Heroic

by Phil Earle

  Dumbstruck, we followed him outside, eyes narrowing at the sun, Hitch’s body straining to cope with his first fresh air in what had to be weeks.

  ‘Now can I call an ambulance?’ I asked.

  ‘Quick as you can. We’ll meet them by the parade.’

  As we ran for the lift, I noticed a bunch of girls gawp in our direction. We must have looked a sight, unusual enough to distract them from their phones.

  I didn’t think much about them as we piled past, why would I? But as it turns out, I should have. Their presence marked the beginning of the end. The end that pushed Jammy to the brink: the end that took me right along with him.

  Sonny

  We should’ve turned a corner right then. All right, the situation wasn’t normal, but things never were. That’s what it was like on the Ghost.

  Finding Hitch in one piece, though, and getting him to the hospital the same way, it had to mean something.

  It wasn’t just that either. Look at how we found him: together, standing beside each other. The only person missing was Tommo, and although we all felt his absence massively, it was as close as we’d been to united since him and Jamm had left.

  As the ambulance roared through the square, parting the crowd that had gathered, I felt a pulse of positivity in my gut. The paramedics had hooked Hitch up to a drip, and although his heart could only flutter when we wanted to hear it hammer, I suddenly had faith that he would be OK. Jamm was with him and I couldn’t believe after everything he’d seen this last month that he’d let another mate slip away.

  The good feeling had fractured by the time we reached the hospital, though.

  Firstly, the bus didn’t arrive, then it was slow progress running, with Wiggs constantly wanting a smoke. It might only have been one o’clock in the afternoon, but he’d caned a full pack by the time we hit the hospital doors.

  If he was nervous, though, Jammy was in a different league.

  A nurse, reluctant to let the three of us anywhere near sick people, finally directed us to a stuffy corridor, where I could see Jamm pacing every inch of it. That might have being normal behaviour, what with the worry and the adrenalin still pumping, but what bothered me was the conversation he was having with himself. I might not have been able to hear him, but I could see he was agitated. He only stopped when he caught sight of us, a tight smile edging across his face.

  ‘No news, but he’s still breathing. The doctor says they need to get fluids into him as quickly as they can.’

  ‘Did they say what he’s been taking?’ Den asked.

  ‘No, but they reckon he’s in severe withdrawal. What they’re more worried about is his weight. It’s possible he hasn’t eaten or drunk in over a week.’

  ‘But he’ll be all right?’ Den looked five years old again. I’d never seen a big man look so fragile.

  ‘They said his organs were shutting down. Kidneys and liver. Long as they can kick-start them again, he’s got a chance.’ But Jamm’s words weren’t convincing any of us, or even himself.

  All we could do was wait, take it in turns to pace or to join Wiggy outside as he smoked himself stupid. He tried lighting up inside at one point, and nearly got throttled by a nurse for his trouble. He looked more scared of her than he did of the meatheads that had surprised us back at Hitch’s. It was a rare moment of humour in an afternoon full of fear.

  By the time five o’clock rolled around the tension was eating us alive. We were at a new low, hungry and tired, and no matter how many nurses we asked, none of them were able or prepared to give us the tiniest bit of news. I’d found a vending machine, hoping a bit of sugar might give us a lift, but all the thing could do was eat my money and give me nothing in return. But any disappointment at me returning with empty pockets and hands was soon forgotten when a doctor headed over to us.

  ‘You’re with Mr Hitchcock?’ I searched his face for evidence of what came next, but couldn’t read a thing. ‘You are family, aren’t you?’

  Four yes’s flew back at him, each of them technically a lie, not that it mattered. We were all he had, and that seemed to be enough for the doctor. Just.

  ‘Well, it’s positive news. His body is responding slowly to the treatment we’ve started, although it’s very early days.’

  ‘So his kidneys and that have started again?’ Den might not get exactly what was going on, but he desperately wanted to.

  ‘They’re responding well at the moment. Had he arrived a couple of hours later, it might have been a different story. He was lucky you found him when you did.’

  We shuffled slightly, half proud of our part, only for the doctor to cut us swiftly off at the knees.

  ‘However, he should never have been allowed to approach this kind of state. His malnutrition and dehydration levels were horrific. I’ve no doubt the drugs he’s been using have been cut with some damaging chemicals, but still …’ He looked at us pityingly. ‘He should never have been exposed to them in the first place.’

  He made to walk off but Jamm called after him, asking if we could see Hitch ourselves.

  ‘Perhaps in an hour. He hasn’t come round yet and I don’t want him stressed when he does.’

  ‘So that’s not a no, then?’

  ‘It’s a “not yet”. And that’s all you’ll get for now.’

  ‘Then we’ll wait, doctor,’ chipped in Wiggy with his best plummy accent. ‘We don’t mind, especially with so many fine nurses to admire.’

  I didn’t mind laughing if Hitch was fixable. The doctor didn’t take Wiggy’s impression so well, marching off, jotting on his clipboard a reminder to call Security.

  Waiting didn’t seem quite so bad now. Wiggs got the bit between his teeth and carried on with his impressions, mimicking every doctor and nurse who walked past. Not many of them saw the funny side, but it worked for me.

  Jamm remained distant, though; pacing, lost in his own thoughts.

  I watched him and tried to pick up on anything, even the tiniest sign of what was going on in his head. Was he thinking about Hitch, or the kicking he’d dished out to that meathead? I had no doubt that a massive part of him was still in Afghanistan, though what he was doing there, or how I could reach him to help, I had no idea.

  Nothing could stop him patrolling the corridor. No offer of food, drink or a smoke was enough. Or so I thought, until the moment Cam appeared. Suddenly he was back with us.

  It was hard to see her, especially knowing what an idiot I’d made of myself the last time we spoke. We hadn’t caught up since; texts had been brief, distracted, there’d been no talk of us.

  She looked amazing, which made me feel worse. There was no sign of make-up and she still had a tired sheen to her face, but she smashed it out of the park regardless. I felt like sitting on my hands. It was the only way I could stop myself from marching over there and showing her how sorry I really was.

  ‘How is he?’ she asked, unsure she really wanted to know.

  ‘Better than he was,’ I answered quickly, hoping that if the good news came from me it would remind her I was worth caring about. ‘Doctor reckons he’ll wake up soon if they can keep the fluids going into him.’

  A single tear left the corner of her left eye but her face didn’t change. She didn’t even bother to bat it away. Instead it slid off her face as her lips stretched into a wide smile. It was the best thing I’d seen in days.

  ‘How are you doing?’ Jamm asked her, his hand touching her elbow. ‘Your mum coping?’

  ‘Not really, but people have been kind. Not that it helps. Well, not until this afternoon.’ It was like she’d remembered something, a light coming on in her head as she pulled a newspaper from her back pocket.

  ‘I hope you’re not still feeling modest,’ she told Jamm as she handed the Gazette to him. ‘You certainly won’t be once you read this.’

  Jamm looked confused, then irritated, then on the verge of freaking out, all in the course of ten seconds. Whatever he was seeing, I needed to see it too, so I pulled at the corner,
peering straight into a half-page photo of Jammy with Hitch lying unconscious in his arms. I could see me, Wiggs and Den behind them, our faces blurry next to Jamm’s determination. I should’ve read on, but couldn’t get past the headline: a single word that took up nearly as much space as the photo.

  HEROIC

  The line underneath was just as clear.

  WAR VETERAN SAVES TRAGIC FRIEND FROM OVERDOSE

  ‘You’re famous, Jamm,’ said Den, beaming.

  ‘It’s only the Gazette,’ answered Wiggs, disappointed he’d been reduced to a supporting role.

  I said nothing, just followed the article as quickly as I could.

  A local soldier, heralded as a hero for his bravery in Afghanistan, today cemented his reputation by saving a man from a near fatal overdose.

  James McGann, 18, a resident of the infamous Ghost Estate and currently between tours of duty, was photographed at lunchtime emerging from a flat clutching a man ravaged by heroin addiction.

  It is less than a month since Private McGann was praised for his bravery under fire while on a tour of duty in Afghanistan. While there, he was caught in a firefight that claimed the life of his best friend, Robert Thompson, also 18.

  Despite the intensity of the firefight, Private McGann showed incredible tenacity in repelling insurgents while trying to save the life of his friend: an act of bravery described by his senior officers as ‘incredible. Private James McGann defines the integrity of the modern soldier.’

  It was impossible to read it and not be swept up. Mum would weep for England when she saw it.

  Today’s developments added weight to this paper’s call for the town to honour both Private McGann and Private Thompson. Local council officials have commented that an announcement will follow shortly, and that some sort of ceremony was ‘extremely likely’.

  Gill Thompson, mother of Robert, who was killed in Afghanistan, welcomed our campaign.

  ‘It would mean the world to see our boys honoured by the town. Jammy is the closest thing we now have to a son. We will never forget what he did for Robert in his last moments.’

  I felt my throat close as I looked at Cam and saw what it meant to her.

  ‘Thank you, Jamm,’ she added. ‘You’ve no idea the boost this will give Mum. She thought Tommo was going to be forgotten, but not now.’

  Jamm’s eyes didn’t move from the page, but he didn’t seem to be reading. The only thing that did move was his face: a series of lines creasing his forehead, then his eyes, until, without warning, his whole face caved and a torrent of tears fell.

  I thought that had to be the moment, the time that he gave in and let us know what was going on in his head, but as we circled him, trying to give him the comfort we thought he needed, he broke away, a single loud ‘NO!’ bursting from his lips.

  ‘It’s all right.’ Cam smiled through her own tears. ‘It’s OK.’

  But it wasn’t. It clearly wasn’t. One by one, Jamm fixed us with a stare so pained that we all felt it too. He didn’t seem able to understand why we were proud, how we could possibly care, and with one last huge roar, he sprinted from the corridor. I started to follow him but Cam stopped me gently.

  ‘Give me a minute,’ she said, with a look that told me somehow all of this mess was going to be all right.

  I had to trust her, give her the time she wanted. If she needed a minute, then that was fine. I’d just have to keep my jealousy in check.

  Sonny

  ‘Er … I don’t get it.’ Wiggs was bemused. ‘Seriously. They want to build a statue of him or give him the key to the city, and he freaks out?’

  ‘He’s not well,’ I answered, feeling like I hadn’t slept in months.

  ‘Clearly. If they wanted to put up a statue of me I’d be all over it. Long as it was gold.’

  ‘Didn’t you hear me?’ I yelled. ‘I’ve been telling you this since he got home but you wouldn’t listen. He’s not well. And I’m scared. The mad episodes at night, the way he went for that dealer earlier. I thought at one point he was going to kill him. Even when we arrived here, and he was pacing, he was arguing with himself. You can’t tell me that’s normal, can you?’

  Den looked like his head was going to explode. He liked life simpler than this.

  ‘Mate, I’m no doctor. I don’t know what to say. Maybe you should talk to your mum.’

  ‘And that’s the answer, is it? Mum’ll know everything? She’s so grateful he’s still breathing that she doesn’t want to talk about anything else. If he’d brought a wife and four kids home with him, she wouldn’t have batted an eyelid.’

  ‘Maybe this ceremony might be good for him, then. Show him how everyone appreciates what he’s done.’

  He didn’t get it. If just one person told him he was a hero, Jamm looked like he wanted to puke. Stick him in front of a few hundred and I had no idea what he’d do. But I’d guess it wouldn’t be pretty.

  My feet were itchy. ‘I’m going to see how they’re getting on.’

  ‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’

  ‘When’s it ever stopped me before?’ And I turned for the doors, feeling a waft of cold air as the evening hit me.

  It wasn’t hard to spot them in the middle of the car park, huddled against the wind. From a distance they looked like a couple; you couldn’t have squeezed a credit card between them. When she spoke to Jammy, Cam’s arms waved in that way that I loved, the way I never wanted to end when she was talking at me. You could see she was trying to persuade him, and that it seemed to have calmed him down a bit, despite him still rubbing at his hair.

  I picked my way along a row of cars to their left, not wanting to listen, but feeling like I needed to.

  The conversation seemed to go back and forth and I couldn’t help but tense up when their hands rested on each other, even if it was for only a second.

  But then the tears started, firstly from Jamm. I saw his shoulders hunch and shake, his hands moving to her shoulders. As he spoke he leaned forward, his forehead almost touching hers, and although I hadn’t a clue what he was saying, my head mangled an answer pretty quickly, especially when I saw tears on her face too.

  Somehow I held myself back. Every inch of me wanted to burst their moment but I knew I would lose her altogether if I did. But when her hands held each side of his face my legs betrayed me; I practically leapt into their eye-line.

  ‘What’s going on?’ I demanded, my head cringing as the words left me.

  ‘It’s fine, Sonny, just give me a minute.’ Her voice was firm.

  I didn’t move. Just stared at their closeness, their tears.

  ‘Please.’ She wasn’t begging, she was telling.

  My legs still wouldn’t budge. Jammy’s did, though, breaking away from her and towards me, his blood-red eyes furious.

  ‘What is it with you?’ he seethed. ‘We need a minute.’

  I might have walked had he not asked so aggressively.

  No. Who am I kidding? There was no way I was backing down now.

  ‘Then have a minute. You’ll just have to have it with me here too.’

  Cam was the next to move, darting between the two of us, grabbing my arm as she yanked me backwards.

  ‘Sonny, this isn’t the time.’ She was half-whispering, half-hissing. ‘Whatever it is that’s going on in your head, you have to leave it and trust me.’

  ‘I do trust you. But I can see what’s happening.’

  Before I knew it Jamm was hanging over our shoulders and into the conversation.

  ‘What’s going on, Cam?’

  ‘There’s nothing going on … nothing at a–’

  ‘Nothing going on? Nothing?’ I’d gone. Lost it. All the tension of the last few weeks fizzing out indiscriminately. I didn’t care who caught any of it either. ‘There’s plenty going on. Loads of it, and all between me and Cam. Has been for the last couple of months, so I don’t like the way you’re touching her.’

  He smiled disbelievingly as he flicked looks between us.
<
br />   ‘You are kidding me?’

  ‘Why would I be kidding? And why should it be such a surprise? I may not be you, Jamm, might not be as heroic or smart, but that doesn’t mean I’m nothing either.’ I stepped forward, feeling braver than I ever had in my life. ‘Don’t mean I don’t deserve the same things you clearly want.’

  I didn’t see his fist. It blurred as it made contact with my cheek, throwing my head to the side as I tumbled over.

  No sooner had I hit the gravel than he was in my face, hands gripping my hoodie.

  ‘You haven’t got a clue, Sonny. About any of this, about me, about what I am. All of you, you’re all clueless. You want me to show you what a hero I am? Want me to show you what I’m capable of?’ He paused as he pointed menacingly. ‘And as for this? It proves how little anyone else matters to you. Well, I’m done with it, with both of you. I can’t do this any more.’

  He made to leave, which prompted Cam. ‘Jammy, wait. We can talk, sort it out.’

  ‘It’s too late for that now.’

  ‘Course it’s not. Let me help. Sonny, me, we both want to help.’

  He rounded on her with the same ferocious look he’d been firing at me.

  ‘NO! No help. I don’t want it. It’s too late.’ He looked out of breath even though he’d barely moved. ‘All of this,’ he gasped, ‘it didn’t have to pan out like this. Remember that.’

  He didn’t wait for us to answer. Instead he walked calmly away, his movements controlled until he reached the first car in his path.

  There, without warning, he pulled back his fist and threw it through the driver’s window. The glass shattered instantly, and as he pulled his hand out, we saw blood pouring from the knuckles.

  With his face expressionless, he pointed in our direction, before turning and walking again, aiming kicks at every car unlucky enough to be in his way.

  Alarm after alarm sang out, not that I needed the warning. I had no idea what was going on, but I knew this was out of control. I knew Jamm had something to prove to us, but I didn’t know what it was.