Heroic

by Phil Earle

  Perhaps they were seeing a pattern, realizing the incidents in town were connected, or maybe it was because it was kicking off on our estate, but whatever it was, they weren’t messing about. By the looks of it they were sending every copper they had on duty, and as a result, the estate was on fire, in every way possible.

  As we hit the first of the towers, numbers were out in force, and not just crew members looking for a fight. Others were outside too, ordinary residents who put up with the Ghost because they hadn’t the money to walk away. If they weren’t brave enough to be in the middle of the parade, they were on the walkways, or filling each others’ balconies. It wouldn’t have surprised me if they’d pulled their settees outside with them: there was more action down below than on any of their TVs.

  As we hit the centre of the estate, with the four towers hanging above us on every side, we saw what was causing the mushroom cloud.

  It was a weird sight, one we’d seen in a hundred different action movies, but it didn’t belong in our backyard, no matter how rough the Ghost was.

  There, in the space where the statue used to be, was the wreckage of a car. The bonnet, from what we could see through the flames, was crumpled like a concertina and wrapped savagely round the statue’s plinth. The soldiers themselves were still standing, but at an angle, like they were waiting for one final bullet to knock them to the ground.

  The sight of it stopped us dead. The statue was one of the few landmarks anyone on the estate took pride in, the only static thing that wasn’t coated in years of graffiti. Too many of our own had paid for it. Not with their cash, but by going out to fight in the first place. So to see it leaning like it was provoked a wide range of reactions, from itching to put the fire out to being ready to kick lumps out of whoever was responsible.

  I stood there slack-jawed, looking at the empty driver’s seat, relieved that Jamm had pulled himself from it, hoping that he’d got away before anyone saw him. One sight of anyone leaving that car and they wouldn’t be walking for long. Hospital was calling them for a long rest. The type you might not wake up from.

  We scurried among the crowd, looking for a sight of a blue hoodie or a bloodied, paint-spattered fist, but there was nothing. Jamm was too good at disappearing, way too good for us, so I told Den to try his mobile again. No way he’d pick up a call from me, but from one of the others? Well, it was worth a go.

  Den’s face creased as the phone fell away from his ear. ‘Answerphone,’ he grimaced. No great surprise.

  Instead I called Cam, who passed me straight on to Wiggs.

  ‘We’re back,’ he shouted above the racket. ‘Cam’s a bit upset. Can you believe all this?’

  I told him I could, that I didn’t think it was over either. We stayed on the line until we spotted each other.

  ‘We need to split up,’ I shouted, ‘speed up, cover every inch until we find him. Now he’s back here, I don’t reckon he’s leaving. Whatever he’s going to do, he’s going to do it here.’

  So we parted, updating each other every ten minutes about the fact that we’d found nothing, ticking off every grim landmark that we’d checked out. I even went back to Hitch’s flat, slipping back inside, but found it empty. The only thing remaining was the smell. I couldn’t believe it was only twelve hours since we’d last been in there.

  I rang Cam constantly as I searched, not to try and put everything straight, but because she was the one Jamm would ring if he came to his senses. If he needed a shoulder, he’d go for hers. No way he’d want mine.

  So I continued my laps of the Ghost, getting nowhere, finding nothing, watching as the temperature around the place rose by the second. The fire crews had arrived and were setting about the car, the statue still glowing despite the flames being extinguished. Everyone could see the damage the car had done, and there was anger, plenty of it; some genuine, some of it merely to take advantage of the situation.

  It wasn’t a surprise when I heard the sound of breaking glass again, though I was confident that this time it had nothing to do with Jamm. This would be the crew, the other scrotes on the estates looking to make the most of things. I suppose I should’ve been grateful to them: they’d take the heat away from Jamm. But that was only some use to me if I could actually find him.

  Everything changed a minute later as I stood outside our empty flat, more grateful than I’d ever been that Mum was working a late shift.

  From up here, the scene below looked mental. You could see groups gathering in corners, pointing towards the police presence, hatching stupid ideas, and in that moment a wave of tiredness swept over me, almost knocking me off my feet. Leaning on the balcony, I rested my chin against my hands, hoping for the dizziness to pass, only to jump at the sound of a gun firing.

  OK, let’s not over-react here. Guns were everywhere on the Ghost, whether people were prepared to accept it or not. You didn’t have as much smack flowing round a place without people being prepared to protect it.

  But you didn’t hear them being used as much as you might imagine. So when that crack pierced the sky, a flash of light illuminating the top of Pickard House, my senses went mad, as I knew, KNEW, it would lead me to Jamm.

  I suppose I shouldn’t have immediately leapt to that conclusion. I mean, where would Jamm have got a gun from? No way the army would send him home with one. So when had he bought it? Had he stashed it in our room or tracked one down on impulse? It had been about an hour and a half since we found his graffiti in town, plenty of time to do business on the estate. You could pick up anything if you had the cash, or wanted it badly enough. I looked for panic below, for people running from the sound, or pointing in the noise’s direction. But there was nothing. It was like no one had heard it but me.

  I couldn’t believe my luck. Maybe this was it? The moment when everything changed and I started to put things straight.

  A tiny glint of light was all it was, but it was enough. In my head I’d found him. All I had to do now was work out what to do when I got there.

  Sonny

  I felt torn as I hammered my way across the estate. I’d made this big noise about keeping in contact with the others, but I had no intention of telling them about what I’d seen. If that was Jammy up there, I didn’t think he’d cope if we turned up mob-handed; and anyway, this was my mess.

  But as I took a left by the statue, shuddering at the carnage that Jamm had created, I ran straight past the outstretched arm of Cam. If it had been Den or Wiggs, I’d have pretended not to see them, but her? I had to stop.

  ‘They’re piecing it together, Sonny,’ she gasped. ‘The police. I got close as they were speaking, heard the radio. All the stuff that’s gone on, they know it’s the same guy. Dark jeans, blue hoodie. We’ve got to find him now, quick.’

  My eyes flicked skywards, waiting for another shot that didn’t come. ‘We will. He can’t have got far. Keep looking.’

  She followed my eyeline, forehead creasing. ‘Do you know where he is?’

  ‘Not a clue.’ The lie came too easy, they always did. ‘I’m going to try the stairwells again.’

  ‘You’d tell me if you did know, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Course. I’ve hunches, loads of them. Just need to check ’em all out.’ That felt better as it wasn’t a lie. ‘It’ll be all right, you know. I’ll sort it. I promise.’

  She tried a smile, but it was so diluted by worry and anger that it barely bothered her face. Instead she turned and pushed through a crowd of lads coming the other way, looking for an excuse to kick off. It was all about to blow, so I had to be on my way before it did.

  My head went straight back to Pickard House, legs following as I tore towards the front door, nearly wiping out a bunch of crew members in the process. They’d get over it. I’d done a lot worse in the past and was still breathing.

  Instead they spotted a small group of police and decided to get in their faces rather than mine.

  I could’ve kissed them. A diversion was exactly what I needed, time to find J
amm and talk him down before he did anything else. As I piled inside I saw the first punches being thrown, another fifty following in what seemed like seconds.

  It sugared the pill of finding the lift was out of order, but didn’t stop me kicking the door. The one time I needed it to be working and I got this – typical.

  Instead I sprinted for the stairs, taking them two at a time, only slowing when I remembered I had another twenty-seven flights to go.

  At least the stairwells were clear; one sight of the coppers and the addicts had bolted elsewhere, meaning all I had to avoid were the needles that lined every flight. Standing on one of those was a complication no one needed.

  It was agony, my thighs burning after a dozen floors and screaming by halfway, but at least it gave me time to think. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to find on the rooftop, though I was as sure as I could be that Jamm was up there waiting. I remembered the blood gushing from his fist after he’d put it through the car window. Nearly three hours had passed, so what state was he going to be in? I’m sure the army must’ve taught him first aid, and just as well. It was too long to be losing blood.

  By the time the twenty-fifth floor crawled around, my head was no clearer, and as I opened the final door to the roof, a gust of wind blew any remaining sense clean from my brain. I’d have to do what I always did and think on my feet, hoping I hadn’t lost my touch completely.

  I strained against the darkness. Aside from a clutch of weak strip-lights, there wasn’t a lot to go on, certainly not enough to pick out a figure. Instead I stumbled forward, letting my eyes acclimatize, wanting to call to him.

  But with my mouth dry after the climb, I didn’t have it in me. It was almost a relief when he spoke first, his words slicing through the darkness.

  ‘You’re too clever for your own good, you know that?’ I had no idea where he was, so turned slowly, the pain in his voice stinging my ears.

  ‘Depends who you talk to,’ I croaked. ‘And what it is I’m after. Nothing more important than finding you, Jamm, believe me.’

  He spoke again, still from the shadows. ‘I bet. Must be heavy, carrying all that guilt around with you.’

  He wasn’t wrong, but I knew bringing Cam up again wouldn’t help either of us. ‘Can’t be feeling too sprightly yourself, mate. Bit of a mess down there.’

  I heard gravel crunch to my left as he appeared at my shoulder. I flinched, couldn’t help it. He saw it and smiled.

  ‘Don’t worry, bruv, I’m not going to lay you out again. Long as you don’t step out of line.’

  He walked past me, giving me time to look at him properly, see the state he was in. First thing I saw was his hoodie, left sleeve ripped off at the shoulder, the material now blood-soaked and wrapped tightly around his fist. I was no doctor, but the blood wasn’t old. It looked like the material had soaked up every drop it could.

  His movements seemed to back this up. He was trying to walk quickly, but clearly wasn’t in control. As he came to the edge of the building, his hands reached out and gripped the rail unsteadily, allowing him to stare at the scene below.

  He laughed, but there was no pleasure in it. He sounded and looked defeated.

  ‘The crews are loving it down there, you know,’ I went on. ‘You’ve given them the excuse to kick off.’

  He swayed gently against the railing, silent.

  ‘But what’s going on, Jamm? What’s this about? We’re all worried sick about you.’

  ‘Course you are.’

  ‘We are. We’ve spent the last three hours tearing the place apart looking …’

  ‘And the last three months tearing things up with Cam. Must’ve been a difficult time.’

  ‘Is that really what this is all about? Because I got together with Cam? If it is then I’m sorry. Believe it or not, I didn’t do it to wind you up, no matter what you think.’

  ‘At least I do think, Sonny. All you do is stumble blindly about, doing what’s best for you and no one else.’

  ‘That’s not true.’

  ‘Course it is. You’re brilliant at it. You should do it properly, turn pro.’

  I knew what he was doing. Riling me, waiting for me to snap, to give him an excuse to start again and blame me. Well, it wasn’t going to work.

  ‘You know what, Jamm? I don’t think this has got anything to do with me and Cam. Not really.’

  He scoffed at me, but I wasn’t finished.

  ‘There’s no way you’d kick the whole town to bits just because I got it on with her.’

  ‘And you know that, do you? That’s fact, is it?’

  ‘No, it’s not fact. But you’re my brother. I know you, Jamm. I’ve known it since you decked me that first night back. Something’s changed or broken, and all I want to do is help. Put it straight.’

  I tried to sound confident, didn’t know if it was misplaced.

  ‘I think finding out about Cam and me was just the final straw, and if it’s any consolation, it’s all over. So there you go. There’s your chance. You know full well if she had a choice she’d go for you.’

  The words hurt me as they left but I didn’t care, I’d say anything to get him off that roof. ‘All it takes is a bit of bravery for you to sort it out, and we all know you’ve got plenty of that.’

  He sneered, cutting my attempts dead.

  ‘Because you know all about being brave, don’t you, Sonny? You know all about acting like a big man.’ The sarcasm poured out of his mouth.

  ‘That’s right, I do. What do you think I’ve been doing the last three months?’

  ‘What, you think robbing a van makes you a man? Are you kidding me? Any idiot could do that.’ He was in his stride now, pulling me apart and relishing every word. ‘And what about the others? Did you even think what would happen to them if it all went wrong? It wouldn’t just be you up in court, you know.’

  ‘But look at us, Jamm. We’re all still here, aren’t we? Does it bother you that much that we pulled it off without you?’

  ‘No, it doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is what happens when you finally do get caught. Cos I’ll tell you something, you wouldn’t last five minutes inside.’

  ‘Even more reason to let me get on with it, then. Let the coppers do their thing and lock me up. Then I wouldn’t be this massive problem to you any more.’

  ‘You think I haven’t thought about that? Do you really think that hasn’t crossed my mind when I’ve bailed you out in the past?’

  ‘Then you should’ve done it. Been as brave as you say you are. Cos from what you just said, you’re as big a coward as me.’

  ‘I did it for Mum,’ he spat. ‘What do you think it would’ve done to her, to see you banged up?’

  ‘As long as you were around she wouldn’t have noticed.’

  He yanked me close to him, his face a terrible mixture of anger and anguish.

  ‘And what about me? Did you even think about how I would feel? Did it even occur to you that it would kill me if they put you inside?’

  ‘Course it would,’ I answered sarcastically.

  ‘Every day of your life I’ve looked out for you. EVERY DAY! Even if I didn’t want to, even when I wanted to be somewhere else, with someone, anyone, who wouldn’t give me the same grief that you do. Did you ever think about that?’

  ‘Then you should’ve done it!’

  He lifted his head skywards, like a volcano set to blow.

  ‘But I couldn’t, could I? Because everyone knows that’s what I do. Look, there’s good old Jamm. Got a problem? Don’t worry, dump it on him, he’ll sort it out.’

  He let me go with a shove and staggered off wildly round the rooftop, arms flailing, voice full of emotion. ‘Why do you think I joined up? You think I did it out of choice? I did it because that’s all we had left. Mum’s behind on the rent, and her benefits had been slashed. It was the only way we could afford to eat.’

  I tried to butt in, but he wasn’t having it. ‘But look. Look how well being a soldier turned out, e
h? Look what I did to Tomm. Well that’s it! I’m not your dad and I can’t do it any more. Any of it. I can’t sort it out and I can’t bring them back, so it’s over. All of it. It’s over.’

  Tears flooded his face, huge racking sobs bending him double as he stumbled against the railing, pulling a pistol from his waistband as he slid to the floor.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I paced towards him, hands outstretched in fear. ‘Give me the gun, eh?’

  He looked up, grinning through the tears as he pulled his arm away from me.

  ‘What, you think I’m going to do something daft with it? Think I’m going to turn it on myself?’ He shook his head. ‘That’d be too easy. Know why I’ve got this?’

  I didn’t have a clue.

  ‘Because when they find me with it, it’s five years inside, no parole. Add that on to the joyriding and the statue and everything else, and we’re talking a ten-stretch. Even if I behave myself.’

  And without warning, he fired into the air: three rapid shots that had me lunging for the gun.

  ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING?’ I screamed. ‘I don’t understand, Jamm! Why are you doing this to yourself?’

  ‘Because it’s what I deserve. Because I killed them.’

  ‘Who, Jamm? Who did you kill?’

  ‘Tommo. Wayne.’

  I still had no idea who Wayne was but it didn’t matter.

  ‘But that’s not true, mate. You know it’s not. We all know what you did. We’ve seen the reports. You’re a hero.’

  ‘Don’t call me that.’

  ‘Why? Why be ashamed when it’s everything you are?’

  ‘I’m warning you, don’t call me that.’

  ‘Then let me help you, Jamm, please?’ I meant it. Couldn’t bear to see him fall apart when he’d done everything he could for Tomm. ‘Let me get you off the roof. If we go now, we can hide you. Get you out of here till it blows over. They don’t know it’s you up here. Not yet.’

  He shook his head firmly and let another three bullets go. A clear message he wasn’t going anywhere, that he still wanted to be found.