The Flawed Marriage

by Penny Jordan

  The afternoon wore on interminably. The shack was hot and stuffy. Amber couldn’t touch the meal she had made from the canned food in the cupboards. The routine was obviously a familiar one to their captor, and Amber found herself wondering how many times he had acted as watchdog like this while somewhere one parent went frantic with fear and worry, and the other gloated.

  She had known all along somewhere deep within her that Teri would attempt something like this, but knowing that she had been right gave her no satisfaction. She remembered how Joel had disappeared with his ex-wife at the party. She had feared then that Teri might be attempting a reconciliation. Muddled, terrified thoughts chased one another through her tired brain.

  Darkness came swiftly, stalking the desolate landscape. Paul looked exhausted, and while Amber coaxed him into having a sketchy wash with the water she had heated in the kettle one half of her mind marvelled that she should find it so essential to maintain some travesty of their normal routine, while the other acknowledged that only by clinging to this precarious normality could she retain her own sanity.

  Their captor disappeared outside announcing that he was radioing his principal, and Paul stared hopefully towards the car, his breathed, Let’s try to escape while he’s gone,’ the small boy’s first admission that Joel might not after all find them.

  ‘We can’t, Paul,’ she told him gently. ‘It would be too dangerous. We might get lost and wander round and round in circles never getting any further.’

  The sound of the car door closing warned Amber that their guard was on his way back.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were married to the kid’s father?’ he demanded curtly of Amber, stubbing out a cigarette and frowning.

  ‘Why didn’t you know, if your organisation is so professional?’ Amber retorted, trying to shrug carelessly as she added, ‘What does it matter anyway?’

  ‘One hell of a lot, as it happens. His mother might be prepared to guarantee the safety of her kid, but she sure as hell don’t feel the same way about you. Orders are that you’re to be dumped,’ he told Amber cruelly, eyeing her assessingly as he drawled, ‘Of course, I might just be persuaded to be… flexible.’

  ‘I thought you said you weren’t going to hurt us—either of us,’ Amber reminded him bitterly.

  He shrugged, his eyes narrowed on her flushed face, calloused fingers gripping the side of her throat as he murmurd softly, ‘Who’s talking about hurting anyone, honey? All I’m talking about here is a little straight bargaining. It’s a long time since I’ve had a beautiful woman in my bed—at least one who isn’t a paid whore, and something tells me you’re far from being that.’

  The way his eyes ran over her made Amber hot and cold with loathing and distaste, her flesh crawling at the thought of him touching her; or anyone touching her apart from Joel. Joel! Her heart and mind cried out for him. What was he doing right now? Worrying about Paul, of course.

  ‘What was that?’

  Amber jumped as she was pushed back against the wall, while their guard reached inside his leather jacket and emerged with a gun.

  ‘Stay here,’ he warned Amber and Paul, ‘and don’t make a sound. On second thoughts—–’ He reached for Paul suddenly, clamping an arm round the struggling boy and half carrying him in front of him, pushed open the door.

  In the silence of the desert night, the growing roar of a car engine seemed unnaturally loud, and Amber held her breath as it gradually grew closer, her fingers clenched in unconscious supplication, which turned to fear as she realised that the car was heading for the shack, and that whoever was in it might unwittingly endanger Paul.

  At last, unable to bear the suspense, she hurried outside. Moonlight illuminated the small plateau. An unfamiliar car screeched to a halt, kicking up a miniature sand whirlwind. A woman emerged from the car and started to run towards Paul. Amber caught her breath. Teri!

  And then, before she could reach the little boy, another figure emerged from the car; tall and imposingly male, his features clearly delineated by the sharp moonlight.

  Amber felt sickness well up inside her. Joel! And with Teri. Had she agreed to a reconciliation—was that why Joel was with her? She couldn’t bear to look as the two figures converged on the man holding Paul, and turned away, shaken by nausea. A male hand on her shoulder filled her with wild hope, until she turned and recognised Chet’s pleasant features.

  ‘You okay?’ he asked with concern.

  ‘Fine,’ she assured him. ‘I’d just like to get away from here.’

  ‘Sure. My car’s behind Joel’s, I’ll take you back to Fairlea if you like.’

  ‘Fairlea?’ Amber was too bewildered by the sudden change of events to fully comprehend what was happening. All she did know was that she mustn’t glance across to where Joel was standing with Teri, and their son!

  ‘Yeah, Joel’s made arrangements to have you and Paul both checked over. God, Teri must have been mad to think she could get away with this. I thought Joel was going to kill her!’

  It was almost midnight by the time the doctors had finished examining her and still there was no sign of Joel or Paul.

  ‘You’ve had a nasty shock,’ the doctor sympathised. ‘I want to keep you in overnight just to make sure there’s no lasting damage. We’ll give you a sleeping pill it will help you relax…’

  Amber started to protest, but she was whisked firmly away by a competent nurse, who handed her the pill and stood over her while she took it, helping her to undress and ensuring that she was firmly tucked up in bed before leaving her.

  ‘Joel…’ Amber tried to murmur, tears stinging her eyes with sudden remembered pain. ‘I…’

  ‘You just go to sleep, Mrs Sinclair,’ she was told. ‘You can see your husband in the morning.’

  * * *

  ‘Amber…’

  The voice reached her through a thick cotton-woolly cloud. She tried to lift her head, but it felt too heavy, a strange inertia paralysing her body.

  ‘Amber!’

  She opened her eyes and turned her head warily. For some reason her subconscious associated the pleasant male voice with pain. Shock and remembrance jolted through her as she met cool grey eyes.

  ‘So you are with us. Dr James told me they gave you a sleeping pill last night.’

  ‘Joel, where’s Paul?’ she asked huskily, her eyes searching the room.

  ‘He’s fine. They kept him in overnight too, but unlike you he seems to have survived his ordeal without any ill effects. Nurse Adams told me you talked halfway through the night, although she couldn’t make much sense of what you were saying.’

  Which was probably just as well, Amber thought humbly, as dim recollections of tortured dreams of losing Joel flooded her mind.

  ‘I’ve made arrangements for us to return home tomorrow,’ Joel told her abruptly, his back to her so that she could read nothing in his expression. ‘We’ve got things to talk about, Amber, things I’ve evaded for too long.’

  Amber’s heart plummeted. What did he mean? Was he taking Teri back, and if so what about her new husband? He loved Paul, she knew that, and perhaps Teri had used the small child to force his hand. Her head ached with trying to bring order to her chaotic thoughts.

  Dr James came in later in the morning and sat on the edge of her bed, watching her for several seconds before he spoke. ‘Okay now?’ he asked her, adding almost casually, ‘By the way, I think we can do something for that leg of yours, if you still want to go ahead?’

  Amber shook her head. What did a little thing like her leg matter now? She almost laughed aloud at the irony of her own thoughts; almost, but not quite!

  Edie and Lee came to see her later in the day, and Amber guessed that they had been warned by Joel not to let her question them. Edie avoided her eyes, and seemed pale and strained, and Amber felt sure she had been right, and the matter Joel had talked about evading was an admission that he still loved his ex-wife; still loved her and still wanted her, which left Amber herself… where precisel
y?

  She had known from the start that their relationship had no hope of permanence, Amber reminded herself, and while it was true that Joel had physically desired her; it had been no more than any virile man’s desire for a woman with whom he lived intimately.

  * * *

  They flew in to Manchester Airport two days later. Amber had slept for most of the flight, waking to find with dismay that she had been leaning against Joel’s shoulder. She had removed herself quickly, but not before she had seen the look in his eyes and been even more convinced that he no longer wanted her—in any capacity.

  The house felt cold and damp when they walked in; an abrupt change from the heat of California, and yet somehow Amber felt more at home here. Perhaps the thin grey mizzle of rain soaking the hills was more attuned to her own greyness of spirit.

  While Joel switched on the central heating she made a cup of tea. Of all of them Paul seemed to have survived the flight best. His ordeal had, as Joel had told her, left him completely unscathed, although she noticed that every time he started to talk about it, Joel frowned him down. How would Paul react to living with his mother again? she wondered.

  They were back three days before Joel broached the subject he had first mentioned in the hospital at Fairlea, and during those three days Amber had clung foolishly to the hope that he would never broach it.

  He approached her after dinner and asked her if she could spare him half an hour in the study.

  Her heart as heavy as lead, Amber followed him. He motioned her into a chair and stood for a moment frowning down at her.

  ‘Amber, this isn’t easy for me to do,’ he said at last. ‘God knows I’ve been unfair to you all through this damned mess, but after what happened with Paul…’ He raked disturbed fingers through his hair. ‘What I’m trying to say is that I’m setting you free, Amber.’ He wouldn’t look at her, and Amber couldn’t look at him for fear of what her eyes might reveal. She heard the sound of a drawer being opened and then closed, and then Joel said abruptly, ‘Here. I know I said twenty-five thousand originally, but…’

  Amber’s head lifted, her face pale as she stared at the cheque he had pushed towards her.

  ‘Fifty thousand!’

  ‘Call it conscience money. It will help pay some of those medical bills.’

  ‘Yes,’ Amber agreed bitterly, telling herself that the searing pain she was experiencing couldn’t possibly last for ever, and that all she had to do was simply to grit her teeth until it subsided. ‘Who knows,’ she added gallantly, ‘perhaps once I’m whole again Rob might change his mind.’ She stood up, pinning a smile to her face, the cheque in her hand, her head held high as she walked out.

  Upstairs in her room she tore it into tiny pieces and dropped them into the wastepaper bin. Then she locked herself in the bathrom where her tears could mingle with the stinging spray of the shower without anyone but herself being aware that she was shedding them. Joel had bought her off! The pain of it was more than she could bear. If he hadn’t offered her that money she could have stood it—which was silly really when she thought of how she had originally accepted his proposition because he had offered her money—at least on the surface. But she had come to love him and had thought mistakenly that he had some respect for her. How wrong she had been. Now that Teri was back in his life, he couldn’t wait to get rid of her!

  She stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel, too weary to bother drying herself properly, merely walking drearily into the bedroom, and coming to a shocked standstill in front of the bed.

  Joel was sitting on it, arms folded against his chest. Ever since their return from America they had been sleeping apart, and it was almost more than she could bear that he should come here now, when she was at her most vulnerable.

  ‘Joel!’ Her hand crept to her throat in a defensive gesture. ‘What… what are you doing here?’

  ‘You left before we’d finished our conversation.’

  ‘What do you want?’ she demanded bitterly. ‘A signed declaration of when I’m going to leave? I’ll go now if you like! What’s the matter—doesn’t Teri trust me with you?’

  She paused. Joel wasn’t even looking at her. His eyes were on the torn up pieces of cheque in the waste-paper bin.

  ‘Why did you do that?’ he asked softly.

  Just for a moment she was tempted to tell him because it hadn’t been enough, but the impulse died, to be replaced with a weariness that made her admit, ‘Perhaps because my pride wouldn’t allow me to accept it.’

  ‘Not even when it could have bought you your operation? Dr James told me all about it. That was why you accepted my proposition in the first place, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yes.’ She could admit it now.

  ‘So why destroy it now? Or has Rob come to his senses and wants you back regardless of your leg?’

  ‘Rob?’

  ‘Yes,’ Joel drawled, his voice suddenly dangerously soft. ‘You remember—the man you loved. The man you were thinking about when I made love to you.’

  ‘Just as you were thinking about Teri!’ Amber flung at him. ‘Well, you’ve got her back now, haven’t you? And you want me out of your life. Well, don’t worry—I’m going. I…’

  ‘I want Teri back?’ He stared at her in furious incredulity. ‘Have you gone mad? I damn near killed her when I discovered the little stunt she’d tried to pull. When I got back and discovered you and Paul were missing I nearly lost my mind. I saw Chet’s name on the phone pad and a number, and I thought you’d gone off with him—he made it pretty plain that he wouldn’t have objected—what sane man would?’ he breathed smokily. ‘God, when I think of the mental agony I endured when Chet came over and told me you said you were taking Paul to the hospital, after we discovered that you weren’t there. And then we checked the phone number and discovered it was allocated to a detective agency; that was when I began to put two and two together.’

  ‘You mean you and Teri…’

  ‘Teri and I are finished,’ he told her brutally, ‘and if you’d listened to one half of what I’ve been telling you you’d know there’s only one woman for me, and she’s standing right here in front of me,’ he added huskily, bending his head to lick the droplets of moisture from her skin, his eyes darkening suddenly with desire as his mouth left her bare shoulder and fastened hungrily on hers. Fierce pleasure burned inside her, her arms reached up for him, her fingers tangling in the thick dark hair as she pressed herself into the warmth of his body, pliant under the fierce pressure of his kiss, answering it with a passion of her own, until they were both trembling. With a wry grimace Joel held her away from him.

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re still in any doubt as to how I feel about you?’ he asked her sardonically. ‘And if it feeds your ego you might as well know that concerned as I was for Paul; it was the thought of you being hurt that drove me to threaten to expose what Teri had attempted to do to Lee if she didn’t tell me where you were. She broke then, after wasting precious minutes denying that she knew anything about your disappearance. But Lee had no idea what she planned to do.’

  ‘I thought you still loved her, especially when you disappeared with her at the party.’

  ‘When she dragged me off, don’t you mean? And the only reason I went with her was to protect you from her malicious tongue. And how do you reward me? By dancing with another man in a way that made me long to tear him limb from limb. I’ve always prided myself on being a thinking human being, but you destroyed all that when you reduced me to a purely sensual male animal, fiercely possessive of the woman he loved. If I hadn’t stopped making love to you when I did after that party, I couldn’t have lived with myself…’

  ‘I thought you stopped because you didn’t love me,’ Amber told him, smiling tremulously at his huskily growled imprecation.

  ‘You were the one who didn’t love me,’ he told her.

  ‘I did, right from the start, but I was so obsessed about my leg that I couldn’t see it.’

  ‘Dr James
told me that you’d decided against having the operation. That’s why I offered to pay for it for you. I wanted to give you something, even if you wouldn’t allow me to give you my love.’

  ‘When I realised that I loved you, my leg didn’t seem important,’ Amber told him simply, ‘and I couldn’t bear to think that you’d bought me off, casually disposed of me so that you could take up your old life with Teri.’

  ‘What life? There’s only one woman I want in my life, and she’s right here in my arms. I wanted you right from the start; the first time I saw you looking so vulnerable but acting so tough. I told myself you were just another mercenary little bitch, but when I saw you with Paul I knew that wasn’t true. God knows I fought against loving you. I told myself that you were just a means of ensuring that I got Paul, but deep down inside I knew it wasn’t true. You’ll never know how many times I had to force myself to keep on working downstairs when all I longed to do was to come up here and do this…’

  He slid the towel from her shoulders, laughing at the faint colour staining her cheeks at his frank appreciation of her naked form. And then he bent his head, tenderly touching his lips to hers, while Amber clung unashamedly to him, revelling in the racing thud of his heart against hers, her fingers finding the open neck of his shirt.

  ‘Amber!’ Her fingers were trapped, molten desire flaming in the look he gave her.

  ‘Our marriage begins tonight,’ he told her huskily, lifting her and carrying her effortlessly towards the bed. ‘And I promise you I’ll teach you the true meaning of the words “with my body I thee worship"—starting right here!’

  He bent swiftly to cup the delicate arch of her foot, kissing the soft skin. With a murmured protest, half delight, half despair, Amber tugged on his arm, and as though he understood her overriding need to be held next to his body and be succoured by it, his arms tightened around her.

  ‘Tell me you love me,’ he demanded urgently against her lips.