I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “I don’t know but I hope we’re called through soon – my bladder is so full that I think I might burst if they don’t see us in the next few minutes.”
A woman comes into the waiting area with a clip board and a file in her hand, “Paige Larsen?” she calls out.
“Thank god,” we say in unison.
The ultrasound technician leads us to a room and gestures for me to lie on the chair in the middle of the room. Elliot stands by me, looking fretful and expectant. As soon as I’ve lifted my shirt to expose my belly, he captures my hand in his and holds it tightly, his eyes darting around taking in everything in the room.
“So how far along do you think you are?” the technician asks.
“20 weeks,” Elliot says, jumping in, he has grilled me thoroughly for every detail about this pregnancy, I think he knows more than I do now.
I laugh at his nerves and the technician smiles. “A nervous father to be?” she asks.
“Very!” I laugh.
“Alright, well let’s get this baby on screen,” she suggests.
The gel is surprisingly warm as she squeezes it over my stomach and uses the transducer to slide it around. An image looks like it’s zooming in and out on the screen at first until she slows her movement, and the picture becomes something discernible.
“There you are little one,” she says as my eyes fill with tears while I’m watching the screen.
“Wow,” Elliot breathes from beside me. “That’s our baby Paige.”
I nod my head, beaming. “It’s beautiful!”
The technician moves the transducer around my stomach and shows us different part of our baby's body. It's moving around so much, and I can’t believe I can’t feel it more than I do, I only get fluttery feelings – like butterflies in my stomach. When she finishes taking the necessary measurements, she turns to us and asks us if we’d like to know the sex.
Elliot and I look at each other, unsure how to respond, “Should it be a surprise?” I ask him.
He looks unsure but says, “Yeah; I think a surprise would be best.”
“Ok? You’re sure?” I check.
“Yes, we’ll wait.”
Elliot
I'm on a complete high right now. I just saw my baby on the screen, and it’s perfect. Everything seems fine, the baby’s healthy. Paige is healthy. I’m on cloud nine. We’re walking out of the ultrasound area together with our printed strip of photos in hand. You can clearly see the baby’s face, hands, and feet. It’s so amazing to me that the baby in this picture is inside Paige’s body right now.
We walk arm in arm to the elevator bay and travel down to another floor. Because of Paige’s upbringing, she is a risk for pre and post natal depression, so it was recommended that she see a counsellor throughout her pregnancy and the early months after the birth. She booked her session to start shortly after the ultrasound, so we’re heading to the waiting area for that. After she is called in, I have plenty of time to sit and think while I wait for her.
A week ago, I was in Australia, pining away for Paige and praying that she’ll still be in love with me and this week – I have everything I wanted and more. I can’t believe I’m going to be a father. I didn’t think I was ready for kids, but with Paige – I want everything.
I’m so glad that she’s getting counselling now. I'm not so glad that her mother is in her life – I harbour more than a bit of resentment towards her over the way she treated Paige but if Paige wants to have a relationship with her, then I’m supportive of that - especially considering they are all in counselling together. It gives me great hope that everything is going to work out for us.
Chapter 35
Paige
“Elliot,” I whisper, rocking him by the shoulder to wake him, “Elliot; it's time.”
Lifting his sleep laden head from the pillow, he looks over at the clock on the bedside table and scrunches up his face, “No it’s not, I’ve got hours before I have to be at work,” he complains, rolling onto his back and closing his eyes again. I watch him as he runs his hands over the top of his head, over the short clipped hair that I cut only yesterday.
Suddenly, his eyes pop open, and he sits bolt upright in bed, “Wait! What?! It’s time? It’s time time?” he rambles, throwing the quilt off him and jumping out of bed. He places his hands on either side of my enormous belly and looks at me intently, “Are you sure?”
“My waters broke and I’m having contractions. I've called the hospital, and they’re expecting us.”
“Oh my god! This is really happening isn’t it?” he says, freaking out a little as he pulls on the pants and shirt I’m holding out to him. “Why are you so calm?” he asks me.
“I’m not calm Elliot. I'm about to have a giant baby come out of my vagina. I’m about as far from calm as I can be right now,” I answer tonelessly. I actually think I’m in shock a little.
Elliot
I carry Paige’s bag and hold her hand as we walk carefully down the two flights of stairs to get to the car. A contraction hits her when we’re only a few steps away, I have no idea what to do right now except rub her back and talk softly to her until the pain ebbs away, and her face softens again.
“Ok?” I ask, checking that she’s fine to continue to the car. She nods quickly and I guide her to the passenger side, dropping her bag on the back seat before getting in and driving us to the hospital.
She has another contraction on the way to the hospital, and I ask if she wants me to pull over but she shakes her head no, so I keep going, my heart beating in my chest so hard that it’s echoing out through my ears.
Paige
Wave after wave of contractions are taking over my body as I’m ushered into the delivery suite. The midwife informs me that the doctor should be in shortly to check on my progress, but she wants to check me over first to make sure everything is fine.
She presses her hands over my stomach, trying to feel which way the baby is lying.
“Are you getting a lot of back pain?” she asks me.
I nod, “Yes, it feels like my contraction pain is radiating out of my spine,” I tell her grimacing as I feel the start of another one.
“The baby’s posterior,” she starts.
“What? What does that even mean?” Elliot interrupts to ask, worry etched in his face.
“Everything’s fine, it just means her pain is more concentrated. I’d offer you something for the pain Paige, but I don’t think we’ll have time – you’re already grunting so the baby is probably coming soon ok?”
I nod my head quickly, trying desperately to breathe through the pain that is overwhelming my body right now. I roll onto my knees trying to ease the pain in my back and start crying.
Elliot, rubs my back and coos at me softly, telling me I’m doing great. “It just hurts so much Elliot, where are the endorphins your body is supposed to produce? The books said there’d be endorphins to take the pain away!” I cry as a contraction starts again, “Oh God!” I call out as my body bears down of its own accord.
“Breathe Paige, breathe as you push, we’re not far now,” the midwife coaches me.
Panting I try to catch my breath before another contraction comes, I can’t believe how fast this is all happening.
“She’s pushing?! Shouldn’t she be on her back or something? She can’t give birth on all fours can she?” Elliot asks the midwife frantically.
“It’s fine, dad, just let nature take its course,” she soothes him. “Now Paige, when the baby’s head is just about out, you will feel a burn. I want you to try not to push when that's happening, give your body time to stretch, so you don’t tear ok?”
I nod my head, feeling like I'm a torture recipient – I’m so angry at nature right now, why does this have to hurt so much!?
Elliot
My eyes grow wide as Paige bears down, and I see the baby’s head crowning, “Oh my god Paige! I can see the baby! You’re doing it!”
She screams out lou
dly, and I’m torn between rushing back to hold her hand and watching our baby as it emerges from her body and into the world. I settle for resting my hand on her back and cheering her on so I can still see.
“Try not to push Paige, the baby’s coming out quickly, breathe through the burn,” the midwife coaches, preparing herself for the birth of our child.
“I can’t stop pushing!” yells Paige, grunting and yelling as she bears down again, and I witness our baby’s head pop out of her, closely following by its body.
I can hardly breathe, watching that little scrunched up face as it gurgles out a loud cry that seems to reverberate around the room. “It’s a girl Paige, we made a baby girl!”
I help her roll over so the midwife can place the baby on her stomach. “Oh Elliot!” she breathes, “She’s beautiful, look at our daughter!” I touch the face of our screaming little bundle and kiss Paige happily.
“Would you like to cut the cord?” The midwife asks me, holding out a pair of surgical scissors. I nod, taking them from her and work them to cut the cord that connected mother and baby for nearly nine months.
The door to the delivery suite opens, and the doctor walks in. He takes a couple of steps and freezes, “Oh, I guess I’m a bit late,” he comments.
“Yes, this one couldn’t wait to meet her parents,” the midwife says.
“Well congratulations,” he says, moving over to the midwife to talk quietly with her for a moment about the delivery before congratulating us again and leaving.
“I’m sorry,” I say to the midwife, “I never caught your name.”
“Victoria,” she informs me.
“Well, thank you Victoria, for bringing our baby into the world.” I say.
“You’re very welcome.”
Paige
Staring down at the child in my arms, I’m so overwhelmed with love, that the pain of the delivery seems like a distant memory now. Victoria is helping me as I try to latch the baby onto my breast for her first feeding. It’s a lot harder than I thought I would be and hurts a little when the baby starts suckling before she has her mouth open properly.
“So do you have a name for her?” asks Victoria when she’s sure the baby is attached properly.
Elliot and I look at each other and smile. We had thought long and hard about what our baby’s name will be, “Grace,” I tell her. “Her name is Grace.”
“Yes, Grace Roberts,” Elliot puts in.
I look at him and laugh, “Who says she gets your last name?”
“It will be your last name too,” he informs me.
“Really?”
“Yes Paige,” he says, wrapping his arms gently around both me, and our daughter as she feeds from me, contentedly in my arms. He lowers his head and looks me in the eyes, a serious expression on his face. “Paige Larsen, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?” he asks.
Tears begin to pour out of my eyes as I nod my head frantically. “Of course I will Elliot,” I say through my tears. “Of course I will!”
He steps away from the bed and searches through my bag for a moment, returning with a small black ring box. He sits beside me and opens it, revealing a beautiful ring with a gold band that overlaps itself in two swirls around a single diamond suspended between the metal. I hold my shaking hand out as he places it on my finger, admiring it as it catches the light.
He leans in and kisses me, resting his other hand gently on our daughter’s tiny head, “I love you Paige. Thank you so much for giving me a daughter.”
“I love you too. But we made her together, she's a gift for the both of us. ”
Chapter 36
SIX MONTHS LATER
Elliot
A happy Grace is gripping tightly onto my fingers as I hold her on my knees and bounce her up down. She smiles broadly; her two tiny teeth in the middle of her bottom gums are absolutely adorable as she gurgles and grins.
“Who’s Daddy’s little girl,” I ask as she cranes her neck in an attempt to chew on my finger.
“Watch those teeth,” Paige warns from beside me, smiling as she wiggles her finger in the middle of Grace’s stomach, causing her to erupt in a fit of baby giggles. “They are very sharp.”
Suddenly Grace’s laughter turns to whining and we both shush her as Paige reaches out for her. “She’s getting tired,” she announces settling Grace against her chest to feed her to sleep. Watching the way my wife is with my daughter, I feel a great swell of love for the both of them, greater than I ever thought I was capable of feeling.
I look out the window of the plane and can see nothing but clouds blanketing the sky. We’ve decided it’s time to return to Australia. I really want Grace to grow up in the sand and the surf just like I did. I’ve loved living in the UK, but Australia is and always will be my home and now that the two girls I love most in this world are coming back with me, I won’t ever have to live anywhere else again.
Paige
I slide my shirt closed as Grace’s mouth falls away from my chest and position her more comfortably as she sleeps. Elliot reaches over and slips a blanket over her tiny body and kisses me on the side of the head.
I’m really nervous about going home to Australia, but I know it’s the right place for us to be. Elliot has his whole family there, as well as all of his friends and I agree that Grace should get to grow up the same way her daddy did, and we’ll travel back to the UK occasionally so she can see her grandparents there.
I have really appreciated the time I spent in the UK because not only did I find Elliot, but I got a chance to get to know my mother and father. My relationship with them is never going to be fantastic because I still have all of those bad memories from long ago, but at least now I can put them aside and move on with my life, and I can use them to make sure that my own family is treated well.
Elliot is the most magnificent husband and father; he's always taking care of me and is so enamoured with Grace that he already talks about having more children together.
Through my therapy, I have realised that the only way I'm ever going to heal is to let myself love and be loved. Now that we’re married and have a family, Elliot and I have vowed to be connected to each other forever.
As I rest my head on his shoulder, he reaches over and hooks his finger under my chin to tilt my head up and kiss me, my head swims slightly as we pull away from each other.
“I love you Paige Roberts,” he whispers.
“I love you too,” I say, filled with more happiness than I ever hoped to have in my life time.
He lifts the arm rest between our seats and puts his arm around me, resting his other hand lightly on the body of our daughter, sleeping soundly in the crook of my left arm. I lightly touch the band of vine and script that’s tattooed around his forearm, featuring both, mine and Grace’s names. I have a matching one on my wrist for him and Grace. We felt that since I had marked my body to remind me of all the things I didn’t want to be again, we should both mark ourselves, to remind ourselves we’re in this life together, forever and that’s all that matters to me anymore.
When the captain’s voice comes over the speakers, we’re told that we’re only an hour away from landing in Sydney, my stomach starts dancing about inside me, I’m sure it spends a little time up in my chest as well, dancing around with my thudding heart.
“You ok?” Elliot asks.
“I’m just nervous. I've only met your mum a couple of times, and now we’re going to be staying with her for god knows how long. I’m just nervous is all,” I say, rambling slightly.
“You’ll be fine, Paige. She loves you. You have nothing to worry about,” he assures me.
I breathe out slowly, trying to calm myself as I wait to touch down and start a whole new life with my husband and child.
Elliot
As we move towards the baggage claim, I leave Paige watching the conveyor belt while I go and get a trolley to hold our bags. She looks nervous; it's actually kind of sweet. She's always so tough in life but the very tho
ught of staying with my mother and possibly not being liked by her has got her all worked up. She doesn’t need to worry though, my mum already thinks she’s amazing, so does my step father Steve.
After loading our bags on the trolley, we follow the flow of people outside to find my mother waving frantically at us in the pick up only line of cars. She rushes towards us and envelopes us both in a cloud of hugs and kisses before hurrying us towards the car, so she doesn’t get in trouble for taking too long.
Before we know it, we’re on our way, I’m in front sitting next to mum who’s driving, and Paige is in the back with Grace all clipped into her car seat.
“Mum, thanks so much for getting everything organised for Grace, it’s really great of you.”
“Elliot, don’t be silly, it’s my pleasure, and I have to admit a little selfish of me. If I have everything ready for her, then I can pinch her whenever I want,” she laughs.
“Good luck with that mum,” I laugh.
“What you’re not going to let me take my granddaughter every now and then?” she teases.
“Of course you can take her out with you,” says Paige from the back seat, getting in some ‘good daughter-in-law’ points.
“Thank you Paige,” my mother smiles, poking her tongue out at me like a child. I laugh as I let my head lay against the seat, tired from the trip, but so glad to be home.
Paige
The car ride lulls Grace off to sleep and when we arrive at Elliot’s mother’s house, a large brown brick, two storey home in Westmead, near Parramatta, I’m happy to let Kathy take her from me and place her in the cot she has set up ready for her.
I practically collapse onto the couch next to Elliot. You'd think we would be sick of sitting but after a whole day of travel, we’re both too exhausted to move. We just need to make it until dinner time before we can safely close our eyes to ward off jet lag.
A Beautiful Forever Page 21