Deadly Dozen: 12 Mysteries/Thrillers

by Diane Capri

  Sissy stamps out her spent cigarette, rolls over to face me, pulling the covers up over her shoulders like she’s only seconds away from closing her eyes and going to sleep. And maybe she is.

  “From what Roger has told me, she’s been accused of cashing some of her former client’s royalty statements, and keeping all the money for herself. That’s a no-no.”

  “I haven’t heard anything about extortion. I didn’t see anything about it when I did some research on her.”

  “It’s still an ongoing investigation. It isn’t public yet.”

  If what Sissy’s telling me is the truth, then either Bonchance is going to have a little bit more explaining to do about her past or I’m going to give some serious thought about first, withdrawing my book from her consideration, and two, quitting my quest to find Roger Walls. For now I’ll give my client the benefit of the doubt and chalk up Sissy Walls as a more or less drunk, jilted, and just plain bored young housewife looking to piss on Suzanne while she’s down. After all, Suzanne thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with her. If she thought for a second that Sissy would paint the lit agent as a drug running loser, two steps ahead of the cops, she would have insisted I stay away Old Chatham altogether.

  “I’ll look more into it when I have the chance.”

  “She pay you yet? Give you an advance for your services Moonlight?”

  Sissy has a point.

  “No. But I rarely ask for one.”

  “Well, far be it from me to give you advice. You being a professional private dick and all.” She shifts her hand under the covers, grabs hold of my now sleeping manhood. “But I’d ask for some upfront money before you waste another second trying to find my drunk husband … Cash.”

  I gently take hold of her hand, push it away from my golden jewels.

  “I can take a hint,” she says. “Party’s over.”

  “I gotta get to work at some point,” I say, sliding out of bed, bending over, gathering up my clothes. The few pieces of clothing that made it up to her room, that is. “So you gonna tell me where you think I should start looking for your husband?”

  She rolls her eyes.

  “Jesus, do you really have to find him, Moonlight?”

  “He’s your sig other, Sissy. Don’t you want him back, safe and sound?”

  A grin forms on her mouth.

  “I hate the man’s guts, if you want to know the truth. It’s peaceful not having him around all the time. Roger is what you call a heavy. It’s all about him and him alone. He’s my biggest mistake.”

  I look into her eyes. Eyes that aren’t afraid to look away from mine. Sissy is most definitely telling the truth when she says she hates her husband. Excuse me … her missing husband.

  “He’s a writer,” I say after a long, heavy pause. “Writer’s live in their own selfish world. So I’m told.”

  “Roger’s world is one hell of a place to live in, believe me. It’s as vast as it is close-minded and it is hell on earth.”

  “So where should I start, Sissy?”

  “I were you, I’d head back over to Albany, find a phone book, open it up to ‘Seedy Joints, Grills, Gin Mills, and Tittie Bars.’ Then begin with the A’s. With a little luck you’ll catch up to him by the time you make it to the P’s.”

  “That’s not a whole lot to go on.”

  “Hey, you’re the investigator. You think of something, Mr. Rockford.”

  I slip into my underwear and jeans. My tennis socks and boots are downstairs.

  “Let me ask you one last question. If Roger is aware of all the shit that Suzanne could be pulling, why does he stick with her? He’s a big famous writer. He could have any agent he wants. Why not fire her like everyone else has?”

  “If I had a dime for every time I’ve asked him that same question, I would have my own place by now … In the deep-blue-sea Caribbean, far away from him.”

  Looks like it’s not only Suzanne who’s leading a secret life separate from the literary life. Or maybe she and Roger are in cahoots together, partnering up on some serious drug running. But why would a rich and famous man of words take a chance like that? I could press Sissy more about the true nature of Walls’s and Bonchance’s relationship, both personal and professional, but I decide to let it go for now. I just want to get the hell out of that bedroom and out of Walls’s house. I slip my unbuttoned button-down work shirt over my head, let it hang out untucked.

  “Don’t bother getting up,” I insist. “I’ll let myself out.”

  “I had a nice afternoon, Detective Dick.”

  “It was rather swell. I’ll be seeing you in all the unfamiliar places.”

  I pull a card from my pocket, leave it on her dresser.

  “How poetic. You should think about becoming a writer yourself.”

  “Thanks, I’ll take your advice into consideration. In the meantime, you think of something else beside phonebooks, give me a call. Day or night.”

  “Maybe I’ll call just to call,” she says, that grin growing into a full-blown smile. “You look like the phone-sex type.”

  “Let’s not and say we did,” I say, reciting one of Dad’s famous lines.

  “What the hell does that mean?” she begs.

  I exit the bedroom at a half-jog without explaining.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  MY SOCKS AND BOOTS back on my feet, I fire up Dad’s hearse, and leave the Walls house behind. With my luck, the literary hothead will be heading up into the driveway while I’m heading out. I imagine his gray hair-covered head and thick beard, the exposed skin on his round face turning red-hot with anger. Maybe he’ll slam the brakes on his ride, fishtail it in the middle of the drive, making it impossible for me to pass. Then he’ll get out, cradling a loaded rifle in his hands. A rifle barrel as deep and black as eternity itself will be the last thing I remember as he blasts me to Kingdom Come. Next thing I’d know, I’d either be riding that wormhole to heaven or to hell, or at the very least, waking up in the recovery room of the Albany Medical Center, what’s left of my respiratory system hooked up to some life support machine.

  But as luck would have it, I make it to the end of the drive, past the open wood gates and out onto the road without Walls being the wiser.

  Thank God for small miracles.

  #

  Even though it’s possible to catch the highway via a connecting country road not far from here, I decide to head back through town first. Maybe it’s possible Walls might have simply shown up in his hometown while I was getting it on with Sissy. If that’s the case it would save me the aggravation of having to look for him then beg for my money from a literary agent who just might be dealing drugs on the side while extorting royalties from former clients. Maybe it’s the effects of the coke still working on my synapses and nerve endings, but I’m listening to my finely tuned built-in shit detector and it’s telling me in no uncertain terms, Stay away from this one, Moonlight. It’s more trouble than it’s worth.

  On my way past the tavern, I don’t see any cars parked alongside it that might belong to Walls. That’s because there aren’t any cars parked there at all. That blue “Freebird 69” pickup is gone too. Must be the rednecks it belongs to went back to the woods, crawled back under the rock they call home. Slowing down, I try and get a look through the picture window and into the bar. I can barely make out the bar corner where Walls’s bust is situated, but I make it out enough to know that the stool set beside it is presently unoccupied. I hit the gas, and head for the highway.

  I’m not a mile down the country road when I spot the pickup in the rearview.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  IT’S JUST LIKE YOU see in the movies. The fat, meat-eating metal grill of the big truck coming up fast on you from behind. I see the truck in my side mirrors where objects are closer than they appear and I see it through the rearview from the point of view of an elongated hearse that under normal conditions might house a casket of the dearly departed.

  Not a great time to be thinking
of death.

  The truck pulls up on my tail. In the mirrors I see the happy, shiny faces of the two rednecks. One of them smooth-shaven, the other sporting a ratty beard. Both of them hooting and hollering like they just trapped the biggest buck you ever did see. I toe-tap the gas and the hearse lurches forward. Eight cylinders of pure power. But the rednecks probably have a Hemi under the hood of that pickup. They gain on me, come so close I don’t know how it’s possible that they’re not touching my rear fender.

  Then I feel it.

  The bump.

  They ram into my backside, and hit the horn. They’re so far up my ass I can practically see the black chewing tobacco juice drooling from their filthy mouths. I’m not about to trade paint with a couple of country bumpkins. This is Dad’s special ride. His pride and joy. He entrusted me with it, and I’m not about to allow any harm to come to it.

  Speeding down the narrow country road, I pull out my .38, tuck it under my right thigh. Then, bracing myself, I hit the brakes while quickly spinning the wheel to the right. The hearse does a complete rubber-burning one-eighty, fishtailing in the middle of the road, the front now facing a pickup turned so hard and abruptly to the left, the entire truck tips up on the right passenger-side wheels. The truck nearly flips onto its side before slapping back down hard on all four wheels.

  The rednecks have come to a dead stop, the truck having stalled out.

  I slide my foot off the brake and slowly pull up to them, now gripping the .38 in my right shooting hand. Rolling down the window, I cock the hammer back on the .38 while keeping it hidden.

  “Looks like we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, boys,” I say.

  “You stupid motherfucker,” says the driver. The bearded one. Harlan.

  Over his right shoulder, I see the clean-shaven one slowly reaching for the hunting rifle wracked over the seat.

  “I wouldn’t do that I were you, slick,” I say, raising up the .38 and planting a bead on them.

  He lowers his hand.

  “You come snooping around here again, Moonlight,” says the bearded one, “we’ll shoot you for real. You got that?”

  “If I didn’t know any better, Mr. Redneck,” I say, “I’d interpret your words as downright unfriendly and non-country-folk-like.”

  “You just stay away from Mr. Roger Walls, you hear?”

  And then it dawns on me. “You two clowns work for him, don’t you? You work for Roger.”

  “What of it? We’re his bodyguards. We keep an eye out for him, and he pays us real good.”

  “Redneck bodyguards. How quaint.”

  “Screw you, Moonlight.”

  “Easy chief. We more or less work for the same dude. At the very least we both have the literary geniuses’ well-being in mind.” Fishing for a card in my pants pocket with my free hand. When I find one, I pull it out, and toss it into the street. “You boys happen to hear anything about Roger and his whereabouts, I should hope you’ll give me a call. Day or night. Your future employment might depend upon it.”

  “And what if we don’t, jerk?”

  “I’m not sure Roger would like that. Chances are he might shoot ya.”

  “I’m not so sure he’d like to know about you balling his wife neither.”

  Maybe it’s the effects of the coke wearing off, but his words hit me harder than the grill on that truck.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Redneck.” Pulling back the .38, I hit the gas and pull forward. Making a three-point turn in the road, I head back in the direction of Albany, burning rubber as I speed past the pickup.

  Taking one last look at it from the rearview, I see the bearded redneck standing in the middle of the road, bending over to grab hold of the business card. I see something else too. A third head that appears through the pickup windshield. A bald head that belongs to another man who must have been hiding out inside the pickup’s cab.

  I don’t let up on the gas until I make it to the highway. Speed traps be damned.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER I’m back in Albany inside my first floor riverside loft. Since it’s going on five in the afternoon and I’m still shaking from coke withdrawal and from having been assaulted by two rednecks and their pickup, I decide to crack a beer. Maybe it’ll help to calm me down. I’ve also been drinking all day so I’ll make it my last before meeting up with writing prof, Gregor Oatczuk. Moonlight the optimist.

  Setting the cold beer down on the butcher block counter, I try to make some sense out of this case. Only this morning was I officially hired to find Roger Walls, but instead of having spent the day on his trail, no matter how vague a trail is it, I’ve spent my time uncovering evidence that tells me my client and fallen uber-literary agent, Suzanne Bonchance, is a liar and a cheat. Which doesn’t bode well for my placing any significant trust in her, not to mention establishing any confidence that I’m going to be paid on time and in full.

  I drink some beer. It tastes good.

  “So then, Moon,” I say out loud to myself in the empty loft. “What have you got?”

  I’ve got a famous writer who left town a week or so ago without leaving a single word to anyone about where he was going or what he was doing. Which in itself doesn’t seem to be of great concern to anyone close to him since he’s been known to go off on drinking binges for up to two weeks at a time, only to return to his hometown of Chatham broke, filthy, and exhausted. It also further explains why no one has called the police, aside from the fact that Walls shot someone who was trespassing on his property once upon a time and even though he was never convicted and sent downriver, his angry disposition—for lack of a better term—is still fresh in the minds of the boys in blue.

  While Wall’s wife Sissy clearly hates her husband and is willing to cheat on him at any given opportunity, there is one person in this whole thing who is concerned about Walls and that’s the aforementioned criminal literary agent. Which is where this whole thing begins to stink in the first place. Said agent has fallen from her former glory and fallen hard. What once was one of the most respected and famous agents in the industry, has now become a woman scorned. A woman who used to pride herself on an iron fist who could demand the highest bid on any book she was peddling, but who now has been abandoned not only by her entire client list, but by New York City itself—the mecca of literary success. What’s more, it’s possible she has the FBI after her along with a man named Brando whom she plagiarized.

  I might feel a little sorry for Bonchance, but the iron lady has no one to blame but herself. In an uncharacteristic lapse of good judgment, she went and stole a manuscript that she had initially rejected and sold it to Hollywood for six-hundred thousand dollars. Even though she claimed to have simply borrowed the title and some of the idea, it was determined in a court of civil law that she pretty much ripped the whole thing off. But it’s not Bonchance’s mistake or lapse of judgment that’s so bothersome. What I have trouble with is her not having leveled with me from the beginning. And now I find out from Wall’s wife that she might be dealing dope in order to make up for lost revenues and that federal agents are on her trail for having cashed royalty checks from some of her former clients.

  Okay, I know what you’re thinking.

  None of this should be any of your business, Moonlight. You’ve been hired to find Walls and that should be your only concern. Your client’s history has nothing to do whatsoever with your objective. Or does it? From what Bonchance claims, Walls is the only client she has left. The major question raised is this: Why would someone of his status and world-wide fame decide to stick it out with a known cheat? Why, when everyone else has jumped ship, including the American Association of Artists Representatives, would he decide to stay aboard when the vessel is clearly sinking, if not already sunk?

  Bonchance claims that Walls hasn’t written anything of significance in ten years. Anything but some poems, that is. Makes me wonder just how rich and famous the writer still is. Money doesn’t grow on trees a
nd even the largest bank accounts can dwindle down to nothing if there isn’t anything filling it back up from time to time. Something tells me that Bonchance’s and Wall’s relationship is more than just literary, and that the common denominator might have something to do with two book pros who have known what it is to be on top and now are experiencing the bottoms together. Take it from someone who knows, life at the bottom can be a desperate and black experience. The dime-sized scar beside my right ear lobe and the small piece of .22 caliber hollow-point bullet lodged beside my cerebral cortex is evidence of that.

  I drink some more beer, feel the cold, sudsy liquid coat the back of my throat.

  I have to wonder if Roger Walls is simply off on one of his typical benders or if he’s run off for a different reason. And if that reason has more to do with Suzanne Bonchance than it does his need to skip town for a while in an alcohol-soaked haze.

  Maybe his buddy Gregor Oatczuk will be able to shed some light on the subject. If he claims to know Roger Walls well, then maybe he can at least point me in the right direction as to the writer’s whereabouts. In theory at least. As I down the rest of my beer, I begin to feel a slight sickness in my stomach. Maybe it’s the effects of a big lunch and a dessert of cocaine, sex, and more beer, but the sickness tells me I might not like what I find when, and if, I finally uncover Walls’s location. It tells me that I might indeed find the writer, but that the writer might not be alive.

  I make a time check.

  Five fifteen in the late afternoon. Time to go meet up with Erica and Professor Oatczuk. Crushing the beer can in my hand, I toss it onto the wood counter like Joe Muscles, and exit the loft.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  IT’S BEEN A WHILE since I’ve driven through the state university campus at Albany. Whoever designed the place back in the late sixties must have had a grudge against anyone who enjoys knowing where they are going at all times. In a word, the place is a confusing maze of parking lots, white, post-modern concrete, glass, and steel buildings that look like they were constructed more for the set of a Star Wars movie than on behalf of educating the youth of the world. The campus wouldn’t be so confusingly intimidating if it were made up of only one type of each building. But instead, the planners decided to create four sets of identical buildings laid out in identical fashion on four identically sized flat-land parcels which, when combined, form a perfect giant square. It’s confusing because you can park your ride in one parking lot and then later on, mistakenly find yourself searching for it in an entirely different lot that looks exactly the same as the lot you originally parked in. You following me here? You won’t realize you’re looking in the wrong place until a half-hour or so has passed because the lot and its layout is identical to the three other lots set directly beside it.