There’s a huge, open field full of groups of people. Some playing catch while others set up for a game of cricket. There’s even Frisbees and water balloons flying all around.
My ears perk, and my gaze shifts right. I squint to see through the trees that line this side of the path to find another field, but this one is full of people dancing around while a line of others play various instruments—bongos, tambourines—and some are banging on pots and barrels.
I laugh as a man bends at the knee to swoop a woman into his arms so he can spin her around. She pops her head to the music, wrapping her hands around his neck.
“Pretty cool, huh?”
I spin to Parker with a smile. “This place is amazing.” I glance around again. “These people, they’re all so different from each other, but … look at them, Parker. They seem so genuine. A clean-cut man in slacks, drinking and laughing with a man in ripped shoes and a band T-shirt. I don’t … I wish I saw this more.”
“It might not happen every day here, but I’ve seen it a lot,” he speaks low, and I turn to him. “People here, especially in the park, they’re just happy to be out. Enjoying the time away from their day-to-day lives, enjoying the sun.”
“I’ve grown to despise the sun.”
His face contorts, and he steps closer, but I turn and continue down the path. I shouldn’t have said that, and I sure as hell can’t handle the pain that fills his blue eyes when he senses mine.
When I start to veer right, he calls out for me to make a left, so I do, and not a foot later, a huge playground comes into view. I roll the plastic-wrapped fortune cookie in my hand as I look along the toy structures. A tall rope pyramid of sorts sits in the front, kids of all sizes doing their best to climb to the highest point, each calling out to ones standing around to watch, proud they’ve made it. To these little ones, having reached the top is an accomplishment they’ll not soon forget. Such a small, beautiful, innocent kind of happy.
“Back behind this part”—he points to one of the larger play structures—“there’s a concrete slide. The kids carry cardboard loaded down with sand to the top of that little hill and slide down.”
I smile, stretching to my tippy-toes to catch a small glimpse as we keep walking. “That’s so cool. They bring the cardboard?”
“Actually”—he chuckles—“I’ve never seen anyone bring it. Every time I’ve come, it’s always already been there.”
“Maybe someone brings it and leaves it for the kids.”
He nods lightly. “Yeah, maybe. I don’t know.”
I glance at Parker as he looks around, smiling at the seemingly happy little families.
I sometimes forget he didn’t have that. He didn’t grow up in a healthy, loving family like I did.
My parents, they are amazing. More than anyone could ask for in a mom and dad. They’d be devastated to learn the daughter they raised, who they taught how to change her own tire and bait her own hook, can’t so much as choose her own lipstick, let alone set her own path.
“Hey.” I jolt slightly when Parker grabs my wrists, quickly pulling away and clearing my throat.
His brows dip at the center, but he swallows whatever it was he wanted to say. “We’re here.”
“Where?”
He points to an enclosed, circular building, so I squint to see through the weathered glass, spotting the carousel and a smile breaks free.
“Are we gonna ride it?”
“Hell yeah, we’re gonna ride it.”
Loud laughter flows through the building right then. I turn to see the passengers floating out the door as their ride has just ended.
Babies and their daddies, moms and their teenagers. Brand-new young couples along with older, gray-haired ones, they all smile bright as they scatter in every direction.
“I believe you beat me the last time.”
My brows meet at the center as I reluctantly look away from the carousel.
“I told you I wouldn’t let you win again. It was bad for my ego.”
I lightly shake my head, and a smile breaks across his face.
“What—”
“One, two, three, go!” He rushes out and then takes off.
I laugh, my jaw dropping a bit before I begin to run.
I get damn close to catching him, but in the end, he beats me there, proudly swinging his arms out wide as he gloats. I slow but keep just enough speed to knock him back as I purposely bump into him.
With a laugh, he wraps his arms around me, swaying me a moment. His grip tightens for a spilt second before he lets go and steps back.
“I’m gonna grab us a ticket to ride.” He hooks his thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the small hot-dog stand just behind him, so I nod and step into the line.
It only takes Parker a minute to grab our tickets, and then he’s joining me in the short line. His hands grab ahold of the cheap rope at both sides of me, and he bends to speak into my ear, “Which one you wanna ride, Kens?”
My breath gets lodged in my throat at his words, and I swear, I must turn ten shades of red.
When his forehead drops to my shoulder, his body shaking with a slight laugh, I relax some and manage to elbow him.
He grunts playfully before lightly squeezing my biceps from behind.
This is what I’ve missed. Our time together, the easy playfulness we used to have.
I wish I could look at him and see that guy again, the happy-go-lucky, blond-haired, blue-eyed boy next door. But it seems every time his and my gaze lock, his blue eyes lose their shine, becoming clouded with emotion I can’t handle seeing. All of which is my fault.
I’m toxic for him.
But he’s light for me. And I’m afraid, if I lose my light, the dark will swallow me whole. The pain will need to sting longer, the cuts will grow wider.
“Miss.”
I shake my head, and Parker nudges me through the door.
I start walking toward my choice, glancing behind me to see Parker still chatting with the attendant. He nods, taps him on the shoulder, and then makes his way to me.
“Everything okay?”
“Yep. Now”—he rubs his hands together—“what’ll it be, Miss Monroe?”
I tap the ugly, tattered, and boring brown horse, and he raises a brow, making me laugh.
“Really? We come all the way here, and you choose an old, boring horse instead of the majestic white-and-gold stallion or the wild king lion or something.”
I laugh lightly and reach past him, tapping the one that first caught my eye, the one I want him to ride, and he drops his head back, laughing.
“Cute, Kens. Real cute.” He laughs.
Then, before I can stop him, he spins me, and his large hands are around my waist. He hoists me up, so I can wrap my legs around the horse. His hands hesitate a moment longer than necessary, but then he steps back and swings a long leg over his seat. The ride starts just then, and slowly, our animals start to lift and lower as we make our way around.
“That was the last time you were at the house,” he speaks low, his eyes on the frog I chose for him, before turning to me.
I nod, my throat tightening. “I remember.”
“You made me watch The Princess and the Frog.”
I nod again, too choked up to speak.
His eyes flit between mine. “I almost kissed you that night. Right after the movie. You were starting to fall asleep, so I covered you up. The moment I did, you crawled over and lay against me. It was almost too much—to hold you like that and not be able to truly hold you like it meant something.”
A tear slips from my eye, but I don’t bother wiping it away.
Parker watches it roll down my cheek. “But you have to know what it meant to me, Kens.” He glances up then. “Every time you’ve ever been in my arms, from four years ago to five minutes ago, every damn time … it means something to me. You mean something to me.”
I’m all but silently sobbing now, but he’s not done.
He steels his face, his e
yes narrowing a bit. “I tried to wait you out. Hoped you’d give in to the things you wanted, but I don’t wanna wait anymore.”
At his words, the air suddenly becomes a weight my lungs can hardly hold. Resolve and determination stare back in the form of bright sky blue.
“I want you, Kenra. Plain and damn simple.”
I search for air that won’t come, begging with my eyes for him to stop talking but he refuses. Pushes.
“You want me; you always have. I know this. So, I’m sorry if it’ll be hard for you, but I’m going all in. No more holding back. I can’t make decisions for you, but I can’t live with the regret of never trying.”
“Parker—”
“No talking me out of it. I need you. Want you. I’ve gotta try.”
I look down, watching my tears stain my jeans as the ride begins to slow to a stop. “It won’t work, Parker.”
“Maybe not,” he admits and then sighs. “Probably not, but I still have some hope, Kens. Even if you’ve lost yours.”
He hops off when the ride comes to a full halt, and I go to step down, but he keeps me in place with a warm hand to my thigh. When I raise my gaze to his, his knuckles lift, and he wipes away the tears on my cheeks.
“You’ve got one more ride, Kens. Just you.” He taps my palm, and I reluctantly pull my eyes from his to look to the fortune cookie in my hand. “Close your eyes and feel. I’ll be just outside the door … waiting for you.”
With that, he exits the small side door with each and every other rider.
I drop from the horse. I move to the circular teacup seat that doesn’t lift and lie across the bench, hidden from outside eyes. I fight to control the beat of my heart and the screams in my head, but they only get louder and louder.
My eyes squeeze shut, my fists tightening beyond reason, only letting up when heat fills my palms. Blood forces its way through my clenched fingers, dripping onto the floor of the old wood.
Finally, I can breathe, and slowly, my eyes open.
Staring at the ceiling as I go around, I focus on the sounds around me.
Laughter. It’s everywhere.
Coming from every direction, fighting its way into my soul and, just as quickly, begging for a way out.
I wipe my palms on the underside of my top, having nowhere else to hide my disgrace, and then I tear the wrapper off the fortune cookie the woman gave me.
I stare at it a moment before breaking it in two, revealing the small paper in the center.
Written there in the plainest of fonts, bolded black words mock me.
Happiness is a choice.
I almost laugh and cry at the same time.
This has to be the most cliché fortune there is, one of thousands that says the same thing.
But damn if it isn’t the truest statement I’ve ever read.
Happiness is a choice.
And I choose to sacrifice my own for the sake of those I love.
“This place looks a little fancy.” Kenra grins, glancing around the restaurant as she squeezes into her seat.
I chuckle. “It’s not, I promise, but the food’s good.”
She watches tourists as they walk past the patio-style seating. “You’ve been in California for only a few months—Southern California, no less—yet you walk around here and talk about this place like it’s your own backyard.”
I smile, nodding. “I’ve been about six times now, but every time I get done with the business side, I can’t just head straight home. I like it here. There’s just something about walking down these busy city streets. It gives me a huge sense of independence I’ve never felt before.” I look back to Kenra. “An independence that, for a real long time, I thought I’d never have.”
She nods, clearing her throat. “Are you keeping in contact with your dad?”
“I don’t talk to him as much as I should, but yeah. Lolli asked them to come out to the house for a few days this summer, and he says they’re thinking about it.”
“Good.” She nods. “And your mom?”
“Nope. Not a word. But, now that Payton’s at the house, I’m gonna have to sooner or later.”
“I still can’t believe she agreed to let you come all the way here for school.” Kenra shakes her head.
I scoff. “She had no choice. In fact, I didn’t even tell her. Guess she heard through the small-ass grapevine in Alrick.”
Kenra drops against her seat, her brows snapping together. “But … what?”
I stare at her, seeing her breaths coming faster now, and tilt my head. “You know better than anyone the issues I have with my mom. Why do you seem surprised?”
“I just …” She looks off and then back. “Why would she pay for you to go to school if you went against everything she had planned for you?”
My head pulls back, and I study her, her gaze flicking between mine. “Kenra”—I shake my head, suddenly weary, the conversation my dad and I had last winter playing through my mind—“my mom—”
I’m cut off when both my and Kenra’s phones start ringing.
We look at each other and then pull our phones out.
“Mine’s Lolli,” I tell her.
“Mine’s Payton.”
Kenra tosses her napkin on the table and walks a few feet away to take her call, so I answer Lolli’s from my seat.
“Lolli Bear,” I answer, keeping an eye on Kenra.
“Hero! What the fuck?” she all but shouts in my ear. “Why the hell haven’t you been answering?” She pauses before rushing out, “Never mind! I don’t wanna know the dirty deets.”
I laugh lightly, and she gasps.
“Wait, is there dirty to be told? Tell me everything!”
“Baby!” Nate yells in the background. “That’d be a, Fuck no!”
I laugh harder, practically hearing her roll her eyes.
“Whatever,” she says loudly before whispering into the phone, “You’re so telling me later, but, dude, we’ve got a problem.”
My spine straightens. “Talk to me, Lolli Bear.”
“You need to come home. Like, right now.”
“Lolli.”
“Where is she?”
Kenra turns right then, her face pinching.
“Lolli, talk.” Before she can, panic starts to set deep in my gut because, somehow, I already know what she’s gonna say. “He’s coming.”
She sighs into the phone. “I don’t know for sure, but I’m bettin’ when Deaton shows, he’ll be right behind.”
“Shit.” I squeeze my eyes shut.
I need more time.
“Hero …” Lolli whispers, and I open my eyes, focusing on the beautiful girl who stands in front of me, brows drawn in concern. “Tell me you’ll be okay if … you know, if—”
“Guessing this is why Payton just called Kenra?”
“Yeah. I think she’s a little scared, not sure how to tell him about the baby.”
I sigh, scrubbing a hand down my face. “I bet she is. I’ve gotta get back to the hotel and get our stuff and my truck, and then we’ll hit the road. I should be able to make it back before he gets there.”
“You will. His message said he’d be here by morning, course she didn’t respond so he has no clue she’s actually here, but still.” She’s quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Hey, Hero?”
The heavy pressure on my chest has my words leaving me in a scratchy whisper. “Yeah?”
“Sometimes, in order to win, we do things we don’t always agree with. Things we think are wrong. But, Hero, a good defense can only do so much against a solid offense. If you’ve only got one play left in you, give it all you’ve got. He doesn’t deserve your respect.”
I nod even though she can’t see me, my eyes shifting between Kenra’s. I hear what Lolli’s saying. Know exactly what she means.
“I’m not so sure it’d make a difference,” I whisper, and Kenra looks away. “I’ll see you tonight, Lolli Bear.” I hang up, and Kenra steps forward.
I clear my throat, no
dding. “We’ve gotta head back.”
She agrees, and silently, we make our way back to the road to catch another Uber to our hotel. Neither of us speaks the entire way there or as we gather our things. The sun set about twenty minutes ago, so the city lights are shining through our window. Excusing myself from the room, I make my way up to the roof and look over the ledge.
I thought I had another night with her, and now, it’s being cut to a few hours, all of which will be on the road. Tomorrow, Kellan might very well show up with Deaton, and if he does, Kenra will leave with him.
I can’t imagine it will go over well, and she’ll be even more depressed than she is now.
Something is off. I know it, feel it in my gut.
She doesn’t love him, yet she stays.
That bastard is fucking around on her, grooming her to be his perfect little trophy.
It’s not lost on me that her entire body is covered twenty-four/seven, but I’m too afraid of what I’ll find if I look past the cashmere. Because, if it’s bruises I find, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. But it won’t be good.
I told her today I was gonna go all in, try my damnedest to keep her, but as it always does where I’m concerned, fates come out to say, Fuck you, Baylor, and tomorrow, she might very well be gone.
I feel her coming before she’s at my side, looking off into the night with me.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” she whispers after a moment. “I fought myself that first year with Kellan, tried my hardest not to go to you at every turn but wanting to more than anything. I told myself you were my friend, so I wasn’t doing anything wrong by spending time with you, but I could never convince myself enough to actually believe it. Even though you and I never did anything sexually, emotionally, I was cheating every day, all day, because you were all I thought about.”
“Kens—”
“That’s why I let Kellan act the way he did. When he acted like an ass and broke up with me just so he could hook up with someone else for a night—not that he’d admit to that then—or just treat me like crap, I would tell myself I deserved it because, really, I’d picked fights for an excuse to leave just so I could come hang out with you. When morning came, he’d be there, waiting, telling me all the things I wanted to hear. That mixed with my own guilt for wanting someone else always decided for me, and I’d forgive him …” She trails off, taking a deep breath, making me hold mine. “Then, right after, seconds after I just took him back, he’d kiss me … and I’d close my eyes every single time, wondering what you kissing me would feel like.”
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