I pick up the bag and put it on the bedside table. “Thank you,” I say flatly.
The loose thread is now tightly wrapped around her finger as she continues to pull at it. “I want to tell you I’m sorry Paige – for everything. I never should have done what I did.”
“What? Thrust me into a life on the street?”
She sucks in her breath, her eyes wide. “You didn’t actually live on the street did you?”
I frown and look at her. I can’t believe how naïve she’s being. “Sometimes yes - I was on the street. Do you even understand what you did to me? I couldn’t just go and stay with a friend, or get a place on my own – I was 15 and $200 was nothing. It barely fed me for a couple of weeks. I was a virgin when I left and within a month, I was letting men use me until they were sick of taking care of me - just so I could sleep inside.”
She’s standing in front of me, her eyes wide in horror, as tears fall down her face while I tell her every gory detail about the life she sent me to. When I tell her about Phoenix, she breaks down, crying so loudly that Daniel comes barrelling in from another room, demanding to know what's happening.
“All I did was tell her the truth,” I say, my voice cool and calm as I level with him.
“Do you know how upset your mother has been this past couple of months?” he starts in on me, defending his wife.
“No Daniel!” my mother calls out, silencing him. “She has every right – I’ve been a horrible mother.”
He stands there looking between us, two women, who look nothing alike bar our height and bone structure, but both of us his family. “Perhaps we should all go and try to sort this out together,” he says quietly.
I find myself following behind them, taking a seat at the dining room table and waiting while they talk quietly to each other in the kitchen, making a tray with tea and biscuits. I’m not hungry or thirsty, but I accept it anyway.
My mother sits across from me with Daniel by her side and begins, “Paige, I want you to know that I have always loved you.”
I have to force myself not to roll my eyes as I wait for her to continue.
“I had been travelling backwards and forwards between Australia and the UK for about a year for work, and Daniel was a colleague. Every time I visited, he was so kind to me. I tried to resist my attraction because I was already married and had a son but eventually we both fell prey to temptation.” She looks at Daniel, her eyes so filled with adoration that it hurts my heart to watch them. “I was so in love with him, and he was with me too. However, I couldn’t stay with him. I had to go back and look after my family.
“When I found out I was pregnant. I knew you were Daniel's, but I hid all of my dates from your father and pretended that I fell pregnant before I’d left.
“You were premature, so they kept you in an incubator, and your father couldn’t understand what went wrong because by what I told him, you should have been full term. That coupled with your dark shock of hair made him realise that you weren’t actually his.
“We had a lot to lose by separating, so we decided to stay together and tell the world that you were his. Then another baby, your sister got added to the mix a couple of years later and things went from bad to worse.
“Your father hated that I seemed to play favourites with you and would torment me over my affair. Slowly I started to resent you, I thought that if you weren’t around – then my life would be better, so I sent you out, I drove you away.
“When your father learned what I had done he was livid with me - despite his anger over what I had done, he didn’t hate you – he just didn’t know how to love a child that wasn’t his.
“Slowly our relationship crumbled and we separated, I gave him custody of Adam and Sophie and came back here and well…” She looks at Daniel again and smiles with quivering lips. He places his arm around her, resting his hand on hers and squeezing it gently.
Tears are falling down my face as I listen. My life has just been one horrible mistake after another – the first one being hers. “Did you know about me?” I ask Daniel. “I mean, before I contacted you. Did you know about me?”
“I did,” he says. “I had to sign that I was your father for your birth certificate.”
“And you just left me there?” I stare at him, watching him as he thinks through his answer.
“I thought it was what was best. I didn’t know you were being treated poorly.”
“But you married her anyway?”
“I did. She made mistakes Paige. Lord knows I've made mistakes too in my life, but those mistakes don’t change the fact that she’s the woman I love.”
I laugh humourlessly, “You’re very passionate for an Englishman,” I say flatly.
“Well my mother, your grandmother, is Italian. She was very passionate.”
I look at my mother, “What about Adam and Sophie? You just left them too?”
She looks down at her hands and nods, “I left everyone,” she whispers.
Chapter 30
Elliot
I’m doing my best to fill in my time while I wait for a new visa to be approved. I went for my interview and produced all the necessary documents to prove my heritage, so I could apply for a five-year visa. My grandmother is English, so I could apply based on my ancestry. Now I’m in limbo while I wait. It’s already been over a month; I'm hoping it doesn’t take much longer.
Since I’ve been back, I’ve given up my flat, sold most of my furniture and moved in with my mother to help save enough money as a backup for when I go over there. She’s offered to help me out, but I want to do it on my own.
I also went and visited my father for the first time in over two years. He's married now to a girl who isn’t really that much older than me, but he seems happy. I realised when I was in the UK that I had no business being angry with him, after hearing what Paige had gone through in her life, I felt I needed to be happy my dad cared enough to try to steer me in the direction he thought was best for me.
When I told him I was going back, he also offered to help me out money wise, once again I said no. However, it’s nice to know that I can count on my parents in an emergency, nonetheless.
I got a new phone to replace the one I smashed and loaded all of my photos onto it, that way I still get to carry her around with me and see her whenever I want to.
Despite the fact she doesn’t answer, I keep calling her. If I wasn’t so damn sure about our feelings for each other, I’d feel really pathetic, but I don’t. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind – I know we belong together. So I call her and leave messages. I don’t tell her much. I just want her to know that I’m not giving up on her.
I’m back working at the same gym I was at before I left, my boss knows that I’m leaving again soon, but some of my old clients want to train with me while they can, so I’m grateful to be kept on the books.
So right now, I’m in the Botanic Gardens in Sydney, the best outdoor training spot around here, packing up the resistance bands and mats that I was using with my client, while I contemplate calling Paige again, just to hear her voicemail recording.
“Elliot?” a familiar voice says to me. I turn around to face her, amazed that this time, I’m not plagued with all the emotions I'd had last time we spoke. “How are you?” Katrina asks me smiling.
“Well thanks,” I reply, returning her smile. It’s so surreal seeing her and not having a desperate need to touch her. I still can’t stop my hand itching, but it’s because I’m wanting to call Paige.
“I heard you were back. I figured I’d run into you here eventually,” she says.
“Um yeah, I’m not back for long though,” I tell her, as I pull the zip along the bag and sit on the ground.
She sits down next to me, like we’re old friends. “Yeah, I heard. Our mothers have been gas bagging at tennis,” she says.
I shrug my shoulders, not surprised they still talk. “Well, it’s good that their still good friends… So…how’s work? How’s David?”
“Good and good, what about you?”
“Well, works fine, but I haven’t seen David for years,” I joke.
“Har har, very funny,” she says. “I um… heard about the girl in London and was kind of talking about her.”
I think of Paige and give a wry smile, wishing she wasn’t so far away right now, wishing she had just told me about her past early on, so we could have talked properly instead of leaving it the way we did. I open the gallery on my phone, selecting a picture of Paige and me when we went away together the weekend before I left.
I hand her my phone to show her the image. “Her name is Paige. I’m just waiting on my Visa, so I can go back to her.”
Katrina studies the picture. “She’s beautiful Elliot,” she says as she swipes at the screen to move on to the next photo. I don’t want her going through my pictures and reach over, taking it from her hands as she says, “Wow! Is that a tattoo?”
All of a sudden, I bristle as my defences fly up, and I switch of my phone, tucking it away. I know how some people look upon tattoos, especially massive ones like Paige's, and I don’t want anyone judging her when her tattoo represents so much for her.
Noticing a change in my demeanour Katrina shifts positions. “I’m sorry Elliot. I shouldn’t have done that. The tattoo, well what I saw of it, is pretty amazing – it must have hurt.”
“Probably,” I say quickly, looking up in the sky as I hear a bird call.
Appearing a little awkward, Katrina stands up and brushes the grass off her running pants. “I guess, I’d better leave you to it then.”
Nodding, I watch her take a couple of steps away. I feel bad for making her feel like she has to leave, “Katrina – ” I start.
She pauses her retreat, “Yes?”
“I don’t know if I’m coming back, so in case I never see you again – have a great wedding, tell David I said ‘hi’ and have a fantastic life; I mean that.”
“I know you do Elliot, thank you, and I truly hope everything works out with Paige.”
“It will Katrina. It has to.”
Chapter 31
Paige
“So, your father and I noticed that you’ve been looking at flats in the paper. Are you thinking of moving out?” my mother asks as we sit in the waiting room at the hospital as we wait to see a counsellor.
At first, I started seeing one on my own before it was suggested that my mother accompany me occasionally so we can talk through how her choices have affected my life.
“Mother, don’t call him that please. He doesn’t get the title ‘father’ when I had to track him down in my twenties. Call him Daniel.”
“I’m sorry Paige; I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just that we were wondering if we could help you, especially considering your circumstances now.”
“I don’t know if I want your help, besides, I have to get a job first,” I state, knowing that I’ll need to call Andrea for a reference. She’s going to pitch a fit at me for not telling her I was still in the UK.
“Well, the help’s there if you want it... I have something to tell you Paige, I um, have money that I put aside for you – in case I ever found you again. After the divorce, I sold my partnership in the firm and created a trust fund for you. It’s not a huge amount, but it’s enough to live off, if you invest it wisely.”
Reaching into her handbag she pulls out an envelope that contains the paperwork for a fund in my name.
“I don’t know what to say…” I tell her, quietly scanning the documents.
“You don’t have to say anything, it’s the least I could do to make up for things – not that I think it does, I just – I just wanted to make sure you had something.”
“Thank you,” I whisper noting the start date of the fund. She’s been holding it for me for almost nine and a half years.
Elliot
“There’s some mail for you on your bed,” my mother informs me as I walk through the front door of her house after work and find her in the kitchen slicing up a bread stick to go with what smells like a beef casserole for dinner.
“Thanks mum,” I say dropping a kiss on the top of her head and pinching the crust the moment she butters it and drops it in the napkin lined basket. “Is Steve home yet?” I ask as I walk towards the staircase leading to my room.
“He is, he’s out in the garage checking the engine of the car, he said it’s making a funny noise. He’ll be in for dinner though,” she says as she pulls the curtain to the side in the kitchen calling out the window. “Five minutes Steve!”
“I’ll be down in a few,” I tell her bounding up the stairs three at a time until I reach the landing and enter my room. On the bed, I find a small pile of mail with yellow redirection stickers on the envelopes indicating that they were all forwarded from my flat to here.
Flicking through the pile, I find a mobile phone bill, my bank statement, some junk that I don’t care about and finally, an envelope with the UK Border Agency logo printed on it.
My breath catches in my throat as I stare at it, knowing that this is my answer.
“Please be yes,” I whisper to it, praying that I’ve been approved.
When I pull out the documents familiar to me after the last time I was granted a visa, I can’t contain myself “YES!” I yell out racing back downstairs to share my news.
“What was all that about?” Steve asks from the back sliding door.
“I got approved!” I rush over and hug my mother, picking her up and spinning her around as she laughs at my behaviour.
“That’s fantastic Elliot,” my mum says smiling up at me as I set her down.
Offering me his hand in congratulations, Steve shakes mine as he beams at me. “I’m gonna miss seeing you mate,” he says.
“Me too mate; I'm going to miss both of you,” I tell him honestly.
“Don’t go all soppy you two, that’s my job,” my mother cuts in. “Let’s have dinner, I’ll open a bottle of wine to celebrate.”
“Is the computer on?” I ask as they move towards the kitchen.
“Yes it is, sweetheart – let me guess; you can’t wait to book your flight?”
Grinning at her, I wink and disappear into the study to buy my ticket. Suddenly, the whole world is so much more wonderful to me. I'm going back, in only two weeks - I’m going back!
Chapter 32
Paige
“Are you ready?” my mother says as soon as I open the front door of my newly rented flat. It’s not that far away from where my mother and Daniel live, and it isn’t anything exciting, but it’s my own space – a place for me to start rebuilding my life.
It’s one bedroom, one living area, a small kitchen and bathroom, and it suits my budget. I can afford it on my own with my hairdresser’s salary without having to touch the money from the trust fund my mother gave me. I'd prefer not to touch it, unless I absolutely need to – perhaps I’ll save it for my retirement or something.
My mother and Daniel have helped me buy furniture for it as they’re doing their best to be a part of my life. We’ve come to an understanding now, and we’ve been continuing to work with a counsellor to put our respective pasts behind us and have the best opportunity for a family that we can. It’s still weird though, I don’t know that I’ll ever come to view them as my ‘parents’ in the sense that they are the first people I want to share my world with – I just can’t see us being a family like that.
“Come on Paige, we’ll be late for your appointment,” my mother chides me gently, still waiting in the doorway.
“Alright, I’m coming – you don’t need to be at every appointment you know,” I point out, reaching for a lightweight cardigan as I sling my handbag over my shoulder and step out the door, locking it behind me.
“I need to make sure you’re ok,” she reminds me, walking ahead of me down the stairs until we reach her car.
I ho
p into the passenger seat, and she drives us to the doctor for my appointment. It's nothing serious this time; he just needs to check on me to make sure I’m looking after myself and eating properly after being so unwell lately.
We sit in the waiting area and chat briefly about an article in a magazine before we’re called into the doctor’s office. My mother sits supportively beside me as the doctor asks me a barrage of questions, checks my health and sends me on my way, happy with my progress.
“I told you it would all be fine,” my mother says as we leave.
“Did you?” I laugh before I take a nervous breath as butterflies flutter in my stomach, “Well, I worry,” I say.
Elliot
Today feels like the happiest day of my freaking life – I’m finally on the plane back to the UK, and this time, I have five years under my belt.
It gives me plenty of time to find Paige and try to convince her that her past doesn’t mean we can’t be together. I don’t care what it takes, I want to be with her. I need to be with her – she doesn’t get to push me away this time.
Paige
As I do every night before I go to sleep, I replay the last couple of voice messages from Elliot that tell me he misses me and still loves me, then I look through the photos of our time together. I have printed a couple – ok, all of them; off and have them framed around my house – my mother thinks I should just call him back and tell him what’s going on with me, but now, more than ever he needs to choose his own path. I can’t let my changed circumstances be the deciding factor in what’s best for him. He’s the kind of guy, who will stick it out with me until the bitter end, and I don’t want that for him, I want him to be happy.
I need to be strong. I can’t let my love for Elliot be the only thing I focus on or my life will fall apart. I’ve spent the last three months trying too hard to put it back together, and I’m finally at a point where I don’t feel like my past is chasing me around, I feel like I can move forward with my life, and I hope that Elliot manages to as well.
A Beautiful Forever Page 19