by Susan Simone
I watched the moment the sun hit the water and could almost feel the hiss of the steam rising against my legs. Something deep rumbled beneath me working its way through Sugar’s muscled flanks and into my bones. It grew so strong, so fast, I felt the earth was going to open up and swallow us. Stone was rushing over to grab me and a river of stones and pebbles painted his feet. Sugar tried to rear up but cowered with no place to go.
We both looked up at the same time. Rocks, lots of rocks, were falling towards us. Boulders big enough to block out all light bounced like a child’s ball spinning out of control. Stone’s mouth opened in a terrified yell. I reached out my arms to him. His fingers just touched mine when the world spun away.
A boulder hit Sugar’s legs tossing us both into the air. The word turned upside down and suddenly the horse was no longer beneath me. For one moment I was flying, mimicking the eagle I longed to paint. For one moment I was nothingness, formless and lost. I could see all of creation in that one painfully short moment. Then the world closed in and became nothing but rock and pain.
My clothes pulled up tight and my feet dangled in the air. I wasn’t falling. I reached up, arms flailing and connected with Stone’s arm. He had caught my clothing as I fell and went to the ground himself from the force of holding on. It was an impossible save. I should have been dead. His hand closed over my arm locking me in his grip and I clutched to him digging my tiny fingers into his flesh. His other arm let go of my clothes and reached out connecting with mine.
Rocks were still falling all around us. The mountain shook with anger. Sheets of dirt fell into my face and mouth, threatening to drown me. I watched in horror as rock after rock pummeled his back. Through it all he held on; his will forcing both of us to survive if for no other reason than to prove we could.
I was weak. My muscles screamed with strain. I started to lose my grip. Stone’s mouth made the word, ‘No,’ and he gripped me as hard as he could. I closed my eyes to blink away dirt and Rinald was staring at me, pleading for his life…and mine. The diamond hardness of his eyes softened and I swore I saw tears fall though they never did in the brief minutes of his life I’d seen. I opened my eyes and Stone was gritting his teeth in unbearable strain. I blinked again and Bear was standing in my home obscured by blood and smoke. ‘Go with Stone,’ he said. Stone was staring at me with big brown eyes; pleading with me, refusing to let go even as his body shifted forward.
I stared at him terrified thinking the whole time that I didn’t want to die. The gaping wound in my middle closed and I screamed in my head ‘I don’t want to die! Dear God I don’t want to die!’
‘Then live!’ Bear said inside me.
Love. Fight. Live!
With a new strength I didn’t know I had left I grabbed onto Stone’s arms with everything in me. The rocks slowed and he started to pull me to him. Setting my jaw I put my feet out to climb. He nodded encouragingly. With each new inch gained he moved his hands further up my arms until he had my shoulders. I reached as hard as I could and put my arms around his neck. I pushed and pushed with my feet, constantly stepping upward even when my feet slid. One knee made it to the ridge and with a massive heave he pulled me up throwing us both against the rise.
Both of us gasping for air and shaking from the strain we clung to each other. Stone brushed the hair and dirt out of my face and searched me in the familiar gesture. He must have forgotten he knew how to ask if I was hurt now. I smiled, laughed, and cried.
‘I don’t want to die,’ I blurted out staring at him astonished and terrified. ‘I miss Bear so much it hurts. I don’t want to die.’ I had no idea how much of that he understood. He nodded and closed his eyes in visible relief. He nodded again and pulled us both to our feet. He kept an arm around my waist.
We looked down over the cliff in total disbelief. Impossibly far below us, looking no bigger than an insect, my silly dog of a horse lay in a mangled bloody heap. Oh Sugar. At least she didn’t suffer falling from such a height. We both looked up at the same time seeing where the rock fall had started and I got the shock of my life.
The skeleton man was staring down at us, his face bone white with anger. We locked eyes and my vision went red and black with diamond blue eyes blinking in the distance. I felt like I was drowning in the dark bleeding forests of my dreams.
Before I could pull my eyes away Stone was hauling me down the path. He whipped me around a sharp bend so fast I thought I was going over the edge again. It was a breakneck pace on a dangerous trail. My wobbly legs barely kept me upright. He pulled me into a shallow cave behind a hidden wall. It was dark and tiny, not big enough to fully stand up in and only enough floor space to sit or lay side by side.
My burst of strength failed me and the world started spinning again. I grabbed my head and started to go down. No! I want to live! Stone went to the ground with me and I landed half in his lap. He put the water skin in my hands. I gulped it ferociously. It was still filled with the broth, now grown cold. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t get enough. He pulled out the food stores for me. He had been saving all my rations I didn’t take. I ate half of them in one go pausing only when I thought I might throw up. I fell asleep shortly after, Stone keeping my small body warm.
I woke in full dark lying on Stone’s arm. My body cramped and I shuddered. He must not have been asleep because he sat up with me, still moving me around like I was fragile. I felt kind of fragile. The hole that had closed up was still dangerously weak threatening to take my will away again. I fumbled for the water skin and finished it. I ate the rest of my rations and fell asleep to him gently stroking my back.
Nine
Morning in the mountains was cold. I woke up stretching my haggard body thinking the temperature must have dropped. I shivered on the hard stone floor. But I was alive. I wanted to be alive and I knew that. It was my first morning living without Bear. For a second the gaping wound oozed and I almost slipped into myself again. I had to remind myself I wanted to live. Bear wanted me to live. Stone wanted me to live.
Stone… Where was he? I finally realized why I was so cold. He wasn’t lying next to me anymore. I sat up looking for him and instantly regretted it. The world swam and I fell back hitting my head. I was still weak. If I didn’t keep eating I would slip back into that near death twilight state. I didn’t think I’d survive that again. I had to get up, move, live.
Carefully I got to my feet using the wall as an anchor. What little gear we managed to save was still lying on the ground. He wouldn’t have gone far then. Not knowing what else to do I slowly walked out of the little cave.
We faced a canyon this direction. It ran almost due east and west. The sun streamed down, the bright tendrils taking my breath away while I fought to orient myself. It met the river on the east end as well turning everything gold. Somehow it was nice to know that lovely effect happened twice a day. I stumbled in the blinding sun holding close to the rock.
Stone reached out from his perch and steadied me. I almost jumped in surprise. I didn’t see him sitting there. He helped me down next to him. He sat on the edge letting his legs dangle. I pushed myself as hard against the rock as I could. I wanted to be nowhere near the edge…ever. The height I so blindly ignored before terrified me.
‘Why are you out here?’ I asked.
‘Sunrise,’ he answered. ‘Men followed. No see today. Are you well?’
‘Hungry. Hit my head getting up.’ He handed me half of the apple he was slowly munching on. I pointed to his knife asking for it. I cut off the thinnest sliver and held it up. It was so sheer the sun shone through it.
‘Sugar,’ I declared and tossed it over the edge. He smiled and watched me until I took a bite for myself.
‘Are you hurt?’
‘Some. You?’
‘Some.’
‘Your back.’
‘Stiff. Sore.’
‘Rocks hit your back,’ I worried. He turned and met my eyes.
‘I’ll live.’ I blushed a little.
‘Stone, I’m sorry—.’
‘No sorry,’ he interrupted. ‘Just live.’
‘I’m still weak.’
‘I know. We go slow.’ He got up before I could respond and retrieved our things. ‘You fall, or tired, or hurt, tell me,’ he ordered when he returned. I only nodded. He took my hand and wrapped it around his arm. I walked on the inside of the trail and slightly behind him.
The trail was long and hard. It bent and curved at so many odd angles I felt inside out. I couldn’t look at the scenery. I felt feeble every time I saw the drop. I couldn’t look at my feet because we walked so close to the edge, but I could feel it through my soft soled shoes. Comfortable in the woods they might be, but they were not made for travel. I spent my time concentrating on Stone to keep my sanity.
I could only just see the back of his profile. His beard was starting to come in. It was every bit as curly as the hair on his head and had a slightly redder cast to it. I could see his jaw muscles working. He tended to set it when concentrating. His hair was shiny. Curly hair wasn’t normally shiny, but his was. The light brown curls sparkled in the sun. I shocked myself by wanting to reach up and run my hands through it. Blushing, I thought it would feel like silk.
The line of his neck connected elegantly with his shoulder through thick muscles. He wasn’t as bulky as Bear but I had more than enough cause to know his muscles were much harder. I wondered what he would look like with his shirt off. After a clear idea based on the few men I’d seen over the years I shook my head vigorously to clear the thoughts away. Heating my blood was not a good idea.
I was a good girl. I’d never been courted, never been kissed. I always believed Bear kept most would be suitors at bay. He was a little over protective. Okay a lot over protective. I was the eternal virgin, though not for lack of trying. I’d seen a few naked men over the years. Usually from spying at the lake like other curious girls.
Once, a man caught me looking. I was hiding in a bush as he emerged from the water. He started walking straight for me and I moved to get out of the way but tripped and landed at his feet. He didn’t try to cover up or look ashamed. He was amused and reached down to help me up. I was mortified and tried to run away. He caught my arm and looked me in the eyes intensely. I knew him from the village. He knew I was deaf. He was always kind to me. I was frozen under his countenance. He gently put his hand behind my head and would have kissed me, but Bear came barreling out of the woods. He tackled him, accusing him of taking advantage of his sister though Bear knew well I looked from time to time. After that whenever I saw the man in village we would lock eyes for long moments. I always believed that if he stayed in the village he would have courted me. I was 15.
From then on the sight of a well made man dripping with water heated me in places I knew were better left unheated. Aside from that one incident I never even had a man hold my hand for romantic reasons and I didn’t go out looking for that kind of trouble either, but even I had to admit, Stone was a well made man. I had to find something else to think about before I drove myself to distraction.
It was a frustrating day on many levels. We moved painfully slow, Stone unwilling to go faster lest I stumble at some critical point. We had to stop often to let me rest. I was terrified of falling off the edge again. He was distracted watching and listening for the men in black, and my current train of thought wasn’t helping anything.
I was almost grateful near the end of the day when he started urging me faster. Or I would have been if we weren’t trapped on a suicidal ridge. I was having trouble keeping up with him. He kept a good hold of my arm but I still stumbled. He pushed me ahead of him and propelled me down the trail. More than once my foot caught and he had to catch me.
Unable to catch my breath, I pushed myself against the wall grabbing his shirt. ‘Stop!’ He eased me to the ground and crouched down beside me. ‘Why so fast?’ I asked. ‘You said we’d go slow.’ He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.
‘No food, no water, no sleep here. Find end before night.’
‘You’re scared.’
‘Yes. You sleep here?’ meaning did I want to sleep on the ridge. I shuddered and shook my head vigorously.
‘How far?’ It took him a minute to piece through the gestures to answer that.
‘Mile,’ he fumbled badly but I was used to how his mind worked. ‘Maybe two.’
‘Walk path in the dark?’ not that I really wanted to try that but I really didn’t think I could make it at our current pace.
‘Dangerous. Rope bridge at end. Not safe at night.’
‘Fuck.’ It was a succinct gesture that really couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. Stone startled and stared at me before he realized I was cussing not suggesting. I regarded him mildly. ‘Stop thinking with your pants. Help me up.’ He threw back his head and laughed nearly falling on his behind before pulling me to my feet. ‘Believe me if I was suggesting I wouldn’t use gestures,’ I said with small hands. I was sure he didn’t catch half of that, but he was still smiling as he propelled me down the path again, this time at a slightly saner pace.
Stone’s maybe two miles turned into five. I seriously wondered if he lied to me on purpose or if he was just that bad a judge of distance. I guessed it was somewhere in between. It took another three hours to navigate the perilous ridge. I couldn’t wait to get off of it, even if it was after dark. I urged myself on, keeping a steady mantra of, ‘We’re almost there. Only a few more hours.’ Stone was grim but decisive throughout. I had no idea if the ridge or our pace was affecting him. He seemed single minded.
A few hours before sundown, he finally slowed. I nearly leapt for joy thinking that it must be soon. The end had to be around that corner he was inspecting. He disappeared for a few seconds and came back looking as tired as I’d ever seen him.
‘Rest,’ he said.
‘If we’re near I can go on.’ I so badly wanted to be done with this.
‘Rest,’ he repeated. ‘You had no food all day, no water. I need you strong.’
‘What’s wrong?’ He shook his head and massaged the back of his neck with one hand. ‘Stone…’
‘Bad rock fall.’
‘Rock fall?’ I asked with small hands backing myself up against the rise.
‘Path smaller.’
‘What?’ my hand went nervously to my throat. It was an old gesture to keep myself from making noise. I had a habit of squeaking when I was surprised or nervous according to Bear.
‘We can do it. Just hard.’ Oh God, oh God, oh God. I didn’t want to fall again. I’d never been afraid of heights until I woke up that morning. Now that I knew what it was to dangle from a cliff and not know if you were going to live I didn’t ever want to be near a height as long as I lived.
I stared out over the horizon leaning on the rise shaking. Nothing I did to calm myself helped. I would get no rest like this. I stood up and put my chin in the air steeling myself for the inevitable. ‘We go now,’ I announced. ‘Rest later.’ Stone raised his eyebrows and regarded me suspiciously. ‘Yes I’m sure. Get it over with.’ He nodded and took a deep breath.
‘Hold my hand. Step where I step. Need to stop, squeeze. Go slow.’ He clasped my hand wrist to wrist and I squeezed twice letting him know I was ready.
He led me around the bend and laid his back flat against the rock wall waiting until I did the same. There was no rise here. The wall was straight up and near smooth. There was nothing to hold on to. The ridge was narrower, barely enough width for our feet. There was loose rubble here and there and the jagged edge of the ridge looked unweathered here. Something big had happened here recently.
Step by step we traversed the narrow ridge. It was nerve wracking. We inched along holding our hands out wide to touch the wall behind us. Rocks skidded in the wake of our feet every time I looked down. More than once our toes hung over the edge. It was long and slow and tedious and terrifying. I forced myself not to look down and failed miserably in the attempt more than once. I saw Stone’s foo
t come out from underneath him in a pile of rocks and dirt. I didn’t feel his upper body so much as shudder, his face was stoic. I decided I didn’t want to know how many near misses he had and finally managed to keep my eyes upward trusting the rock face to hold me…the million year old, unforgiving, smooth rock face. My thoughts were not encouraging.
I found myself wishing for the wider horse path with every step. As terrified as I was of that, it was a thousand times better than what I walked on. The sun sunk ever lower and blinded me as it started to turn the river gold again. I decided that was fine with me and closed my eyes. It freed me to concentrate on feeling for each step.
Stone’s steps gradually grew faster and surer. I kept my eyes closed convinced that I would fall if I even glimpsed where we were or how far down the fall was. A moment’s hesitation could mean my death and I knew it. The wall started to pull away and I groped blindly for it leaning further and further back.
Frantic I dropped Stone’s arm waving my arms behind me squinting my eyes shut until they hurt. He took my shoulders and I clamped down on his arms sure I would fall if I didn’t stay still. He took my chin, moving my head to face his, and I finally opened my eyes. He turned my head to the side for me to see.
The mountain opened up for me like a flower. The path was cradled by sloping green hills. Surprised I turned around to see where we came. Not ten feet behind me the hills dropped off in cliff’s edge. The path we had just traversed led away around a sheer grey rock wall. It was over a hundred yards of narrow near impossible ledge. I could see places where there was no ledge at all. Places we must have stepped over or we would have fallen to our deaths. Both of us. If one fell so would the other as tightly as our hands were clasped.