She’d just placed the salmon in the oven when the doorbell sounded. After washing and drying her hands, she flung the door open without looking through the peephole, assuming it was her son returning from practice.
“Micah, what are you doing here?” With her elevated tone the question sounded like an accusation.
Micah stepped backward with his hands raised. “I can leave.”
“That’s not what I mean,” Pamela said, shaking her head. “How did you get here before Matthew?”
“I don’t know. Your neighbor left the practice field before I did,” Micah answered.
Pamela ignored the nagging feeling in her stomach. This was the second time in three days Mr. Larson had failed to bring Matthew directly home. Tonight when Matthew came home she would have a talk with her neighbor.
“They should be here any minute. Come in.” Pamela stepped to the side to allow room for Micah to pass, but he hesitated.
“Are you sure you want me here?”
“Yes, Micah, I’m sure.” This time she added the smile that she knew he couldn’t resist.
Micah cautiously stepped inside, making sure he didn’t brush her, but Pamela grabbed his arm. Micah slowly moved his eyes from her hand to her face. “What is it?”
Pamela tried to restrain herself, but couldn’t. She didn’t want to. “Can I have a hug, please?”
He gazed deeper into her eyes, and then answered with a voice that trembled. “Pamela, you can have whatever you want from me.” He then opened his arms to her and immediately she melted into him. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered in her ear. She was about to say the same when Matthew ran through the open door.
“Hi.” Matthew giggled when he caught them hugging.
“Hello, baby.” Pamela quickly broke away from Micah. “Where’s Mr. Larson?” Pamela asked, looking down the walkway.
“He went home.”
Pamela walked outside and looked toward Mr. Larson’s unit, but she didn’t see him. She stepped back inside and closed the door. “Where did you go after practice?”
“We went to Wal-Mart. He got me this toy.” Matthew held up the action figure capable of transforming into three super cosmic beasts.
“That was nice of him,” she said out loud, but still thought she needed to have a talk with Mr. Larson.
Matthew turned to Micah and waited. Pamela guessed he wasn’t sure if he should hug Micah or wait for him to put his hand out. “No horseback rides today?” Pamela said, then nodded at Micah to indicate it was okay for him to play with her son.
Micah swallowed hard then gave his little friend what he wanted. He’d barely squatted when Matthew’s little arms and legs gripped him. The two jovially bounced around the living room and kitchen, but not without Pamela’s watchful eye. She stood there watching them with her arms folded, something she’d never done before. That made Micah uncomfortable.
Abruptly, Micah ended the horseplay. “Come on, buddy, let’s get started on your homework.”
“Okay.” Matthew started for the living room, but Pamela called him back.
“Why don’t you work at the kitchen table? It’s more comfortable.” She meant to sound suggestive, but firmly expressed her command.
“Sure,” Micah said dryly. He brushed past her without making eye contact and sat at the table. He clinched his fist and planted them firmly on the table. His jaws flexed, and he took a deep breath before he pasted a smile on his face for Matthew’s sake.
“Dinner’s ready,” Pamela announced some time later.
“We’re almost done,” Micah responded. Pamela missed the irritation in his response and continued fixing his plate.
Ten minutes later Matthew was ready to eat. Pamela set three plates on the table, and Micah stood to leave.
“Don’t you want to stay for dinner?” Pamela asked, oblivious to how her actions had offended him.
“No, I don’t!” he answered sharply, then added, “I’m not feeling well,” when Matthew looked up.
She continued talking, and he continued walking toward the door. “I can pack you a plate to take home for later or maybe for lunch tomorrow,” she offered. She didn’t want him to leave.
He waved back to Matthew. “See you on Saturday.”
“I hope you feel better. I’ll pray for you when I say my prayers,” Matthew said.
Micah waited until he opened the front door before responding to Pamela’s offer.
“I don’t want anything from anyone who doesn’t trust me.” His voice was low enough where Matthew couldn’t hear.
Pamela’s mouth dropped as she watched Micah walk down her walkway. She called after him, but he didn’t respond.
Pamela shook the red and white pom-poms and yelled from the stands. “Good hit, Number Seven!”
“Run, Matthew!” Jessica screamed. The mother and godmother jumped and exchanged high fives, and then did a celebratory dance when Matthew made it all the way to second base.
“Girl, I’m going to miss this. Coming to Matthew’s games has been the most exciting thing I’ve done all spring,” Jessica announced after she sipped her drink.
“I’ll have to do something about that.” AC’s voice startled both women, Jessica so much that she dropped her two-dollar drink on the bench in front of her.
“Are you serious?” Jessica asked cautiously.
“Yes, I am.” AC casually propped his foot on the bench and leaned forward.
Pamela laughed as her friend lost all modesty.
Jessica leaned forward and batted her eyelashes. Her normally high-pitched voice suddenly transformed to low and sultry. “What did you have in mind?”
Pamela thought she heard a hint of seduction in her friend’s voice.
AC placed her left hand in his and winked. “I thought I would ask the league to extend the season to give you something to do or maybe they can send you home with play-byplay videos.”
Pamela pretended she was too engulfed in the game to notice her friend had just received a double serving of her own medicine.
Jessica snatched her hand away from AC and then stomped from the bleachers. As soon as she was out of earshot, AC and Pamela laughed so hard, they almost missed Matthew coming home to score.
Pamela slapped AC on the arm. “Why did you do that? You know my girl likes you.”
“I know.” AC smiled. “I like her too, and if she ever stops making fun of me, I’ll tell her.”
AC followed Pamela’s eyes to the coach’s box where Micah stood. The entire game Micah had avoided looking in her direction. Actually, he had been avoiding her since he left her house two days ago. Pamela repeatedly left messages on both his home and cell phones without any response from him.
“You know my boy loves you.” AC interrupted her thoughts.
Pamela sighed. “I know he does. I love him too, but sometimes love is not enough.” Pamela was thinking more of her marriage to Marlon than her relationship with Micah. There wasn’t any amount of love she could have given Marlon that would have kept him faithful to her.
“I wouldn’t know about that. I’m still waiting for love,” AC answered. “What I do know is this: Micah Stevenson has earned my unwavering respect. He loves God, he’s honest and has more integrity than most people I know. One day he’s going to make someone a great husband.” AC looked Pamela dead in the eyes before adding, “Wouldn’t it be a shame if that person is not you?”
Pamela followed Jessica’s earlier lead and stomped from the bleachers.
Micah’s interaction with the team and their families after the game made Pamela both jealous and furious. It wasn’t any one particular thing he did. It was the way the single women hovered over him and his apparent enjoyment. Normally, Pamela would have been standing next to him and the lionesses would have held their paws at bay, but now he was fair game.
Today was the last game, and most of the parents brought thank-you gifts for Micah and the assistant coach. They weren’t big gifts. Most of them were baked good
s or a gift card, but Pamela didn’t care. She knew with every gift came an invitation for Micah to satisfy more than his sweet tooth. It wouldn’t have bothered her so much if AC hadn’t said what he said earlier. His question brought home the reality of Micah with someone else, especially since now he wasn’t speaking to her. Pamela would have made it through the female parade if Tamara hadn’t approached Micah showing more than enough cleavage and running her hands all over him.
Tamara, the first baseman’s mother, made known her attraction to Micah at the first practice. She always leaned a certain way or said little things that made her intentions known. Of course, Micah never encouraged her, but today, he didn’t discourage her either. After Tamara whispered something in Micah’s ear and he laughed, Pamela stomped over.
“Excuse me, Micah, may I speak to you for a moment,” Pamela asked with a smile that was friendlier than her tone.
Both Tamara and Micah stared at Pamela as if she were an intruder. Tamara then rolled her eyes. Micah didn’t respond.
“Tamara, I’ll call you later,” Micah said without addressing Pamela’s question.
“I can’t wait,” Tamara purred, then sashayed away. When Micah finally turned his attention to Pamela, her smile was gone.
“Call her and die!” Pamela snarled.
“Pamela, this little show of jealousy is cute, but I have to call her and tell her how wonderful her peach cobbler is,” Micah said, holding up the aluminum pan. “You know it’s my favorite.”
“Whatever, Micah.” Pamela rolled her eyes. She didn’t see the point in fighting over something that wasn’t going to happen. “Would you join Matthew and me for dinner? I’m making turkey spaghetti.”
“Pamela, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You don’t trust me, remember? And I don’t like being in the company with people who don’t trust me.” Micah turned and started toward his SUV.
“Micah, wait!” she called after him. This time he stopped. “I’m sorry about the other night.” Micah didn’t say anything, just gazed at her. “Come on, it would mean a lot to Matthew.” Pamela couldn’t believe she was desperate enough to use her son as a pawn. “It would mean a lot to me too.” She lowered her lashes. “I miss your company.”
Micah smiled and gave in as always. “Why not? I’ll bring dessert,” he added with the aluminum pan held high.
Pamela didn’t say a word.
Later, after devouring turkey spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread, Micah and Matthew remained at the table and enjoyed warm peach cobbler with vanilla ice cream.
“Mommy, this is good.” Matthew held his spoon in the air.
“Pamela, I think you have some real competition here,” Micah agreed with Matthew. “Tamara’s peach cobbler is just as good as yours, if not better. This is the best cobbler I have ever tasted.”
“Is that right?” Pamela was calm.
“Without a doubt,” Micah said honestly.
“That’s because I made it,” Pamela announced then stood and collected her dirty dishes.
Micah was confused. “What happened to the one Tamara made?”
“It’s in the garbage with the rest of the trash,” Pamela answered sharply, then whispered in his ear. “Don’t ever bring another woman’s food into my house.”
Micah laughed out loud. Having Pamela this jealous was hilarious, especially since he wasn’t interested in Tamara at all.
Matthew laughed also. He thought his mother had whispered something funny like she always did.
“What about my aunt?” Micah asked. “Or one of the church mothers? Can I at least enjoy some old-school cooking?”
She conceded and rewarded him with the smile he loved so much. “All right, no one under age sixty.”
Micah finished off his dessert, then he and Matthew cleared the table. He would have left right after, but Matthew asked him to watch a DVD with him. Micah agreed, but only because he knew Matthew would fall asleep within minutes like he always did after a full meal. Sure enough, Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory wasn’t halfway through when Micah carried him upstairs to his bedroom. Pamela followed behind.
He placed Matthew on the bed, and then rubbed his head. “See you later, buddy.” In times past, he would have kissed his forehead, but not tonight. He started for the door.
Pamela dropped the shoe she’d just removed from her son’s foot and grabbed Micah’s arm. “Don’t leave. I want to talk to you. Please,” she pleaded when Micah didn’t respond.
“Five minutes, and then I’m out.” He left the room before she agreed to his time restraints.
Pamela returned downstairs to find Micah seated on the couch with his eyes closed and his hands stuffed into the front pockets of his jacket.
“I don’t have all night. What do you want to talk about?” His eyes remained closed.
She sat next to him. “I really am sorry about the other night. I’m trying, but this is hard for me.”
“It’s hard for me too, but I never would make you feel as dirty as you made me feel.” Micah still kept his eyes closed. “I know what I told you is hard to digest, but you could still treat me with respect. Don’t you know me at all?”
Pamela reached out to him and instinctively, he moved his arm away. “Micah, please look at me. I really am sorry.”
Prepared to accept defeat, Pamela lowered her head. Then AC’s and Jessica’s words crossed her mind. They were two people searching for the love that was right in front of them, but they didn’t know it. Pamela knew without a doubt that Micah loved her. That was enough to give it another try.
“I saw him,” she said softly. “I wanted to know if—”
“You saw who?” he interrupted.
“Richard Lewis.”
Micah’s eyes bucked open, and his head jolted forward. “Where?”
“I found his church’s Web site.” Micah leaned back against the couch, but didn’t say anything. “He wasn’t what I expected. Then again, I don’t know what I expected. I think I wanted him to be a fictitious person and for your story to be the product of a vivid imagination.”
“It’s not. Pamela, it’s very real. So is my love for you.”
Pamela broke his gaze and lowered her head before stating the questions she felt she needed to know the answers to. “Did you love him?” Micah closed his eyes and exhaled as he shook his head. “Micah, I want to know if you loved him the same way you love me. Did you share romantic meals with him? Did you write him love letters like the ones you’ve written to me? Did you share a favorite song? Did you think about him all day, like you used to think about me? Do you miss him? Do you ever think about him when we’re together? Did you enjoy sleeping with him?”
Micah massaged his temples, something he’d been doing a lot lately. Stress headaches were becoming synonymous with being in Pamela’s presence. “I thought you didn’t want to know the gory details.”
“Please tell me. I think the answers will help me to understand.”
Micah laced his fingers together underneath his chin and exhaled deeply again.
“Yes, Pamela, I did love him. But not like you think. I wasn’t romantically in love with him. What I felt for Richard derived from the respect I had for him. As I said before, I considered him to be my natural as well as my spiritual father. For me, there wasn’t anything romantic about our distorted relationship. I honestly didn’t want to have sex with him, but to say I never enjoyed it would be a lie. That was part of the stronghold and confusion. My flesh did respond to him in the way flesh is supposed to respond when stimulated. Before and after each encounter I was miserable and swore never to do it again. I guess in a sense it’s the same with a man and woman practicing fornication. Before the act, you tell yourself you’re not going to do it. Then it starts to feel good and you push back the severity of your actions. Afterward, you feel guilty and vow it will never happen again.”
Micah stopped talking, but Pamela motioned with her hand for him to continue. “Do I miss him? Not at all. I do think about
him. I don’t think about the times we had sex, but I do think about the lies he told me. I think about the manipulation he used to control me. I don’t ever want to forget that. I need to remember that, so I’ll never fall into that trap again.
“I think about his wife, Brenda. To this day, I regret hurting her. She didn’t deserve the betrayal she received at our hands. Brenda had a nervous breakdown after learning I was just one of her husband’s friends. Like I said before, he’d been sleeping with men for years. Turns out, he only married Brenda so he could be elected pastor of his first church. I wrote her a letter last year apologizing, but Brenda never responded.”
Thinking that she didn’t want to be another Brenda, Pamela turned her head away from him.
Micah gently turned her face back to him. “I never think about him when you and I are together. Every word I have ever written to you was straight from my heart for you only. You’re the only person who has ever filled my heart and occupied my mind constantly. You’re the only person I have been in love with, and you’re the only person I want to love.”
Micah cupped her face and used his thumbs to wipe the tears streaming down her cheeks. She accepted his touch, but when he leaned in to kiss her, she pulled away and turned her head. Micah left without saying another word.
Chapter 15
Matthew vigorously shook Pamela for the third time. Being stuck in the house on a Saturday watching his mother sleep was not on his list of fun things to do. “Mommy, can I go outside? Please?”
Pamela turned over on the couch. “We’ll go to the movies later, but now Mommy’s tired. Physically, she was tired, having worked long hours at the title company all week. Mentally, she was drained. She and Micah hadn’t spoken since his last visit seven days ago, and she was miserable. Pamela couldn’t eat, and sound sleep hadn’t paid her a visit in days.
“Can I play inside the patio then?”
Pamela hated to keep Matthew cooped up inside on the weekend, but she was too fatigued to move. She missed Micah’s help now more than ever. “Sure, Matthew, just make sure you stay inside the gate,” she ordered, then pulled the blanket over her head.
Right Package, Wrong Baggage Page 13