, but on Sundays we got an extra hour's lie-in.

  “Time for breakfast, Jelly!” He announced cheerily as he pulled the c
over away from me.

  I wanted to beg for five more minutes but I decided that it wasn't worth ruining his good mood, all things considered. I rolled out of bed, stretched, and wiped the sleep from my eyes.

  “Come on, sleepyhead,” Karl said, pulling me into his side with one arm. “Elise is making egg butties.” He grinned down at me and rubbed his stomach with his spare hand.

  I should have been used to my brothers' crazy mood changes when I get in trouble. They did it every time. Once they'd decided I'd been punished enough they went back to normal, pretending like nothing had happened. I always got the feeling that they were putting on a façade and they'd explode at any second. I never knew how to act around them afterwards.

  Everyone was already in the kitchen digging into the first batch of sandwiches. Craig ruffled my hair as I sat down next to him and poured myself a glass of orange juice. I made a sandwich, cut it in half and started eating the first half while I listened to the others. They were talking tactics ready for the football match they were going to be playing that evening.

  Elise placed the last batch of eggs on the table and quickly made herself two sandwiches. She knew from experience that speed was necessary. Barely seconds after she was done, all the eggs had disappeared from the plate. I finished off my half sandwich, took a sip of my juice, and went to start the second half.

  I glanced at the twins and noticed their plates were empty and they were eying the rest of my breakfast hungrily. I narrowed my eyes at them and shifted my plate to my left, away from them. I was just about to tuck into the rest of it but my hand met with the ceramic plate. I glanced over at my plate to see it empty, the rest of my sandwich disappearing into Craig's mouth. I rolled my eyes at him and watched the twins giving him death glares.

  Craig elbowed me gently in the ribs. “Don't roll your eyes at me,” he managed to spit out, his mouth full of egg sandwich. My egg sandwich.

  I nodded dejectedly and left the table, clearing a few dishes as I went. When the table was cleared and all the dishes had been put away, Ian came and found me in the kitchen and took me into the lounge, shutting the door behind us.